Season One

• Trailer
• 1.1 - Hero Knight
• 1.2 - Travel Buddy
• 1.3 - Lost and Found
• 1.4 - Basket Case
• 1.5 - The Princess and the Plan
• 1.6 - Starshade
• 1.7 - Cupid's Aro
• 1.8 - Ghost Story
• 1.9 - You Didn't See Anything
• 1.10 - NPC

Season Two

• 2.1 - Honor Among Thieves
• 2.2 - Building Bridges
• 2.3 - Shining Armor
• 2.4 - What Goes Around Comes Around
• 2.5 - Equivalent Exchange
• 2.6 - Into The Cavern
• 2.7 - Trial By Fire
• 2.8 - Sidekick For A Day
• 2.9 - The Next Best Thing
• 2.10 - Orion's Nebula
• 2.11 - Loch Ness Monster

Season Three

• 3.1 - The Alien, The Adventurer, and The Farmer's Daughter
• 3.2 - Natural Causes
• 3.3 - Trouble Causing Trousers
• 3.4 - Unexpected Magic
• 3.5 - A Giant Problem
• 3.6 - Like Gnobody Else
• 3.7 - Tournament Day
• 3.8 - Silent Treatment
• 3.9 - The Emerald Veranum
• 3.10 - Over Me and Through Me

Trailer

[INTRO MUSIC]Rion:
I have made a decision. It’s a big, scary decision, one I fantasized about making but could never bring myself to actually do.I love the little village I grew up in, full of places and people I love to see every day. It’s wonderful here, beautiful and peaceful and comforting. But I’m getting restless. I’m getting tired of seeing the same places and people every day.I can’t spend the rest of my life here.So I’ve made the decision to leave.After arriving at this decision, I sent messages to people in other towns, looking for jobs that a brand new adventurer could do. And it turns out, there’s a lot. I now have a number of places to visit and a bunch of different things to do at them. It’s all very exciting.One of my friends wants some help driving down tourism in her village. There’s a king who wants someone to rescue his daughter. A few towns over, someone is missing a beloved pet. Another friend sent me word of a town with mysterious, terrifying apparitions. Someone else filled me in on rumours of a mad scientist that’s been trying to hire an apprentice. And a former neighbor of mine just wants me to come say hi. I guess they’re lonely.No job is too small. And if I’m feeling brave, I might even take on some of the big ones. This started out as a pipe dream, but I think I can actually do it. It’s gonna happen. I’m finally going on my grand adventure.Everyone else I know who has set off on a grand adventure has found one big quest to do. A life’s calling, a single goal. But that’s never been for me. I want to see the world. Meet people. Try new things. Do everything!And it’s time. It’s really time.
Let’s go.[OUTRO MUSIC]Credits:
Sidequesting is a scripted fantasy podcast about avoiding the main plot and doing sidequests instead. It’s told from the point of view of Rion, who goes on a new sidequest each episode. Come join us on this adventure - we’ll be stopping by in your podcatcher soon.

Episode 1

Narration:
The town of Pigsmire is finally on the horizon. Mom would stick up her nose about where I am, but hey, an adventurer’s gotta start somewhere.I heard that this town has a sword stuck in a stone. A classic, if somewhat rare phenomena. I think the last time someone found a sword in a stone was… a century ago? Nobody was really sure how it got there, and they definitely don’t know how this one got there now. But as soon as word spread, people started flocking to Pigsmire to try their hand at retrieving the sword. There are knights, some scholars, and lots of adventurers - like me.I’m not here to try to get the sword, though. I’m here to scare them all away.At first, the town was excited about all the fame and fortune coming their way. Their inns at max capacity, their taverns bursting with business. But now they’re sick of all the tourists leaving trash and starting brawls. They want everything to go back to the way it was.And they’re willing to pay for it.I have an old friend who lives here. She sent me a letter laying all this out. Since the town can’t exactly advertise this job on the local postings, she offered it to me. Insead of as a friend, I’m coming as a very serious, possibly nefarious... bandit? Pirate? Witch? I haven’t decided.I still need to figure out how to scare all these folks off. I’m not a wizard. I can’t summon scary weather, or make fireworks or anything. I hardly have a weapon - my dagger is pretty small and not exactly frightening. I also don’t want to try sneaking up and stabbing everyone in line… it seems a little unsportsmanlike.As I walk into town, I understand exactly why everyone wants these sword-crazed tourists to leave. It’s so crowded. You can’t walk through without bumping into at least seventeen people. At least three people have stepped on my feet, and I think someone tried to steal my trail mix. I cannot leave the crowds behind fast enough.It takes forever to make it to the tavern (which is also overcrowded and dirty, but finally see Willow.[SFX: Fade in tavern ambiance]Willow: Rion! You made it, thank the gods.Rion: I now fully understand why you want these tourists to leave.Willow: Yeah. I just wish someone would succeed in getting that darn sword. Or that they would all decide it was impossible and give up and go home.Rion: I dunno, they all seem pretty set on trying - again and again and again.Willow: I swear, if one more person bring their “pet” ogre in here to help them, I’m gonna lose it.Rion: [laughs] Well, I’m prepared to make their time here… a little more chaotic.Willow: How are you gonna do that?Rion: I passed by a few things on my way here that gave me an idea. Do you know who owns those pigs over there? Also... the tailor and the baker?Willow: It’s a small town. Of course I know them.Rion: Excellent.[SFX: Fade out tavern sounds]It takes some time, but Willow and I soon have our plan worked out and everything we need ready. Willow knows her cue, and I know when to start. We’ve also enlisted the baker and tailor to help spread panic.I don the largest, darkest cloak I’ve ever seen in my life and strap on a pair of stilts. I have created a ridiculous persona for myself, fitting for this equally ridiculous plan.I make my way towards the biggest gathering of people, right where the sword is. People are already staring - I knew these stilts were a good idea. I turn to them and shout in my deepest, scariest voice.Rion: HEAR YE AND BE WARNED. This sword is for my master! BE GONE AT ONCE or there will be CONSEQUENCES.Some tourists are wary, but others still look skeptical. But then Willow jumps on a chair, exactly as we planned.Willow: Yeah? You and what army?Rion: My army of... SWINE!!!I point and her, and she falls back, throwing a cloud of flour up. She did such a great job hiding it in her skirts. When it settles, a pig stands by the chair. I know it looks confused because Willow has rolled around the corner and pushed it there, but the tourists don’t know that. They interpret the confused look as the face of someone who has been turned into a pig.Rion: Thank you for volunteering to join it, girl. Who’s NEXT?That’s the second cue. Willow causes what can only be described as a pig stampede. And that does it. Nobody wants to chance being turned into a pig.Rion: ALL SHALL FEAR THE GREAT WARLOCK EVERETT EZEKIEL WHITEFALLI guide the pigs around town, occasionally shouting various nonsense and threats. I burst into the inns, sending people packing. Word spreads through the taverns before I even get there. Even the locals have scurried to their houses and shops - not scared of the pigs, but not wanting to get trampled by them either. I catch the baker’s eye through the window of the shop and give them a wink.It’s exhausting leading these pigs around - but it’s working. As I do a second, and then third lap around the town, there’s less and less and less people. Eventually I corral my swine cohorts back to their pen. The town feels so much larger without all the tourists.Finally, everyone is gone. The courtyard is empty and silent. Everyone has either left town or is hiding in their homes. After all the commotion of the day, the sword looks especially still.It’s silly to think about walking over and giving it a pull, but it would be silly to come all this way and not touch it, right? I’ll probably regret it if I don’t try.Nobody’s here to see me and laugh about it. What the hell. Why not.[SFX: The noise of the sword being pulled out]Oh… oh! That was… really easy. And this sword… is really nice! Can I keep it? I guess I can keep it. That’s the deal, I think.Little kid: Mommy! Look! They have the sword!Rion: No kid! Shush!Townsperson 3: What, child? Oh my! The sword has been pulled from the stone![SFX: Footsteps - the townsfolk arriving]Townsperson 1: Did I hear correctly? Our hero has finally come? The great knight from the stories of old?Rion: I’m not a knight… sorry to disappoint.Townsperson 2: Welcome to our town! What is your name?Townsperson 3: Didn’t they say they were... Everett Something Something… uhhhh… Whitefail?Rion: [correcting] Whitefall. Uh no, that wasn’t me. I’m Orion.Townsperson 3: Sir Orion! Our Hero Knight!Rion: [feebally] I’m not a… oh whatever.Townsperson 2: It’s as the prophecy says! We’re saved from the evil wizard Movar!Townsperson 1: Orion, hero knight![SFX: Soft footsteps - Willow approaches]Willow: You couldn’t have tried pulling the sword before setting the pigs loose?Rion: [sheepish] That would’ve been way less fun.Willow: [sigh] Here’s the money I promised you.Rion: Hey, do Hero Knights get paid extra?Willow: You’re not a knight.Rion: Touche.[SFX: Outro music]Thank you for Sidequesting with us. This episode, Hero Knight, was written and produced by Tal Minear. The voice of Willow was Sena Bryer. The townspeople were voiced by Katherine Shepherd, Francesco Macagno, Roger Mohr, and Luca Pill. The voice of Rion was Tal Minear. A big thanks to Ilya for supporting this episode.We’re on Twitter and Tumblr with the username @sidequestingpod, and Instagram as @sidequesting. Follow us for show updates, podcast recommendations, cat pictures, and a link to our Patreon.

Episode 2

Narration:
I’ve been traveling for a few days now. I’m making my way towards the town of Runswick, and I’m almost there. Of course, I said that yesterday. But I knew I was lying to myself then.[SFX: Cue music]The Mountainmoon road is a popular travel route to this town, especially for those with horses or wheels. By wheels, I mostly mean carriages and trailers, but I did once see a mage with the coolest wheeled chair just absolutely zooming down it. It’s wide and flat and usually the safest route for travel. I took a shortcut from Pigsmire that skipped most of the road,but the last leg of my journey takes me down it.As I survey my path, I notice someone else on an outlook above the road. I wonder where they’re headed. If they’re going towards Runswick, maybe I’ll have a travel buddy!We both look over as a carriage comes into view, making its way along the road. It’s a beautiful teal color, with a crest painted on the side in white. The carriage runs smoothly, pulled by two horses being directed by some sort of guard seated in the front. Looks like it’s a lord’s carriage. I know there’s a castle nearby… I wonder if it’s his.Hang on, weren’t they on the outlook? How are they already down here? And why are they running at the carriage…? Oh. It’s a bandit! They’re gonna rob the carriage!I watch as the bandit gets to the carriage. They hop up and in a swift move, and knock the guard on the ground. Before she can do anything, they’ve already tossed her weapons away. Wow, they’re sneaky. And fast!I sprint down the hill.By the time I get near, the bandit has already gotten the driver off the carriage and tied her up. Whoever’s inside the carriage seems to have taken the “Cower in fear” approach. The bandit is interrogating them when I walk up. I don’t think to draw my sword, but I’m holding my dagger out in what I hope is a threatening manner.Rion: Hey. Hey! What’s going on?Lord: I am under attack by this ruffian!Rion: I can see that. I was talking to the, er, ruffian.Scout: Ruffian? Excuse me? He was the one who sent thugs to steal from me! They raided my shop in the dead of night and stole almost all the weapons from it!Rion: Did you really do that?Lord: [scoffs] Of course not.Scout: You liar! I know it was you. I wasn’t able to stop your thieves, but I followed them! And the thugs delivered their stolen wares to a carriage with your seal on it. This very carriage, I believe.Lord: [flustered] That- that could have been my brother. His carriages share our family seal.Scout: Your driver is armed with one of the weapons you stole. Rather, was armed. Look, see my stamp on the blade? This is my handiwork.[A pause. The lord is silent. He’s probably pouting.]Rion: Nothing to say to that, huh?Scout: I make only the best swords and I work hard to do it! I can’t believe you would undermine months of work. You - who could easily afford the price of all the wares in my shop! The audacity! You’d rather pay low life thugs to steal goods than the blacksmith who made them?The bandit takes the lord’s silence as an opportunity to continue berating him. I’m thinking about how compelling this Bandit’s argument is. They seem to be telling the truth. At any rate, the Lord is a terrible liar. Even if the bandit’s information is wrong, they’re not hurting the lord, just… yelling at him.I’m still considering who I should help when the lord goes for a dagger hidden in his coat. The bandit is too caught up in their lecturing to notice, but before the Lord can do anything, I wrest it away. Well, I know who I’m helping now.Scout: [impressed/relieved] Well caught, Adventurer.Rion: Ya know what, I’m on your side. Call me Rion.Scout: I’m Scout. I believe you’ve saved my life.Guard: [to the lord] You tried to attack the, with a dagger? I can’t believe it. This was not part of our arrangement.Lord: Neither was you getting tied up! What kind of shoddy hired sword are you?Guard: I’d rather I get tied up instead of harming someone you stole from!Rion: Huh. I like her. [to Scout] So what are you going to do with him?Scout: I’m going to hold this no good lord hostage until I recover my weapons… and payment for my time here.Rion: Aren’t you worried about more thugs being sent after you?Scout: [very sure of themself] They won’t catch us by surprise a second time.Rion: Fair enough. Are you heading back to your shop, then?Scout: Yep. It’s up this road, at Ashwald village.Rion: I’m actually heading that way too. Do you want help… babysitting?Lord: [indignant, sputtering] I’m not a child!Rion: Oh shut it.Scout: [to guard] And what should I do with you?Guard: With your permission, I could go back to the Lord’s keep and inform his family of the ransom. It will get you your payment much faster.Scout: How do I know you won’t follow and attack me?Guard: I’m done working for this… this jerk!Lord: offended gasp Traitor!Guard: Sure, whatever. I don’t work for thieves. I set out to do honest work and I’m certainly not stopping now.Scout: [impressed] Okay. Yeah, I’ll untie you.[SFX: Some footsteps and scuffling as Scout unties the guard]Guard: Please, take this sword back. I’ve learned that my weapon belongs to you. I do not feel comfortable using stolen wares.Rion: [concerned] Do you have anything to protect yourself?Guard: Merely my fists. [said with a smile] But they can do some damage.Scout: Why don’t you keep the sword. Consider it payment for delivering the ransom message. And consider it a bribe for not killing us, now that you’re free.Guard: You have my word that I will deliver the message. [As an afterthought] And not kill you.Rion: Thanks. I’m a big fan of not dying.The guard accepts the sword from the bandit, and the two of them work out the details of the ransom terms, away from earshot of the Lord. I glare at him while he pouts. He does quite the pout.Soon the guard is on her way down the path on one of the horses. The Lord is tied up in his carriage, and Scout and I are walking beside the horse pulling it. Despite the, uh, bad vibes we’re getting from our hostage, it’s easy traveling. I’m learning a lot about Scout.They’ve been training as a blacksmith since they were a teen. With the exception of a few years traveling through towns to learn more of the art, they’ve lived in Ashwald their whole life. Scout also has a partner who I can tell they’re absolutely smitten with. Her name is Marissa, and she sounds stunning.Scout is also learning some things about me. Or my sword, at least.Scout: Hey, out of curiosity, why do you have a sword tied to your back?Rion: I don’t have a scabbard.Scout: Who buys a sword and not a scabbard?Rion: I didn’t buy it.Scout: Who steals a sword and not a scabbard?Rion: Didn’t steal it, either.Scout: Then… how did you get it?Rion: I pulled it out of a rock. Long story.Scout: [nerding out a bit] The craftsmanship of the blade is simply superb. That’s a good sword you have there. Be sure you take care of it.Rion: Thanks. It’s growing on me.Scout: I may have an extra scabbard I could give to you, as thanks for your assistance. It would be a shame to leave this blade exposed to the elements.Rion: That would be great. Thank you.[SFX: Cue music]It turns out I got my travel buddy after all.They ask to hear the story of the sword, so I tell it - with only a few embellishments. Just a little. It’s my only cool story, and I want to look good. We switch off telling stories along the way, and get to the town before we know it. I go with Scout to their shop, and also get to meet Marissa! She insists I stay for dinner. Scout also gives me a scabbard, as promised, and it’s absolutely beautiful.I can’t stay long, since I’ve still got to get to Runswick, but you bet I stay through dessert. Marissa even makes some for the Lord, but he doesn’t get to sit around the table with the rest of us. [smugly] Ha. I’m a little sad that I’ve got to head out without knowing for sure if Scout gets paid, but something tells me they will. I don’t think that guard will take no for an answer.[SFX: OUTRO MUSIC]Thank you for Sidequesting with us. This episode, Travel Buddy, was written and produced by Tal Minear. The voice of Scout was Sterling Rae. The lord was voiced by Brandon Jenkins, and the guard was voiced by Jona. The voice of Rion was Tal Minear. A big thanks to Ilya for supporting this episode.If you enjoyed this episode, consider leaving us a review. It’ll help other people find this podcast, and you’ll also make my day. If you didn’t enjoy this episode - no need to leave a review, don’t worry about it.

Episode 3

Narration:
One expects a missing cat to have a name like Whiskers or Mittens, maybe Fluffy. But this cat is named Brad. Brad is missing. I’m here for the glamorous job of finding a missing cat.I’ve checked with Brad’s family, and they’ve confirmed that he isn’t someone who’s been turned into a cat. He’s just a cat. A normal cat, who hasn’t been seen for a few weeks and whose family misses him. He’s brown and black, extremely fluffy, and will apparently do anything for fish.I love Brad already. I’m gonna find him, and not just because of the nice reward promised for his return.The first place I go to look is the forest that borders the village. I bet there’s lots of mice to catch and places to hide in there. Maybe Brad got himself stuck up a tree. Nonetheless, the forest is a secluded place this time of year. If Brad was around town, I think someone would’ve spotted him by now.[SFX: forest noises fade in]I make my way around the forest, trying to listen for meows, hisses, or purring. But instead, I hear… sniffling? Is someone crying? I follow the noise, and see a small clearing in the forest with a small child curled up against a rock.Rion: Hey kid, are you okay?Rowan: [sniffs. Theyve been crying.] I’m fine.Rion: Ya don’t look fine. [softly] Mind if I sit down here? Would you like some trail mix?Rowan: Sure.Rion: Here. [a pause. Trail mix being acquired] Do you want to talk about it? [a pause] I won’t tell anyone. I don’t even live here.Rowan: [eyeing sword] Are you a knight?Rion: No, [small laugh] but this is my sword. I’m actually more of an adventurer. What, do you wanna be a knight?Rowan: [excited] Yeah! [then sad] But Mom says I can’t be a knight.Rion: Why is that?Rowan: Mom says girls can’t be knights.Rion: Well that’s not true. I’ve seen lots of girl knights -Rowan: [interrupting] I’m not even a girl!Rion: [unfazed] Well boys can be knights too. I don’t know what your mom says about that -Rowan: [interrupting] I’m not a boy either!Rion: Oh. Okay. Uh, Me too.Rowan: You’re not a boy or a girl?Rion: Yep. I’m just… me.Rowan: [grumpily] I want to be just me.Rion: Hey kiddo. I have some good news. You are 100% you. Nonbinary and all.Rowan: Mom says I’m a girl. I told her, I like girls! But I’m not a girl. She won’t listen.Rion: So she says you have to be a girl and that you can’t be a knight.Rowan: Yep.Rion: Well, how about we prove her wrong. Would you like to help me out on this… uh... knightly quest I’m on?Rowan: YEAHRion: Okay kid, what’s your name? What do you want me to call you?Rowan: Oh! [shyly] Uh, Rowan.Rion: [seriously] Rowan, please kneel.[Rowan kneels]Rion: I dub you Sir Rowan, Knight of the Crescent Forest. Do you promise to always be honorable, protect the land and its people, and serve the forces of good?Rowan: [solemnly] Yes.Rowan: Rise, Sir Rowan of the Crescent Forest. Are you ready for your first task?Rowan: Yeah!Rion: Our mission today is to find a cat. His name is Brad.Rowan: I know Brad!Rowan: Excellent. My best guess is that he’s here in this forest somewhere, since not a lot of people come this way.Rowan: That’s why I’m here. I didn’t want anyone to find me.Rion: Well if you were a cat, where in this forest would you go?Rowan: uhhhhhhhh… that way!They point down a trail to the left. It’s a narrow and uneven pathway with bushes and branches poking into it. I could picture a cat going down there. It seems like as good a place to start as any, and I tell them to lead the way.[SFX: footsteps]Rion: So Rowan, why do you want to be a knight?Rowan: They’re so cool! And brave! And they have shiny armor. And swords!!!Rion: I see…Rowan: I want to be big and strong and fight evil!Rion: Seen a lot of evil, have you?Rowan: I’ve mostly just seen people being mean… but I’ve heard a lot about evil in the Far Lands. Do you know about that wizard guy Movar? I guess he’s realllly evil. And I want to fight him!Rion: Woah there squirt, maybe work up to that.Rowan: I know, I know.Rion: You could start with the mean people in your town. I don’t know about fighting them - maybe just give them a piece of your mind.Rowan: Even the adults?Rion: Especially the adults. They won’t see it coming.Rowan: And I’ll be really sneaky![SFX: sneaky footsteps]Rion: Nice sneaking demonstration. I don’t suppose you see Brad over there?Rowan: [sadly] Nope!Rion: Me neither. Well, it looks like this place is a bust. Not a single whisker in sight.Rowan: AwwRion: Well maybe Brad was here and just moved on. Where do you think we should go to next?Rowan: What about along the river?Rion: But don’t cats hate water?Rowan: Welllll one time I saw this kitten that my friend Julie had who got stuck outside in the rain and decided that she really liked it. Now she goes swimming and everything!Rion: Huh. I guess you never know.Rowan: Hey look, there’s fishes!Rion: Cats do like fish...Rowan: Here, fishie fishie fishie…[SFX: some splashing]Rowan: Missed.Rion: [laugh] You’ll get it next time.The river is fairly shallow, deep enough for a few fish but not much more. It’s only a little wider than the trail we took to get here. I see fewer trees by the river, which I assume is because the ground is rockier. And perched on one of these rocks by the water, I see a cat.Rion: [quietly] Hey Rowan, look over there.Rowan: [whispered] The cat!Rion: [whispered] here’s the plan. I need you to chase it towards me and I’ll try to grab it.Rowan: [whispered] Okay!Rowan sneaks around to the other side of the cat, and when we’re both in position, they shout his name. This startles Brad, of course, and he runs away from the scary noise, exactly towards me. Perfect. I reach down to grab him, but he slips through my grasp and runs under my legs. I turn around just in time to see him jump into an open crevice between two rocks.Rion: Missed!Rowan: You’ll get it next time.Rion: Hey, can you fit in here? Brad ran into this hole here and I’m too big to reach him. I need smaller shoulders or longer arms, and it strikes me that you have one of those.Rowan: Sure thing.They hunker down and crawl about halfway in. I hear a disgruntled meow followed by a shout. “I got him!” It’s a little bit of a struggle for Rowan to back out of the hole with a cat in their hands, but they make it. Brad is handed to me. The good cat isn’t try to bite or scratch me, just wiggle out of my grip. What a sweetheart.Rowan accompanies me back into town. They seem much happier than when I found them. I’m glad. Their smile only gets bigger when one of Brad’s family members sees us walking to their door, cat in hand.Family: It’s Brad! You found him!Rion: I couldn’t have done it without my partner Rowan here. They were invaluable.Family: Rowan, my dear, thank you for your assistance.Rowan: You’re welcome.Family: I can’t wait to tell my son that he’s back. Milo will be so pleased. Where did you find him?Rion: In the Crescent Forest. He was… uh… fishing?Family: Fishing?! Did I hear that right?Rowan: Yeah! He was by the river looking at the fish. I think he was trying to catch one.Family: Brad, you scoundrel.[Brad meows]Family: [Brad is instantly forgiven] I’m so glad you’re home. [to Rion] Here’s your reward, as promised.[SFX: some coins jingle]Rion: Thank you.Family: You’re welcome. Now I must go find Milo. Thank you again - Both of you.Rowan: You’re welcome.[SFX: Footsteps as Family member leaves]Rion: Well, Sir Rowan, I think you deserve at least half of this reward.Rowan: [solemly] A knight doesn’t take payment for doing their duty.Rion: You sure?Rowan: Yes.Rion: What about… a tip? Can I give you a few silver pieces at least?Rowan: ...sure. Thanks.Rion: You’re a good kid, Rowan.Rowan: [pause] I’m going to go home and tell mother that she’s wrong.Rion: That’s very brave of you.Rowan: I gotta be brave, I’m a knight now!Rion: [smiling] Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.[SFX: Outro music]Thank you for Sidequesting with us. This episode, Lost and Found, was written and produced by Tal Minear. Rowan was voiced by M and the family member was voiced by Fox Cooper. The voice of Rion was Tal Minear. A big thanks to Ilya for supporting this episode.Do you have any friends you think might like this podcast? I’d be great it if you told them about us. Or just steal their phone and subscribe. I won’t tell.

Episode 4

Narration:
It’s harvest time in this village, which is famous for their apple orchards. Apple trees are everywhere throughout here, so much so that it looks like the village itself was an afterthought. The homes are built around the trees, and there’s no rhyme or reason for the layout of the town - except, of course, to prioritize the apple trees. The air smells of cider and pie and I am SO HUNGRY.Some of the townsfolk said they’d pay me to climb the trees and get the apples down from the top branches - but honestly, I’d do it for free. I really miss tree climbing. When I was little, my mom quickly learned that if she couldn’t find me around she just needed to look up.But when you’re all grown up, people judge you for being in a tree for no reason. Not that I usually let that stop me… but it’s nice to just climb around for an afternoon and have people thank you for it instead of asking you why you’re up there.In this town, apple picking is an entire-village effort. Young kids are running around shaking trees and gathering the fallen fruit. Parents are holding ladders for their teenagers. I see a few grandparents sorting apples or, having already found the best ones, starting to cook.In addition to the several community orchards, lots of people have their own special apple trees they’ve been tending to for generations. Unlike the town’s community apples, the bounty from these trees is closely guarded. Years of careful pruning, grafting, and fertilizing has gone into these apples, which are needed for very specific recipes. Every single apple, apparently. Of course, those with their own trees are plenty happy to share the food they make with these apples - they’re just very stingy with the raw product. I guess I understand that. If you can only make your favorite recipe once a year, you’re going to be protective of the ingredients.Plus, there’s so many apples to pick in the community orchards, and I’m not letting a single one escape my grasp. I will figure out how to get up every tree. And onto every branch. Every apple is going to be on the ground when I’m done here.I’m deep in thought about if I could feasibly jump from tree to tree when I hear a cry.Oliver: My basket!!! It’s missing!!The way he says this, you can tell it’s probably the worst thing that’s ever happened to this man. Sounds like it’s time for me to get out of this tree.[SFX: Tree dismount noises (good luck sound editor Tal), then footsteps][Fade in Oliver complaining]Oliver: Where did they go? The apples from my sweetest tree! I’ve spent all morning gathering them and now they’re gone and I think someone took them! The whole basket!Rion: Hey there. So... you’re missing a basket of apples?Oliver: Not just any basket of apples! A basket of my pristine, delectable, personal apples! I tend to these trees all year to ensure the perfect harvest for my perfect apple crumbles. But there will be no apple crumbles today! My apples have been stolen!Rion: Do you want some help looking for them?Oliver: I don’t need help looking! I need help taking them back from the no good rascal who I know took it!Rion: What? Who would’ve taken it?Oliver: No one other than my neighbor a few houses down, Alden. They’ve been trying to tend to their own trees, but those trees don’t have good fruit. I’ve seen them eyeing my orchard. Sometimes they’ll comment “Wow, Oliver, your trees are sure looking good. I can’t wait for the harvest!” ...They’re undoubtedly jealous of my apples. I’m sure they’ve been planning to take them all year.Rion: Well, I don’t know if Alden for sure stole your basket, but I’ll go talk to them and see what they say. How about you look though the orchards and see if anyone accidentally moved it?Oliver: [exasperated] Fine. I don’t think it will be there, but I’ll look.Looks like it’s time for Inquisitor-Rion! I’m going to put on my detective hat and solve this mystery. [a pause] Okay, I don’t have a detective hat but I’m going to solve this mystery anyway! I’ll start by talking to our prime suspect Alden. It seems like Oliver really has a grudge against this person, and personally, I’m not convinced this case is as open and shut as it seems. But it’s the obvious place to start.Rion: Hi Alden. I’m looking for Oliver’s apple basket which has apparently gone missing. He seems to think you’ve taken it…?Alden: [dismissive] Of course I didn’t. I don’t care about his apples.Rion: But your trees don’t have good apples…?Alden: I grow these trees because I love tending to the. I’m always trying out new ways of grafting branches and making the fruit different… Anyone can have my apples, people are usually just wary of them.Rion: Oh. That’s actually pretty cool.Alden: I moved here only a few years and I’ve been trying to be neighborly… cheer on people’s hard work and compliment their gardens and stuff… but I guess I’ve only succeeded in getting Oliver to think I was after his fruit.Rion: He did say you sometimes talked to him about them.Alden: [sigh] So much for being nice, huh? Besides, when could I have taken them? I was over with Hazel ([muttered] one of my nicer neighbors) helping her sort apples all morning. Anyway, it was probably Quinn trying to frame me. They’ve been pretty unhappy with me lately. I guess my plants are growing into their lawn or something? [sadly] I’m trying so hard to be on people’s good side but all the things I do backfire.Rion: I’ll figure this thing out. [hopeful] Maybe when I find his basket, Oliver won’t be mad at you anymore.Anyway, thanks for the info.Our prime suspect has pointed us towards someone else. This isn’t surprising - I didn’t expect a confession this early in the game. But were they framed??? Let’s go talk to suspect number two.Rion: Quinn? Hi. I’m Rion. Did you by any chance take a basket of apples to frame your neighbor Alden [quietly] who you’re mad at for unclear reasons?Quinn: Yeah, I’m mad at Alden, but not enough to frame them! I’m not going to steal some poor sap’s food to enact some “dastardly plan of revenge” against someone else. Do I wish Alden would make sure their contaminated plants stop growing into mine? Yeah. But the farthest I’d go would be to trim those branches… And I’ve been alone in my kitchen baking all day. I wouldn’t have known that basket was there for the taking. Anyway, it was probably some kids trying to do a prank or something.Rion: [unimpressed] I don’t suppose you have anyone to back you up about where you were?Quinn: [grumpy] Nope. I said I was alone, didn’t I?Rion: I guess. [pause] Thanks for your help.The lack of credible alibi is definitely suspicious… but I do see a kid over there looking guilty. She keeps glancing up at me and then looking away. If that isn’t a cue to go and talk to her, I don’t know what is.Rion: Did you by any chance steal a basket of apples from Oliver over there?Kid: Okay okay, I’m sorry! I took some of the apples from the basket. I was really hungry! And they looked really good! I’m sorry! I promise I won’t do it again. And I would never take the whole basket. That’s too many apples! I can’t fit that many in my tummy. There’s only room for 2. Or 3. Definitely not 5. That’s too many. I saw Mister Jones take the basket away after I was there. I was scared he saw me and was gonna yell at me, but he didn’t say anything. I guess he was too busy. He probably moved it up where I can’t reach. Like on a table. A BIG table. I hate big tables. Please don’t put all the apples on big tables!Rion: [softly] Hey, it’s okay. I promise I won’t tell. Who among us hasn’t snuck a few treats during apple picking? Thanks for your help. I need to go talk to Mister Jones now.[SFX: footsteps]This kid might have just solved this mystery for me. Why would Jones move the basket? He was up in the trees with me. He shouldn’t have been near it... Oh! There he is. Let’s see what he says.Rion: Oliver is missing a basket of apples and I’ve just received word from a, uh, very credible source that you were seen taking it away. Do you have anything to say for yourself before I drag a very distraught Oliver here to accost you?Jones: I just wanted to eat some of those apples!! Oliver keeps bragging about them, going on and on about how special they are and delicious and sweet and wonderful! Ugh! I couldn’t take it. I got so tired of hearing him talk endlessly about them without sharing any so I just… took the basket.Rion: Wow. That’s a terrible reason. Please tell me you haven’t eaten them all.Jones: I haven’t! They’re (mostly) all still in my kitchen.Rion: Okay. How about you give them back, yeah? Or else you won’t hear the end of his complaining about his delicious apples missing. Next time you could try (gasp!) talking to him about it?Jones: Okay… maybe.Rion: [big sigh] Go say sorry.And so off goes Jones to confess and apologize to Oliver. Funnily enough, Oliver had no idea Jones was mad at him. Jones would’ve gotten away with it if it weren’t for… uh… that meddling kid. And me! Meddling adventurer extraordinaire. Oliver also apologizes to Alden for thinking they did it. He promises them some freshly baked apple crumble, and assures them next time he won’t jump to conclusions. It’s actually really nice. I think I see Alden wipe away a tear. Aw, this is just want they wanted.As if inspired by Oliver, Alden also goes to apologize to Quinn. Quinn stays grumpy, but I think they’re warming up to Alden. Nothing like a small crime to bring folks together. All my suspects are getting along. Well, former suspects, I guess.And just like that our case comes to a close, with the apple basket safely returned. The sweet cider can be made, and the festivities can continue… as long as those dark clouds in the sky don’t rain us out.At least nobody is to blame if it does.Thanks for Sidequesting with us! This episode, Basket Case, was written and produced by Tal Minear. The voice of Oliver was Reggie Gacad. Alden was voiced by Bret M-W, and Quinn was voiced by Sarah Wheatley. The voice of the kid was Mira Leigh, and Jones was voiced by David Hanna. The voice of Rion was Tal Minear. A big thanks to Ilya for supporting this episode.If you like what we’re doing, consider supporting us on Patreon. You can get cool perks, like behind the scenes content, early episode releases, stickers, and exclusive patron episodes. You’ll also get my eternal love and admiration. The smallest tier starts at just a dollar, and your support would mean so much to me. But also - you listening to my little podcast means the world to me, even if you can’t support the show monetarily.

Episode 5

Narration:
It took me a long time to decide if I wanted to do this. It was a pretty big request, but it was by a king, and I guess he’s allowed to make big requests. I can’t fault him, because he’s in a pretty desperate situation here. His daughter has been kidnapped by a dragon, and he wants me -or anyone really- to go rescue her. To go rescue Princess Clara.Every single person the king has sent over to fight the dragon and rescue the princess was last seen running screaming from the dragon’s lair. They don’t even go back to tell the king that they failed - he’s had to set up a system of guards to keep watch and report back to him.Recently, the king announced that he would give his daughter’s hand in marriage to whoever brings her home safely. This got quite a few more folks to try, but none of them have gotten past the dragon. Seeing how desperate the king was to save his daughter helped me make this decision. I figure the princess must also be equally desperate to get home. I want to rescue her, but I don’t want to marry her… hopefully she’s okay with that. I can’t imagine that she’d want to marry a stranger.I also don’t really want to fight the dragon. Part of me is hoping there’s a secret entrance I can find and sneak the princess out of, but that’s probably too good to be true. I wish some of the other princes, knights, and would-be rescuers had spent more time to look around before rushing in headlong to fight the dragon. Then I might have a least a vague idea of what I’m doing.As I approach the outside of the dragon’s lair, and it looks like a normal cave. It’s in a rocky, hilly area, and this cave blends in with the multiple other caves I can see from where I stand. But I’ve been assured that this is the right one. After all the people he’s directed here, I guess the king would be pretty sure at this point.Instead of marching straight in, I walk around the cave. I don’t see much here besides rocks, so I start climbing up them. There seems to be a small opening to a tunnel halfway up the cave-side. I can just wiggle in, and after some crawling, it widens enough for me to stand up. It’s dark inside, but small pinpricks of light shine here and there though crevices in the rocks, and it’s just enough to navigate by. Even though I’m confident that a dragon couldn’t fit in this particular passageway, I’m still doing my best to be quiet. Eventually the tunnel meets a wider cavern, still too small for a dragon… but maybe it could fit a baby one.The first thing I notice is that it’s better lit in here. There are lanterns on the ground around the perimeter, and I see some stacks of books and baskets of food. There is a makeshift bed on the far side of the cavern, with a woman sitting on it, reading.Rion: Princess Clara?Clara: [startled] Oh gods!Rion: Princess?! Are you okay?Clara: [grumpy] Do I look okay?Rion: I mean, mostly, yeah. I didn’t mean to startle you. Sorry about that.Clara: Who are you and what do you want?Rion: I’m Rion. Your father sent me to rescue you. I’m not the first person, but I guess everyone else he sent ran away from the dragon.Clara: So you’re here to fight the dragon and carry me off to safety, then?Rion: I don’t want to fight the dragon. That’s why I’m here via this back-entrance-tunnel thing. Which… Hang on… did you know it was here?Clara: [duh] I’d be pretty stupid to not have noticed it.Rion: Then why haven’t you left?Clara: [a pause. She has been found out.] Okay, you got me. I kind of want to be here.Rion: You want to be kidnapped by a dragon?Clara: Not quite. It would be more correct to sa y that I don’t want to be at the castle.Rion: Why is that?Clara: My dad wants to marry me off to another princess to “join our kingdoms” or some nonsense like that. He’s wanted this marriage for years. I thought when Dad found out his only son was an only daughter, he would give up on it. But it turns out this princess also likes women, so he didn’t change his mind! He still wanted me to marry her! Then the whispers of impending war started, and now he’s demanding it happen “at once, or else!”. I couldn’t convince him otherwise… so I ran.Rion: Oh. Yeah, I get that. I’d run too if someone was making me get married.Clara: I mean, I do want to get married. But not to a stranger. What would my girlfriend say if I married some random princess?Rion: Nothing good, I’m sure. Speaking of marrying a stranger, do you know what the reward is for saving you?Clara: Last time I checked, it was a bunch of gold.Rion: You’ve been checking?Clara: My girlfriend gives me updates.[SFX: faint footsteps, growing louder]Rion: How often does she visit?Clara: Every week or so-WOAH! [Clara has just noticed Zoe]Zoe: [happy, excited] CLAIRE! GUESS WHAT.Clara: [happy] ZOE! You’re here early!Zoe: I have news! It was announced a week ago but I just found out. The King is giving your hand in marriage as a reward for your rescue!Clara: Finally! It only took him a few months! [pause] Wait… [to Rion] do you want to marry me?Zoe: [had not noticed Rion] Oh! Who’s this?Rion: I’m Orion, here to rescue but not marry the princess - though it looks like you’ve got both of those covered. Are you Princess Zoe from the Kingdom of Floria?Zoe: Yes and yes.Clara: That’s the plan, you see. Zoe’s going to “rescue” me and then we can officially be together, with Dad’s approval and everything.Zoe: It just took him FOREVER to get desperate enough to give up on that stupid arranged marriage.Clara: Hey, it happened sooner than I thought it would.Zoe: There’s only one problem left.Clara: [concerned] ...and what is that?Zoe: The king’s new offer has brought you more rescuers.Clara: [unconcerned] What, is Jeff here again? I can just scare him off, along with whoever else shows up.Zoe: No, I mean, there’s like 10 of them. They’re working together, and they brought a LOT of water with them. Also a bunch of crossbows?Clara: [concerned again] ...oh. That’s not good.Rion: Wait, what do you mean? 10 men are no match for a dragon. You’ll be fine.Clara: Yeah, about that… maybe you should just follow me.Narration:
I follow Clara through a series of winding passageways. When we stop, we’re overlooking a large cavern. The floor is exceedingly rocky, with huge boulders that make the ground look like a maze. The overlook we’re on runs around the perimeter of the cavern. There are large rocks resting along the edge of it, waiting to join the others below. Clara picks up a large device that’s also resting on the overlook. After strapping it on she pulls a lever and presses some buttons. With a pop and a hiss, fire spreads from it, falling into the cavern. The light of the fire makes the whole cave flicker.[SFX: Beneath the narration, we hear a lever crank and two buttons press. The noise of pressurised gas starts, followed by the sound of clicking, followed by the sound of a fire being lit. It sounds like a flamethrower. When Clara speaks, the noise stops.]Clara: Long story short… I’m the dragon.Zoe: Hey, I help sometimes too!Clara: Fine. We’re the dragon. But mostly me.[Zoe definitely sticks her tongue out at Clara for that]Rion: [impressed] Wow, this is… amazing. It’s a do-it-yourself dragon. I love it.Clara: Thanks! Unfortunately, I don’t think I can fool ten people at once. I built this thing to scare off one person at a time. Ten men are stupid enough to actually try to fight a dragon instead of just runing away, and I won’t be able to actually fight them. [beat] Well, I could barbeque them…Rion: Probably best not to.Clara: I guess you’re right. But we can’t stop them from coming in, and I’m not sure I can leave without them seeing me.Rion: What if you both left while they tried to get in here.Clara: But if we’re not there to run everything, we can’t stall them. They’ll just rush in and find us climbing out.Rion: What if… I was the dragon? I could probably operate this stuff.Clara: You would do that for us?Rion: Princess, I would LOVE to do that.Zoe: We’ve got to work fast. They’re planning to enter at sundown, and we don’t have much time.Clara: Zoe, babe, can you pack our things while I show Rion how this works?Zoe: Yeah, but I’ll need time. If we want to remove all traces that you’ve been bunking here…Rion: Once Clara shows me how to be a dragon I’ll run out there and stall so she can help you finish.Zoe: Stall?Rion: I’ve got a little plan of my own. Don’t worry about it.Clara: ...If you say so.Narration:
Clara shows me how to operate the flame maker. I learn how to refill it, and where the emergency water buckets are. She also introduces me to the “dragon horn”. Instead of making normal horn noises, when you blow into it, it makes very loud and intimidating growling sounds. I definitely want one for myself. If we weren’t so low on time, I’d ask Clara how she made it.[SFX: During this narration, the noise of animalistic beast-like roars echo.]But instead, I practice until I’m feeling confident, and send Clara on her way to pack. I head outside through the secret side tunnel and find this pesky prince.[SFX: Rion’s footsteps]RION: [haughtily] Excuse me? Who are you and what are you doing here?PRINCE: I am Prince Jefferson Merriweather, here to rescue the Princess! What about yourself?RION: I am Prince Phillip Pennington, also here to rescue the Princess! I kindly request that you move out of my way.PRINCE: What? Where are you going?RION: In there, of course. Where the princess is.PRINCE: Do you not know of the dragon?RION: Ha! Of course I know of the dragon. Why would you ask such a silly question?PRINCE: The dragon will stop you from going in.RION: I’d like to see him try!PRINCE: I assure you! He will! This is not my first time here.RION: Oh? Do tell me more about your other visit.PRINCE: Visits.RION: Visits, then. Share away.PRINCE: This dragon is most fearsome! At the slightest provocation he will breathe fire on you! He will throw large boulders towards you! I have tried many means of defense, but none have yet proven successful. A single man cannot defeat him!RION: What if he doesn’t notice me?PRINCE: Oh he will notice you!RION: How?PRINCE: [sputtering] Well, he noticed me! Very quickly!RION: How loud do you walk? Can you demonstrate?PRINCE: I will do no such thing!RION: Are you scared? You must be scared of something if you’ve brought what amounts to a small army here.PRINCE: It is a smart man who fears a dragon.RION: What’s your plan, then Prince?PRINCE: Well in short, we know that the dragon lies on the edge of the cave. It’s where the fire comes from, and the rocks too. We will gather in the center of the room, furthest from the dragon’s reach, and shoot him with our reinforced crossbows. If that draws him out, we will get a better angle of attack, and the ability to circle behind him. If he remains in the shadows, our arrows will find their marks. He will stand no chance.RION: Absolutely fascinating. Well thought out. I see one tiny flaw in your flawless plan.PRINCE: [agast] What is it?RION: It does not account for ME.PRINCE: Of course it doesn’t. I had not had the “joy” of meeting your acquaintance before I made this plan.RION: I can recommend some changes.PRINCE: I do know know how sound your advice would be.RION: Fair enough. But do not be disappointed when you fail to rescue the princess.PRINCE: I think I have a better chance than you!RION: But do you even know my plan?PRINCE: Walk right in there, it would appear.RION: Ah, but you don’t know my plan for after I walk right in there.PRINCE: Well then, what is it?RION: I will not fight the dragon! I’m going to ask him nicely to take me to the princess.PRINCE: That will not work!RION: Well, have you tried?PRINCE: No!RION: Then how do you know?PRINCE: I don’t know… precedence? A dragon who kidnaps a princess isn’t going to let the first person who asks to take her get away with it!RION: I have a theory that nobody’s tried. I’m going to be the first! Unless, you would like the honor?PRINCE: I’m quite good!RION: If you insist. Now I, Prince Percival Pennypants will be off!PRINCE: I thought your name was Phillip Pennington?RION: [slightly flustered] I have many names![SFX: Footsteps]RION: [in distance, their voice echoing in the cave] Dragon? Dragon! [pause] I request a parlay.PRINCE: [stunned] I… I cannot believe that prince.
Narration:
Soon enough, the prince and his crew enter the cave and I give the go-ahead to Clara and Zoe to leave. It’s time for the fun to begin. I greet the would-be rescuers with a rain of fire in front of the entrance. They seem well prepared to deal with a direct spray, but I don’t want to hit them until they pull those wooden crossbows out.[SFX: During this narration, we hear the noise of pressurized gas being lit, then crackling fire. It lasts for a few seconds]I’m glad I got the prince to tell me his plan, because now I’m on high alert for the sounds of arrows being fired - and I’m ready to duck behind the nice big boulders on this overlook. I know they’ll be firing blindly from the center of the cave, so I feel pretty safe.I give them an additional greeting with a roar from the dragon horn. It echoes perfectly across the walls of the cave. So perfectly that the men try to shoot the source of the noise, but aim entirely in the wrong direction. I really want to take those crossbows out, so I shoot flames toward them. A few men drop theirs in surprise, and I get to toast them on the ground. I hear the strings snap in the heat. Excellent.[SFX: During this narration, we hear a few animalistic dragon roars, then the noise of four crossbows firing, their arrows hitting rock. After that, the noise of pressurized gas starts again. It is lit with a pop, and crackling fire starts. It again lasts for a few seconds. The noise of two crossbow’s strings stretching and then snapping is heard.]I duck behind a rock since I’ve just shown the men the correct direction to aim. Sure enough, arrows fly towards the source of the fire. I wonder what the prince will do if he loses all the bows. Ever so confident in his plan, I’m not sure he considered the scenario. I’m itching to burn those crossbows and find out.[SFX: During this narration, we hear the noise of three crossbows firing, their arrows hitting rock closer to Rion.]And so this game of cat and mouse (rather, dragon and human?) continues. I scamper around the overlook, giving the occasional roar and burst of flames. Another crossbow breaks, and two of the men’s cloaks catch fire. They’re quickly extinguished with buckets of water.[SFX: During this narration, we hear a few more roars and another burst of flame - the noise of gas, then fire, lasting a few seconds. The noise of one crossbow’s string stretching and snapping is heard afterwards.]Those lacking bows have pulled their swords out, pointing them in my general direction. I hear some discussion - it seems like they’re changing the plan of attack... They’re going to rush the dragon? Ha! Searching for a dragon to rush will keep them occupied for some time. I knock a few rocks over the edge to give the men a direction to start searching. With a final roar, I head out through the secret tunnel.[SFX: During this narration, we hear three swords being drawn with a sharp “shing!”. The noise of a boulder being pushed, and falling with a rumbling “crash!” comes next. Then we hear footsteps as Rion exits the cave]

There’s no sign of Clara or Zoe anywhere. The small cavern that served as a bedroom contains only rocks. Once I’ve crawled through the exit, I don’t even see tracks. The Princesses are long gone, and with that head starts, the Prince will never catch up in time.[SFX: Outro Music]Thank you for Sidequesting with us. This episode, The Princess and the Plan, was written and produced by Tal Minear. Princess Clara was voiced by Lucille Valentine, and Princess Zoe was voiced by Katherine Shepherd. Prince Jefferson Merriweather was voiced by Xen Virtue. The voice of Rion was Tal Minear. A big thanks to Ilya for supporting this episode.Do you want show updates and peaks behind the scenes? Follow us on Twitter @sidequestingpod and Instagram @sidequesting! If that’s not enough, join the Patreon for longer posts about what goes into making this production.

Episode 6

Narration:
I was just delivered a letter by a raven, who swooped right in front of me and sat down, envelope in its beak. (Do ravens sit? Do they stand? Anyway, it landed on the path and stared at me). You don’t ignore a summons from a raven. Or at least, I don’t. It would be rude, for one thing!This note smells like lavender and rosemary, and it’s written in the most beautiful purple ink. It’s from a Miss Iris who is asking for assistance in acquiring a specific ingredient for her work. Despite the fact that this ingredient is only a few fields away, it’s on a farm which she has been forbidden access to. I’m not sure exactly how Iris knows my name or why she sent for me specifically, but she’s given directions to her home and a promise to explain the details in person. That’s good enough for me.There’s an enclosed map, which directs me off the path and towards the farmlands in the east. Past these farms is a hilly area, and there’s a tiny cottage on the top of the far hill. That’s Iris’s home![SFX: fade in bird chirps, fountain noises]The path to the cottage is bordered by herbs, flowers, and other plants. There’s a tiny stream that runs from a bubbling fountain to the rest of the garden. An adorable chipmunk scampers across the stepping stone path. Birds are gathered around a birdfeeder, and others splash in a birdbath. There’s a sense of calm and safety in this garden. It’s absolutely magical.When I get to the cottage, chimes next to the door ring softly, despite the lack of wind. I raise my hand to knock, but the door opens right away.[SFX: windchimes, then door open noise]Iris: Welcome, Orion. Or do you prefer Rion? [Orion pronounced like the constellation, Rion pronounced like Ryan]Rion: Hi. Uh, Rion’s good.Iris: I’m Iris, as I’m sure you’ve figured out.Rion: Yep. I got your letter.Iris: Thank you so much for coming. Why don’t you sit down and I’ll explain more about why I’ve brought you here. Would you like some tea? I’ve just put the kettle on.[SFX: kettle boiling noise]Narration:
I hear the whistle of a kettle from the kitchen as I sit in a nearby chair. This living room is so cozy. There are plants scattered around in mismatched pots, some which are placed precariously on top of stacks of books. Blankets hang over couches and chairs, and fluffy pillows are all around the living room. Curled up next to one is a sleeping cat.[SFX: tea being stirred, cup being put down]Iris: Here you are. And now for my story... I have spent years looking for Starshade. It’s a flower that grows only at certain times in incredibly specific circumstances. I could go on and on about them, but to keep it short, let's say these circumstances are impossible for me to recreate on my own. I’ve traveled to markets, but nobody is ever selling it. I’ve followed up on rumors of it growing in various lands, but they’ve always proven false. I thought I would have to give up, but I was on one of my evening walks last week… when I noticed some of it growing in a field.Rion: [surprised] And you didn’t pick it?Iris: No... The flowers were on my neighbor Margery’s farmland. They weren’t mine to take - they belong to her.Rion: But this is your holy grail! Right by your home!!Iris: I’m not going to steal them! Even if she might not notice their absence, taking the flower without Margery’s permission would mess up the energy of the flower. Intentions are important, and stealing the Starshade would make it useless.Rion: Did you try talking to Margery?Iris: I did try…Rion: That doesn’t sound good.Iris: When I saw the Starshade, I couldn’t believe it. I thought I must be seeing things, or that it was a trick. I had to get a closer look, so I ran over to examine the plant. [slightly regretfully] This may have involved going over Margery’s fence. She saw me on her farm and started yelling at me to leave. I tried talking to her and explaining what I was doing there, but she wouldn’t listen. I even tried coming back with cookies and apologizing, [sigh] but she slammed the door in my face. I fear I’ve ruined any chances of civil conversation. I have hope that if you show up at her door, she might listen. I would be forever in your debt if you could explain my situation, and acquire some of the Starshade for me.RIon: I can do that. Seems easy enough. If you don’t mind me asking, why do you want this plant so badly?Iris: It’s a crucial ingredient for a powerful protection spell.Rion: Oh, cool! What does the spell do?Iris: I’m sure you’ve heard about Movar and his following. Horrible people, every single one of them. And they’ve been growing in power over the years, slowly but surely. The rumors I’ve heard... they frighten me. I want to be safe. I want my home to be safe, my plants and animals, my friends... I know I can’t stop him, but with this spell, those evil doers will never find me. No matter how far they spread, they will overlook these hills and this cottage, and this land will remain untouched.Rion: Wow.Iris: I’ve wanted to find some Starshade ever since I made my first enemy, but my need has only grown greater. And now I finally have a chance.Rion: Okay, so what does this plant look like? And how much of it do you need?Iris: It’s similar to lavender, but with white coloring instead of purple. It’s softer than lavender is, and slightly fluffier. What really gives it away is it’s slight luminsicent qualities at night when the sky is clear. I need what amounts to a small bouquet, but the exact amount is unimportant.Rion: Wow. I can’t wait to see it. [remembering suddenly] Oh, also, I know not to steal it, but is there anything else I could do that might… ruin the energy?Iris: Hurting the caretaker of the plants would also do it.Rion: Good to know. Wait, what if I hurt her feelings?Iris: [amused] You’ll be fine.Narration:
And with that... well, reassuring statement, I finish up my tea and head out. Iris gives me directions to the farm. Iris’s cat gives me a sleepy meow on my way out. It’s a short walk to Margery’s farm. I pass by wide fields growing different crops, and a bright red barn. Close to the barn is a small farmhouse. Thankfully, I can walk right up to the front door without hopping any fences. I knock, and a short woman in overalls opens the door. She looks at me suspiciously.Rion: Hi. I was wondering if I could pick a few flowers from your farm.Margery: [suspicious] ...Why?Rion: [nervous] Uh… it’s for a friend. The flowers are rare - they don’t grow anywhere else, and she really needs them.Margery: I see...Rion: If it’s not a bother, I could just go out and pick a few of them.Margery: I can’t let people on my farmlands. Who knows what you might step on?Rion: Oh. Fair. Could you pick the flowers, then?Margery: I could… but why is this so important?Rion: They’re an ingredient for a spell.Margery: Oh? What do you mean?Rion: It’s a protection spell. A really big one, I guess. It’s supposed to protect the whole land here from dark forces. I’m not very good at explaining it, but it’s really important.Margery: [somewhat abashed at being so suspicious] I see that there is a good reason to pick these flowers.Rion: Yeah. [apologetic] I wouldn’t be here bothering you otherwise.Margery: So are you a witch, then?Rion: Oh, I’m not, but my friend is, though. Her name is Iris, and I’m collecting the flowers for her.Margery: I’d like to meet her.Rion: [slowly] You have, actually.Margery: What?Rion: You yelled at her for walking on your farm… [quickly] I mean, she shouldn’t have done that. She said so herself. And she tried to apologize, too.Margery: ...and I refused to speak and slammed my door on her. [sigh] I might have overreacted. I didn’t mean to mess up her big spell.Rion: Well it’s an easy thing to fix.Margery: Do you think?Rion: I do.Margery: Okay. I’ll pick the flowers, and can I come with you to her cottage? I want to apologize.Rion: Of course!Narration:
Margery leads me back outside, along the side of her farm. We walk past the barn and one of the fields, until I see the fence that Iris crossed and point out the flowers to Margery.She carefully crosses the fence, walking ever so slowly towards the Starshade. Her steps are irregular, and it looks like she’s going out of her way to avoid stepping on something. She picks the flowers one by one, and takes the same careful steps back.When she reaches me, she explains that there’s a birds nest on the ground next to the Starshade, which blends right in to all the leaves and sticks. The baby bird’s coloring even matches the flower petals. Seeing Iris inside the fence made Margery really worried about the nest. She thought Iris was going to step on the eggs, or worse, that she was trying to steal them. Margery had to chase someone with a taste for rare omelettes off her farm once, and she’d lost her patience with trespassers. I hear all about her bird-protecting adventures as we walk together to Iris’s cottage.Margery: [fade in] and then one time, I found a family of skunks curled up next to the barn. Now, skunks only eat eggs as a last resort, but I didn’t know that at the time. I was worried I would have to stock up on tomato juice and have at scaring them off, but thankfully I never got - [notices the cottage] Are we here?Rion: This is it. You ready?Margery: [not ready] Yeah, I guess.[SFX: knocking noises, door opening]Iris: Welcome back, Rion! [surprised, slightly wary] Oh, hello Margery. Will you come in?Margery: Yes, thank you.[SFX: footsteps walking in, door closing]Margery: These are for you. I want to apologize for losing my temper with you the other day. I jumped to conclusions when I saw you in my backyard. I should have heard you out.Iris: And I want to apologize for trespassing on your land.Margery: It’s alright. You did no harm to the plants or animals, as I had feared.Iris: [kindly] And you did no harm to me.Margery: Now please, take these flowers and we’ll call it even?Iris: [smiles] Okay.Margery: [timidly] I heard these were for a spell.Iris: You heard correctly.Margery: Oh, I, uh, I think that’s really great.Iris: I won’t be ready to do it until tomorrow, but would you like to come back then? I could use some help.Margery: Yes, I would!Iris: [smooth af] But as for tonight - will you stay for dinner?Margery: Sure :)Iris: And you, Rion?Rion: Uh, I’ve actually got to go. I forgot about… something… that I need to take care of. Right now.Iris: Well, be sure to take some food for the road. And know that you are welcome back at any time. Thank you so much for your assistance - I couldn’t have made amends to Margery without you.Rion: Oh, it was nothing.Margery: Hardly nothing, I’d say. Likewise, I thank you as well.Rion: Awwww. You’re both welcome. Good luck with the spell, Iris. And good luck with your birds, Margery.[SFX: footsteps walking out, door closing]Iris: What is this about your birds? Are they your pets? I don’t have birds that are mine, per se, but I have lots of visitors to my garden. I’ve even given them names! There’s Persephone, and Elliot, Mary-Mae, and oh! There’s Oliver, the little tiny one… [fade out]Narration:
Confession time - I didn’t need to go. But I could tell that Margery and Iris were starting to hit it off and I didn’t want to get in the way. It looks like a new friendship is blooming. Or possibly a new relationship. I’ll have to come back and see.Credits:
Thank you for Sidequesting with us! This episode, Starshade, was written and produced by Tal Minear. Iris was voiced by Erin B. Lillis and Margery was voiced by Sheila Morris. The voice of Rion was Tal Minear. A big thanks to Ilya for supporting this episode.For updates, announcements, and sneak peeks, you can follow us on Twitter @sidequestingpod and Instagram @sidequesting. We’ve also got a discord server! The server is open to all, but Patrons get access to special channels. Want to become a patron? Check out patreon.com/sidequesting

Episode 7

Narration:
Today I’m visiting my friend Sam! I haven’t seen him in years, and it’ll be so good to catch up. Though, it’s always somewhat awkward visiting a person after a long time… When you’ve both changed in different ways that the other person doesn’t know about, and you’re never sure if these differences are still compatible or not.I’m not an entirely new person. But I’m a different person. And Sam is, too. That’s just how it works. We’ve kept in touch over the years, sending letters to each other when we can, but letters just can’t cover everything. I know I’ve definitely left stuff out - not on purpose or anything, there’s just only so much you can fit on a scroll.The only way to know for sure if you still get along with an old friend is to meet up and talk in person, to ask a bunch of questions, share your new experiences, and bond over the new instead of just the old. Nostalgia is nice, but you can’t maintain friendships with just it.I’ve never been one for nostalgia, though, so maybe that’s just a personal failing. I suppose I should say I can’t maintain friendships with just it. But I know from our letters that Sam has had a lot going on since we last met, and I’m excited to learn all about it.I’ve never been to Oakendale, which is one of the bigger cities in this area. So far I’ve been traveling through small towns, so it’ll be a change! I’m excited to finally see this place I’ve heard so much about. Sam has been living here for a few years now, practicing music and playing various shows across the city. Ever since we were little kids, Sam has wanted to play music. It took him some time to find his stride, but it sounds like he’s found both his stride and his place here. I’m looking forward to seeing him in his element.I walk in and see Sam sitting at the counter, and immediately, it’s just like old times.RION: Sam! Hey!SAM: Rion! It’s so good to see you. [Rion pronounced like Ryan.]RION: Fancy us being all the way out here in the big city.SAM: I would’ve never called it. Two kids from the small town of Westville meeting up years later in Oakendale! Look, I’m a proper bard now! Wait, let me try that again [SFX: shuffles, grabs ukulele, strums a chord] I’m a proper bard nowRION: [joking] I never would’ve called that. How much off key fluting did you subject our village to? My ears never fully recovered.SAM: [unoffended] Hey, I just had to find the right instrument!RION: [laughs] I’m glad you did! [sincerely] Really, I’m happy for you.SAM: And I’m happy for you! A great adventurer! I’ll have to compose a song! The ballad of Rion!RION: [good naturedly] Oh no, don’t you dare.[SFX: Ukulele is strummed threateningly][SFX: Footsteps as Miller, the bartender, approaches]RION: [muttered] saved by the bartender.MILLER: Heya Sam.SAM: Heya Miller.MILLER: What can I get you fine folks?RION: Uh, cider for me, please.SAM: And I’ll have some of that fine house ale I always get.MILLER: Coming right up.[SFX: Footsteps as Bartender walks away]SAM: This place is famous for their lavender mint ale.RION: Lavender mint… interesting… Is it any good?SAM: It’s excellent! You should try some of mine when it gets here! [thinking] Maybe I should compose a song about it… Ale… Bale… Fail… not that one… hail? Closer… [shrugs] Ah, needs work.RION: How is your song-writing going?SAM: Oh, most excellently. Now, playing those songs? Still excellently. Sometimes it can be hard to get people to listen, but I’m doing pretty alright for myself!RION: Ah, the bard’s classic struggle.SAM: At least I don’t have to fight anyone! What a sword you’ve got there!RION: I haven’t gotten in any real fights! I’m not exactly out here in search of glory.SAM: [friendly question] What are you out here for, then?RION: New experiences, mostly. People are fascinating, did you know?SAM: [laughs] As a matter of fact, I run into lots of characters at my shows.RION: Tell me all about them![SFX: Footsteps as bartender approaches]MILLER: Cider and Ale! Here you are.RION: Thanks.Bartender [to Sam]: Good luck!RION: What?SAM: [rushed] Nothing.[SFX: footsteps as bartender leaves]RION: Can I try it? [sips] Wow, this IS good!SAM: Can I try some of yours? [sips] Hmmm not as good as mine, I’d say.RION: That’s just because you don’t like apples!SAM: Alright, you’ve got a point. [SFX: takes another sip of own drink] Okay, so, at my first show - the very first one - I was playing for about a dozen people. Half of them were people my dads dragged there with them, but there were a few strangers.RION: Not too bad for a first show.SAM: Right? I was ecstatic. So I played though some songs, some good some… eh, but overall it seemed to be going well. I was watching the strangers, mostly because I knew my dads and their friends would like it and I wanted to see how everyone else was feeling. And surprisingly, one of these strangers started dancing! Just up and out of their seat and moving all about the tavern!RION: Wow! You’re quite the musician!SAM: I was feeling really good about myself until they twirled so hard they fell over a table and hit their head on the ground… Apparently they had a few too many cups of ale. I had to stop playing so they could be carried out to the healer’s house. Afterwards, the tavern refused to let me play there! I’d argue it wasn’t my fault that happened! [sigh] At least they paid me. And it was quite the boost to my reputation!RION: That’s good, at least! I can’t believe that happened on your first show!SAM: Wait until you hear about what happened at my third one! This whole fiasco is nothing in comparison! Let me set the scene… I’m up on stage, and there’s a big group of rowdy pirates in the audience. One of them has a pet monkey, as you do, and another one of them had this big jar of sweets… [fade out]Narration:
By the time Sam finishes the story of his third show, I’m convinced his shows must be the wildest things this city has ever seen. He’ll do great as a bard. He’s doing great as a bard. He might talk about it being hard to get people to his shows, but the sheer amount of rumors that must spread about him is the best marketing a musician could ask for. I’m pretty sure the man is just being humble.He asks me if I have any good stories, and I’m happy to share the tales of my latest adventures. When I get to the part with the dragon, he makes me swear that I’m not lying. I’m pleased to have outdone his pirate story. The two of us were always getting into shenanigans when we were kids, and I’m glad that neither of us have grown out of that. It makes for excellent storytime. After I finish explaining flamethrower mechanics, we order another round of drinks and get back into it.SAM: So, have you met anyone special on your travels?RION: Lots of people! Hang on, what do you mean by special?SAM: I mean, like, special special. Have you met anyone?RION: Ohhhh… uh, no. I’m not really looking though? Maybe one day I’ll find someone and settle down, but that’s a long way off.SAM: Ever gonna start a family?RION: I think one day I might adopt. What about you?SAM: I like kids, but I’m not sure the typical family life is for me.RION: What do you mean?SAM: It’s complicated. I want a relationship, but it’s never the same type of relationship others seem to want. I’m Aromantic. That, well, makes it hard.RION: How so?SAM: Everyone I’ve met who wants to settle down and have kids always wants… more than I do. A certain connection I can’t give. Even before the settling down part, just in that initial relationship part… they always decide something is missing, and it’s something I can’t ever give. Sometimes I wish I didn’t want a relationship at all.RION: I really understand that.SAM: [hopeful] You do?RION: Yeah. I’m Asexual. It’s not the same thing, obviously, but people usually want different things in a relationship than I do.SAM: [unhappy] Oh. You are?RION: [worried] Is that a problem?SAM: No… it’s just… I was gonna ask you… if- uh - I mean, you’ve always been really understanding of people, and well, I didn’t think you would find my aromanticism as big of an issue as others. And you’ve been a great friend, even from leagues away. I like you, Rion. I like you a lot.RION: [gets it] Oh...SAM: But we’re… exact opposites.RION: I mean, for being in a relationship, sure. But in a lot of other ways, we’re really similar. For one, we both seem to have similar relationship troubles.SAM: Yeah, that’s true. [perking up slightly] I have some tales of exes you would probably find amusing. [more serious] But I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s gotten into me.RION: It’s okay, you’re good. Regardless of anything, I’ve decided to explore on my own for the next while. But for what it’s worth, I do think you’re really handsome. And I’m so glad to have you as a friend.SAM: [genuine] Thanks, that means a lot. [joking] Got any more compliments for me?RION: You bet I do! You’re a really impressive musician! I think you’re going to be famous. I’m surprised you’re not already! If someone walked into this tavern and asked for your autograph, I legitimately wouldn’t be surprised.SAM: Oh wow! That’s quite the ego boost.RION: And what about my ego boost?SAM: Rion, you are truly a joy to be around. You’re one of the kindest and most understanding people I know. And the coolest - look at that sword! I can’t believe what you’ve gotten up to!RION: Okay, okay, that’s enough! Thank you. We should do this more often.SAM: Learn about each other’s sexualities and then go on a complementing spree?RION: [laughs] I meant more the second one.SAM: [light heartedly] I can’t believe I didn’t already know the first, though. Where did I go wrong?RION: We never wrote to each other about significant others! Easy to miss, I guess.SAM: It’s a good thing we had this conversation. I’m a little embarrassed about it all, still, but I’m genuinely glad you told me.RION: Nothing like some sudden radical honesty between friends.SAM: [thoughtfully] radical honesty… Oh! OH! I, uh, gotta go. Now.[SFX: Chair scrapes on ground as Sam gets up, then footsteps]RION: [worried] Is everything okay?SAM: I- just.. I’ll be back! Sorry!RION: [calling out] Sam! You forgot your Uke!RION: [muttered] Bards...[SFX: Rion plucks the strings]RION: Hmm, maybe I could be a bard.[SFX: Off key note]RION: Or maybe not…Narration:
To spare everyone in here from the ambient noise of bad ukulele playing, I get up from our table and head to the bar. The bartender seems a little stressed, but they see me and gesture to an open seat.MILLER: [don’t be suspicious, don’t be suspicious…] Soooo how’s it going?RION: It’s certainly been an interesting day, that’s for sure.MILLER: What brings you here?RION: I’m meeting up with a friend. We were neighbors growing up, but then my family moved (and then his family moved), and we hardly got to see each other. Letters just aren’t the same as a face to face conversation, so it’s been really great catching up!MILLER: That sounds nice. Where are you from?RION: I’m from Westville initially - that’s where I met Sam- but my family moved to Shadecross and has lived there for sometime now.MILLER: Hmm, I don’t think I’ve been there. It’s pretty far, right? Shadecross to Oakendale… That sure is a long way to travel.RION: Well, traveling is sort of my thing as of late.MILLER: Oh?RION: I’ve always wanted to see the world, you know? So I decided to, well, go and see it. To have a great adventure! And it has been great! I’ve loved seeing all these cool new places and meeting really great and interesting people! It’s a dream come true. I’ve found myself in all sorts of new situations that I would never have been in back home, and it’s been so exciting!MILLER: Aren’t adventures supposed to have a specific purpose? What are you doing on this quest? Just meeting strangers? [pause] I suppose that’s purpose enough… I do spend a lot of my time here meeting strangers.RION: Yep, my purpose is to have no purpose! Though I sort of find purpose as I go. I like solving problems, and helping people makes me feel good. Can’t help them all, though. Some of the first people I met said I should go fight a wizard. But that’s not happening.MILLER: Was it a specific wizard, or… just any poor chap with a wand?RION: It’s the wizard Movar, but I don’t think I can fight him. Someone else is probably going to do it anyway. Someone stronger and more powerful than me, more equipped for the task. I’m just one person with a sword. I can’t take on an army. That’s not an adventure for me! Nope. [pause] You didn’t need to hear all that. Sorry...MILLER: It’s alright… Don’t worry about it.RION: But enough about me. What is that brings you here?MILLER: Really, I just never left. Grew up in this town, started working at this place, and now I own it.RION: Is that ever boring?MILLER: Mostly, the familiarity is comforting.RION: I never considered that. For me, what’s comforting is unfamiliarity. Is that odd?MILLER: Perhaps it’s unusual.RION: [shrugs] I’ll take it. [pause] So, do you know Sam well then, since you’ve both been living here for several years?MILLER: Sam’s a regular here, so I know him fairly well. Sometimes he plays here, which always brings in a few more people. I think some of them come for more than just his music, if you know what I mean. He’s quite the charmer. Men, women, others, you name it. I’ve never seen that boy with a steady partner, though. I try to help him out, but… I’m not a match maker.RION: How do you help him out?MILLER: [awkwardly] Oh, uh… just… talking to the other patrons. . .RION: Aw, that’s nice of you.MILLER: [very awkward] Heh, well, just trying to help a friend out.RION: I’m sure he- oh! He’s back. Excuse me.MILLER: Ah, I must be going now anyway… [they slide away][SFX: Footsteps. Sam is back.]SAM: Here, drink this.RION: Hello to you, too.SAM: [rushed] Hi, hello, how’s it going? Drink this.RION: [unsure] ...okay? I’m trusting you on this.[SFX: Sip]RION: Bleaurg, that’s gross. Why did I have to do that?SAM: It’s an antidote.RION: to WHATSAM: I’m pretty sure Miller - the bartender, you met them when we ordered - slipped me some truth potion in my ale. And then you drank it too, and… well, we know where that went.RION: Oh. That makes a lot of sense, actually…SAM: Yup. [pause] Wanna help me fight Miller?RION: Woah okay now...SAM: But you’ve got that great sword!RION: I’m mad, but I’m not that mad.SAM: Fine. Wanna help me yell at them? … with your sword?? In a… threatening manner???RION: ABSOLUTELY.[SFX: Chair scraping across ground and Rion gets up, then sword drawing noise].MILLER: [distant] Hello you two! That’s quite the, uh, sword you’ve got there Rion! Wait, Sam, I can explain! I was just trying to help! Sam! Put that chair down! I know you’re just trying to scare me… [fade out][Fade in Outro]Thank you for Sidequesting with us! This episode, Cupid’s Aro, was written and produced by Tal Minear. Sam was voiced by Cass McPhee and Miller was voiced by Tara Santora. The voice of Rion was Tal Minear. A big thanks to Ilya for supporting this episode.If you’ve been enjoying the show, consider leaving us a review on your favorite podcast app, iTunes, or Podchaser. Ratings and reviews help the show grow and find new listeners. Plus, if you message me on Twitter telling me you left a review, I’ll mail you a Sidequesting sticker!

Episode 8

Narration:
There’s something magical about laying on the grass and looking up at the stars. With no moon in the sky, they’re my only source of light. The crickets are my company, and the grass is my bed. Tonight, the world is peaceful.It’s the longest night of the year, and I wanted to spend it... in the night. The days have been getting shorter and shorter, but now it’s time for them to lengthen. This time of year reminds me that things are always changing, even when they don’t seem to be. It reminds me to stop and take it all in while I can.I breathe in the crisp, cool air as I connect the dots in the stars above. They form constellation after constellation, moving slowly across the clear, calm sky.I feel so small, and I love it.[Rion takes a deep breath]SCARLET: Hi there.[SFX: Rion makes a startled noise]RION: WHAT THE- you’re- you’re glowing!SCARLET: [calm] Yes, I am.RION: [still off guard] Is that normal?SCARLET: For me, I suppose it is.RION: Okay. [deep breath] Sorry, I, uh, thought I was alone.SCARLET: Are you stargazing?RION: Yeah. [apologetic] I got a little wrapped up in it and didn’t hear you come over.SCARLET: I don’t make a lot of noise.RION: [said as they’re looking down at the ghosts feet] because… you’re floating……?SCARLET: Yes. Does that scare you?RION: You don’t seem very scary.SCARLET: Opinions do vary. I am a ghost, after all.RION: [impressed] I’ve never met a ghost. But where are my manners? Hi, I’m Orion.SCARLET: Pleased to meet your acquaintance. I am Scarlet.RION: Are you stargazing too? Nice night for it.SCARLET: It is indeed. I like to stargaze on my free nights.RION: Is that why you’re here tonight? Not that I want you to go, of course, I’d certainly enjoy some stargazing company, but-SCARLET: -but you know all ghosts have unfinished business. [pause] You are correct. I didn’t stick around just to stargaze - I’m looking for my granddaughter.RION: Do you know where she is? I’m new to this area, but I could ask around if you wanted me to.SCARLET: I located her recently, in fact. She lives in the city over that hill. But there’s a problem - this city is warded, and I cannot pass into its boundaries. So while I know where she is, I do have a request. I know we have only just met, but if you were able to bring her here so I can speak to her… [pause] I would be most grateful.RION: Of course I’ll help you, Scarlet.SCARLET: Thank you, Rion. Her name is Thea, and she is just wonderful. A really bright woman. Though, I worry she might need some convincing to follow a stranger to a field at night... I think you should know a little about me and why I’m looking for her, so you can better explain the situation to her.RION: That makes sense. I would love to hear your story.SCARLET: I told you my name was Scarlet, but for most of my life, I went by Scar. I was, well… I was a pirate. A pretty good one, if I say so myself - and I mean it in both senses of the word. I was never into the killing and maiming aspects of piracy. Rather, I was in it for the thrill of the chase. Running a ship down and looting it, now that’s what I was good at. I had a knack for knowing which ships were owned by rich merchants and how to make them a little bit poorer.RION: Wow! That’s a real talent!SCARLET: Thank you. Now, with me having been a pirate and now being a ghost, you might think I died in some glorious battle at sea, but you’d be wrong. I lived a wonderful, full life. It did involve several glorious battles at sea, but none of them lethal. I was happiest at sea, and spent most of my life there - but I did settle down with my partners for a spell, and even had a child, who I named Violet. I raised and took care of them with my partners, Cori and Gwen.RION: Would Violet be Thea’s parent then? And Cori and Gwen her other grandparents?SCARLET: Yep, you’ve got it right. I loved having a family, but a big part of me missed my ship and the sea. I was in no rush to leave, but I knew I would when my child was no longer a child. I made use of my time while they grew up. I learned the ins and outs of new trade routes, investigated corrupt kingdoms, and selected new targets. I also followed up on rumors of a mystical artifact called the Dagger of Fortune.RION: Ooooh, what does it do? I’ve never heard of this dagger.SCARLET: It brings luck to its wielder - luck in the form they desire. If they want to fight, it will help them fight. If they want to run, or hide, or even disguise themselves, it will help them do that, too. I want Thea to be safe when dark forces rise to power. While his dagger is not a guarantee of safety, it will help tremendously, and Thea will use it well.RION: That’s amazing! I can see why you wanted to find it.SCARLET: A truly extraordinary item. And when the time came to set sail, I went at it with ferocity. This was the period when my infamy truly grew. Several rulers were, well, quite mad at me to say the least. They had ships out looking specifically for me and my crew.RION: Very impressive. Did these ships cause you any problems?SCARLET: They certainly made things more challenging, usually when I was docked at a port. I managed to visit Violet a few times, one of them being the birth of my granddaughter. But in general, it was difficult to visit my family. The hired mercenaries had an easier time tracking me down on land, and I didn’t want to lead them to the people Ic ared for most. It was a simple thing for me and my crew to run from them, but it would have been much harder for the Gwen and Cori to uproot themselves from the family home.RION: That does sound difficult.SCARLET: As time went on, I grew older and older. This wasn’t a sad thing for me, simply a fact of the passage of time. I had lived a full, wonderful life. I knew my Violet and their daughter Thea would be just fine. But I wanted to complete a few more things before I went onto the next plane. One of the last things I wanted to do was to find The Dagger of Fortune.RION: [excited] Did you succeed?SCARLET: You bet I did. I got it and I hid it somewhere even harder to find. [pause] Though I didn’t finish everything in time. For one, I never told my family about the dagger. Only I knew of its whereabouts, and I didn’t want that secret to die with me. However, I was so determined to finish what I started that death couldn’t stop me.RION: Is this when you became a ghost?SCARLET: Yes. I even led my crew as a ghost captain for a little bit. Oh, the rumors that spread about me then. It was the stuff of proper legends… But now, my only loose end to tie up is to visit Thea. It took me longer than I wanted to to track her down, but I’m so close. I need to tell her about the dagger.RION: We’ll make this last thing happen. I’ll find Thea and bring her here tonight, and you’ll be able to tell her everything.Narration:
I leave Scarlet in the field and walk to the city. It’s not far, but I keep a brisk pace so that we don’t have to worry about the sunrise. Scar won’t be able to talk to Thea during the day, and even though she is one patient ghost, I don’t want to make her wait for tomorrow. But it’s the perfect night to do this - we have more time than we would any other night. I’m confident I’ll be able to make this meeting happen.It’s rotten luck that Thea ended up in this town. Few cities have wards in general, let alone those that keep out ghosts. That’s probably because it’s uncommon for ghosts to manifest, but in fairness, it’s not uncommon for ghosts that do manifest to be… well… unpleasant. Sometimes, they’re downright malevolent. Or so I hear. I’m starting to rethink all the rumours I’ve heard about them. Scarlet is a very nice ghost.Once I’m in the city, I ask around for Thea. There’s only a few people out and about, but she seems to be well known here. The first person I ask points me in the right direction, and it takes almost no time at all for me to find myself on her doorstep. A woman holding a young toddler answers the door when I knock. This must be Thea. She looks a lot like her grandmother. The toddler in her arms watches me with interest, but Thea just looks confused. That’s fair. I am knocking on her door at midnight. This is a pretty confusing situation, after all.THEA: Can I help you?RION: Hi. You’re Thea, I take it?THEA: [wary] Yes...RION: I have a message for you from your grandmother Scarlet. Well, more than a message, actually. She sent me to come find you.THEA: Wh- what? I don’t understand how that could be possible.RION: She’s a ghost.THEA: A ghost? What do you mean?RION: It’s difficult to explain, and kind of a long story, so bear with me here. I was in the fields outside the city-THEA: [interrupting] How about you come inside? It’ll be warmer for both of us.RION: That would be nice, thank you.Narration:We sit by the fireplace and I explain the situation to her. Apparently Thea has had people come talk to her about Scarlet before, though usually not in the middle of the night. Some of them have tried to convince her to join or captain their ship, while others have tried to attempt some poorly-concocted revenge. It’s not common knowledge that Thea is Scarlet’s granddaughter, but a number of people have figured it out - some with good intentions, some with bad ones.I notice Thea really starts listening when I bring up Gwen and Cori. The people who track her down have never looked past Scarlet’s descendants. They don’t care about her partners, or the part of her life that took place on land. Thea has never had anyone mention the names of her other grandparents. This is enough to convince her to come with me.THEA: You don’t seem like the type to try anything, but just in case - [Serious Voice] you should know I learned a thing or two from Scarlet... and you’ll regret crossing me.RION: I wouldn’t dream of it.THEA: Good. [no more Serious Voice] Now that that’s out of the way, I hope you don’t mind if I bring my son along? [To kid] Come on, Tobin. I want you to meet Grandma.Narration:
The three of us head to the field. Thea seems a little nervous. It’s been a long time since she’s talked to Scarlet. Tobin, however, is excited to be out this late. His head whips around as he takes in the late night sights, and soon he starts asking questions about bats and other animals that come out at night. Thea and I take turns answering his questions.When we get to the field, I stop at the entrance and tell Thea where to go. She heads over, as fast as she can while carrying a toddler. I want to give the three of them some privacy. This feels like a family thing, and I don't want to intrude. I also don’t want to accidentally overhear the location of this buried treasure. Hmm, is it actually buried? I don’t think Scarlet specified. She’s a pirate, so probably? Maybe that’s something else I should rethink. I ought to meet some more pirates. They sound like a fun bunch of folks.As I’m mulling over future plans and adventures, Thea turns and gestures for me to come over.SCARLET: Thank you for bringing my family to me.RION: Of course.THEA: We’ve decided that I’m going to travel with Scarlet to collect the dagger. Tobin is coming, of course, can’t leave that little squirt behind.RION: I’m sure he’ll enjoy it.SCARLET: One last journey! I can’t wait to spend time with my great grandson! Show him the sights! Teach him the ways of the sea! We’re going to have so much fun!THEA: What, you’re not going to teach me the ways of the sea?SCARLET: You already know them, my dear. Unless you’ve forgotten the years of sailing practice I gave you when you were younger?THEA: I would never. But you’d better show me how the cannons work this time!SCARLET: [soft laugh] Alright. Should I instruct Tobin as well?THEA: Grandmother!SCARLET: I’m only joking. I promise to not arm the three year old.THEA: [laughing in spite of herself] I should hope!RION: You mean to say that I shouldn’t teach Tobin sword fighting when we’re done here?THEA: Rion! Don’t give Scarlet any ideas.SCARLET: Don’t worry, no sharp weapons until he’s five, at least.THEA: Gods give me strength.Narration:Thea and Scarlet work out further details of their trip while I entertain Tobin, who’s tiring himself out chasing bats across the field. So much for a peaceful night of stargazing. But I can’t complain, this was way more interesting. I can watch the stars any clear night, but how often do I get the chance to meet a ghost? A pirate ghost?? I’ll take an interesting night over a peaceful one any day. Or, any night, I guess.This was certainly not a peaceful night for Thea. I hope her voyage is a success. With Scarlet leading the way, I bet it will be. Plus, Thea seems like she can handle herself and her son. I’m sure they’ll do great. Maybe this excitable toddler will grow up to be a fearsome marauder. I’d like to see that. No sharp weapons for this one, though. Not yet, anyway.Credits:Thank you for Sidequesting with us. This episode, Ghost Story, was written and produced by Tal Minear. The voice of Scarlet was Ace Corsaira, and Thea was voiced by Amani. The voice of Rion was Tal Minear. A big thanks to Ilya for supporting this episode.If you’re enjoying the show, consider following us on social media. We’re @sidequestingpod on Twitter, @sidequesting on Instagram, and can also be found at sidequestingpod.tumblr.com. There’s also merch available on TeePublic.com, under the username sidequesting.

Episode 9

[SFX: Intro music]Narration:
This thing I’m about to try… it’s a big thing. I’m not sure I’ll actually be able to help this town, but I’m here to give it a go anyway. Rumors have been spreading far and wide about the fearsome creatures that show up at night and stalk the town. The people that live here are terrified. They’ve been terrified for months.There’s talk of these monsters hurting the townsfolk they encounter, but none of it comes first -or even second- hand. But nonetheless, a strict curfew from sunset to sunrise has been implemented to prevent any injuries. These beasts show up almost every night - but never on any sort of schedule, never with any sort of sense. By the morning, they disappear, along with any sign they were ever there. It took the town weeks to believe the first people who saw them, but everyone became a witness sooner or later.So that’s what I have. A terrified town, and creatures who disappear without a trace. I’m not sure if I’m here to solve a mystery or start fighting monsters. Am I going to be attacked? Will I even see anything? The townsfolk are no help, either. I can’t get a straight answer from any of them about what’s happening.With permission from the town guards to ignore the curfew, I’ve picked a bench outside to sit and watch and wait. A few people seemed genuinely worried for my safety, so I have my sword with me in the hopes that anyone peaking at me through their blinds will feel a little bit better. This is the quietest and emptiest I think I’ve ever seen a town. Everyone is inside, with doors locked and windows shut. The sun set only a few minutes ago, but there are no stragglers.Wait - I’ve got to revise that statement. There is one straggler. Someone is tiptoeing around, ducking from shrubs to carts, crouching behind fences, and looking around for what I can only assume is monsters or the town guard. They’re supposed to be indoors. I watch them until they notice me.ELI: You’re not supposed to be here.RION: I could say the same to you. But technically I’m allowed to be here - hence the lack of sneaking around. What are you up to?ELI: I’m trying to get to the bottom of whatever happens here at night - because nobody else in this town is doing that. They’re all too busy cowering in fear and praying to the gods that things go back to normal. Hell, even the guards that patrol at night will hide if they see something. But they’ll chase ME down no problem. They’re useless AND get in my way.RION: I’m out here trying to figure this thing out too. I’ve got permission to break curfew, and I bet I can sweet talk the guards into leaving you alone. Do you want some help tonight?ELI: That’d be great, I’m sick of doing this on my own. I’m Eli, by the way.RION: I’m Rion. Have you learned anything about the creatures? I haven’t been able to find out anything concrete from the townsfolk.ELI: Yeah, they don’t know much besides the rumors. I’ve been trying to see where these things go when they disappear. And I still don’t quite know, but I’ve seen them head towards the old wizard’s school before.RION: Old wizard’s school? That can’t be a coincidence. This whole thing smacks of magic.ELI: Right? That’s exactly what I was thinking-RION: [interrupts suddenly and seriously] Get behind me. Now.[SFX: sword drawn, a creature growls]RION: [to the creature approaching, as they point their sword at it] I don’t want to hurt you, but I need you to stop coming at me. Stop, stop! Don’t make me do this! [SFX: swings sword] Argh! [pause] Where- where did it go?ELI: It just… faded. As soon as you touched it with your sword it disappeared. I- I think it was an illusion?RION: What? But it looked so real. And sounded very real, too.ELI: [to self] It makes so much sense! Of course, that’s why they disappear without leaving any tracks. That’s why they’re so hard to find! How did I never consider this before?RION: But why did it vanish when I attacked it? Wait, why hasn’t anyone tried to attack any of the monsters?ELI: They tried to shoot at them from the rooftops but all their arrows missed… Of course they did. I bet the arrows went right through the creatures. But why did your sword make this one disappear…? Does your sword dispel illusions?RION: Honestly, I have no idea what this sword does.ELI: Well, I suspect we’ll be able to find out before this night’s over. Shall we go to the wizard’s school? I think it’s less abandoned than I previously thought.RION: Let’s go.Narration:
Eli leads the way towards the not-so-abandoned wizard college. They explain the history of the place as we head there. A few decades ago, there was a wealthy benefactor living in the town who decided to sponsor a school. He built it, but assumed the town would pay for its upkeep.Unfortunately, he didn’t actually ask the town if they wanted a wizard school. He just kind of… built it on his land and then gifted it to the town in his will. They never hired teachers or sought out students, and it’s just sat there all this time.We arrive at a sprawling, run-down building and walk through the open wrought-iron gates. I don’t see any lights on inside, but there’s only a few windows. Someone could be inside running some intricate spells and we wouldn’t be the wiser.Eli taps me on the shoulder and points to the left. There is a large ogre-like creature walking in a courtyard area. Just as I notice it, it sees us. Eli and I take that as a cue to run. Neither of us are entirely willing put our illusion theory to the test just yet. When the price of failure means being a meal for an ogre, better experimental conditions are required.I’m really hoping that the front doors are unlocked so we don’t have to run around looking for back doors. And it is! Thank the gods. As we hurry through the threshold, the creature vanishes. At the same time, torches along the walls of the entryway light up.ELI: I don’t think we’re alone here.RION: I agree. And I’d guess that with these torches, whoever else is here knows we are too. [pause] At least we can see?ELI: Sure… Well, should we go left, right, or up the stairs?RION: I vote stairs. Nice and central.ELI: Stairs it is.Narration:
We walk carefully up the stairs. For a place that looks to be slowly crumbling from the outside, the inside is in pretty decent shape. These stairs don’t even creak. They narrow from big grand-staircase type stairs to normal, less-grand staircase size and keep going, around and around in a tight spiral. I didn’t see a tower from the outside, but it feels like we’re going up one. Eli and I pause as we pass the fourth landing, slightly out of breath.ELI: Something’s off. This staircase should not be going this high.RION: Looks like this wizard school is up to… some wizard tricks. Here, I’ll grab this torch and let’s go up one more flight?[SFX: Staircase footsteps as Rion and Eli go up another flight]ELI: Annnnd the torch on that wall is missing. This is definitely a loop. [pause] Hmmm… I have an idea.RION: Up again?ELI: Mhm.Narration:
I hold the torch and watch Eli run their hand along the wall as they slowly go up the stairs. Halfway up, their hand goes through the wall. The wall remains in place, and there’s not a hole in it or anything, but their hand goes… into it. They pull their hand back, and it’s unharmed. The wall looks the same as before. Is it an illusion? Of course it’s an illusion.I stick my arm into the wall, up to my shoulder. I don’t feel anything. It’s as if the wall isn’t even there. With a shrug, I walk through it and find a hallway on the other side. Not one to wait, Eli follows right behind me. The wall looks just like a normal wall from this side, too. I stretch my leg out, and my foot goes through it. Looks like we still have a way out if we need it. That’s good.We walk down the hallway. I’m starting to wonder if one of the floorboards might be an illusion. Would the people here be that mean? I’d like to not find out by falling through some invisible part of the floor… As if the building is reading my mind, Eli and I stop right in front of a large pit. Looking down, it appears to be filled with spikes at the bottom.ELI: So, this probably isn’t real, right?RION: Given everything we’ve seen so far, I think it’s fake. [pause] Should I try to jump over it? I bet I could jump over it.ELI: Let me check something first. [SFX: They pull out their knife and toss it. It clatters across the wooden floor and doesn’t fall into a pit.] Yep, go ahead.RION: Here we go! [SFX: running and jump] MADE IT!ELI: Okay, my turn! [SFX: running and a jump, again] YES!RION: Woah, you got even further than me! Nice jump. [small laugh] I guess it wouldn’t have mattered if the spike pit was real.ELI: [loudly, as if announcing to invisible wizards spectating] Hear that wizards? Invest in a real spike pit next time! [laugh] So Rion, should we start trying doors? Now that there are actually doors to try?RION: They could be fake doors! [SFX: door handle turning, then door opens] Okay, this one is real at least.[SFX: Footsteps going inside the room]ELI: [sarcastic] Ah yes. Lots to be found here.RION: An empty room in an abandoned wizard school… that’s the first thing in this place that makes any sense.ELI: We should check if it’s actually empty.RION: I hope I don’t hit my shin on an invisible table or something...[SFX: Footsteps around the room]RION: I haven’t run into anything yet. You?ELI: Nothing.RION: Guess that’s it then. [slowly, as if they can’t believe their eyes] Wait, where did the door go?ELI: Are you kidding me? Ugh, I kind of hate this place.Narration:
We search the room again, this time for a way out. I bump my hip on something round and invisible. A doorknob? A doorknob! It opens to the same hallway we were just in, with all of the same doors along it - doors that I am now very suspicious of.Eli shares my distrust of rooms, so we decide to walk down the hallway and see where it leads. The farther down we go, the dimmer it gets. Up ahead, there doesn’t seem to be any torches on the wall, so I grab the last one we pass and carry it along.It’s odd, though. Despite the light I’m holding, the hallway is gradually getting more and more dim. Soon, we’re enveloped in total darkness - but I can hear the torch still burning.[SFX: fade in torch burning]ELI: This is… [searching for an adequate word] unusual.RION: Yep. Can you stay on my left side so I don’t light you on fire with this torch? [pause] This is kind of ridiculous.ELI: This whole building is ridiculous! I’m just gonna… walk forward, I guess? And hope I don’t trip?RION: Seems like our only option. Yell if you run into something?ELI: Oh, you’ll hear me yell.Narration:
The hallway seems to go on forever. Nothing blocks our path, but it only takes a few minutes for me to start hoping that something will. It’s not that I want to run headfirst into a wall I can’t see coming - it’s that I want this hallway of darkness to end, ideally without causing any bruises. And suddenly, end it does. We walk out of darkness and into a well lit library.[SFX: footsteps into the library;RION: Hello?SAGE: [big booming voice] WHO ARE YOU AND WHY HAVE YOU COME HERE?RION: Who are you and why have you come here?SAGE: What- uh- THAT IS NO MATTER TO YOU.ELI: I’d argue differently but whatever. I live in this town, and I’m looking for whoever is summoning or creating the monsters currently terrifying this town.RION: I don’t live in this town but I’m here for the same reason. We’re pretty sure they’re illusions, and we’ve traced them here - to a building full of other illusions. We’re not trying to fight you or anything, we just want you to stop so the town can, well, stop being so scared.SAGE: [no longer big booming voice, but still loud and echoey] Wait, what? Illusions of monsters? In the town?ELI: Yeah. Most nights, these creatures show up. Monsters or animals or something in between... Sometimes they chase people, sometimes they just look around and growl… they don’t seem to be corporeal but people are too scared to get close. Is that you?SAGE: Promise you won’t hurt me?RION: Promise.[SFX: footsteps as Sage steps into view]SAGE: [normal voice] So… it’s maybe me?RION: You’re not sure?SAGE: Yeaaahhh. I’ve been practicing illusions, but here in the library, or sometimes the rest of the school, not in the town. I’ve been working on semi-autonomous illusions, ones that move and react to their surroundings without direct control. What you’re talking about… the, um, chasing and the growling at people… it sounds like me, but I haven’t been able to get those to work, honest. It’s what I was practicing tonight. Well, except for the illusions you ran into inside this building, those were me. I made them when you tripped the entrance alarm? Sorry about that, I thought you were coming to yell at me for trespassing or something, but all those were pretty standard.ELI: Was one of the illusions you were trying to make a big ogre? Or a large cat?SAGE: Oh... Uh-oh. UH-OH! How would they form so far away? Is that possible? Clearly it’s possible, Sage. Clearly. The question is how is it possible? Why didn’t I notice? I should’ve noticed! How was I so oblivious? Now that’s a question, come on Sage...ELI: [overlapping] I’ll take that a yes, then.RION: Sage - it’s alright. You didn’t know it was happening, and now you do, and we can fix it. It’ll be okay.SAGE: I’ve been scaring an entire town for months and I haven’t realized it! How do you fix that?ELI: I’m sure the simple act of not creating monster illusions will help the situation tremendously.SAGE: But that doesn't change what’s been going on this whole time, and the fact that it’s all my fault. They’ll run me out of town! And I’ll deserve it, too.RION: I have a question, Sage. If you were practicing creating illusions of big monsters and things, is that because you can already do small illusions? Small autonomous ones, I mean?SAGE: Yeah, I’ve got those down. Here’s, um… a cat.[SFX: Cat meows]ELI: It’s so cute! Ooooh look, it’s following me around!RION: With a different application of your talents, I think you could get the town on your side in no timeSAGE: What do you mean?RION: This is really impressive. And it would entertain the little kids so much.ELI: It’s also stunning magic. I don’t think they’ll run you out of town, I think they’ll try to bribe you into staying. If you can scare an entire town like this accidentally, think of what you could do on purpose.SAGE: Really? I mean it’s not perfect or anything, but-ELI: [interrupts Sage’s rambling] Really. I can even help you smooth things over with the town. I have a lot of experience in getting those people off my back. You’ll be alright, trust me.SAGE: Okay. Thanks.RION: You’re in good hands. Eli knows what they’re doing. Though - could you show us the way out? Not gonna lie, I’m a little scared of getting stuck in a trick staircase step or something.SAGE: [chuckles] Sure thing.RION: Wait... you’re not going to tell me not to worry because there’s no trick steps?SAGE: Do you want me to lie?RION: There are trick steps? Are there other traps, too? Like false floorboards? Why aren’t you answering? Are you telling me we just got really lucky on our way up here? Sage? Sage! I need to know. Why are you smiling? [this dialogue fade out][SFX: Outro Music]Thank you for Sidequesting with us. This episode, You Didn’t See Anything, was written and produced by Tal Minear. The voice of Eli was Cole Burkhardt, and The Wizard Sage was voiced by Mads Upton. The voice of Rion was Tal Minear. A big thanks to Ilya for supporting this episode.If you’ve been enjoying the show, do me a favor and tell a friend about it! Word of Mouth is incredibly helpful for getting this podcast to new ears, and I can only yell about my own show so much… thanks.

Episode 10

[SFX: Intro Music]Narration:This might be the farthest from home I’ve ever been. I’ve lived in a city of mostly humans surrounded by more cities of mostly humans - but today I’m traveling past a land of the fae. The fae folk tend to live in forests rather than in towns. Some groups welcome visitors, but others despise them. It’s important to check if you should avoid the forest or if you’re good to walk in.For this particular area, you’re good to pass though it as long as you stay on the path. It would be extremely rude to wander off the trail - like if someone back home wandered off the sidewalk and into someone’s house.People spread a lot of rumors about the fae trying to trick people into trespassing. I have a theory that people make stories like that up as excuses for going where they shouldn’t. I spent most of my day today walking on the path, and I didn’t see anyone trying to tempt me off of it.In fact, what tempts me off the path happens after I’ve left the forest. I see a large group setting up camp on a flat patch of ground nearby. I’d guess they recently traveled through the forest as well. It would be nice to have some company tonight, so I wander over to say hello. Everyone seems engrossed in some task or another, and nobody seems to notice me, save one.AVERY: Hello fine traveler! Will you help us?RION: What do you need help with?AVERY: Will you help us?RION: What? Can you explain a little?AVERY: Will you help us?RION: Sure, yeah, I’ll help you. Can you tell me-AVERY: Thank you kind stranger! We have disputes to solve and decisions to make before we can continue on our journey. Please, go talk to Liam, who needs help preparing for nightfall.RION: ...okay? Do you know where Liam is?AVERY: Please, go talk to Liam, who needs help preparing for nightfall.RION: I’ll take that as a no.Narration:
Something is wrong here. Something is very wrong here. I walk around looking for Liam, even going up to people to ask them, but they all ignore me, too invested in their tasks. Their eyes seem a little glazed over, and their motions are repetitive. I see someone sitting on the ground, holding a match and looking very confusedly at an unlit torch, an empty lantern, and a pile of wood. That must be Liam, getting ready to light the camp before the sun sets.RION: Hey there… Liam?LIAM: Tell me - what do I light first? The torch, the lantern, or the campfire? I only have one match.RION: You can light any one of them from the other, you know.LIAM: What do I light first? The torch, the lantern, or the campfire? I only have one match!RION: What do you need the light for? Are you planning on doing some cooking, or do you just want more light for when the sun goes down?LIAM: What do I light first? The torch, the lantern, or the campfire? I only have one match!RION: I don’t know what to tell you. Why do you need me to decide?LIAM: What do I light first? The torch? The lantern? Or the campfire? I only have one match!RION: Okay, how about for a start you light the match?LIAM: The match! Yes indeed! Thank you! Then I will light… the torch!RION: [very confused still] Glad I could help… This doesn’t make any sense.[SFX: footsteps in grass as someone approaches]FINLEY: If it takes an hour and a half-RION: [interrupting] Woah, where’d you come from?FINLEY: [continuing without pause] -for two torches to burn down, how long will it take for five torches to burn down?RION: What? Why?FINLEY: If it takes an hour and a half for two torches to burn down... how long will it take for five torches to burn down?RION: Oaky, ummm… [thinking] oh, an hour and a half! Is that what you needed?FINLEY: Thank you for your assistance! But can you help Aly with her question too?RION: Sure thing, I guess. [muttered] What have I gotten myself into?[SFX: Footsteps]RION: Are you Aly?ALY: Help me find the answer to this poem! It goes like this: When I’m first said, I’m quite mysterious, But when I’m explained, I’m nothing serious. What am I?RION: That’s a riddle, not a poem.ALY: A riddle! That’s exactly it!RION: Oh yeah, that was definitely my answer!ALY: You are most clever, adventurer. I’m so glad Finley sent you to me. Perhaps you can also help Helyn decide the winner of the race?RION: A race? Alright, sounds interesting… but not terribly relevant to setting up camp...[SFX: Footsteps as Rion walks over to Helyn]HELYN: Who won the footrace? Can you help me find out? Flynn finished before Luna, but after Saffron. Kay finished before Gilroy, but behind Luna. What’s the order? Who won?RION: A footrace? What? When did this happen? Why is this important? Don’t answer that. I’ll help you. Flynn before Luna... Kay before Gilroy… hmm, can you give me that again?HELYN: Who won the footrace? Can you help me find out? Flynn finished before Luna, but after Saffron. Kay finished before Gilroy, but behind Luna. What’s the order? Who won?RION: Okay, I got this. Flynn before Luna. Flynn-Luna. Flynn after Saffron. Saffron-Flynn-Luna. Kay before Gilroy, but behind Luna. So still Saffron-Flynn-Luna, but then Kay-Gilroy. Saffron-Flynn-Luna-Kay-GilroyHELYN: Well done, traveler. Next, Amanda needs help running an errand. Will you help her?RION: So this is a bunch of riddles, then? Let me try one! Uhhhhhhh what I have got in my pockets?HELYN: Amanda needs help running an errand. Will you help her?RION: Okay, it wasn’t really a riddle, I’ll give you that one. Criticism noted. [short sigh] I’ll go find this Amanda person.Narration:
Even after I leave I notice that these people are still doing the same repetitive motions. Liam is still trying to light the one torch. Finley alternates between watching them and pacing in a circle. It looks like Aly is still pondering her poem, while Helyn is watching me search for Amanda. She seems very invested in this errand. As I look for Amanda, a person runs up to me.SIF: [approaches Rion on their way to find Amanda] I need to know - what is at the end of everything?RION: Excuse me?SIF: I need to know - what is at the end of everything?RION: What is at the end of everything??? [big sigh] I wish you would tell me why this is so important for you to know.SIF: I need. To know. What is at the end of everything?RION: [to self] The void? I don’t know. Okay Rion, think. This is just another riddle. End of everything… What is everything? A concept? Sure. A place? Not really. A person? Probably not. A word? Everything is a word. Everything… is a word! Would that make the end of everything… the letter G?SIF: Yes! That’s it![SFX: Footsteps]RION: ...annnnd she’s gone. Wonder if that’s Amanda over there.[SFX: rushed footsteps]RION: Are you Amanda? Do you need help with an errand?AMANDA: Please give this bread to Jon’s father’s only sister’s sole brother in law!RION: Uhhhhhhhh who?AMANDA: Give this bread to Jon’s father’s only sister’s sole brother in law.RION: Jon’s father’s only sister’s sole brother in law. Oh-kay. Jon’s father’s sister… so Jon’s aunt… only sister, so only aunt… Brother in law of the aunt would be… if it was the only brother in law... the husband of Jon’s father… so Jon’s father. His other one, that is. Of course. That was unnecessarily complicated.AMANDA: Give this bread to Jon’s father’s only sister’s sole brother in law.RION: You could have just said HIS DAD. Would’ve been much easier.AMANDA: Give this bread to Jon’s father’s only sister’s sole brother in law.RION: Yes! [dramatic] I will give this bag of fine bread to Jon’s most esteemed second father!AMANDA: Thank you! Evan will be most grateful![SFX: Footsteps as Rion walks to Evan]RION: Are you Jon’s dad, Evan? I was told to give this to you.EVAN: Most wonderful! I also have a task for you. Would you be so kind as to assist me?RION: What, no bread for me?EVAN: I also have a task for you. Would you be so kind as to assist me?RION: Yes, I will assist you.EVAN: Can you determine who is missing this lyre and return it to them? Erin and Cole over there know more about it.RION: Will do. [to self] Finally, actual directions to somebody.[SFX: footsteps]RION: Do you know who’s missing this lyre?COLE: Oh yes, it must be Grace and her friends.ERIN: The four of them are taking music lessons together.COLE: Tess is either 16 or 18, I can’t remember.RION: Why is her age important?ERIN: [ignoring Rion] The four kids are between the ages 16 and 19… I remember that the 17 year old is learning to play the ukulele.COLE: It’s not Grace, then, she’s learning the flute.RION: These are vastly different instruments!ERIN: [still ignoring Rion] Who’s learning the Xylophone?RION: [exasperated] Xylophone???COLE: Val’s younger sister. She’s two years younger than Val, I think.ERIN: Yes, that’s right.RION: So.. who’s learning the lyre? [pause] Who does this lyre belong to? Why do you care about their ages so much? [pause] Can you actually help me find out who’s missing this lyre?COLE: Oh yes, it must be Grace and her friends.ERIN: The four of them are taking music lessons together.COLE: Tess is either 16 or 18, I can’t remember.ERIN: The four kids are between the ages 16 and 19… I remember that the 17 year old is learning...[SFX: footsteps as Rion walks away, conversation fades out]RION: Gods give me strength. Okay, so what do I know? There’s four kids. Grace, Val, Tess, and... Val’s sister. This belongs to one of them. Not Grace , because she’s learning the flute. And not Val’s sister, because she’s learning the Xylophone of all things. So Val or Tess. 50/50 chance, not bad. Hang on, who is Val’s sister, though? Oh, it could be Tess. Dang it. Again from the top.RION: So there’s four kids, Grace, Val, Tess, and someone else if Tess is indeed Val’s sister. Let’s assume she is for now. But if it is someone else, they didn’t give me their name… so this lyre probably isn’t theirs because I can’t return it if it is. So in this scenario, it’s not the unnamed kid’s, and it isn’t Tess’s because she’s Val’s sister and plays the Xylophone, and it still isn’t Grace’s because she’s on the flute. So it’s Val! Haha, I figured that out without any of the age nonsense. Take that! Now to find Val… Hmm, there’s a group of girls standing together over there. Maybe that’s the four of them.[SFX: footsteps]RION: Are any of you Val?VAL: Greetings traveler! Is that my lyre you have?RION: Yep, here you go.Val: Thank you for returning my instrument! You have done well! The last of us who needs your assistance is the leader of our caravan, Lysander.RION: Do you know where he is?VAL: The last of us who needs your assistance is the leader of our caravan, Lysander.RION: I don’t even know why I tried.[SFX: Footsteps]LYSANDER: You there! Face me in a duel!RION: Oh COME ON! You’ve got to be kidding me.LYSANDER: You there! Face me in a duel!RION: What’s the clever solution here supposed to be? This isn’t a puzzle! There is NOTHING to solve.LYSANDER: Coward! Come here and fight!RION: Oh, multiple responses? Aren’t we fancy.LYSANDER: Coward! Come here and fight!Narration:
He paces back and forth with confidence, demonstrating various flourishes with his sword. He’s acting brave, but his eyes are wide with fear. He’s stuck like the others, but he has way more to lose than them. I still can’t figure out what sort of puzzle this is. Everything else was word games. But I think I have to fight him. If it’s the only way to stop all of… this… I’ll do it.[SFX: Rion takes a few steps forward and draws their sword]LYSANDER: Excellent! You will make a fine opponent! Let the duel begin![SFX: RAD BACKGROUND MUSIC! Also the noise of two swords binding, then winding.]LYSANDER: Is that all you’ve got?RION: [distressed] I don’t want to hurt you!LYSANDER: Is that all you’ve got?[SFX: More winding, then a sword falling to the ground]Narration:
Finally, I twist and his sword falls to the ground. I look up at him to see what he does. Is he going to try to grab it? Run away? Pull a hidden dagger out and fight with that? But he slumps to the ground and takes a deep breath.[SFX: Rad background music fades out]LYSANDER: Oh, gods. Thank you. Thank you.RION: Do you know what was going on? What- what caused this?LYSANDER: I caused this. It’s all my fault. We were traveling through fae land. I knew we should stay on the path, but we were weary and exhausted. I made the decision to take a short cut. Despite the warnings I’d been given… I led us off the allowed path. Nobody stopped us, and when we arrived here and set up camp, I thought we were in the clear. Obviously, I was wrong. We’ve been setting up camp and tearing it down every day for a week.RION: Wow, that’s… that’s really something.LYSANDER: I owe you so much - we owe you so much. I need to go make sure everyone is alright, but please don’t leave just yet.RION: Okay, I’ll stay nearby.[SFX: footsteps as Lysander leaves]CLOVER: So, you solved it.RION: What? [remembers what “it” is] Oh. I guess??CLOVER: Several people tried and failed to do what you did. Each of them got stuck at various points or another, and gave in to their frustration.RION: [suspicious] How do you know that?CLOVER: Oh, well, I might have been the one who got them stuck...RION: [wary] You’re not gonna do anything to me, are you?CLOVER: Certainly not. These travelers trespassed on my land, but you did no such thing. In fact, you took the time to solve my numerous puzzles without knowing why it was being asked of you. You had nothing to gain, but you still stayed to help these strangers, solving preposterous riddle after preposterous riddle. I hope they’ve learned a thing or two about kindness from you.RION: But the last one - with Lysander - wasn’t a riddle. Why did I have to duel him?CLOVER: He made the decision to lead the group off the path. The others needed a lesson about blindly following directions. Lysander needed… let’s just say, he needed a stronger lesson.RION: Ah. I see.CLOVER: The Fae are not to be trifled with. You know this. [softens] I would not have permitted Lysander to die, but I am impressed how you went out of your way to disarm him without injury. You’re truly someone special, Orion. You’re welcome in the land of the Fae should you ever desire to visit.RION: Oh, thank you.CLOVER: If anyone questions you, tell them Clover says you’re a Friend of the Fae. They’ll know what it means.RION: I don’t know what to say.CLOVER: Then don’t say anything.RION: Oh.. kay…CLOVER: [chuckles] See you around, Orion.Narration:
Clover leaves as quietly as she came, without anyone else noticing her. That’s probably for the best… I don’t want any more fights happening today. Or tonight. The sun is starting to set, and I see Helyn helping Finley hang lanterns around the camp. They nearly walk into Val, who is stubbornly moving her tent across the grass. She must be determined to sleep somewhere else. After a week of repeating the same motions, I’d suspect all the travelers are doing something different.Lysander leads me around, giving me a proper introduction to everyone. I receive lots of thanks and even a little money. We end the night sharing food and stories around the campfire. It took a little longer than expected, but I finally get to have company (and real conversations).As the fire burns on, I wonder what else I’ll come across in the next few months. If anything, I bet it’ll be exciting, and I can’t wait to find out.[SFX: Outro Music]

Credits:
Thank you for Sideqesting with us! This episode, NPC, was written and produced by Tal Minear. It’s also the season one finale! If you think you heard a familiar voice in this episode, you probably did!Avery was voiced by Chad Ellis, creator of Station Blue, a stunning Antarctic isolation horror podcast.Liam was voiced by DeeJay Sylvis, creator of Moonbase Theta, Out, a beautiful sci-fi show full of feelings, relationships, and also tardigrades.Finley was voiced by Lisette Alvarez, creator of Kalila Stormfire’s Economical Magik Services, a spectacular urban fantasy show.Aly was voiced by Hannah Wright, creator of Inn Between, an adorable fantasy-adventure podcast set between adventures.Helyn was voiced by Nerys Howell, creator of Seren, an excellent sci-fi podcast about a journey across the stars.Sif was voiced by Karin Heimdahl, creator of Y2K, a great show about love, identity, and long-distance friendship.Amanda was voiced by Leslie Gideon, creator of the The Path Down, an upcoming audio drama about grief, superpowers, and good intentions.Evan was voiced by Davis Walden, creator of The Viridian Wild, a fascinating fantasy nature podcast about a Mythozoologist studying magical creatures.Cole was voiced by Evan Tess Murray, one of the creators of This Planet Needs a Name, a beautiful sci-fi audio drama suitable for our times.Erin was voiced by Claudia Elvidge, creator of The Beacon, an amazing fantasy show about magic powers, giant monsters, and the importance of making friends.Val was voiced by Therin Stapp, one of the creators of Interference, a lovely queer audio drama about space-crossed lovers from different dimensions.Clover was voiced by Hazel Stapp, the other creator of Interference. She also DMs Legends of Chel, an actual play podcast set in the same universe as Interference.Lysander was voiced by A. R. Olivieri, creator of MAGIC KING DOM, L I M B O, GREAT & TERRIBLE, THE EASIEST OF ALL THE HARD THINGS, and several more immersive works of audio microfiction.And as always, the voice of Rion was Tal Minear, creator of Sidequesting.

Episode 11

Cassandra: [voice over] Dear Orion. I hope this letter finds you well. I have heard word that you are in my fair city, and I ask you for aid, as I know you are a traveler who has helped many before. My castle is being besieged by a band of thieves looking to steal from the town coffers. I know not when they will strike again, and as my men have only barely stopped them before, I fear they will succeed on their next attempt. A person of your talents would be most useful to protecting my keep, and you will be rewarded most handsomely. Show this letter at the front gate of the castle and you will be escorted to me. I will explain the details in person. I do not want to say more in case this letter is stolen by those who wish to do me harm. I look forward to your response. Sincerely, Lord Cassandra.Astrid: [voice over] Rion - my apologies for dropping this letter in your pocket instead of speaking face to face, but I didn’t want to be seen by the guards. They do not work for the good of the town - they enable a corrupt ruler to take advantage of her people, who she sees and sources of coin and not as individuals. I ask for your help in righting the wrongs that have been done to this city. If you are interested, go to the run-down house at the end of market street at your earliest convenience. I’ll be there waiting. You’ll need the password “Moonlight”.Narration:
Well, these were a fun pair of letters to receive. One presented to me by a guard when I entered the city, and one slipped in my pocket by someone I didn’t even see. What a coincidence. I love it when adventure finds me. I’m not so sure how I feel about the fact that both parties have heard of me. Hopefully they don’t start calling me a Hero Knight or something. Not again.I’ve got a choice ahead of me. It’s not a hard one, but still - It’s a choice. A castle lord or a mysterious put-pocket. While a handsome reward is tempting, righting some wrongs is even more so. Plus, I can’t not go find out who slipped this in my pocket.And so I find myself wandering down market street. Despite the name, there is no market to be found. It’s fairly empty, except for a few people hurrying on their way. A guard accosts one of them, demanding payment for something or another. Payment that this person clearly doesn’t have. [sigh] I walk over and give the guard some coins, and satisfied, she leaves. I’m starting to get what the letter from not-Cassandra was saying. This lord is indeed out to take advantage of her people. Frankly, I’m pretty disappointed in her guards’ enabling of her behavior. Tsk-tsk.I make it to the rundown house without further detour. It’s the easiest home on the street to spot. The front garden is overgrown with weeds, the windows are boarded up, and paint is peeling off the walls. A path of trampled weeds leads to the door, which I’m surprised to see is actually on its hinges. Before I can knock, I hear a voice through the door.Fig: [as mysteriously as they can muster] Password?Rion: ...Moonlight?[SFX: Several locks are unlocked. Door swings open. A pause.]Rory (from inside): Well, come in![SFX: Footsteps as Rion comes in. Door closes.]Narration:
The house is well lit and cozy, in stark contrast to the outside. There’s several couches with blankets and pillows, a small kitchen where tea is brewing, and some tables with a variety of tools scattered across them. I see one person carefully re-locking the door, and another lounging on a couch with his feet up. A woman carefully examines me as I walk through the entryway.Astrid: Welcome, Rion. I’m so happy you decided to come. I’m Astrid, and that’s Fig and Rory over there.Rion: Hiya.Astrid: I’ll admit, when I saw the guards delivering Cassandra’s letter to you I got a little worried.Rion: You saw that? Huh. Well, you didn’t need to be worried. One look at how they treat people and my decision was clear.Astrid: Mostly, I’m not sure how one additional person helps a lord with an entire retinue of guards.Rion: Honestly, I wasn’t too sure either. I think she thinks I can do more than I can.Astrid: That’s definitely in character.Rion: [muttered] Probably wanted me to go harass people who didn’t pay their taxes.Astrid: What was that?Rion: Oh, I said Cassandra probably wanted me to go bother people who didn’t pay their taxes. On my way here, there was a guard outside doing just that.Astrid: Yeah, they’re a real nuisance.Rory: You can say that again!Fig: When they’re not looking for us, they’re looking for more money.Rory: [muttered] Which we don’t even have.Rion: If you don’t mind me asking, why do you all sign when you talk?Astrid: So I can understand what they’re saying. I’m deaf.Rion: Oh, okay. I’m sorry that I don’t know how to sign. I never got the chance to learn it back home.Fig: I’ve been signing for you. I wasn’t trying to be sneaky about it, but I have been standing behind you for the most part.Rion: Well, thank you.Fig: Anytime.Rion: Going back on topic here, what do you need an extra person for?Astrid: Our main reason for needing a fourth person is that Lord Cassandra and her guards are on high alert for a group of three people entering the castle.Rory: We may have slightly botched our first attempt at this plan…Fig: [in a why did you have to bring that up? sort of way] Rory!Rion: What was your first attempt…?Astrid: Well, this whole… fiasco started about a year ago when Cassandra became Lord. Her father retired, and as his only child she took up the title. When Edward was lord, he was good and kind. Unfortunately, Cassandra isn’t like her dad. She’s very… [searching for a word]Fig: Meeeeeaaan?Rory: A real jerk!Astrid: Let’s go with greedy. She instituted taxes, then raised them, then raised them again. She claims it’s all in the name of “city protection,” but I think that’s her excuse to send her guards out into the town. As you saw, they don’t protect anyone - they shake them down for money.Rion: That’s terrible.Rory: Lords are supposed to protect their cities from outside threats, not from… their cities itself.Fig: Historically we’ve been very good at solving our own disputes without the presence of guards. The only time Cassandra’s father sent his guards into the city was when a big storm destroyed part of it.Rory: They helped rebuild it! Now, they threaten to destroy people’s homes if they don’t pay their taxes.Astrid: It’s been a difficult year. And we are attempting… countermeasures.Rion: Good. I’m in. I mean, I was in before. But now I’m extra in.Astrid: Our first attempt involved sneaking into Cassandra’s castle at night. We were going to raid the vaults... but we didn’t get very far.Fig: Let’s just say the guards are now on high alert for a group of three attempting to infiltrate the castle.Astrid: It was an oversight on my part. Won’t be happening again.Rion: What’s the plan this time, then?Astrid: Sneak in during the day.Rion: Oh?Rory: It’ll be a daylight robbery.Fig: We’re hoping to lean into the tactics of distraction and surprise.Rion: [excited] Two of my favorite things.Astrid: And we’ll need your help for both of them. Fig here is our master locksmith, and Rory over there has a talent for detecting magic.Rory: [interrupting slightly] Speaking of which, did you know your sword is just radiating magic?Rion: Nope. Really?Rory: Really! Usually with magical objects, I can tell what they do, or at least what the magic is for. But your sword has so much magic _{around it} that I can’t figure out any specifics. It’s just completely overloaded.Rion: Huh. Imagine that.Rory: That could come in handy. I wonder what would happen if you went near specific magic detecting spells. Would it set everything off? Would it just cause interference? I think it would cause interference… You could probably get into a lot of places with that.. Oh I hope we can find out.Astrid: [interrupting] Rory, you’re getting off topic.Rory: Yes. Right. Sorry.Astrid: Fig is how we get behind locked doors, and Rory is how we don’t get caught doing that.Fig: It turns out, most anti-theft spells prevent people from magically opening locks, but they don’t do much to prevent old fashioned sticks of metal.Rory: It’s hard to get spellwork to tell which piece of metal in the lock is the key and which piece is Fig’s lockpicks.Fig: Saves me from having to make my own key, at any rate. Their laziness… [realizes they don’t have a good way to finish this] is my laziness.Astrid: But first, we need to make it into the castle and to those locked doors before we can open them.Narration:
Astrid explains her plan. We’ll disguise ourselves as merchants to get through the front gates. According to Fig’s reconnaissance, tomorrow is market day at the castle. As a bonus, having large bags will be extraordinarily helpful when it comes time to clear the vaults. Fig is our key to get into them, and Rory is in charge of making sure they get there. Apparently this entails some form of magical distraction in a different section of the castle to draw the guards away. Rory is not very clear on the details of this. Once Fig gets the door open, we’ll all head in. And after we’ve collected the goods, we’ll just walk out. It sounds nice and smooth when Astrid explains it. I hope it actually goes that way.That evening, I get a crash course in heisting. Astrid teaches me a few of the most important signals, including one that everyone calls “the trust me signal” - for when you don’t have time to explain what you’re doing. Thankfully, I also learn some signs for when I can explain what I’m doing. Fig shows me their collection of locks and demonstrates how to pick one. I give it go, and manage to get some of their easy locks open. It’s actually pretty fun. Rory mostly questions me about my sword, but he also tells me more about how magic and wards function. He set up the ones around this house, and he’s very proud of them. As someone who doesn’t really use magic, most of it goes over my head, but it’s interesting nonetheless. We also make our disguises, which is definitely my favorite part. Astrid has a talent for costuming. In no time at all, we’re looking like a right band of merchants. There’s even some time for us to sleep before we head out in the morning. I love a sleepover.The next day, after waking up and gathering all of our things, we find ourselves in front of the castle gates. A guard stands there, questioning everyone who wants to enter.Rory: [only a little awkwardly] Greetings!Gate Guard: State your name and purpose for entering.Rory: I am… uhhh… Jimothy, here to sell my wares at your market. These are my traveling companions and fellow merchants.Gate Guard: Thank you. You four may enter.[SFX: Gate opens, footsteps as they walk through it]Fig: [quietly, somewhat relieved] That was easy. [pause] This way.[SFX: Footsteps. 4 pairs.]Fig: [quietly] annnd here we are[SFX: Closet door opens]Astrid: [quietly] You ready, Rory?Rory: [Mostly quietly, but containing excitement] Oh yeah.[SFX: Footsteps as three people go into the closet, then the closet door closes. We hear the sound of some magicy noises and then a muffled explosion. The closet door opens and closes again, quickly.]Rory: [slightly out of breath] Perfect. Annd… here come the guards… and there they go. Fig, you’re up. Let’s roll.[SFX: We hear muffled footsteps down the hallway that are the guards while Rory narrates.][SFX: Closet door opens, footsteps as four people get out, closet door closes.]Narration: Fig leads us down a winding hallway that runs deep into the castle keep. A few turns later and we’re at the vault. But just then, we hear distant footsteps with the tell-tale cadence of a guard on patrol. Astrid looks at me, eyes wide. This was not part of the plan. This guard is supposed to be on the other side of the castle with the others, investigating whatever it is that Rory has left for them. But I have a plan. I pull off my merchant coat and hand it to Astrid. I signal “trust me,” then walk down the hall to reach the guard before she sees the others.[SFX: Footsteps. Again.]Rion: [approaching guard] Oh, thank goodness you’re here! I’m terribly, terribly lost!Hallway Guard: [very confused] Excuse me? You’re… lost in the lower hallways?Rion: I received this letter from Lord Cassandra, and I’m trying to answer her summons. I must have made a wrong turn. Can- can you direct me to her?Hallway Guard: [still very confused] But- but how did you get down here? You should have been escorted in from the gates. This is quite the breach of protocol.Rion: Oh, I’m sorry, I followed what looked like a merchant in.Hallway Guard: [less confused] Ah, that explains it. Today is the great court market! You should visit after you meet with the lord.Rion: I’ll have to do that.Hallway Guard: But next time, do get an escort before you start wandering off. There’s no need to follow merchants in.Rion: Of course!Narration:
The guard leads me to Cassandra where I get to have the honor of turning her down personally. She is quite displeased with me. I am very pleased. I do my best to make my lecture long enough for Astrid and her team to get away. While I’m at it, I sneak some very dirty looks to her guards. They should know better. Thankfully, as mad as she is, Cassandra can’t kick me out of the city, because I haven’t done anything wrong… that she knows of, anyway.And so I rendezvous with the others back at the rundown house, where most of the treasury's contents is now located. Astrid, Fig, and Rory are discussing the best ways to return the money to the town without Cassandra catching word of who took it. They made it out of the castle without a trace. And of course, they demand to know where I went and what I did. So I share the story of my lecture and Cassandra’s offended face and my unceremonious removal from the castle.Rory: Wow, I can’t believe you got away with that!Fig: I can’t believe she let you stand there long enough for us to get away with this!Astrid: You certainly have a knack for this sort of work, Rion.Rion: Thanks. You all taught me a lot, though.Astrid: Well, you’re a fast learner.Rion: Will you be good on your own from here on out? I should be on my way before Cassandra notices her treasury is… somewhat empty and puts two and together.Rory: Yeah, you do not want to get dragged in for questioning. Trust me.Astrid: We’ve got everything under control now.Fig: And if we need help down the line… we’ll know where to find you.Rion: That’s ominous.Rory: They mean I’ll set up a messaging spell.Rion: Oh. Less ominous.Fig: [not mad, more exasperated] Darn it, Rory, let me be mysterious for once! I’m trying to cultivate an inexplicable aura!Astrid: You’re mysterious enough as it is, Fig.Fig: Not enough, Astrid! Not enough.Rion: [laughs] Take care, everyone.Credits:
Thank you for sidequesting with us. This episode, Honor Among Thieves, was written and produced by Tal Minear. The voice of Cassandra was Kirsty Woolven. The voice of Astrid was Caroline Mincks. Fig was voiced by Brad Colbroock, and Rory was voiced by Scottye Moore. The guard at the gate was voiced by Anne Baird, and the guard in the hallway was voiced by Alicia Atkins. The voice of Rion was Tal Minear. A big thanks to Anne, Ilya, Jesse, Kyle, and E.L. Thackwray for supporting this episode.If you enjoy Sidequesting, you might enjoy Light Hearts, an upcoming sitcom podcast about queer people thriving in uncanny surroundings. I am actually co-creating this show with Caroline Mincks and Evan Tess Murray. It’s going to be cute, fun, and you guessed it - lighthearted. Here’s the trailer for it.

Light Hearts Trailer:KALE: Whatcha doin?JANINE: Recording this radio ad, shh… This weekend, come on down to Prism, the new LGBTQ+ space-KALE: So that’s really what you’re saying?JANINE: Yes, why? What should I say?KALE: Talk about the old-world charm.RYAN: And the menu to match…JANINE: But they need to know it’s for -KALE: Listen, you have a bar with a jukebox that plays itself. Just say that.RYAN: It doesn’t always, though.JANINE: Right, and it’s not just a bar, it’s an LGBT-RYAN: Queer?JANINE: You think?KALE: Yes.JANINE: Fine. Queer community space.KALE: Prism. Come for the queers, say for the weird.RYAN: The snacks aren’t bad either.JANINE: Aww - really?RYAN: Really.

Episode 12

Narration:
After a lovely night in Rosehaven, today I am escorting a merchant to Cliffside. This town is a full day’s travel away, and this merchant wanted someone to help protect her goods along the path and provide some company. I’m hoping I’ll mostly be doing that second one. The merchant, who goes by Cam, seems quite friendly. It’s a nice day today, bright and sunny, but not too hot - great for traveling. I’m meeting Cam at the Rosehaven front gates, and then we’re heading off.CAM: Hey there Rion [pronounced like Ryan]. Ready to go?RION: You betcha. I even brought some trail mix.CAM: Perfect! My plan is to take this road out of Rosehaven, then follow a series of smaller paths towards Cliffside. We’ll have to cross the river, but we have our choice of bridges to take.RION: Excellent. I’m glad we won’t have to pull your cart through the water.CAM: Yeah, the last time I did that it did not end well… Do you know what fairy floss does when it gets wet?RION: Does it… melt?
CAM: It dissolves into nothing! That was a whole trip, wasted. Though allegedly I hear that stream now has flying fish. What a coincidence, isn’t it?RION: [does not think it’s a coincidence]... yes, indeed.Narration:
Cam tells me more travel stories as we make our way down the main road from Rosehaven. She’s been all over this road, delivering goods from town to town. I learn that Rosehaven loves Jasmine tea from Swiftacre, and that Cliffside adores the sourdough bread from Runswick. Apparently Greenport has a bit of a sweet tooth, and the people there will buy out all of Cam’s treats every time she visits.She’s finishing up the story of the time an entire school of kids chased her across Greenport to get some candy when we arrive at a fork in the road. Cam suggests taking the left path, which would get us there the fastest. I’m not arguing with that, and after one left turn and some walking later, we reach the bridge. Except, there’s someone blocking our way. I’ve never seen a bridge troll before, but from what I’ve heard about them, I think this is a bridge troll. He’s tall and large and looking at us menacingly.ARGYLE: [Trying to be scary, but his heart isn’t in it] You shall not pass!RION: Okay. I mean, we can turn around and go another way.CAM: Yeah, it wouldn’t even add much distance.RION: It’s not very far-ARGYLE: No!!!CAM: No?ARGYLE: Noooo! You shall not pass UNLESS you answer my riddle!RION: Oh, I can do that. I have some experience answering riddles, you know.CAM: That’s good, because I’m reaaaaaaaly bad at them.ARGYLE: You cannot possibly be prepared for this one!!!CAM: I believe you.RION: Alright. Give it to me. I’m ready.ARGYLE: Okay. [clears throat] When does the phoenix nest?CAM: Uhhhhhhh...RION: I think the answer is spring, but you should know… that’s not really a riddle.ARGYLE: What?RION: It’s more of a trivia question? There’s nothing to be puzzled out, you either know it or you don’t. Not that that’s a bad model for letting people cross your bridge! It’s just… not a riddle.ARGYLE: Aw. Well, thank you for not laughing. The last people who came by laughed at me. It… [quitely] it hurt my feelings.RION: Oh, I’m sorry.CAM: That’s no good.ARGYLE: [sad] I’m the worst bridge troll in the land.CAM: We’ve got to get you some better riddles.RION: Or a better job.ARGYLE: Really? You’d… help me?RION: Of course. You seem nice enough.ARGYLE: [does not take this as a compliment] I’m supposed to be big and scary.CAM: Why is that so important?ARGYLE: It’s what my parents want. They even picked out this bridge for me to live under. Every respectable bridge has a troll, and every respectable troll has a bridge, they said.RION: [aside] It is a very respectable bridge.CAM: [ignoring Rion] Psh! Who cares about them. What do you want to do?ARGYLE: [hushed] Well, really, I’ve always wanted to be a chef.CAM: That’s great! You should be a chef, then!ARGYLE: But everyone in my family is a bridge troll! They would be so disappointed in me…RION: That shouldn’t matter. Tell me more about being a chef!ARGYLE: [slightly hushed] I spend a lot of my free time fishing, you know, when people aren’t trying to cross the bridge. I’ve been practicing… [as if this is a secret] making sushi.CAM: Delicious! I love sushi.RION: How’s that been going?ARGYLE: It’s been going… really well, actually? It didn’t start that way, you should have seen the first couple of tries, but I think I’ve gotten pretty good! There’s different techniques for each fish, you see, and you have to be really careful with some of the smaller ones or else you’ll ruin the taste, and I’m starting to learn that how you catch them matters too! And, and- oh, I’m sorry, I’m rambling. I’ll stop now.CAM: You don’t have to stop. I was learning a lot! Tell me more about how you have to catch them.ARGYLE: [shyly] Well, I could… show you?RION: Yes, please!ARGYLE: Okay! Stay right there and I’ll get some things. Do you want to fish too? I have some extra gear.RION: That sounds fun!CAM: Oh that’d be brilliant.Narration:
Argyle runs under the bridge and returns shortly with two fishing poles and a net. He hands Cam and I the fishing poles, and we sit with legs dangling off the bridge. Argyle lays on his stomach, waving his net in the water. It’s quite a large net, and it reaches into the river with ease.ARGYLE: So, for sushi fishing, I figured out that it’s better to use a net. But it’s harder too. I’m still getting the hang of it. I don’t know if I should keep the net still or wave it, or keep it out of the water until I see a fish… right now I just do whatever I’m in the mood for.RION: And right now, you’re in a… circling mood? Or is that an oval mood?ARGYLE: I’m just nervous. What if I don’t catch anything, and you’re here for no reason? I’ve never had guests on my bridge before. People have crossed, and others have turned back the way they came, but nobody has ever stuck around. Heh, what my parents would think of me right now.CAM: You said your parents were bridge trolls too?ARGYLE: My parents, my grand-parents, my great-grandparents… I was raised on stories of great bridge riddles and fearsome fights with people who tried to cross anyway. I know everything there is to know about maintaining a bridge and guarding it, because my parents drilled it into me since I was young. I’m supposed to love this stuff.RION: But you don’t.ARGYLE: [accepting it] But... I don’t.RION: You need to do what you actually love, Argyle.CAM: That’s exactly it. My parents aren't merchants. They grow their own tea, and sell it at a little shop in Cliffside, called The Trusty Teapot. My full name is Chamomile, actually, after the tea. That’s how important it is to them.ARGYLE: My middle name is AAAARRRRRRG, but I just go by Argyle. Yelling is important to my parents, I guess. [pause] Cam, were you parents mad at you when you went off to be a merchant?CAM: When I decided that this was what I wanted to do, they weren’t exactly happy with me. It took them some time to come around. I think they just wanted someone to run The Trusty Teapot after they retired. It turns out that my little brother Earl is really into tea-making, and once my parents had a successor they were a lot happier to let me do my own thing. Plus, I started bringing them back tea leaves from the places I visited, and I think that also helped.RION: Nothing like a little bribery to win someone over.ARGYLE: I don’t think my parents would ever come around if I stopped doing this. Even if I brought them sushi.CAM: I’m glad my parents got over it. We’re on great terms now, and it’s really nice. You never know Argyle, maybe your parents will too.ARGYLE: What about you, Rion? How did your parents react when you decided to be an adventurer?RION: All in all, they were pretty supportive. They didn’t understand why I wanted to go out adventuring, but they helped me anyway. Making lots of trail mix and mending my cloak... [laughs] I even got dagger lessons from my-[SFX: Splashing noises]ARGYLE: I CAUGHT IT! I caught the fish! It’s time!Narration:
Argyle takes the fish to a flat stone near the bridge and runs under it to grab his knife. What he returns with is not what I’d call a knife - it’s more of a shortsword. It can’t possibly be meant for sushi, but Argyle uses it all the same. He does it very carefully, an expression of peak concentration on his face the whole time. When he finishes, he lights up in a smile. This is so clearly what he loves to do.ARGYLE: Here you go! Fresh sushi.[SFX: Sushi is handed over]CAM: Oh Argyle, this is delicious!ARGYLE: You think so?RION: Yes, definitely! If you can’t convince your parents that this is what you should be doing… we’ll just have to find you some new parents. Or additional parents. They don’t have to be replacements.ARGYLE: Additional parents… [small laugh] that sounds nice, actually.CAM: Actually… I could arrange that.ARGYLE: What do you mean?CAM: Would you like to come to Cliffside with me and set up a sushi shop? There’s an empty shop right next to my parents’ one, and we can help you get set up and everything. They’ll look after you.ARGYLE: But… I can’t just leave. What would my parents-RION: Do you need your parents permission to leave this bridge and start a sushi shop?ARGYLE: ...no.RION: And what do you want to do?ARGYLE: [as if admitting a secret] I want to leave this bridge. And setting up a shop in Cliffside… sounds wonderful.RION: Well… let’s go!CAM: Do you want today to be the day you stop being a bridge troll and start being… a chef troll?ARGYLE: Yes. Yes I do!CAM: Then let’s do it.Narration:
And so Argyle packs up his things - he doesn’t have very many, and he’s ready to go in almost no time at all. I think he’s been ready to leave for a long time now, but wasn’t quite ready to admit that to himself. I’m glad Cam could give him the push that he needed.I think life’s about to get a lot better for him.We continue on our journey with one more person than originally expected. Cam tells Argyle all about Cliffside, and he looks more and more excited with everything he hears. By the time we reach the main road to the city, even I’m enamoured with the idea of setting up a little shop there.When we reach the Cliffside gates, Argyle jumps around in excitement. Cam and I look at each other and smile. This journey took quite the unexpected turn… but it was a good one. And now I get to have tea! What more could a person want?Credits:
Thank you for sidequesting with us. This episode, Building Bridges, was written and produced by Tal Minear. Cam was voiced by Beth Crane, and Argyle was voiced by Eddy Yeung. The voice of Rion was Tal Minear. A big thanks to Anne, Ilya, Jesse, Kyle, and E.L. Thackwray for supporting this episode.If you like Sidequesting, you might like This Planet Needs a Name, a heartfelt, earnest, and hopeful audio drama. It’s about a handful of scientists and engineers setting out to terraform a planet for the frozen people they have in tow, living out their lives building a world they’ll never see. Here’s the trailer.Tomorrow I’ll do something out of stories. My feet will walk on earth that is not of earth.Unforeseen circumstances are hard to prepare for. If you can prepare for them, they’re foreseen.Unless our plans change catastrophically, it should be fine.I’ve been asleep for decades, how much more patience do you want.They’re growing us a village, next to the base of a space elevator, on a brand new planet.For you to have this new and better world, I have to stay behind and make it.Unimaginable animals. Mmhmmhmm.You didn’t try the cheese.What will it mean for all the stories you’ve told me to be alive on a new world?It’s so beautiful.Trust Me.Here we go.Check out This Planet Needs a Name, everywhere podcasts are found.

Episode 13

Narration:
I’m on my way to the town of Delrin. It’s a ways away, so I’m taking a shortcut through this forest. This is a fairly remote area - Delrin is the nearest town, but it’s still a day’s travel away even with this shortcut. It’s been a good while since I came across anyone. It’s been pretty peaceful, actually, just walking alone with my thoughts on this sunny day. There are birds chirping in the trees, and I even got to see a deer a little bit ago.But I’m taken entirely by surprise when I hear the sound of a horse’s gallop. Turning around, I see a beautiful brown horse with someone in full armour riding it. A very impressive someone. Among the items on the horse is a shield with a crest I don’t recognize but assume is for some kingdom nearby. This must be a knight. What is a knight doing alone in this forest? Could he be traveling to Delrin too? As he approaches me, he brings his horse to a stop and pulls off his helmet.[SFX: Fade in forest ambiance]BLAISE: Hello traveler. I am Sir Blaise, Knight of Candren Castle. I’m tracking a beast summoned by the terrible Wizard Movar [pronounced Moe rhymes with foe, var rhymes with far]. It’s a blueish-black creature, like a lion but with 6 legs and 3 tails. It has these big sharp teeth, and a growl that you wouldn’t believe.RION: That’s certainly… something. I haven't seen anything like it.BLAISE: I suspected as much. It went this way long before you came, and I don’t think I’d be talking to you if you had come across it. Only the best can hope to fight this beast off. Though, I see that longsword on your back… Perhaps I would be talking to you if you had come across it.RION: You want to find it? Why??BLAISE: Find and kill it.RION: Oh. I see.BLAISE: The beast has recently passed through this forest… I’m not convinced it’s safe to be here until I have caught up with it, because it might come back. Where are you on your way to?ROIN: I’m heading to Delrin.BLAISE: I can give you a ride there. Louis here can fit two people with ease.[SFX: Louis neighs]RION: I really don’t want to bother you. It sounds like you’ve got an important job to do, finding this... thing.BLAISE: I’ll be able to pick up it’s path again easily enough, but I cannot leave you here with this creature on the loose. Please, I insist.RION: I guess you’re right. Sure, thank you.Narration:
I hop on the horse and we start making our way through the forest. Blaise instructs me to keep an eye out for his nefarious beast, just in case we cross paths with it. He tells me that if we come across it I should take Louis and ride away as fast as I can while he dismounts to fight it. He also tells me that the creature should be a ways away, so I hope it won’t come to that.While I don’t see any beast, I do catch a flash of bright white fur. I point it out to Blaise, and he slows Louis down to a slow trot as we retrace our steps. A sad whine rings out through the trees, and when we clear them, I see an white horse laying on the ground. Wait- this horse has a horn. This is an unicorn! She seems to have a few cuts on her legs and some scratches on her back. Her mane is matted and her fur is dirty.Blaise jumps off Louis and walks over to her. The unicorn lets him approach, only watching him warily as he pulls out a small kit. From the kit, Baise grabs a roll of bandages, showing them to the unicorn before carefully wrapping them around the cuts on her legs.BLAISE: [softly] Hey girl, it’s going to be okay. We’ll get you patched up in no time.RION: Do you know what happened?BLAISE: It was the beast. The one I’m looking for. I’d recognize its work, clear as day. I think she was attacked by surprise. Unicorns are fast when they want to be, and thankfully she managed to get away. But it looks like she sustained some damage in the process.RION: Is there anything else we can do for her?BLAISE: Well… I know that a maiden’s embrace would fully heal her.RION: Really? That sounds, uh, made up.BLAISE: Really. I thought it was nonsense until one of my fellow knights saw it happen. In fact, she was the one who hugged the unicorn.RION: Alright. [pause] Where are we going to find a maiden?BLAISE: We’re going to search the forest. It’s sparsely populated, but a few people do live here. And we’re going to find them.RION: Do you find this as ridiculous as I do?BLAISE: [laughs] Oh yes.NARRATION:
Blaise does his best to make sure the unicorn is as comfortable as she can be. He makes her a pillow out of leaves and gives her a few berries to eat, and then we set off to search for a maiden. Somehow, this feels both very silly and very serious. Blaise directs his horse in a pattern he assures me will cover the most ground as fast as possible. We have time to spare, but neither of us wants to leave the unicorn injured on the forest floor for any longer than we have to.[SFX: Horse galloping]RION: What exactly is a maiden, anway? Is it just… a woman? We’re searching the forest for a girl?BLAISE: As far as I know, yes.RION: Huh. I don’t understand why it needs to be a maiden who heals the unicorn.BLAISE: Nor do I, Rion. How the ancient magicks work or why they care about gender, we may never know. I just know that if we can’t find our maiden, I’ll have to tend to the unicorn with old school medicine. And I do NOT want to do that.RION: I’ll file a complaint with the ancient magicks for you.BLAISE: I’d appreciate it. My battle training may be superb, but my medical training… less so. [lightheartedly] My parents wanted me to be a healer, a fact I’m sure they’d remind me of if they were here.RION: [laughs] What brought you to becoming a knight, if not the medical training?BLAISE: I wish I had some noble answer for you, like “to fight for truth and justice,” but honestly, it just looked fun? King Crayton’s land is peaceful, and his knights don’t fight other kingdoms (expect at officially sanctioned tournaments, of course). We get to do all sorts of things though, from delivering the king’s correspondences to faraway places, to helping the farmers deal with pests, to searching out nearby threats to our people. That’s what I’m doing right now. Hey, is that a house over there?RION: Looks like it!Narration:
We approach a lonely homestead in the middle of the forest. It’s a small cozy cabin among the trees, with a little garden and woodshed. There are stables next to it, and a single horse inside. The plants around the cabin seem to be tended to, as opposed to the other flora that grows wild in the forest. I see someone nearby gathering firewood, and Blaise rides up to her.RION: Hello there.LEAH: [timidly] Hi. Uh, what do you want?BLAISE: We’re looking for someone to help us heal a unicorn.RION: It sounds odd, but we need a maiden to… uh… embrace the unicorn.BLAISE: Are you a maiden?LEAH: ...Yes?BLAISE: Please, will you come with us? We need your help. I promise that no harm will come to you under my watch. I am Sir Blaise, Knight of Candren Castle, and I will protect you.RION: I’m just Rion. But I’ll try to keep you safe too?LEAH: Okay. Just give me a minute. I’m Leah, by the way. I don’t usually run off with strangers, but you two seem nice enough. And I want to meet a unicorn.Narration:
Leah runs inside and comes back out wearing a cloak and carrying a bag. She goes to the stables and mounts her horse, then tells Blaise to lead the way. In almost no time at all, we arrive back where the unicorn is. Blaise has an excellent sense of direction. The unicorn is still lying on the ground, but seems to be doing a little better. Leah gasps when she sees the injured animal. She jumps off her horse and heads towards the unicorn, but then hesitates.LEAH: What do I do.. Just… hug the unicorn?BLAISE: Yes. I think.[SFX: Leah walks up to unicorn]LEAH: Okay… [to unicorn] Hi there. Is it okay if I come over to you? I’m sorry you’re hurt, but I’m going to try to help you.[SFX: UNICORN HUG, followed by a vaguely magical sound and a horse whinny.]UNICORN: Thank you, Leah.[overlapping:]RION: UNICORNS CAN TALK?BLAISE: You speak?LEAH: Wh- what is going on?UNICORN: I do not know how to answer that. Yes. I speak your language. Is that not obvious?RION: Sorry, you just… surprised me.UNICORN: I suppose that is only fair. It is not often that we speak with humans.BLAISE: It is truly an honor.UNICORN: As a token of my thanks for your help, I will answer a question from each of you. I have a limited view of things that will come to pass, and an even greater view of why things are as they are. Blaise, what is your question?BLAISE: Where will I find the beast I am tracking?UNICORN: You will find it on the southern edge of the forest tomorrow. You will be able to eat and rest tonight before you fight it. [pause] Leah, what is your question?LEAH: Will I be accepted when I go back home?UNICORN: Yes, Leah. Your fears are unfounded - your friends and family love you for who you are. Orion, what is your question?RION: Why did you need a woman to heal you?UNICORN: It is because of the ancient magicks.RION: That doesn’t really answer my question.UNICORN: Magic is complicated, Orion, and old magic is even more so. There are many, many variables, and sometimes gender plays a part. Other times, it’s age, or location, or what you ate for your midday meal three days ago. It does not need to make sense, or be logical. Even new magic can be held to these same complications. The magic that pertains to me and my kind is incredibly intricate.RION: I don’t understand magic.UNICORN: And I don’t understand humans.RION: [laughs] Fair enough.UNICORN: I can tell you that you will understand magic more in the days to come.RION: I guess that’s a good thing? Thanks?UNICORN: I will be on my way now. Again, I thank you all for your aid. It has greatly hastened my recovery.BLAISE: Of course.[SFX: Unicorn trots off]RION: Well that sure was something. Thank you for helping us, Leah.LEAH: Anytime. Not that there will be another time.RION: Yeah, I’d certainly hope so.LEAH: But if there is, count me in. You have… about a week to come to me for any of your forest needs. Then I’ll be back in Middlerush.BLAISE: [thoughtfully] Leah, if I may ask… what did you mean about people accepting you when you return home?LEAH: Well, I, uh…RION: You don’t have to tell us.LEAH: No, it’s okay. My town isn’t exactly expecting… Leah… to return. I left almost a year ago as a different person, to spend some time alone in the forest and sort things out. I told my friends I would be back in a year from when I left. And I didn’t tell them anything else. I’m going back in a week.BLAISE: I’ve been there, Leah.LEAH: You have?BLAISE: Not your exact situation - I didn’t go live in a forest for a year. But I left my town to become a knight, and when I came back to visit… I was Blaise. Sir Blaise, in both senses of the word. And everything was more than just okay. It was great.LEAH: That makes me feel a lot better. I’m happy for you, too.BLAISE: And look at what the unicorn said - you’ll be fine.LEAH: Yeah. Yeah! I’ll be fine.RION: Speaking of being fine - now that we know the beast will be on the south side of the forest, I think it’s safe for me to go on my way to Delrin alone.BLAISE: I agree. But are you sure that you don’t want a ride to the edge of the forest?RION: I’ll be good. Walking is nice.BLAISE: In that case, Leah, will you allow me to escort you to your cabin?LEAH: Only if you will allow me to make you dinner.BLAISE: I suppose I’ll need my strength to fight the beast tomorrow. I accept your most gracious offer.LEAH: Rion, are you sure you don’t want to join us?RION: I’m sure. Thank you, though.LEAH: Feel free to come and visit me in Middlerush anytime. Uh, after next week, that is. [slight laugh] I was lovely to meet you.RION: You too.Narration:
We say our goodbyes, and Blaise and Leah head off on their horses. I suspect they’ll have a lot to talk about over dinner, and I want to give them the space to do that. Something tells me they’re going to be fast friends. I hope Leah will be alright returning home next week, and that Blaise will be okay after fighting his great beast tomorrow. But it seems like they’re both prepared for their challenges. They’re gonna come out of them better than ever.Credits:
Thank you for sidequesting with us. This episode, Shining Armor, was written and produced by Tal Minear. The voice of Sir Blaise was Sawyer Green, and the voice of Leah was Ali Cataltepe. The unicorn was voiced by Tina Daniels. The voice of Rion was Tal Minear. A big thanks to Anne, Ilya, Jesse, Kyle, and E.L. Thackwray for supporting this episode.If you like Sidequesting, you might like Transmission Folklore, an audio drama about two trans folks driving up the Mississippi river to escape a siren, all the while trying to balance school, friends, and the terrifyingly new world of magic that awaits them. Here's the trailer.[sound of a car passing]CARTER
This is not a kidnapping. That’s what this looks like, right?[“Pilot” by Lately Kind of Yeah starts to play]SORREL
I walked over there and I saw that person-- I saw them swimmin’?[car passing sound]CARTER
But the person looked at you, and motioned to come closer. He waved a hand and swam a little further in, and I-- I saw it! I saw that he had this slick tail! [car passing sound] I watched you walk towards the water though, and then he took his small hand and he pushed you under the water! [car passing sound] I thought you were going to die![car passing sound]SORREL
This whole adventure is a lot. Can we go back?CARTER
No.SORREL
Why not?[car passing]CARTER
I know stories, and no one else was around to help you. I didn’t want this to be the story that you die in.[music fades out, more car passing sounds]ANNOUNCER
Transmission Folklore-- Listen on your favorite podcasting app.

Episode 14

[SFX: Fade in rain]Narration:
I’m so excited to have made it to Delrin. I’m staying here for a few days with my friend, Halley (pronounced like Hey-Lee). We’ve been friends since we were both teenagers. She’s always been an excellent artist, and she works in this town as a painter. Everyone loves her portraits, but my favorite pieces of hers are when she paints flowers. I don’t know how she does it, but she brings something magical to the canvas when she paints them. Halley sent me a small picture of a daffodil she painted on some scrap paper, and I keep it with me when I travel. Some areas don’t have any flowers, and it’s nice to have one with me - especially one that isn’t going to wilt.
I got to her home this morning, and we’ve had a lazy day of drinking hot chocolate and painting together. It started raining around lunch, and according to Halley, nothing goes better with a rainy day than a mug of hot chocolate. And you know? I think she’s right.[SFX: Outside rain still going, fade in additional dripping noise]RION: Do you hear that?HALLEY: The rain? It’s started really coming down, hasn’t it?RION: No, I think it’s something else. A sort of... dripping noise? I don’t think it’s the rain.[SFX: Chair scrapes as Rion gets up, footsteps as they walk around]RION: Huh. It looks like the roof is leaking over here.[SFX: Chair scrapes as Halley gets up, footsteps as she walks over]HALLEY: Oh no, not again. Ugh. Where’s that bucket? Ah, here we are. Nice and big.[SFX: Footsteps as Halley finds the bucket. Noise of the bucket being set down. Dripping noise changes to dripping-into-bucket sounds.]HALLEY: This will take care of it for a while, but I should patch that leak before it gets too big. My neighbor Richard has a ladder he’s always happy to lend me.RION: Do you want me to run over and ask?HALLEY: I’ll come with you. I need to stretch my legs after all this sitting down.NARRATION
We pack up all the paints and carefully clean our paintbrushes. Halley makes sure all the paintings in the living room are well away from the leak while I finish up my hot chocolate, and then we head to Richard’s house. There are lots of puddles on the ground outside, and I’m sorely tempted to splash in them, but I’m not sure Halley would appreciate extra water on her skirts. We get to Richard’s house before I can ask her, and the stone walkway to his door keeps us above the puddles, anyway.[SFX: Fade in Richard’s humming and singing to himself about making a stew (“La de dooooo make a steeeeew”). Fade in footsteps as Rion and Halley walk up. Door opens]RICHARD: Oh, the door! Oh, Halley! Please, please- and this must be your friend Rion! No need to stand out there in the rain, please please come in, come in![SFX: Rion and Halley walk in. Door closes.]HALLEY: Ah thanks, Richard. Yes, this is Rion. Rion, this is Richard. We’ve been neighbors for a few years now.RION: Nice to meet you.RICHARD: Good to meet you.HALLEY: We were wondering if we could borrow your ladder. My ceiling has a bit of a hole in it.RICHARD: Of course! Now that's something you want to get fixed before your whole house starts flooding, what with all this rain.HALLEY: Oh we’ve got a bucket catching the rainwater, don’t worry.RION: We’re not in a huge rush - it’s a really big bucket.RICHARD: Oh that’s good! If you’re not in a big hurry or anything, do you think you might be able to help me out with just a small thing? I was going to make my favorite stew, but it turns out I’m all out of onions. Again! I know! Heh. Might you happen to have an extra onion laying around at the back of the cupboard…?HALLEY: I’m afraid I’m all out, but we could stop by Ananda’s house and see if she has any.RICHARD: Oh, you don’t need to do that for me. I was just asking to see if, you know, you had one rolled to the back of a cupboard, or underneath a dresser or… you know, not to send you running around doing errands for me.HALLEY: You don’t need to be going out in the rain. And I know you will go out there if we don’t do it for you.RICHARD: Oh, well, really it’s-RION: Really, it’s no trouble at all.HALLEY: Plus, I know you’re going to share that stew with us when you make it. That’s some incentive.RICHARD: Oh, alright. You’re too kind, though, thank you Halley.RION: How about we go there right now, and when we’ve got that onion we’ll come back and borrow your ladder.HALLEY: Yeah, you need to simmer that stew for a while, right? We ought to get it started.RICHARD: You do have a good point! Don’t wanna re-do that whole simmering-over incident like last week.HALLEY: Alright, see you in a bit!RICHARD: Toodle-os!
[SFX: Walking out of Richard’s house, door opens and closes, walking over to Ananda’s house, knocking on door, door opens. It’s still raining.]ANANDA: Hi there Halley! And who’s this?HALLEY: Hey Ananda! This is Rion, my friend.ANANDA: Pleasure to meet you.RION: Likewise.HALLEY: We were wondering if we could borrow an onion. Or, have it, I suppose? We won’t be able to return it.ANANDA: Sure! Why don’t you step inside while I grab it.[SFX: Walking in, door closes, walking to the kitchen]RION: Oh, it smells wonderful in here.ANANDA: Thank you! I’ve been baking a lot of bread today - it’s my favorite thing to do when it’s raining.HALLEY: My favorite rainy day treat is hot chocolate. Rion and I have had several mugs of it today already.ANANDA: That sounds delicious.RION: It was! How has your baking been going?ANANDA: Wonderfully. I did a batch this morning that turned out great, and I’m working on another one. It’s currently nearing the end of the bulk ferment, so I have a couple proofing baskets ready in preparation for the shaping. I went with 3 folds this time, so the gas retention should be good, though with this weather the pre-ferment may not have been quite long enough, so the texture may be off. But I’m hopeful.HALLEY: I’m sure it will be fine, Ananda. You’re a master when it comes to making bread.ANANDA: I told Bert I’d come by and deliver a loaf from the first batch, but I’ve been putting it off. I wish I could have done it before the skies opened up.RION: We have to run a few errands outside anyway, we could drop the loaf off for you.ANANDA: Really? That would save me from having to deal with wet socks.HALLEY: Of course! I’ll stick the bread in my coat so it doesn’t get rained on.RION: Our socks are already wet, anyway.ANANDA: When you’re done with your errands, come by again! I’ll have a new batch of bread ready with a loaf that has your name on it.RION: Oooh fantastic!!NARRATION:
Ananda wraps the loaf in some paper and gives it to Halley, who carefully places it in her coat. We say our goodbyes, and then Halley leads the way to Bert’s house. We’re visiting all her neighbors today, it would seem. Expecting a delivery of bread, Bert is quick to open the door, but they’re surprised to see Halley and I instead of Ananda. Nonetheless Bert invites us in and out of the rain. As soon as we’re inside, it becomes obvious that a tinkerer lives here. There’s various springs and gears scattered around, and almost every flat surface has been turned into a worktable of some kind. I’m immediately distracted by all the fun things around, but Halley introduces me and gives an explanation for our visit. Bert gets very excited when they find out Halley has their bread.BERT: Yes! I’ve been looking forward to this all day! Oh, it’s still warm! Thank you!HALLEY: It was really no problem.RION: Wow, I love your workshop!BERT: Thank you! I create small animatronics! Usually they’re just little toys that wander around, but lately I’ve been trying to make ones with a purpose. I can show you what I’m working on now, if you’d like?RION: I’d love to! Uh, Halley, we’ve still got some time, right?HALLEY: Right! I also want to see what you’re working on, Bert.[SFX: Footsteps as Bert runs over to the workbench, grabs an object, and runs back]BERT: Okay! It’s on my workbench over here… This little cart here is supposed to roll on it’s own and scoop up crumbs! This gear here turns a larger wheel that has little brooms on the ends of it! It sweeps up dust and stuff into the… cart part. You know, where it holds things. There’s probably a better name for it…ROIN: That is amazing.BERT: The last thing I need is the automation spell that will keep it running. I’m supposed to pick it up from Theodora sometime today or tomorrow.HALLEY: We can go pick that up for you, if you’d like. We’re running errands today.BERT: Really? That would be really convenient. There’s a couple of tweaks I want to make with this before I enchant it, and that would give me the time to do it.RION: Sounds perfect, then!Narration:
Halley leads the way to Theodora’s house. I see cut herbs drying in the windowsill and potted plants hanging on the edges of the roof. An awning above the front entrance protects us from the rain when we walk up, and there’s a bell by the door for visitors to ring. We ring it, and when Theodora opens the door we explain that we’re here to pick up an enchantment for Bert.THEODORA: Bert is one of my favorite customers! They’re always asking me for these ingenious enchantments that are so fun to do. This time it’s for a sweeping cart. I got to modify a navigation spell and combine it with an animation spell… I don’t think anyone’s done that before!RION: How do you make an enchantment? I always thought it was just something you did, enchant an object. I didn’t know you could have a physical enchantment.THEODORA: On a basic level, I enchant an object that acts and a placeholder for the final one. It holds the spell in statis until whoever purchases it can apply it. What I have for Bert is a piece of cloth that gets draped over their automatan. I’ll often enchant things directly, of course, but Bert’s mechanics work best when they apply the enchantment themself. Their automotans are so intricate that only Bert can really understand them, and that understanding makes the spell stronger. We make quite the team - my knowledge of how to craft the enchantment and Bert’s knowledge of how to apply it.RION: Wow, that’s really impressive!THEODORA: Unfortunately I’m not quite finished. I’m missing the last ingredients I need for it though. I’ve got to collect some rainwater, and while I’ve put out all my cups and bowls it’s not collecting fast enough. I don’t suppose you have a bucket I could borrow?HALLEY: [laughs] I can do you one better.THEODORA: What do you mean?RION: Would you like to borrow a bucket that’s already full of rainwater?HALLEY: [jumping in to explain] My roof has a bit of a leak. I don’t know if it would affect your spell to have rainwater collected from a living room instead of a garden, but-THEODORA: No, that would still work. Can I use your bucket? It’s exactly what I need.HALLEY: Of course!THEODORA: Is your home going to flood if I take it?HALLEY: Don’t worry about that, I have other buckets, too. Sometimes I have a LOT of paint brushes to clean at once.THEODORA: Well that certainly makes me feel better.HALLEY: We’ll go grab it right now.RION: And then do a reverse loop through the neighborhood!THEODORA: What... do you mean?RION: We visited Richard, then Ananda, then Bert, and now you. And once we get your bucket, we’ll be visiting Bert, then Anada, then Richard. We’ve been helping everyone out with errands today, but you’re the first person we can help ourselves!THEODORA: Well, I’m happy to be of service.HALLEY: I’m so excited that my giant bucket gets to be even more useful.Narration:
It takes us a little longer to carry the very full bucket from Halley’s living room to Theodora’s home than it did to run any of the errands, but we get it there eventually. Theodora performs the finishing touches on their enchantment, which we deliver to Bert.BERT: Thank you!RION: I’m so excited to see this.BERT: Okay![SFX: Bert animates the cart. The sound of the spell is similar to something whirring up and starting to tick. Then the cart putts around the floor, making the noise of running gears and a constant pattern of sweeping.]RION: That’s AMAZING!!HALLEY: You’ve outdone yourself with this one, Bert.BERT: You think so? It’s… uh… for Ananda.HALLEY: Oh Bert! She’s going to love it.BERT: Do you wanna come with me to deliver it? I’m too nervous to do it on my own. I might turn around at the door if nobody’s there to stop me!RION: Of course!HALLEY: Plus... Ananda’s promised us fresh bread and you know I’m not missing out on that.BERT: [laughs] I would never expect you to, Halley.Narration:
The three of us head over to Ananda’s. She lights up when she sees Bert with us, and her smile gets even bigger when she finds out what they made for her. Bert had no reason to be nervous. Ananda gets an onion for us, and we leave the two of them to deliver it to Richard.RICHARD: Oh, there you are!RION: It took us a bit longer than expected, but we got the onion!RICHARD: Oh thank you! You’re actually right on time, I’ve been prepping the other ingredients.HALLEY: Ah yes, we clearly planned that all along. My sixth soup sense had the timing all sorted out.RICHARD: You and that soup sense. Oh, quick! Go get my ladder now, your roof’s been leaking long enough. Time your return right, and there might be stew for you both!RION: And if we time it wrong?RICHARD: Oh well, there’ll just be the lingering scent of stew and a dirty napkin!HALLEY: Richard!RICHARD: Ha! I’m kidding. I’ll save you some stew. Now, run-run run along, fix your roof.HALLEY: Have I ever been late for dinner?RICHARD: No ma’am you never have.NARRATION:
Ladder in hand, we finally fix the living room leak. It takes comparatively little time to patch the roof then it did to get a ladder to do it. Once we’re confident that Halley’s house will stay dry inside, we return the ladder and get some of Richard’s legendary soup! He insists on sharing it with Ananda since she provided the onion, so we all head over with one last delivery.
It’s not raining anymore, but Ananda insists we come inside and have some of her bread with the soup. Bert is still there, along with Theodora, invited by Ananda for fresh bread as soon as she learned who made the enchantment for the clockwork cart. Richard, of course, brough far too much soup for one person anyway, so there’s plenty to go around. We have a little potluck with the six of us there in Ananda’s house, dipping bread in the soup, and watching the cart roll around sweeping up crumbs, trying to decide a name for it. The sun has long set by the time we agree to name it Robert and move on to other topics, discussing arts and crafts, magic, community, and a whole host of other things together in the candlelight.CREDITS:
Thank you for Sidequesting with us! This episode, What Goes Around Comes Around, was written and produced by Tal Minear. The voice of Halley was Emma Laslett. Richard was voiced by Sean Howard, Ananda was voiced by Amara Augustine, Bert was voiced by Ali Hylton, and Theodora was voiced by Shade Oyemakinwa. The voice of Rion was Tal Minear. A big thanks to Anne, Ilya, Jesse, Kyle, and E.L. Thackwray for supporting this episode.If you like Sidequesting, you might like Signed, Venus - a new audio fiction podcast about one dynamic duo's journey to uncover the identity of an anonymous, travelling writer. This show is really lovely. It’s warm and heartfelt while also being cool and mysterious. It reminds me of all the good parts about living by the beach, and I think you’ll really like it. Here’s the trailer:

HAYDEN: Ten years is an awfully long time to stay a mystery. Why would they bother pointing that out now if they really didn’t want people to look for them?[There is a pause, and music starts to play.]HAYDEN: The person, the myth, the Coast Venus legend themselves- The Writer!KAMERON: The Writer-MIRAH: I still don’t see why I should tell you how to find The Writer.NURI: What brought you two to Arabella?HAYDEN: Arabella was The Writer’s first stop, and it sounds so beautiful, and the people seem so friendly!KAMERON: That description’s not super detailed, though, right? How are we even supposed to-?VALERIA: Didja get lost?MIRAH: [Laughter]KAMERON: Well it’s been ten years, right? People change, I guess.SIGNED VENUS, PART I. COMING THIS SPRING.

Episode 15

NARRATION:
Today is another long day of traveling. It’s not too bad though - right now I’m walking through a really pretty meadow. There are all these different types of wildflowers growing everywhere, and not really any sort of path. I’m trying my best not to step on the flowers, which involves some very irregular steps and even a jump or two. It almost turns into a game, and I’m so focused on it that I don’t notice the person behind me until we collide .[SFX: Fade in outside meadow ambiance during narration. Two people fall on the grass.]REMMINGTON (as Remmington): [Rushed] Sorry about that. The name’s Remy Fullbright. You’ll want to remember that. Sorry about this, too.[SFX: A wooshing magic noise.]REMINGTON (as Rion): [Rushed, same cadence as before even though the voice is different] Guards are after me. Well, now you. Sorry. I just need to… borrow you. Well, now me. Sorry again. They’re tracking the body. My body, so I had to borrow yours. I promise I’ll give it back at some point. I’m tired of running. They’ll catch up with you eventually, but... you should go. I suggest you run.RION (as Remmington): Oh yeah, I’ll run. After you! Get back here-[SFX: Slight magical explosion, then ambience fades out, then ambience fades back in]RION (as Remmington): [A little disoriented] Okay, that was something... Let’s summarize… different body, currently wanted by… guards…? need to find… someone? To undo this? How do I undo this?[SFX: fade out outside meadow ambiance]NARRATION:
It’s a bit disorienting walking through the same meadow, but as someone else. I’m still trying to avoid the flowers, but my jumps push me farther than I expect and I keep miscalculating my steps. I’m not really sure where I should be going, though. According to Remy, guards are looking for me, and I’m not sure seeking them out and explaining the situation would go over well. But continuing to run away won’t do much good either. All I know is that I don’t want to stay here in the middle of this field. At minimum, the woods on the other side of it will provide more cover while I figure out what to do.
I think I need a third party to help me sort this out. Remy used some sort of magical device to initiate our… exchange, so it’s got to be reversible. If I can reverse it before I run into these guards, that would be ideal. There’s just no way I can figure that out on my own.
As I cross from the field to the threshold of the woods, I notice someone deeper within it, with a dark green cloak, and a bow and quiver strung on their back. They’re kneeling on the ground, eye level with a deer. It almost looks like they’re having a conversation. As I walk toward them, the deer scampers away and the ranger stands up. They don’t draw their bow, but they do seem a little suspicious.[SFX: Fade in forest ambience. Footsteps as Rion approaches.]RION (as Remmington): Hi, um, I need some help. I’m in a weird situation here...ASPEN: [confused] Aren’t you that wanted person I see posters for every time I’m in town? You look very similar. I expected more running and less… wandering around in a daze, though.RION (as Remmington): Well, no. Well… yes? Well, it’s complicated. Are you going to turn me in?ASPEN: It depends. What did you do?RION (as Remmington): I honestly have no idea. What did the wanted posters say?ASPEN: Misuse of magic, rampant arson, crimes against the kingdom… several other things I can’t recall… But you said you have no idea? Can you elaborate on that, uh, Remmington? I think that was your name.RION (as Remmington): Yeah, uh… well… I’m not Remmington? I’m Rion. I just look like them because they ran into me and enacted some sort of… exchange of bodies? I don’t know how to undo it and I think I’m running out of time before I run into the guards who are after me. Or are after who they think is me.ASPEN: [pause, taking in all in] Well, that would explain a lot.RION (as Remmington): You believe me?ASPEN: I believe you. Your aura is all messed up. I’m curious about something, though. Is it alright if I try a little experiment? Can you close your eyes and hold your hand out?RION (as Remmington): Sure. And… okay?ASPEN: Now picture fire. And open your eyes.[SFX: Small fire noises]RION (as Remmington): THERE IS A FIRE IN MY HAND?ASPEN: [calm] Deep breath. Think of blowing a candle out. Annd there you go.[SFX: Fire goes out]RION (as Remmington): What. Was. that?ASPEN: The wanted posters warn that you -or, well, Remmington Fullbright, I should say- is a dangerous magician. I was curious how that would with you as Remmington.RION (as Remmington): So I have magic right now?ASPEN: Yep, you sure do.RION (as Remmington): Huh. That’s a first.ASPEN: It’s also good news for fixing your situation.RION (as Remmington): [hopeful] Oh?
ASPEN: I have some magic of my own, but it’s forest magic. I can’t undo this on my own; it’s not how my magic works. However, I can train you how to use your magic to do it. It’ll be harder than manifesting a small flame, though. Think you can handle that?RION (as Remmington): I will take whatever I can get. I miss being me. Plus this Remmington fellow doesn’t have any trail mix on them, and that’s also kind of a bummer.ASPEN: Why don’t you come with me back to my cabin. I suspect we don’t have a lot of time, what with the guards presumably on your tail, but it’s probably better for you to be out of sight.RION (as Remmington): I agree.ASPEN: I’ll try some things to throw them off your trail. I can’t stop them from following you, but I have a few ideas that will confuse them tremendously.NARRATION (voiced by Leo):
Before we start moving, the ranger pauses, a look of concentration on their face. The ground ripples like water for a moment, and when it settles, the footprints in the dirt are different. They match our footprints, but they’re all going in opposite ways from where we are - except for one direction, which I assume is the way to the cabin. We start walking that way when a rabbit hops forward. The ranger whispers something into its ear, and it jumps away. I’m not sure if it was summoned by the spell or just knew to come, but I am impressed either way.ASPEN: Sorry to be rude - I’ve got to whisper or it’ll startle her. She and some of my other friends are off to be a nuisance to anyone they come across in armour. Hopefully that’s only your guards… I’m Aspen, by the way. I don’t think I actually told you my name.RION (as Remmington): I figured it would come up sooner or later. We are going to your home, after all.ASPEN: That’s typical of me, to invite strangers to my cabin before I even tell them my name. [pause] Most of my friends are animals. They don’t tend to use my name.RION: Well, I’m glad to know it. It’s a nice name.ASPEN: Thanks, I chose it myself. [laughs]NARRATION (voiced by Leo):
We continue walking along a small trail, until Aspen takes a sharp turn through the brush. While they are very talented at stepping around roots and not getting their cloak caught on branches, my own technique leaves much to be desired. I’m going to blame it on having a different pair of legs, but I’d probably be in the same position regardless. Thankfully, Aspen graciously waits for me to catch up every time they get ahead. This only happens two or three times before we reach their cabin, which is tucked away in a patch of woods as dense as the ones we just walked through. It’s almost as if it sprung directly from the trees, adorned with hanging vines and topped with so many branches that the roof is indiscernible.[SFX: Footsteps, on pine needles or grass]RION: This is such a lovely little cabin. I love how it looks like part of the woods.ASPEN: Thank you. I didn’t want to disrupt the ecosystem here so I did my best to work with it. An added bonus is that guards could probably walk by this place two or three times before actually finding it.RION: You are a really good person to know when you’re on run, aren’t you?ASPEN: I may have been on the run once or twice in my time.RION: Really?ASPEN: Kings really hate it when you disrupt their hunting.RION: Ah.[SFX: Front door opens, footsteps change to wood/tile, front door closes. We hear Aspen rummaging through some drawers. Also wooden.]ASPEN: Alright… I’ll need that… and that… and this… not this… yes that… okay! Wait, bucket of water… okay! For real this time!RION: Bucket of water?ASPEN: In case we get some unexpected pyrotechnics. Don’t want to burn the dining table down. Not again.RION (as Remmington): Again?ASPEN: Fireflies. Long story. No time to tell it, we’ve got magic lessons to do.RION (as Remmington): Fair enough. Next time we meet, though, I wanna hear it.ASPEN: Sure thing, Orion. First, we need to work on your magical focus. This is all about tapping into the magic and bringing it to the surface. It’s different than just focusing on a task. You can stare at your hands and think MAGIC! all you want, but that’s not how it works. You need to think about the effect of the magic.RION (as Remmington): Is this what happened when I summoned the fire back there? I was thinking about flames, and then there they were.ASPEN: Yes. Though, working with specific focus and intention, you’ll be able to do more than just summon a handful of flame. I asked you for fire back there because it seems to be one of Remmington’s strengths, and I thought it might come naturally. For practicing focus, however, I want you to summon light.RION (as Remmington): Isn’t fire light?ASPEN: I mean non-flammable light. It’s easy to shape and change when summoned, and I think it will be a good place to start.RION (as Remmington): Okay. Do I just picture light?ASPEN: Not quite. Start there, and then focus on what you’re feeling.RION (as Remmington): [confused] Okay. Hand out, eyes closed [they do this as they say it].... Light.[SFX: fire crackling]RION (as Remmington): Oh no! That’s fire again!ASPEN: That’s alright. Don’t panic, this is why I have the water.RION (as Remmington): [trying to calm down] Not panicking. Thinking of fire going out.[SFX: Fire stops]RION (as Remmington): I think it was easier that time!ASPEN: Good, that’s progress. Try again now.RION (as Remmington): Light, light, light… oh!ASPEN: You’ve got it. Now, do you feel the energy that’s powering that light?RION (as Remmington): I think so!ASPEN: Focus on that, and try to change it. Changing that energy changes the effect of the magic.RION (as Remmington): Ummmm… okay… [pause] Well that’s more of it but it’s not different…ASPEN: Think of it like turning a page of a book, not like pouring water out of a cup.RION (as Remmington): Oh. Oh! [pause] Got it! But why that color? I was thinking of light blue, not… dark purple.ASPEN: Magic is less about the specifics you imagine and more about what you want to happen.RION (as Remmington): Hmm. I guess I wanted something really different than white.ASPEN: And you got that! You’re a natural at this, Rion.RION (as Remmington): Don’t call me a natural until I can get this light to be blue… Oh! There we go. That was remarkably easy.ASPEN: We’ll have you back in your own body in no time. [pause] Which is good, because we don’t have a lot of time to begin with.NARRATION:
After practicing summoning, I learn the ins and outs of exchanging two objects. Aspen gives me two jars and shows me how to switch the contents. I feel like going from jars to people will be a big step up, but they assure me it’s the same principle. It turns out to be pretty similar to summoning, and soon I’m swapping all sorts of things.
To prepare for switching people, my next task involves putting magic into an object. It’s a cross between enchantment and magical storage - imbuing an object with energy but not causing it to do anything specifically. Aspen says that the spell to reverse my current situation requires powering some sort of object and using it to make the swap. It’s what Remmington did the first time - they just didn’t really think through the possibility that I might do it right back. I guess they thought I would get caught before I could try anything. But instead, I found Aspen, who is showing me how to try lots of things, like filling an acorn with my magic. After a small pile of acorns later, I’ve got the hang of doing it consistently.ASPEN: You’re doing great!RION (as Remmington): How can you tell I’ve done it right? I guess the acorns feel different, but are they the right different?ASPEN: I can tell because they’re acorns. It’s the -RION (as Remmington): [overlapping with line below] -Nature Magic?ASPEN: [overlapping with line above] -Nature Magic. [laughs] Yeah, exactly. If they were rocks, I’d be at more of a loss.RION (as Remmington): Acorns are more fun, anyway! Are you going to do something with all these magical practice acorns?ASPEN: I’ll feed them to the possums. They like their acorns with a bit of spice.RION (as Remmington): Magic is spicy to possums?ASPEN: Apparently! [laughs] It’s actually a safe way to release the magic in them. Except for the one you’ll be using. We need that release of magic for the spell. You ready to set that up?RION: It’s now or never!ASPEN: Alright. You’ve got to do the same thing you’ve been practicing to fill the acorn, but you need to fill it with the specific spell we practiced before instead of just magical energy. It’s doing two things at once, basically, channeling the spell and storing it. When it comes time to activate the exchange, you’ll do the spell again - just the spell - and it’s power will be doubled when you use the acorn. Follow all that?RION: Yeah, I think so.ASPEN: Great. Take your time. We’ve moved fast enough with our practice so you don’t need to rush this final step.RION: Okay… [breathes in, then out, slowly][SFX: Spell happens. It sounds similar to the noise of the swapping spell, but longer, softer, and slightly muted.]RION: ...is that it?ASPEN: Yep! Before you activate it you should take a quick break. Who knows what kind of situation you’ll land in.RION: That’s a good point. Magic sure takes a lot out of you.ASPEN: That it does. Here, I’ll grab us both a drink.[SFX: Aspen walks over, pours a drink out of pitcher, and walks back over and sit downs]RION: Thanks.[Pause as they both take a sip.]RION (as Remmington): I’ve learned a lot about Remmington’s magic, but what is forest magic like?ASPEN: I can’t summon things like you, but I can heal, and grow plants, and converse with an animal or two. I can tell when it’s going to rain and I always know the direction my home is in. I get a sort of read on people… that aura I mentioned earlier. It’s a softer type of magic, and it tunes into nature.RION (as Remmington): And the magic I’m using… tunes into me?ASPEN: You’ve got that right.RION (as Remmington): What type of magic is it? Not forest, obviously, but…?ASPEN: This is a sorcerer's magic. It’s always been unclear to me if it comes from body or spirit, but I think we can see the answer.RION (as Remmington): [As if in agreement] Body.ASPEN: A little of both, actually.RION (as Remmington): Wait, what?ASPEN: How you use this magic is going to be different than how Remmington used it. It tunes into you, and while you are Remmington right now, you also aren’t them. You’re still, largely, Rion.RION (as Remmington): I guess I do still feel like me. Just… a bit more magical. And slightly taller.ASPEN: And without your usual bag of trail mix.RION (as Remmington): Do you think Remmington still has magic? While they're in my body, I mean.ASPEN: I wouldn’t have been able to answer that yesterday, but watching you work with magic has helped me figure that out. If the magic is linked to spirit and body… well, they’ve still got one of those with them. So yes, I think so.RION (as Remmington): If the magic is split… will I be able to pull this off?ASPEN: Magic has not set quantity. Sure, Remington’s magic is split between you both right now, but that doesn’t mean you can do less with it. [pause, as Rion probably stares in confusion] It’s complicated, I know.RION (as Remmington): I’m so glad I ran into you. I’ve learned so much and we only just met.

ASPEN: Likewise. You’re going to do great things, Rion.RION (as Remmington): Like get my body back. I think I’m ready. You sure you’re okay with having a wanted person in your living room?ASPEN: Oh, I’m not worried. They’ll be the one who is worried.RION (as Remmington): Before I try this… shouldn’t you tie me to this chair or something?ASPEN: That would take all the fun out of it.RION (as Remmington): If you’re sure…ASPEN: I’m sure.RION (as Remmington): Okay. Here we go.[SFX: The spell activates, sounding the same as the first time, and the ambient noise changes to a library.]RION: W- what? Uh, sorry, I...INTERVIEWER: It’s quite alright. Would you like some water? I could have Clark fetch some-RION: No thank you, I’ve already had some... Uh, what was I saying just now?INTERVIEWER: You were explaining why you were qualified for this position. “Passionate about maintaining literature,” and-RION: What position, exactly?INTERVIEWER: Here at the central library? We’re looking for people to help us stock, file, and maintain our countless tomes of knowledge! I believe I covered this earlier?RION: Okay. Right. Uh- the central library in what city?INTERVIEWER: Bradeford, of course. City of the flowers! Are you feeling alright? You seem somewhat disoriented; we could reschedule this interview if you’re feeling ill.RION: Oh, Bradeford! I always wanted to visit here! Hey, I’m sorry but I’ve changed my mind about… this position. Could you show me to the door? I’m not sure which way is the exit.[SFX: Rion and the interviewer stand up. Chairs scrape.]INTERVIEWER: I- uh- yes. Right this way. [pause] Thank you for applying?RION: Thank you for having me, I guess? Good luck finding someone!INTERVIEWER: Good luck to you too, I suppose! [under breath] That was the oddest interview I’ve ever had.[SFX: Footsteps as Rion exits the library. A large wooden door closes.]NARRATION (voiced by Tal):
I leave the very confused interviewer behind in the library and go to explore the city of flowers. I’m glad he didn’t seem too offended at my sudden change of heart. Remmington might have wanted to work in a library, but I’ve got other things to do. I’ll send any good candidates I find here in Bradeford his way.
The inside of the library was beautiful, and I quickly find out that the outside is too, as well as the other buildings nearby. I’m not used to getting to a city so fast - especially getting dropped right in the middle of it. Wait, is the central library in the center of the city? I’m not actually sure. There’s only one way to find out - wandering around until I get my bearings! [pause] Or I could ask someone, but where’s the fun in that?CREDITS:
Thank you for Sidequesting with us! This episode, Equivalent Exchange, was written and produced by Tal Minear. Aspen was voiced by Evan Tess Murray. The interviewer was voiced by Clint McElroy. The voices of Remmington and Rion were Leo Balestri and Tal Minear. A big thanks to Anne, Ilya, Jesse, Kyle, and E.L. Thackwray for supporting this episode.If you want to know what happened to Remy, there is a patron-exclusive episode that tunes in to their shenanigans. Visit pateron.com/sidequesting to find out more about how to access that episode.If you like Sidequesting, you might like The Beacon, a fantasy audio drama about magic powers, giant monsters, and the importance of friendship. This podcast is fun, sweet, and exciting. Not everyone with powers wants to be a hero in The Beacon, but they all step up in their own way and I love watching these characters grow. Here’s the trailer.[Music plays over clips cut together from across multiple episodes]BEE: Hi, and welcome to The Beacon.THALASSAL: My name is Prince Thalassal, son of King Valanial and heir to the throne of the Onoles.NEWT: Well, thank you for entertaining us, Prince...Falafel, but we have real life to deal with here.HAWK: What’s the emergency? Is there a new monster on campus? Another magic user? A dragon?WOLF: You all have these powers now, and...I’m just still trying to be of use.CAPY: I don’t think we can ignore this one, Bee. I think we’ve got another monster on campus.
HAWK: It’s time for a training montaaaage!MOTH: Inside voice.THALASSAL: I am prepared to lead! I am prepared to handle any form of attack!HART: Tell me how we fix this. Tell me how this gets any better!BEE: The people here, and the monsters, we can all live in peace!WOLF-MONSTER: [deep, rumbling growl]VOICE-OVER: It’s The Beacon, an urban fantasy audio drama. To learn more, visit thebeaconpodcast.com, or follow us on Twitter at thebeaconpod.

Exchanged Equivalently

NARRATION (Voiced by Leo):
Well that was an interesting update in this chase. Apparently the people after me have managed to pull off some especially tricky magic! Good for them, I didn’t think they could do it. They’ve managed to find the right court wizard to create a tracking spell that tunes directly into me. No more glamors or disguises for ol’ Remmington - I’ve got a beacon pointed right at me regardless of who I look like. Jokes on them though, I’ve got one more thing up my sleeve… I just need to find someone to help me out with it.
And whaddya know, could I have found just the person... Alone in a field, nobody else nearby… they’re close to my size, I could probably take them on if things get a little physical… And I like their style. Yep, they’re the one. Fantastic.[SFX: fade in outside ambiance, Remmington running]REMY: [calling out] Hey! Hey there![SFX: More running, then collision]REMMINGTON (as Remmington): [Rushed] Sorry about that. The name’s Remy Fullbright. You’ll want to remember that. Sorry about this, too.[SFX: A wooshing magic noise.]REMINGTON (as Rion): [Rushed, same cadence as before even though the voice is different] Guards are after me. Well, now you. Sorry. I just need to… borrow you. Well, now me. Sorry again. They’re tracking the body. My body, so I had to borrow yours. I promise I’ll give it back at some point. I’m tired of running. They’ll catch up with you eventually, but... you should go. I suggest you run.RION (as Remmington): Oh yeah, I’ll run. After you! Get back here-[SFX: Slight magical explosion]REMY (as Rion): Knocked yourself out, huh. That’s quite a stroke of luck for me. Sign from the gods if there ever was. Welp. Time to go.[SFX: Running in a field]REMY (as Rion): Maybe it would be better if I wasn’t running… That would be less… suspicious.[SFX: Walking in a field]REMY (as Rion): [sigh] Okay. You’re fine, Remy. They’re chasing the wrong person now. No reason to suspect you. [deep breath] Alright. Let’s see what we have here.[SFX: Sword unsheathed]REMY (as Rion): Ooh! Nice sword.[SFX: Sword sheathed, bag rummaging]REMY (as Rion): Mmm, trail mix, good choice.[SFX: a few stomps]REMY (as Rion): Love these boots, too. And the cloak. All in all, I think I got rather lucky running into who I did. Should’ve asked them for their name… Speaking of which, I’ve got to think of a new name for myself. Hmm… Raven? Too close. Jamie? Nah. Antoine? Ehhh… Indigo… oh I do like that. Indigo Fullbright. Wait. Indigo Middark. That’s the one. Sounds... mysterious. I like it.[SFX: Guard footsteps fade in, unnoticed by Remy]REMY: Alright, time to make my way to- [awkwardly] Oh… hello good sir.GUARD: Excuse me, have you seen this person? We’ve tracked them to near this location.[SFX: flap of a cloth or paper drawing with Remmington’s face on it]REMY: As a matter of fact… I saw someone who looked similar running past over there that way…GUARD: Thank you, uh-REMY: Indigo.GUARD: Thank you, Indigo. [pause, said as they’re running back to their fellow guard] Hey, Bram! Try the tracking spell in this direction![SFX: Guard runs off]REMY (as Rion): Good luck my friend. Thanks for taking one for the team. [sigh] Whew I am sure lucky I found you when I did. [pause] Could probably have fought my way outta that scrape, but glad I didn’t have to.[SFX: Fade out ambience]NARRATION: (read by Tal)
I settle into my new body as I head to the city of Bradeford. I’ve always wanted to go there, but it was never safe to visit with my… well-known status. It’s one of the larger cities in this area because it’s near both a lovely part of the Turquoise river and this beautiful large meadow. A decent woods is also nearby, I hear it’s pretty good for hunting. Regardless of its surroundings, this city itself is full of lots of interesting people doing lots of very interesting things. It seems like a nice place to settle down, even though I will have to keep to… standard exploits. But I’ll find a nice steady job and some sort of unrisky hobby and have a go at being an upstanding citizen.
I’m also pleasantly surprised to discover that I still have my magic. I wasn’t sure what would happen when it came to borrowing someone else’s body, and while it certainly feels different, it’s definitely still there. Looks like I won’t even need my spare store of magical reservoirs for the swap back.
I wonder where guards will bring them- or me- or, I should just say Remy at this point. Are they going back to the kingdom? There’s not much of the kingdom to go back too… ooops… Well, if they go to the nearest city, that’ll be Bradeford and I’ll be able to keep an eye on them. Poor chap is gonna get a hefty charge for dungeon time… But when that’s done I’ll get to go back to being myself and they’ll get their body back no worse for the wear. It’ll be fine.[SFX: Fade in city hustle and bustle. Remmington walks around, making comments.]REMY: Ah, Bradeford! Good to finally make it.REMY: Oh, flower stalls! I’m not surprised.REMY: Love this market. Love that knife. [pause] Want that knife. [pause] Remy you cannot steal that knife you just got here.REMY: I wonder where the inn is. There’s probably several, now that I think about it. How much money do I have?[SFX: Remmington rummaging through the bag. Slight coin jingle.]REMY: Enough for about a week. I can find a job by then. [pause] And then I can buy that knife.REMY: Ah, gotta watch out for the carts.REMY: Oh! Job opening at the central library, I will have to check that out.REMY: That looks like a very nice pub, making a note of that...REMY: Ah, here’s an inn!NARRATION:
I reserve a room in the inn for the night, and take a quick break for a drink. I haven’t had a break in ages! This is exactly what I needed, and I can’t wait to sleep in a real bed tonight, too. But first, I want to visit the central library to find out more about this job opening they’ve got posted in the window. A job in a library sounds like just the thing to keep myself occupied with. Safe and calm, but not too terribly boring.
I head over as soon as I finish with my little break. The library is huge, and looks to be well stocked from a first glance. This looks like the sort of place where lots of rare books on forbidden magical craft might be hiding… I could see a job here having several perks… There’s a front desk near the entrance, and I’m greeted when I approach it.CLARK THE CLERK: Hello, how can I help you?REMY: Hi. I’d like to interview for your open position. I saw the posting outside and I’m very interested.CLERK: Excellent! I know Marle is anxious to fill the job quickly. You’re welcome to schedule an appointment for later this week, but he’s also in the back right now if you’d prefer to apply today.REMY: Oh, I’d love to apply right now! That would be really convenient. I’m new here in town, and I’m looking for a job right away.CLERK: Wonderful. Can I get your name?REMY: Indigo.CLERK: Thank you, Indigo. Marle will be doing the interview, but I have a few quick questions.REMY: By all means, ask away.CLERK: Do you have previous library experience?REMY: Oh yes.CLERK: Just not in Bradeford, I presume?REMY: Correct.CLERK: Are you okay with the possibility of travel?REMY: Is this a traveling library?CLERK: No, but we do occasionally send people out to collect books from other locations.REMY: Late books?CLERK: Donor collections. If someone holds onto a book past it’s due, we usually just let them have it. The rare collections don’t leave the library.REMY: Ah, I see. I’m okay with travel. Certainly have done a lot of it.CLERK: Excellent. And I presume your ideal start date would be immediately?REMY: You’ve got that right.CLERK: Marle will like that. Okay, that’s all I have for you. Wait just a moment and I’ll send him out.INTERVIEWER: As you know from our posting, we are looking for qualified individuals to assist in library maintenance. If hired, your job will include sorting and filing, scroll repair, book acquisition, and other tasks of that nature. Would that be within your abilities?REMY: Oh of course. I’m quite familiar with all of those tasks and how to do them, it should be no problem.INTERVIEWER: Oh excellent. This library is an esteemed place, as you know, and we hire only the finest here. Could you expand on your experience and what makes you qualified for this position?REMY: Well, I am quite experienced in magical studies, and have spent a lot of time in libraries across the land. I have a great respect for the work that takes place here. I’m passionate about maintaining literature, and-[SFX: Noise of swap]REMY (as Remmington): -I am certainly up to the task of maintaining… Wait. Where am I? Who are you? What’s- Oh. I see.ASPEN: Yeah. I suggest you run.CREDITS:
Thank you for Sidequesting with us! This supporter-exclusive episode, Exchanged Equivalently, was written and produced by Tal Minear. The guard was voiced by Nikko Goldstein. The clerk was voiced by Kayli Minear. The interviewer was voiced by Clint McElroy. Aspen was voiced by Evan Tess Murray. The voices of Remmington and Rion were Leo Balestri and Tal Minear.I hope you enjoyed this flipside to episode 15! Thank you for supporting this little show of mine. It means so much to me, and I’m incredibly glad to be worthy of your support.

Into The Cavern

Rion:
It’s been a long time since I’ve been in the mountains. The crisp air wisping between the peaks and valleys gives everything a gentle stillness you just can’t find around people. Well, most people. I’m on my way to Copperhill to answer a call for some library volunteers. They’ve got this annual scroll census at the archives and the curators need all the help they can get. It’s still about a three day’s journey on foot, but I can cut a day off by going through the Cyaran mountains. There isn’t a hugerush, giving me plenty of time to admire the view. As the evening sun shines through the clouds, a majestic dance of reds and purples casts a pleasant glow over the landscape. Long shadows streak out from the occasional pine trees and darken the ground just enough that I can see the occasional glowing eyes of the mountain mice. They’re perfectly harmless and very cute, but also very scared of people, which is a shame.Rion (Cont’d):
I keep my distance as I descend onto an outcropping. One of the creatures skitters away from me as I take a seat to admire the sky. The sun is fading now, and I should probably make camp soon. I can see a small cave entrance not too far away, but I can take one last look at the sky before heading into the mountain. The brilliant glow of the clouds feels like a call from the sky, saying the day is done and that’s okay.Rion:
When the sun dips behind the clouds, I make my way towards the cave. I pick up some loose branches on my way for kindling, and prepare to set up camp for the night.Rion:
Along the way I spot some Teceb flowers, whose roots make a delicious soup. My arms are already pretty full, but I manage to grab a few handfuls as I make my way inside the mountain. Most of them make it with me.Rion:
The cave is bigger than I imagined. You could probably fit a good number of people in here if you had too. I set up my bedroll and pack a few feet away from where I plan on building my fire. I can’t see all that well into the cave yet. If only I still had Remmington’s light powers, I’m sure I could light this whole cavern up no problem! But I’ll just have to use my flint.SFX: Rion strikes a flint and a fire promptly starts.Rion:
Wow, there must not have been much rain here recently. I can’t remember the last time I lit a fire on my first try. Now I’m that much closer to making soup!SFX: Cauldron is set up. We hear, very very quietly, some skittering and chirping from the dragon.Rion:
Teceb soup doesn’t take very long to make, but it is slightly more than just adding water and heat. My sword might not be the best option for chopping these little roots, but it’s certainly getting the job done!Rion:
This is a really good soup to share with someone. I’ll have to see if Nocek is still in Copperhill when I get there, I know they love a good batch. But for now, it’s just me and the mountain. It’s nice to just sit sometimes and be alone with the world around you.SFX: The dragon chirps and we hear rocks moving.Rion:
Hello? Is someone there?
Okay then, I guess I’ll just finish my dinner andSFX: DRAGON GIVES A TINY LITTLE BATTLE CRY AS THEY RUN TOWARDS RIONRion:
AHH!SFX: Rion picks up a bowl to defend themself, but drops it with a clatter.Cene:
AAAHH Scary Object!SFX: The dragon goes running off in a scrambling fury. You know, like when cats can’t get a grip on hardwood floors.Rion (Narr):
I’m not entirely sure what this creature is, but considering that I’m staying the night here, it’s probably best that I investigate.I know it isn’t a classical dragon, since those all died out. Maybe a ghost? It could always just be a couple of mountain mice. Maybe there’s an old mountain caretaker living here? Whatever it is, or whoever I suppose, I hope they’re friendly. I’d hate to spend the night in a damp cave with a grumpy neighbor. I carefully get up so I don’t startle my temporary companion.SFX: Soft, non-threatening footstepsRion:
Hello?
I’m not going to hurt you.SFX: Skittering in crevasses!Rion:
Oookay then.
We can just sit together for a bit, if you prefer. That’s okay too.SFX: Assorted skitterings as Rion talks.Rion:
You don’t have to be afraid of me. I promise I’m just passing through. I’m on my way to Copperhill, just past the river Fleuve. Do you have a name?My name’s Rion.
I’m an adventurer, I guess. But not like, you know, a legendary, conquering one. There’s not some big quest that I’m heading off to complete to become a Knight of the Realms or anything. I just sort of float between towns seeing who needs help.Cene:
Not a knight??Rion:
Nope, just a helpful wanderer.Cene:
The adventurer speaks! Hmm. Hmmm. HMMMMMM. Curious. Very curious. Adventurer must not see Cene.Rion:
See...Sen?Cene:
No no! The adventurer must not lay eyes upon the great and powerful drake Cene! FEAR ME!Rion (NARR):
It takes everything in me to keep from bursting into laughter. That voice is so cute! And besides, everyone knows that if regular dragons ever did exist, they were killed by vicious kings and unworthy knights centuries ago. I absolutely must make a new friend.Rion:
Do you...want some gold?SFX: Light skitteringCene:
…no! Dragons do not desire gold!Rion:
Oh. Not even this little coin?SFX
Coin Flipped in the air. It lands on the ground.
Skittering away!Cene:
No no no! Cene does not desire gold! Cene does not hoard the smelted gold like the dragons in the tales of old!Rion:
Do you want some soup instead?Cene:
SOUP?SFX: Excited skitterCene:
No no dragons must not meet with humans!SFX: Forceful skitter away. Resist the Soup.Rion:
There’s plenty to share. Here, I’ll just put this over here for you, and you can come have some if you wantSFX: Rion pours a bowl of soup and scooches it towards the source of the skitteringCene:
Human offers soup? Human does not fear the mighty Cene!?Rion:
What would I have to be afraid of? I’m sure you’re a perfectly nice person.Cene:
ALL SHALL FEAR THE MIGHTY AND TERRIBLE DRAGON CENE!Rion (Narr):
And with this rather surprising introduction, the cutest little face emerges from a crevice above me. Two sets of horns extend from their head, which they wiggle like they’re trying to be threatening? I’m not the least bit threatened though, since this new friend can’t be more than three feet long.
As they make their way down the cave wall, I use my sword to push the bowl of soup I’ve laid out a little closer to them.Cene (to self):
Human holds The Sword!!!Rion:
You can call me Rion. You’re ...Sen, right?Cene:
The Mighty Cene of the Old Drake Flock!Rion:
I didn’t think dragons existed around here.Cene:
I stand here before you and you say dragons don’t exist? Pah! Cene obviously exists as Cene is eating your soup!Rion (Narr):
My new friend suddenly darts forward and immediately slorps the soup. Within seconds their eyes are glowing a fiery red and they seem much more confident in their approach. Cene marches right up to my fire and props themself up on their hind legs before looking me in the eye.Cene:
Human Rion offers gifts to Cene. Human makes bed for Cene. Human is friend to Cene?Rion:
Sure! Though, I didn’t make you a bed. Would you like one? I’m sure I could spare a cloak for the night.Cene:
What? Cloak? Why would I want a cloak?Rion:
Well...it’s not like I can go grab a bale of straw for you.Cene:
You have a nice fire right here!Rion:
You sleep in fire?Cene:
Of course, what else would a dragon sleep in?Rion:
I guess I’ve never really thought about that? The only classical dragon I’ve ever met was sort of..not that talkative.Cene:
You’ve met another dragon!? Where!? You must tell me! TELL ME!Rion:
Well, they weren’t...really a dragon.Cene:
What is that supposed to mean?Rion:
Well, there was this princess who was taken by a dragon, and there were a lot of people going to rescue her, but when I got there it turned out she had actually built a fake dragon to keep out all the people after the reward money. So...if you want to get technical, I was the dragon for a little while! At least while she escaped. But now I’m just me.Cene:
Hmmmm….foolish humans believing a fake dragon. You must have been pretty convincing.Rion:
Thanks!Cene:
Hm. Humph!
This is a good fire.Rion:
That doesn’t hurt?Cene:
Ha, silly human. Dragon eggs need to sit in magma pools for 500 years before hatching. This mountain used to be a volcano before it went dormant. Oh, I do miss a good lava bath.SFX: Cene walks to, then rolls over in the fireCene:
I suppose you think I have a gold hoard too.Rion:
Well...do you?Cene:
Erm….no.Rion:
Really?Cene:
Well, not like you probably think. There was a pack of knights here a few decades ago, and they told stories about dragons having great piles of gold coins and ingots. I don’t have any of that.Rion:
But you have...something?Cene:
Oh yes yes of course Cene has something! Follow me!SFX: Cene skitters offCene, fading:
Come come!Rion (Narr):
I quickly get up and follow Cene as they skitter off into another crevice. It’s going to be a tight fit, but I should be able to squeeze in there.
I scootch out onto a small ledge overlooking a massive cavern glittering full of gold veins. Cene lets out tiny little puffs of fire that are just enough to give me a mostly clear view of their majestic home. No smith could craft something this beautiful.Rion:
WOW!Cene:
Now this is the gold of dragons!Rion:
It’s gorgeous!Cene:
This is the gold that dragons guard, that we protect in its natural beauty! You must tell no one of this secret, adventurer!Rion:
Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me!Cene:
Come come, look down here! You should be able to see it from there, just lean over!Rion:
What am I looking at?Cene:
Now it’s been nearly a century since I did this and the knight turned out to be lying about being a knight so some stuff went south, but I think--SFX: SCHWING as Rion’s sword falls down and into the cavern.Cene:
--since you’re just a regular old adventurer AH!Rion:
My sword!Cene:
Scary object is falling! AHHH! Must catch it but scary object no MUST CATCH THE THING! YAAAAAH!SFX: Clink as Cene grabs the sword and starts flapping furiously. They land, then start talking.Cene:
Missing something, adventurer?Rion:
Thanks. I try not to use this for, you know, fighting, but it’s nice to have around sometimes. Especially for cooking.Cene:
You should not hold such things so carelessly. The magics that might have been unleashed had the gold of the Old Drake Flock been damaged would spell doom!Rion:
Are you just pretending to be fierce and menacing again?Cene:
You play a dangerous game, adventurer. Take hold of your weapon.SFX: Rion takes hold of the sword and sheathes it.Rion:
Again, it’s really more of a cooking utensil. Or a shield, sometimes. What was it you wanted to show me?Cene:
Right, right! Behold the dragon fires of old!SFX: Cene huffing and puffing to get enough fire out to fill the tunnels.Rion (NARR):
As Cene puts out fireball after fireball into a small crevice, a gentle glow starts to emerge from the various holes around the cavern. After a few moments, the whole space is aglow in a fiery orange, making all the gold glitter. It puts the evening sky from earlier to shame, and I’m almost tempted not to leave. But I’ve got business in Copperhill, so I should probably get to sleep. Someone has other ideas though.Cene:
I’d really like to show you the fire portraits I’ve done, but I don’t think you’ll be able to fit into that cavern. I’ve got the entire epic of Tanagra blown onto the one wall, including the ascension of the gatherer! Took me four years just to get that one scene done!Rion:
Do you just sort of burn the rock?Cene:
No no, this is dragon’s fire, adventurer! A dragon’s fire can melt the hardest of rocks after long enough! Which means it usually takes me about a week to finish up a face, but it used to take me a month!Rion:
That’s actually really impressive!Cene:
Thank you! I have to have something occupying my time. Sure, watching over the Old Drake Flock’s gold is a noble cause and everything, and sometimes I have to take care of a spare pool of water but it’s mostly just waiting around.Rion:
What are you waiting for?Cene:
Not what, who! All dragons have a purpose to inspire at least one individual to their true calling! I’ve still got a few centuri es before I get around to that though. You’ve got to be large and intimidating before you can start handing out wizened advice like that.Rion:
Well, I hope whoever you’re waiting for is worthy of that cavern.Cene:
Oh, they will be. It’s only a matter of timeRion (NARR):
I finish up my soup which I actually got to share with a friend after all, as Cene tells me what they’ve been up to the last few centuries. It sounds like there’s generally a lot of funny posturing towards non-existent knights and talking to their portraits.Rion (NARR):
I lay out my cloak as Cene snuggles into the embers of my fire. I can hear a gentle rumble as their fire dies out and is replaced by the whistling of the winds moving throughout the cavern. It’s the perfect lullaby to share with a new friend.Rion (NARR):
When I awake, Cene is laying upside down in the ashes of last night’s fire. I can almost hear...purring? I pack up my stuff as quietly as I can and set off.Rion (NARR):
I suppose a lot of people might have expected more from that. Are dragons supposed to grant wishes? I don’t think so. But I’m sure a band of knights would have wanted gold, or old magical secrets or something. There’s probably a person or two who would have expected me to get a quest from Cene. But nope! Just a friendly companion for a night, which was exactly what I wantedCredits:
Thank you for Sidequesting with us! This episode, Into The Cavern, was written by Brad Colbroock and produced by Tal Minear. Cene was voiced by Alex Welch and Rion was voiced by Tal Minear. A big thanks to Anne, Ilya, Jesse, Kyle, and E.L. Thackwray for supporting this episode.
If you like Sidequesting, you might like Diary of a Space Archivist, a very cute show about friendship, chocolate, and space. Sam the space archivist thinks she has a boring job until she finds an alien hiding on her ship - one that really likes curly wurlies. Here’s the trailer.[Wooshing Spaceship noise]Everything’s fine.[beep-boop]Everything will be fine.[beep-boop]Everything is fine![beep-boop]Everything’s fine![beep-boop]Oh, Everything is fine.[beep-boop]Everything’s fine.[beep-boop]Everything's fine.[beep-boop]Everything is fine.[beep-boop]Everything is NOt fine![Music fades in]Diary of A Space Archivist. The comedy sci-fi drama about family, chocolate, and space. Do not be alarmed. Everything will be fine.[Music fades out]

Trial By Fire

AUDIO (0:00): SIDEQUESTING THEME MUSIC.
AUDIO (0:12): SOFT, SOOTHING MUSIC.
RION Today is a travelling day, though the path to Copperhill isn’t the most exciting of trails. It goes over a wide plain, full of tall grass, but not much else. The only markers of the path are trampled grass and wheel ruts from wagons. As far as I can tell I’m the only one on this path today. It winds along the dry creek bed, going generally northward. As I turn a corner on the path, I realize that I’m not actually alone. A dwarf wearing simple travel clothes with a satchel over-full of bugs is on the path ahead of me.
I jog over to catch up with him and introduce myself. His name is Castor, and, though he starts off slightly suspicious of me, he warms up as the conversation continues.
AUDIO (1:01) : MUSIC FADES AWAY AND STOPS ENTIRELY.
AUDIO (1:02): CRICKETS AND BIRDS IN THE DISTANCE.
SOUND (1:03): FOOTSTEPS IN GRASS.
RION (friendly)
So, where are you headed?
CASTOR I’m... on my way to the capitol.
RION That’s pretty far off! I’m going that direction, but I have to stop off in
Copperhill. What brings you all the way to the capitol?
CASTOR I received... uhm... this letter? The Captain of the Royal Guard and the Court Wizard for the Princess were looking for an expert scholar and... I just... happened to be what they were looking for.
RION (impressed)
Oh, you’re a scholar? What are you an expert in?
CASTOR I study demons and demonology.
RION Whoa, that’s really interesting! I don’t know much about demons.
CASTOR No one does, really. That’s why I chose them as my field.
RION Smart!
CASTOR (getting more comfortable and sure)
You know, it’s easy to be afraid of evil things, and, honestly, heh, we should worry about them, how they creep into everyday life, but we also have to understand evil. If we wanna understand how to avoid it or... combat it.
RION I try to avoid combating evil. Save that for the heroes! You know?
CASTOR (surprised)
Oh... are you not...? I guess you’re more of a... standard adventurer?
RION Yup, that’s me! Oh, I wonder if that person up there is one, too! I run into other adventurers sometimes, on... various travels. You are the first scholar though!
CASTOR We uh.... Prefer to stay in libraries.
(unsure)
Could... they be dangerous? Aren’t there bandits on this road?
RION Well, some of them are nice. The bandits. I guess, libraries too.
CASTOR Nice?
RION (calling out)
Hello there!
YEENOG (distant)
Hail and well met!
AUDIO (2:35): BACKGROUND SOUNDS FADE AWAY.
AUDIO (2:36): SOOTHING NARRATION MUSIC FADES IN.
RION The person up ahead doesn’t seem to have any supplies, though he is wearing a very fine cloak. He’s tending to a campfire directly in the middle of the path.
The path is fairly large, though the size of the fire is almost too big. Stary sparks fly up, dangerously close to the surrounding grass. He watches us with interest as we approach, but doesn’t rise from his seat on the ground, unperturbed by the size of the flames
CASTOR Why is he in the middle of the path?
RION (joking)
We’re in the middle of the path.
CASTOR (dry)
Okay, we’re not camping.
RION Fair.
CASTOR (mildly annoyed)
We’re not stopping for a chat, are we?
RION That would be the polite thing to do.
CASTOR Could we just... go around?
RION That would not be the polite thing to do.
CASTOR (sighs)
RION Maybe he needs some help! I don’t see a tent or anything.
CASTOR (pointedly)
He doesn’t have any gear either.
SOUND (3:37): FIRE CRACKLES.
RION He could be a traveling light! Or maybe he lost it all. It happens.
(pause)
Good morning.
SOUND (3:43): FOOTSTEPS STOP.
YEENOG Good morning! I’m Yeenog Herozu.
RION Oh, nice to meet you Yeenog! What brings you here?
YEENOG My feet! Is that not generally the way?
RION Usually, yeah.
(awkward pause)
Well... I’m Rion and this here is Castor.
CASTOR (dubious)
Hello...
SOUND (4:06): ANOTHER PAUSE.
YEENOG Good to meet you!
RION (awkward still)
Yeah.
YEENOG Where do you travel to?
RION Well, Castor and I are going in the same direction, but we’re going
to break off at Copperhill.
YEENOG Hm, that is to the north, is it not?
CASTOR That’s right.
YEENOG Beautiful country. Splendid views. Wonderful aromas.
CASTOR (growing more uneasy by the second)
Sure...
YEENOG In fact, I’d just as soon see them myself.
RION Oh are you--?
YEENOG Yes! That sounds ideal! I shall walk with you a ways.
SOUND (4:43): FINGER SNAP.
SOUND (4:43): THE FIRE STOPS AS IT IS PUT OUT.
RION Oh, you’re a mage? That’s cool.
YEENOG I know so much about magic.
(hums, lowly)
So very much.
RION I suppose you’re welcome to travel with us.
YEENOG Yes.
SOUND (4:57): MORE FOOTSTEPS AGAINST THE GRASS.
YEENOG How do you occupy your time, traveling companions?
RION Well, I’m an adventurer.
YEENOG Hm.
CASTOR Oh! Oh, yes! I’m a... I’m a scholar.
YEENOG Hm.
RION He’s very smart.
YEENOG Two more disparate comrades are rare to see. Your adventures,
Rion, where do they take you?
RION Pretty much everywhere! I travel all over!
YEENOG Hm, off on quests requiring great skill and power?
RION Off on quests requiring neither skills nor power, I guess.
YEENOG (surprised)
You? Surely not! You have the look of someone with multiplicitous talents and overflowing heart!
RION I... do make a mean trail mix. Wanna try some?
YEENOG (over-exaggerated, awkward, loud laughter)
Trail mix! A noble joke from a humble, remarkable adventurer!
RION (dismissive)
I’m not remarkable. Castor sure is though! He’s an expert in demonology!
CASTOR (laughs, surprised)
Well, I don’t wanna brag but...
YEENOG Then don’t.
CASTOR (did kind of want to brag)
Oh.
YEENOG Your intellect is your tool of choice to become extraordinary?
CASTOR I... I don’t know if I’m trying to become extraordinary.
YEENOG Then why pursue something as... inane and unimpactful as
demonology? Who do you help?
RION I’m sure Castor helps lots of people. What were you saying earlier
about evil?
CASTOR (unsure)
Uhm... How... we can’t really work against evil, unless we understand...
YEENOG (laughter, mocking this time)
Oh, oh, how great his intellect must be, if he can understand evil!
RION I think evil can be hard to understand, sometimes it’s really hard to
figure out why people do things. You’ve gotta have intellect to...
YEENOG Oh, no, no, no, no, no! You don’t need to reach for philosophy to justify your actions, great adventurer! I’m sure you take on any good deed that is asked of you. No matter how difficult or frightening.
RION (unsure)
Uh... well... I mean.... Most of them.
YEENOG Yes, it’s action! Pointed and potent action that makes a difference. Assuming of course your action is based on quality of character, rather than thoughtless intellect.
CASTOR (incredulous chuckle)
Sorry, you have to think before you act, though. You have to. You can’t just go barreling into situations without using your head.
RION I don’t know, it’s worked out for me before.
CASTOR Well, sure! It works if you’re strong and have a sword and you can
force what you want to happen.
RION Whoa, hang on, I wouldn’t say I force what I want to happen. Usually
I don’t even use my sword.
CASTOR Well, you don’t have to, do you? To someone like me, someone like
you doesn’t need to do more than talk.
RION I talk to everyone, what do you do?
CASTOR Why should I talk to everyone? It’s not like I can tell just by looking if
someone is... dangerous.
RION You’re the most paranoid person I think I’ve ever met.
YEENOG Yes, Castor. What makes you so paranoid?
CASTOR (uneasy)
I... I’m just... there’s not a particular reason...
YEENOG That sounds like something someone with a reason would say. That
seems suspicious.
RION (thoughtfully)
You know what seems suspicious?
SOUND (8:38): FOOTSTEPS STOP.
YEENOG Mm, yes?
RION Your line of questioning.
YEENOG (chuckles)
Now who sounds paranoid?
RION I wouldn’t call that being paranoid. You’re asking a lot of odd
questions here.
CASTOR Yeah... actually... why don’t you have any gear?
YEENOG I don’t need it.
RION No? How far are you going?
YEENOG Hm, not far.
RION Where are you traveling from, then?
YEENOG Not far.
CASTOR That doesn’t really answer the question.
YEENOG I don’t see any reason why I have to answer your questions.
RION Then, I don’t see any reason why we have to answer yours.
CASTOR Rion, something’s funny here.
RION Yeah, and not funny haha.
YEENOG Trying to outsmart me, oh, wise one?
CASTOR No. That’s not going to work this time. We weren’t walking for 10 minutes before you tried to turn us against each other, and ourselves.
RION Yeah, you’re right!
YEENOG I don’t know what you think you’re onto...
CASTOR And, you put out your fire instantly with a gesture, but you avoided
saying you were a mage.
RION Yeah! Wait... what does that mean?
CASTOR It means that he’s not just a traveler.
RION Oh?
YEENOG You’re full of guesses. You have no facts.
CASTOR No, I know this. You’re a demon.
YEENOG (maniacal, dark laughter)
RION (offhandedly)
I’ve never met a demon.
CASTOR That you know of.
RION Good point.
YEENOG (evil laughter intensifies)
Oh, that we are cleverer than we look, aren’t we?
CASTOR (nervous)
Uhm...
RION Well, I try...
YEENOG Unfortunately, I have lots more work to do today, and can’t have you
getting in my way.
SOUND (10:19): FIRE RISING.
SOUND (10:25): A SWORD BEING UNSHEATED.
RION Okay, I feel like this is kind of unnecessary.
CASTOR (intensely wishes they’d just walked around the path)
Oh, my gods...
YEENOG Unnecessary? Hardly! If I cannot destroy your souls, adventurers,
then I will settle for your bodies!
RION You won’t be destroying anything.
CASTOR Rion, please be careful--!
YEENOG They’re not the one that should be worried!
SOUND (10:44): A FLAME WHOOSHES, FOOTSTEPS NEARING. RION GRUNTS SOFTLY.
SOUND (10:47): YEENOG SCREAMS. HIS VOICE BECOMES LOWER. IT FADES.
SOUND (10:51): A WHOOSH AS IF BY A PORTAL, AIR BEING MISPLACED.
SOUND (10:54): RION’S FOOTSTEPS IN THE GRASS. A SWORD BEING SHEATHED.
RION What just happened?
CASTOR Oh, oh wow.
SOUND (10:59): MORE FOOTSTEPS AS CASTOR APPROACHES.
RION Did I even touch him?
CASTOR Just... just barely. Is that a magic sword?
RION Well, it’s a sword? I... guess it’s kind of magic? I’m not really sure.
CASTOR (amazed)
That’s incredible! What else can It do?
RION It... makes a really good skewer for roasting marshmallows. And... I
can mess up some magic stuff, I think? I’m... I’m not really sure.
CASTOR (incredulous)
You’re not sure? How can you just carry around a powerful magical item like that and just not know how it works? I mean...
(pause)
Sorry.
RION Yeah. SOUND (10:43): LONG, AWKWARD PAUSE.
RION You okay?
CASTOR (absolutely not)
Oh, you know, it’s fun to have your fears confirmed in real time.
RION You handled it well! Caught on to what he was doing and who he
was and everything.
CASTOR Well, just glad you were there to do something about it.
(pause)
Sorry, about what I said. You don’t just... force people to do what you want. I think you could, but you don’t and that’s important.
RION Thanks. That means a lot. I’m sorry I called you paranoid.
CASTOR Heh, it’s not like you were wrong.
RION Hey, you and your paranoia really pulled through. Yeenog was
sure... something. I would never have guessed a demon though.
CASTOR Evil is sneaky, you know?
RION Yup, gotta be prepared!
CASTOR (in good humor)
A sword helps with that!
RION It doesn’t hurt!
(thoughtful pause)
Well... it can hurt but I try not to.
CASTOR I... I was going to ask where you got it, but I think we’ve had enough
personal questions for today.
RION I agree. SOUND (12:54): FOOTSTEPS IN GRASS.
CASTOR So... you’ve met some nice bandits?
RION Oh, yeah! So... I was standing up on a hill when I saw a bandit sneaking up on a carriage. I ran down because, well, sometimes you gotta barrel into situations, but it turned out that the bandits were actually...
AUDIO (13:02): INN BETWEEN THEME STARS.
AUDIO (13:11): DIALOGUE FADES AWAY.
OUTRO (13:14):
TAL Thank you for Sidequesting Inn Between with us. This episode, "Trial by Fire" was written by Tal Minear and Hannah Wright. It was directed by Hannah and sound designed by Tal.
HANNAH The voice of Rion is Tal, the voice of Castor is Caleb del Rio and
the voice of Yeenog Herozu is James Oliva.
Inn Between theme is by Eli McIlveen. This episode is a crossover between Inn Between and Sidequesting.
TAL Inn Between is a wonderful fantasy adventure podcast, set between adventures. It follows a group of adventurers along their quests, but it checks in with them before and after they’ve gone on them. If you like found family stories full to the brim of heartfelt and wholesome moments, you’ll love Inn Between. I sure do!
HANNAH And Sidequesting is a wonderful fantasy adventure podcast about what you can get up to when you’re avoiding the main plot, featuring a hero who prefers creative solutions to the old hack and slash. It’s equal parts wholesome and epic, a story that really believes in people. Give it a listen!
AUDIO (14:15): MUSIC ENDS.

Sidekick For A Day

NARRATION:
It only took a few detours, but I finally made it to Copperhill. This is either a large town or a small city - I’ve never really known what to call it. They have lots of shops, their own library, a decently sized school, and a few other things, the most important being my friend Noeck!I came here to help out the library, but in the time it took me to get here, a hero showed up and fixed their problem! Apparently they now have a whole new organization for their scrolls that will make the next scroll census run really smoothly! The librarian at the front desk seemed really pleased about it.I’m not worried about having nothing to do here, though, because I am also here to catch up with Noeck! First I’ve got to find them… their letters didn’t mention their street or anything, but I figure if I wander around long enough… aha! Of course they’d be outside the bakers.SFX: Fade in outside ambience. Birds chirp in the background. Footsteps on gravel.RION: I see you’re still a sucker for a fresh loaf of bread, huh?NOECK: Rion! You made it!! Come sit down, there’s plenty to go around.SFX: Rion sits down. Loaf of bread is passed. Pause as Rion eats. No chewing sounds because those are awful.RION: Oh this is delicious.NOECK: I put some of Nora’s fresh butter on it too.RION: Noeck, you are a bread connoisseur.NOECK: [laughs] Eh, I just know what I like.RION: [laughs] What else have you been up to these days? You mentioned looking for a new hobby in your last letter.NOECK: And I found one! I am now… a sidekick!RION: A sidekick? Wow! Tell me more!NOECK: Well, I met someone who wanted to train as a hero - his name is Arthur, by the way - but he needed help. Apparently every respectable hero needs a sidekick, and he didn’t have anyone to work with.RION: Huh, I didn’t know that was a rule.NOECK: Me neither! I’m not that interested in being a hero, per say, but I do like helping people - so I volunteered to be Arthur’s sidekick. And it’s been great so far.RION: What do you do as a sidekick?NOECK: All sorts of things! It’s all about running support, getting any tools the hero needs, finding people he might need to talk to, sometimes gathering a crowd… [FADE OUT]NARRATION:
Noeck tells me all about what they’ve been doing as Arthur’s sidekick. Apparently it’s a pretty lucrative job - people love inviting the heroic duo to dinner and giving them gifts. Arthur is currently on his way to the neighboring city to receive an award for helping defend it from Movar’s forces. But the more that Noeck talks, the more I catch… a bit of wistfulness?NOECK: I’m really happy for Arthur. It seems like being a hero is a lot of fun, too.RION: Hey, Noeck?NOECK: Yeah?RION: Do you want to try being a hero?NOECK: No, No! [pause] Well, maybe? [pause] I don’t know... I just think it would be fun to try!RION: I could be your sidekick for the day.NOECK: Really?RION: Yeah!NOECK: That would be really great, actually!RION: Well, then let’s go save the day. [laughs] Lead the way!NARRATION:
Noeck and I decide the best place to start on our day of heroics is finding problems to fix! And where better to search for problems than in a town? After walking around for a while, it quickly becomes clear that things are pretty… chill here?SFX: Two pairs of footsteps walking.NOECK: This, uh, isn’t going as well as I thought it would…RION: Hey, don’t give up yet! We’ve barely started! Trouble doesn’t always just jump out in front of you, sometimes you have to-SFX: Wheelchair in gravel approaches.Tariq: Hey! You two look pretty capable! Mind lending me a hand?!RION: Well, I stand corrected!NARRATION:
The woman introduces herself as Tariq. She runs the local inn where travelers and townsfolk alike go for a drink and a good meal. She explains that there was a bit of a brawl last night over what would win in a fight: Magical bees, or a crow that had somehow managed to pick up a sword. I decide not to ask too many questions about that one. Apparently, during the fight, someone had been literally thrown through one of the doors. The door in question was now leaning against one of the tavern walls, with a person-shaped hole right in the middle. I have no clue how something like that was possible, but again, I decided it’d be best to keep my questions to myself.The new door had already arrived, but the person who was supposed to install it ran off. Apparently they’d wanted to hear the big speech from Arthur, so Tariq had no one to help her put the new door on. She looks like she could barely lift the door on her own, so I can definitely see why she’d want a hand with it. And seeing as Noeck and I look pretty capable, she figured we’d be a perfect fit for the job!Tariq: So, do you two think you can help…?RION: Of course! Noeck here is one heck of a hero, so this should be no trouble!Tariq: Oh really?NOECK: Uh… yeah! Definitely!Tariq: Well, if you say so! I need to go clean a few of the rooms. Just holler when you’re done, dears.NARRATION:
Noeck and I look at each other, then towards the new door laying in the middle of the rug. To be honest, I have no idea how to put a door on hinges. And judging by how nervous Noeck looks, I’m not sure they know either.RION: Okay! Uh… well, the lady left some pins and a hammer, so… I guess we have to use those?NOECK: I guess so… I’ll take point, okay? Just a sec, let me get my bearings.NARRATION:
I watch Noeck while they move to the new door, reaching down and running a hand along the edges. They pause when they get to a few little metal rings, then get back to their feet. Turning around, the tip of their cane runs along the carpet as they walk to the doorframe. Leaning their cane against the wall, they reach out and run their fingertips along the sides, face suddenly lighting up!NOECK: Hey! There’s some rings or something here, and there was some on the door! Maybe those pins are supposed to connect them or something?RION: Yeah, that could work!NARRATION:
I scoop up a few of the pins, then grab the hammer. Meanwhile, Noeck feels around before starting to drag the new oak door along the floor. Not gonna lie, it looks really heavy. Dropping the pins and hammer, I rush over and lift from the other side. It’s not easy, but after a bit we have the door standing up!SFX: Door thumps as they attempt to line it up.NOECK: Okay! Now, I think we just have to line the rings up… Here, a little this way I think.RION: Like this?NOECK: No, little to the left!RION: But… I am moving it left!NOECK: Oh, uh, my left! Sorry!RION: Hold on, let me just… Oh no, no no no! It’s slipping!NOECK: Shoot! I got it! Steady… steady…!RION: Let’s nudge it a liiittle this way…NARRATION:
It took a bit, but we finally get the door all set. That on its own was an adventure and a half. I go to grab the hammer and pins to complete the task, but I discover a small issue in front of me. I stare blankly at the door in my face for a good five seconds. The door I am on the wrong side of.RION: Uh… Noeck? Do you think you could…NOECK: [muffled] Oh! Don’t worry, I got this!NARRATION:
I hear a lot of shuffling from the other side, followed by some metallic clicking. I wish I could help more, but I need to hold up the door. And besides, I’m supposed to be a sidekick today! Noeck will be fine! I jump a bit when I hear some slamming, probably the hammer. And after a few minutes…NOECK: [muffled] Okay! Got it! Come on through Rion!SFX: Door opens.NARRATION:
Once I open up the door, Noeck and I inspect our handiwork. It took a bit, but I have to say, we’ve done a pretty alright job! The lady running the inn seems to think so too! Noeck asks her if she knows of any other issues around town, and she’s actually able to point us towards our next problem to solve! A lost pet stuck in a tree! A classic if there ever was one!SFX: Background music changes.NARRATION:
I’ll admit, when we were looking for the lost pet in the tree, we’d been expecting something a little more… traditional? Like, a small cat obscured by bunches of leaves, clinging onto a branch and meowing its head off. But what we find instead isn’t even a cat - it’s a dog! And not just any dog. It’s a huge, full grown german shepherd, its brown and black fur shimmering in the afternoon sun. Even more bizarre? It’s at least thirty feet up, paws and long legs encircling a large, thick branch. When it hears us approaching, the dog cocks its head downwards, ears perking up like a guard standing at attention.Doggy McDogface: BOOF!NOECK: Um… was that a...?RION: Yep. It’s a dog. And a pretty big one too.NARRATION:
The dog cocks its head before letting out another excited bark, clearly happy to have some company. It seems completely calm, like it was relaxing on a soft rug or in a nice hot sunbeam, not a care in the world. Noeck looks nervous again, their head tilted upwards towards the source of the barks. For a moment, I’m a little worried. This is a LOT more than we were expecting, but I hold myself back from offering suggestions. When you’re so used to solving problems by yourself, being someone’s sidekick and letting them take the lead can be kinda tricky. But after a few more beats of silence, Noeck manages a determined look, their jaw set.NOECK: Rion, can you get me a ladder?RION: Uh… sure! Just give me like, five minutes!NARRATION:
I run back to town, stopping by every house to see if they have a ladder tall enough to reach the dog. And at the fifth house, I find an old man who’s more than happy to lend me one. Tucking the tall tool under my arm I run back through town, just barely avoiding hitting people with the ladder while I ran.SFX: Running footsteps on gravel.RION: Sorry! My bad! Uh, watch out! Sidekick stuff happening! Important sidekick business! Sorry!NARRATION:
That, apparently, got some people’s interest! Blinking with confusion, a few of the townsfolk trail behind me, wondering what kind of sidekick business could involve a ladder. When I make it back to Noeck, they turn towards me and give a wide smile.NOECK: Ah! Welcome back! Did you get the ladder?RION: Yep! AND a couple of people who wanted to see what was going on!NOECK: Oh, perfect! In that case, help me get the ladder into position?NARRATION:
I walk over and carefully position the ladder upwards. Noeck sets down their cane and reaches out, letting their fingers feel around a bit before finding one of the ladder rungs. Placing their free hand beside it, they feel along the rung until both hands are on the sides of the ladder. With their help, we slowly make our way towards the oak, the dog not even bothering to watch us as the top of the ladder rests against the trunk right beside him. In fact, it looks like the dog is… sleeping? Yep. Definitely sleeping. Noeck takes a deep breath, probably to prepare themself.NOECK: Hold the ladder steady, okay? I’m gonna go get the dog.RION: Alright, will do.NARRATION:
And with that, Noeck starts their ascent. They seem to fall into a rhythm, lifting one hand followed by the other, their legs following suit. As soon as they’re a little ways up I go to stand beneath them, gripping the sides of the ladder and trying my best to keep it steady. The townsfolk behind me shift nervously until I give them a big, reassuring smile. Noeck had this in the bag!By the time I look back up, Noeck is just under the sleeping dog. I feel my heart start to pound in my chest as I watch them reach out, one hand gently grazing the dog’s right leg. Loosely, Noeck lets go of the ladder with both hands and lean over towards the napping pooch. How is Noeck going to lift the dog?! It’s HUGE!As soon as that panic floods through me, I feel a jolt run through my body. Sort of like a… tingling? Yeah, a warm sort of tingling. It starts at my chest and spreads through my body, running through my arms and ending at my fingertips. I’m pretty scared at first. I want to jump back and slap at my arms, but if I do that, no one would be holding the ladder! But then…I watch Noeck reach out with both hands and grip the dog, somehow managing to balance without any issue! And without any apparent difficulty, they lift up the snoring dog! They look pretty shocked at first, so much that I was worried they might fall! But instead I watch them give a big grin and sling the sleepy pooch over their shoulder like a sack of flour! The crowd behind me gasps and cheers while Noeck uses their free hand to grip the rungs of the ladder, climbing down like they’ve done this a hundred times!SFX: The sound of some stray branches being hit and a few footsteps on grass.RION: [addressing crowd] And there you have it everybody! The hero Noeck has saved the day!SFX: The crowd cheers and the doggo barks.NOECK: [quietly, to Rion] Hey, um… This is gonna sound really weird, but I have NO idea how I did that.RION: What, you mean lift a dog over your shoulder?NOECK: Yeah, that! I mean, to be honest I wasn’t really sure how I was gonna get it down at first. But then I just felt this… tingling. I’m not sure why, but it made me feel… confident too, like I could do anything! So I reached out and just, well, lifted the dog!Rion: ...oh. Huh…..NOECK: Riiooon… did you do something?RION: Maybe? I sort of… um… felt a tingle too right before you lifted the dog. Just a little one! ...Okay, a big one. A BIG tingle.NOECK: Oh! Woah! You know what that means, right?! You must’ve caused that! Me being able to lift the dog! I’m not sure how, but still! That’s so awesome!RION: Heh, I don’t know about that… I mean, I guess it’s possible, but it’s not like I’ve done something like that before.NOECK: But still, that’s really cool! I definitely don’t know how you did it, but keep an eye on it!RION: Hmm, alright.NARRATION:
Noeck and I chat for a bit longer before deciding to head back to town. There’s still a lot of daylight left, and I want to make sure Noeck gets the full hero experience before I go! And we’re in luck - the library needs our help tracking down a missing book. It’s been overdue for three weeks now, and Gerald is starting to get anxious about getting it back. It was checked out by Yvaine, who lives at the top of a hill, and Gerald just isn’t up for the task of walking up there to ask for it back in person. And so, Noeck and I head up there to ask for him.Noeck has seen Yvaine around town before, and they say she’s always nice and friendly. They’re actually pretty surprised she wouldn’t return a book to the library, but they do have a plan to get it back. Noeck tells me to act mean, and then they’ll be extra nice, in the hopes of coaxing a confession out of her. I’m not really sure about this, but Noeck is the hero, so it’s my job to play along and not question their… heroic tactics.Yvaine answers the door and lets us in after Noeck explains they have a few questions. She offers us tea, and then we begin our line of questioning.NOECK: Thank you for seeing us, Yvaine. My partner here has a few questions for you.RION: Uhhhh… yes. Did you or did you not check out How to Raise Your Platypus from Gerald’s library.YVAINE: Ummm well I don’t think so…RION: I have quite convincing evidence otherwise.NOECK: [muttered] Rion, be meaner.RION: I mean- I know you have it! And I will… make you tell me! Or else!NOECK: They mean business! I really don’t want things to get difficult, but I won’t be able to stop them from questioning you quite roughly.YVAINE: Uhhhh…RION: Yes! I may- er- will- I may will- I, I WILL even yell at you! Most terribly! Confess!!YVAINE: I’m… not sure… what you’re talking about...NOECK: [whispered] Rion- your sword!RION: Oh yes! Tell me why you haven’t returned the book or else I will have to pull my sword out and wave it around! Threateningly!NOECK: [to Yvaine] We can avoid all this. Gerald told me he lent you How to Raise Your Platypus some time ago, and he really wants it back. That’s all. You’re not in trouble.RION: Unless the sword comes out!NOECK: And we wouldn’t want that to happen, right? If you have the book, I’ll even return it for you.RION: That’s a pretty good deal!

YVAINE: Okay! Okay! I have it! At first I forgot but then it just got more and more overdue and now I’m too scared to look the librarian in the eye! I’m sorry!NOECK: It’s alright, Yvaine. We just want to get the book back to the library, we’re not here to punish you or anything.RION: I wasn’t really going to swing my sword around, I promise.YVAINE: [small laugh] Yeah, I kind of figured.RION: [laughs] What gave it away?YVAINE: The constant reminders from Noeck over here.NOECK: [laughs] so much for my planRION: Eh, it worked in the end. I’m sorry for… trying to be mean to you?YVAINE: It’s alright. I’m sorry for lying about the book. I was just… embarrassed.NOECK: We’ve all been there.YVAINE: Holding onto a library book for months?NEOCK: Being embarrassed, I mean.YVAINE: Oh. I guess that is pretty common.RION: Definitely. [pause] Are you sure you don’t want to come with us when we return the book? It would be a shame if you hid from the library forever. There’s lots of good books in there. Including others about Platypi! Platypuses? Platapeople?...NOECK: Gerald isn’t mad, I promise.YVAINE: Yeah, I’ll come. I should apologize in person. Let me get some scones to bring as a I’m-very-sorry-present.NARRATION:
Yvaine goes to get the overdue library book - it turns out, it was on the nearby table this whole time, covered in other books. She sheepishly hands it to Noeck, and we all go to the kitchen to help her collect the apology scones.The sun begins to set as we walk down the hill back to the library, and with one successful book return later, Noeck and I’s day of heroic antics comes to a close. I ask Noeck how they feel about being a hero, and they say they really enjoyed it. Apparently it was great for their confidence. But Noeck also likes being a sidekick. Is there any rule that says you can’t be both? I don’t think so, and neither does Noeck. They decide that sometimes they’ll help Arthur with his heroic duties, and sometimes, they’ll save the day on their own. I really like that.CREDITS:Thank you for Sidequesting with us! This episode, Sidekick for a Day, was written by Brayden Chapman (he/him) and Tal Minear, and was produced by Tal Minear. Noeck was voiced by Trace Callahan (she/they), Tariq was voiced by Becca Marcus (she/her), and Yvaine was voiced by Chijioke Williams (she/her). The voice of Rion was Tal Minear. A big thanks to Anne, Ilya, Jesse, Kyle, and E.L. Thackwray for supporting this episode.If you like Sidequesting, you might like Hit The Bricks, a musical radio play about the land of Oz. This show is a fantastic and whimsical fantasy adventure. It grabbed me right away in the first episode, and I think you’ll like it. Here’s the trailer.Wallace: (Yelling over a rushing wind noise) What is that!?An acapella chorus starts singing in the backgroundChorus: (singing) O Gray of soul, you've risen now…
/shook the core, the County's bow.Jessi: (Calling over to Wallace) That appears to be a twister…made of snow and light!?Wallace: (Yelling) But...but...is that even possible?Jessi: (Yelling) I don’t think so! But it’s happening anyway and we’re just gonna have to deal with it!Narrator: 100 years after Dorothy’s adventures, two cousins are swept from Kansas to a mysterious land…Scarecrow: Allow me to welcome you to the land of Oz!Jessi:...Oz?Narrator: Full of strange and wondrous people.Billina the Talking Hen: Call me Billina!Eureka the Pink Kitten: I’m tired of living on the streets…Professor H.M. Wogglebug T.E.: I will NOT tolerate any rule-breaking from you!Narrator: But they can’t forget what they left behind.Jessi: My mom is the only person I have in the whole world right now. Right before I ended up here, she and I got into a big fight. I can't let that be the last time I spoke to her.Narrator: And their new companions have troubles of their own.Jacoby: Am I to stay up here and rot in a city full of tinker-toys that will break and have no one here to fix them?!Lurline: This is the fourth school I've been to in a year. I keep having to switch so no one catches on that I'm a witch.Wallace: Jessica! You are not the only one with family to get back to!Narrator: Many trials lay in their path.Jessi: (Reading something) “Beware...the Wheelers.”Wallace: What’s a Wheeler?Sound: There’s gross laughter and a screechy wheel noise.Wallace: (Yelling over galloping horse hooves): What makes it forbidden!?Jessi: (Yelling back to Wallace): I don’t wanna find out! GO LEFT!Narrator: And the way ahead is not always clear...Lurline: Don't you hammerheads get it, yet? The Wizard is gone. Glinda. Is. Gone. There's nobody left in Oz who can help you and probably no one who wants to.Narrator: But hope is not lost!Scarecrow: There's no time to lose! It's very important that you get to Emerald City and ask for Ozma's help.Jessi: How do we start for Emerald City?Scraps the Patchwork Girl: Why, the same way people have done it for hundreds of years! Hit the bricks!Narrator: Hit the Bricks is a Radio Play set in the land of Oz. Subscribe at a Podcatcher near you and follow us on twitter @Hithebrickspod, transcripts are available at hitthebricks.comJessi, Wallace, and the Sawhorse: (Singing)Really nothing to it
All you gotta do is
Hit the bricks
I know that you can do it
Hit the bricks!Wallace: (Singing) I know that you can do it...Jessi: (Singing) ...Hit the Bricks!

The Next Best Thing

NARRATION:
I’ve been on my adventure for some time. In quieter moments, like when I lay under the stars next to a waning campfire, my thoughts drift to the people I love back home: my funny friends, my warm neighbors, and of course, my ...unique… family. The weather is getting colder now, and in the early morning, I can see my breath.
Back home, they’ll soon be celebrating the winter festival.This is the first time I am away during the winter festival, and I am feeling homesick. I remember, during this time of year, Mom would prepare my favorite dish, Spicy Lentil & Herb Soup. It’s so tasty and filling, and it can warm you up even on the coldest day of the year.Everyone gets homesick from time to time, but I have to admit I’m a little surprised that I am. I still remember how restless I was in my village before I left, how excited I was to embark on my grand journey to see new sites and experience new thrills. I guess I’m seeing things differently now and can appreciate things I didn’t before. Homesickness is a form of growth, it’s not all bad.I am unable to go back home for a visit now, but I can do the next best thing. I’m gonna cook some Spicy Lentil & Herb Soup. I have most of the ingredients already. I just need one more crucial piece: the heat.The word among cooks and innkeepers is that the best hot peppers are grown on the mountainside. Luckily, I’m a stone’s throw away from the twin villages of Avia & Tavia. These settlements have a truly special location. The nearby mountain range features two tallest peaks in all of the land, and each village sits on one of the two mountains’ peaks. It’s like Avia and Tavia sit among the clouds. Starting from the valley of wildflowers below,I climb a stone staircase etched into the mountain.As I enter the village, I see a beautifully hand-painted sign that says WELCOME TO AVIA. TRY OUR FAMOUS HOT PEPPERS. THIS WAY. There’s always a sign when you need it. I make my way to the community garden, but when I open the gate, I see something I did NOT expect. The garden is completely destroyed. The shrubs forming the perimeter are trampled. The large, solitary fruit tree in the center of the garden has several of its large branches snapped clean off. Smashed fruit is scattered all over the ground. The chicken wire fence around the surrounding vegetable patches is bent over in itself. The vegetable patch is completely uprooted. The garden stood no chance against whatever force came through here. I see a person surveying the damage and flipping overturned pots along her path, and I wave her down.SFX: Garden sounds. Rion walks over to Iniya.RION: Hi, I’m Rion. I was just passing through your village looking for some hot peppers, but I’m more concerned about the state of this place. What happened here?INIYA: Hi Rion, I’m Iniya. I’m the master gardener of Avia. I run this community garden that provides for the village. Normally, I would have some hot peppers for you, but as you can see, we’re experiencing some difficulties right now.RION: It looks like a tornado just passed through.INIYA: It wasn’t a tornado. If you want to see what that looks like, take a look at my son’s room. He’s been studying wind magic. He can conjure a twister that will blow your socks off. Wild deer are responsible for this destruction.RION: Deer? Deer did all this damage?INIYA: Yes, you see, this isn’t the first time my garden has been vandalized. It’s actually the fifth time. At first, I had no clue what happened. The damage was so great I thought raiders sacked our little village! The second time, I caught a group of deer in the act chewing away my vegetable patch. I shooed them away...after most of the damage was done. The deer kept returning, and I tried everything to drive them away: I put up a chicken wire fence, I got a watchdog, I used organic repellents.RION: Wow... And none of those things worked?INIYA: Sadly, no. The deer made quick work of the fence. My watch dog prefers to sleep most of the day, and frankly, I can’t blame him. And the repellents? I actually think they prefer the taste.RION: Hmm… That’s unfortunate.INIYA: Rion, I am out of ideas. Can you help me drive away the deer?RION: Yeah, I’d be happy to lend a hand and figure something out.INIYA: Oh, thank you so much! I will reward you with as many hot peppers as your heart desires. I should mention…there is one condition.RION: What’s that?INIYA: The deer must remain unharmed. Sure, they are an inconvenience to me right now. But this isn’t personal. However, it is personal for our neighbors in the village of Tavia. Deer are sacred in their culture. I want to be respectful of their beliefs. Are you still up for the job?RION: Of course! I want the deer to be safe too. I actually have experience driving away unwanted visitors. It’s how I earned my sword.INIYA: That’s great! I love to hear that story.RION: I’ll have to tell you the story of my first adventure another time. Right now, we’ve got work to do. I, for one, don’t know the first thing about deer. If we want to solve a problem, we need to learn more about it. I think a trip to Tavia is in order. They ought to know about deer, right?INIYA: Right. I’m coming with you.RION: Really? You want to come?INIYA: Absolutely. This is my garden, and I’m not going to let you have all the fun. I’ll get my mom to watch my son while I’m gone.RION: Happy to have you along, friend.NARRATION:
Iniya and I make our way to through the valley to the village of Tavia. I tell her about my adventures, how I earned my sword back in Pigsmire, the winter festival back home, and of course, how delicious Spicy Lentil & Herb soup. She tells me about her life in Avia, being a mom, how she found her love for gardening by accident and turned into a full time career. Before gardening, Iniya was a sailor for a merchant ship. She’s lived a really interesting life, and I’m almost disappointed to stop talking when we get to Tavia.The village of Tavia is as beautiful as Avia. The air is thinner in the mountain, and it feels refreshing to breathe. The main street is very wide and lined with little shops selling street food, clothes, jewelry, and much more. I see folks from all walks of life...kids, monks, townspeople rich and poor are all mingled together in the bazaar. In the center of the village, there is an ornately designed temple. Iniya and I head in the direction and see a woman in a white and gold robe and big hat.SFX: The sound of the village main street. Rion and Iniya walk up.RION: Hi, I’m Rion and this is my friend, Iniya.SENECA: Hello to you both. I haven’t seen your faces around here before, and I never forget a face in all my years. Welcome to Tavia. I’m Seneca, the Village Elder. I am the keeper of our history and legends. What brings to you our village today?RION: Nice to meet you, Seneca. Can you tell us a little more about deer?SENECA: I’m glad you asked. It’s one of my favorite subjects to speak about. Deer are very important to our humble village. They are a symbol of prosperity. Ages ago, a rare white deer led our ancestors to the site of this temple. Once the temple was built, a community quickly formed and Tavia was founded. In the coming years, our community shared its agricultural bounty with the local deer population as a symbol of gratitude to the white deer who helped us long ago.RION: You share your crops with the deer?SENECA: Yes. Over yonder, we have a garden dedicated especially for the deer to graze. Though this year,not many deer are around Tavia even though the harvest is plentiful. I suspect the presence of Movar’s nearby troops are affecting the deer’s normal grazing pattern.INIYA: I believe I know where the deer went. I run the community garden in Avia. We’ve been having some hungry visitors lately.SENECA: They must be wreaking havoc on your space.INIYA: Yes, how did you know?SENECA: Deer are sacred to us, but we know intimately well how mischievous they can be, especially around food. Having a garden only for the deer also means our village’s food supply is spared.RION: Iniya, could that idea work for you? Creating a separate garden to accommodate the deer?INIYA: I don’t think so. Space is at a premium in our village. Also, I don’t think we could find anyone to maintain the garden.SENECA: Yes, creating a new garden solely for deer is a very large endeavor. The deer garden is tended by the temple pilgrims. Even with a steadfast commitment to our traditions, they, too, get frustrated with maintaining order in a very chaotic garden. That’s the discipline.INIYA: Do you have any ideas how to drive away deer without hurting them?SENECA: I appreciate your respect for the deer. It’s heartwarming to have such caring neighbors. I personally do not have any experience driving away deer, but one of our village’s legends tells of a farmer whose land is overturned by deer. They find a way to keep the deer at bay.RION: Really? That’s perfect. How does the story go?SENECA: It’s a cautionary tale. The farmer, who was having this deer problem, befriended a tiger. Since then, the deer were too scared to approach their garden. They were successful. But then again, everyone in the village was also scared to visit someone with a tiger.RION: The deer were scared to approach the garden? Iniya, I have an idea.INIYA: Care to share?RION: Everything you tried to keep the deer out--the fence, the dog, the repellents--are all ways a person would keep a person out of a garden. That’s why they didn’t work.INIYA: Okay..I’m following...so far.RION: We need to think like a deer. In the story, the deer were too scared to approach the garden because of the tiger. How would a deer know a tiger was nearby?INIYA: A deer would know a tiger was nearby if they saw it (and was very fast) or perhaps, if they smelled a natural predator in the air.RION: Exactly! A tiger’s scent would keep the deer away.INIYA: Rion, I can’t keep a tiger in my garden.RION: I know that. We can get the next best thing.INIYA: And that would be?RION: We can create the illusion of a tiger in your garden to fool the deer.INIYA: How will we do that? Magic?RION: We don’t need a live tiger. Or even a fake live tiger. We just need to create the impression of a tiger’s presence. Think of it like this. How can you tell when your son has been practicing his wind magic indoors, even if you don’t see him do it?INIYA: Well, he always leaves behind a complete mess.RION: Right. We need to gather something a tiger leaves behind.INIYA: What does a tiger leave behind? I don’t follow.RION: Umm... well, let’s say your garden is getting a new kind of fertilizer.INIYA: Oooooh! I see. We don’t need a tiger; we just need tiger poop. The deer will smell a predator’s presence and naturally stay away.RION: Bingo.INIYA: Very clever. I think this plan will work. How does that plan sound to you, Seneca? Would this plan be respectful to your beliefs?SENECA: Hmm...Tavians are prohibited from interfering with deer, but who am I to argue with the fine balance of nature? You have my blessing. I’m very touched that you folks even asked, thank you.RION: Thank you, Seneca, for being a fountain of knowledge.INIYA: Well, Rion, we have a new problem now. It may be even tougher to solve. Where are we going to find a tiger, and how are we going to take its poop?RION: Good point. I didn’t see any in the town market on the way in.SENECA: I know someone who can help you.RION: That’s great news. Who is it? Where can we find them?SENECA: It’s the person from the legend. They still live nearby in the forest with their pet tiger.RION: The person from the legend is real? And alive? They must be hundreds of years old.SENECA: No older than me. 700 years old.RION: 700?!SENECA: Yes, I am the Village Elder after all. And I know what you’re going to say: I don’t look a day over 650. Here are the directions to their house. Be careful. Don’t get eaten by a tiger roaming those parts.RION: Iniya, let’s make our way to the forest.INIYA: One more thing before we go. Seneca, do you have a pair of gloves we can borrow?SENECA: I do. Here. You know what? You can hang onto them.NARRATION:
Iniya and I bid farewell to Seneca and make our way to the forest. We find a small clearing at the forest’s perimeter revealing a path. It’s covered in thick brush but still navigable for the nimble. After traveling for quite some distance, the path opens up to a quaint cobb house and a magnificent garden. Upon seeing the garden, Iniya is having a moment.SFX: Forest soundsINIYA: Rion, do you see this garden?RION: Yes, it’s beautiful.INIYA: Beautiful? It’s brilliant! Look at how it’s designed! This garden layers crops in a way I haven’t seen before. Traditional gardens grow vegetables in parallel rows. This garden plants two or three different small vegetable plants inside the mulch bed surrounding every fruit tree. And every tree has a trench for rainwater to naturally irrigate everything! I’m totally geeking out here, sorry.RION: No, no, I love it. Feel free to feel free is what I always say. Maybe, with your expertise, you can tell me what kind of tree that is?INIYA: I have no idea. I’ve never seen anything like it.SFX: Hamza walks up.HAMZA: Hello and welcome to my garden. I couldn’t help but to overhear your question. I call that the fruit salad tree. It’s one of my grafting experiments. Each tree limb bears a different fruit. There’s peach, apricot, plum, and nectarine.INIYA: It’s truly one-of-a-kind. How did you get it to grow?HAMZA: I fused branches from several different trees onto existing branches from this main tree. Since all these stone fruits belong to the same family of plants, the tree accepts the new additions. It’s like tree adoption.INIYA: You have an amazing garden. I’m sorry we didn’t introduce ourselves yet. I’m Iniya, and this is Rion.HAMZA: I’m Hamza. I’m glad you like my garden. You have a good eye for detail. You must be a gardener yourself.INIYA: I am.HAMZA: What brings you folks to this part of the woods?RION: This may sound odd, but my friend and I were looking for a 700 year old person with a pet tiger.HAMZA: That would be me.INIYA: ...You don’t look 700 years old.HAMZA: Thank you. I do 100 push-ups everyday. Oh, and I’m from a species of quasi-immortal wood elf blessed with bountiful youthfulness. So how can I help you?RION: We’re having a bit of a deer problem in the garden...HAMZA: And you need tiger poop?RION: Yeah, exactly. How did you know?HAMZA: Haha. I’ve been through this before. If you’re coming from Tavia, did Seneca tell you the old story about me?RION: She did. Seneca mentioned the townspeople were too scared to visit you because you had a tiger. Do you ever get lonely out here?HAMZA: No, no I still get visitors from time to time. Only the brave come to see me, and they do so with a purpose. When it comes to people, my philosophy is quality over quantity.RION: I hear that.HAMZA: So, I’ll be happy to help you with your deer problem. My tiger friend is in the garden out back. Let’s go.SFX: They walk to the garden in the back.INIYA: Is your tiger also 700 years old?HAMZA: Oh, no. The tiger I have now is a descendant of my first tiger friend, Atman. Atman was a very gentle soul.RION: How did you make friends with Atman? It’s not every day you meet someone who knows a tiger.HAMZA: Well, long ago, after my farm was destroyed by deer, I took it as a sign from the universe my time as a farmer was over. I left Tavia. I didn’t have a plan for what to do next. I just started walking.INIYA: That must have been scary.HAMZA: It was, but you know, it’s okay to feel scared for a moment--especially when you’re doing something new. I came to the forest to camp for a few days, clear my head in nature, and figure out my next step. One morning as I was making my breakfast, an orphaned tiger cub crawled into my lap. Every since then, we helped each other.RION: That sounds like a nice friendship.

HAMZA: It truly was. It was always full of surprises. I remember, one day, Atman returned to camp and gave birth to a litter of cubs! I didn’t even know that she was pregnant! Or even a she! Ever since then, I’ve been taking care of Atman’s family. Here’s her great-great-grandson. Meet Atman the 11th.SFX: Tiger roars (large).HAMZA: Atman, this is Rion and Iniya. They want your poop, is that alright?SFX: Tiger roars (small).HAMZA: Atman says it’s cool. Let me get this bagged up for you and make it travel-safe.RION: Thank you so much for your help, Hamza. We really appreciate it. Is there any way Iniya and I can return the favor?HAMZA: Actually, there is. Winter is coming. It's awfully cold here in the forest. I would sure love something to keep me warm.RION: I think I can whip something special up for you.NARRATION:
Iniya and I return to her garden. We place the tiger poop on a post by her prized vegetable bed, and hope for the best. A few days later, she reports that not a single deer has paid a visit to the garden. I think it’s safe to say our smelly plan worked. And even better, Seneca even said some deer are returning to Tavia! With some freshly-grown hot peppers, I make a very large batch of the soup and enjoy a great dinner at Hamza’s house with Iniya, her son, and Seneca. It’s a lovely evening filled with laughter and warmth.I wonder if I will ever be homesick of this very moment and the friends I made here. I’m sure I will. I already miss some of the friends from earlier adventures. Being homesick sure is a tough feeling, but it does mean that at one point in time, you made really really good memories worth remembering forever. I wouldn’t trade those good memories for anything.CREDITS:
Thank you for Sidequesting with us! This episode, The Next Best Thing, was written by Ather Ahmed and produced by Tal Minear. Iniya was voiced by Rashika Rao, Seneca was voiced by Khalila Marie, and Hamza was voiced by Tau Zaman. The voice of Rion was Tal Minear. A big thanks to Anne, Ilya, Jesse, Kyle, and E.L. Thackwray for supporting this episode.If you like Sidequesting, you might like Wizard Seeking Wizard, a podcast for wizards looking for relationships. This show is a delightful collection of ads placed by Wizards looking for a partner, be it for romance or rivalry or something else. It’s ran by a wizard trapped in a crystal ball, who ties each ad together with colorful commentary. This show is whimsical and hilarious, and I think you’ll like it. Here’s the trailer.CHEMISTRO: Alright, Cupid are we recording?CUPID: Braaaaawk!CHEMISTRO: Good! Hail listener, it is I, Chemistro the Match Mage, coming to you from the depths of the crystal sphere where I have been imprisoned. The eons are long here and to stay sane I have put out the call to wizards across the multiverse. Wizards that want to meet other wizards!SOUND: Rising Synth SparkleIDRUBOV: I seek, first and foremost, someone who might challenge me in organization.TASHLYNDA: I would just love to sit down and talk about dark magic over a cup of coffee, or a cup of evil! Which is a beverage I invented, mostly out of coffeeMASHBOO: Yes, I did a long stint in the sultan’s dungeons for orchestrating a plot against his life. But that is my wont, as a vizierSEKHEMET: You see I think the, the teeth, are sort of, the the window to the soul!SOUND: Descending Synth SparkleCHEMISTRO: Wizard Seeking Wizard is a dating podcast for wizards by wizards, featuring personal ads sent in by the magical community, where YOU get to vote on which wizards date each other. Follow us on twitter at wiz 4 wiz or find us wherever you pluck your podcasts from the ether. I think that went well. What do you think, Cupid?CUPID: Caw!

Orion's Nebula

NARRATION:
It was wonderful to visit Avia and Tavia. Those hot peppers alone were well worth the visit, and I’ve definitely marked those two villages on my map for another visit next winter. But as for now, I’m just wandering along this trail in a vaguely northward direction towards the next large town. This land is only filled with shrubs that are home to a wide variety of lizards. I keep having to step over the ones sunbathing in the middle of the path, a task that requires quite an amount of concentration.SFX: Environmental ambience. Footsteps from Rion but not constant.RION: Woah, watch out little guy. I nearly stepped on your tail. Oh! You too!SFX: Wooshing of a portal appearing. Somewhat subtle. Rion is too busy chastising the lizard to notice.RION: We both know I’m not going to intentionally step on you, but I’m worried you’re going to scurry under my foot when I’m not looking. Aren’t you worried about that-WOAH.SFX: More wooshing as Rion goes through a portal. Ambience changes to generic spaceship, reverb on Rion’s voice changes.RION: That was WEIRD. [pause] And this is weird too. I guess that was a… portal? Mom always warned me about those, but I thought she was just overreacting, like with her lectures on quicksand...SFX: Neil, the ship engineer, approaches. Footsteps on metal.NEIL: Alioth you made it back safely, that’s good. [pause] Who are you?RION: I’m Rion. Who are you?NEIL: [taken aback] Neil. State your business Rion. Why are you aboard?RION: ...traveling?NEIL: Traveling. You’ve come onto this ship to sightsee? I- I don’t believe it. [talking into comm] Phoenix, I need you on deck.PHOENIX: [over comms] On my way. Is there a problem?NEIL: [to comm] I don’t know… Might be.PHOENIX: [over comms] What does that mean Neil? Might be? Nevermind, I’ll be there in a click.SFX: An awkward pause. Rion shifts from one foot to another.RION: So… where am I?NEIL: You don’t know?RION: I think I walked through some kind of portal? It was the middle of the day where I was, and I can see that it’s night outside here, so I must have traveled some distance.NEIL: Oh, it’s not night outside… well, I guess… no, not technically-RION: How can it be the day when you can see the stars?NEIL: It’s uh… well...SFX: Door opens, Phoenix, the security officer, wheels in, but this is a space wheelchair so it sounds more like wooshing. He zooms in.PHOENIX: Hey there Neil. Hello, other fellow.RION: Rion.PHOENIX: Hi there Rion. I’m Phoenix. Security officer on the SS NEBULA. [pause] Ah, see that your weapon stays sheathed.RION: Of course.NEIL: They, uh, seem to have been accidentally transported here.PHOENIX: You mean you accidentally transported them here.NEIL: ...probably. [pause. He is admitting that he fucked up big time here and doesn’t really want to say it] They don’t know this is a spaceship.PHOENIX: Right…RION: They can hear you, though.PHOENIX: Apologies for my rudeness, Rion. Here, why don’t you sit down? No need to keep standing in the transport bay. If someone else beams up you might get scrambled.SFX: Rion walks and sits down.NEIL: No one is getting scrambled on my watch.SFX: Phoenix zooms over to Rion.PHOENIX: Now, you don’t look too dangerous, but it's my job to evaluate if you’re a threat. So - are you a threat?RION: ...no?PHOENIX: [This is good enough for Phoenix!] Great. I’d hate to throw you off this ship, you seem nice.RION: Thanks. So, this is a ship?NEIL: Correct. We’re on our way to Nuvibros.RION: I’ve never heard of it.PHOENIX: Wow, you’re definitely not from around here… where the heck did Neil pick you up from?RION: I was sort of near Tavia.PHOENIX: Is that a planet? I’m not familiar with it.RION: Village actually. [pause] Wait, what do you mean planet?NEIL: Oh boy.NARRATION:
Neil takes a deep breath and explains that this is a spaceship. Instead of across the sea, it travels through the stars, visiting planets instead of islands. According to Neil, it always looks like night outside. I never imagined being among the stars. [laugh] I’m really far from home this time. Neil seems happy that I’m not distressed, but Phoenix looks a little worried.PHOENIX: And one more thing… you look just like our Captain.NEIL: Captain… Orion.SFX: Doors open. The captain enters.CAPTAIN: And what about me?PHOENIX: We’ve got a situation, Captain.NEIL: Transport beam went rogue, and now an unexpected passenger is on board. We’re working to rectify the situation promptly.CAPTAIN: Can you not simply-PHOENIX: It’s not as simple as beaming them down.RION: I’m not, uh, from here?CAPTAIN: Oh. Oh.NARRATION:
The captain and I… we look so alike that we could be twins. We’re dressed completely differently, of course. Their hair is cut shorter than mine, and I’m less pale and more freckley than them, but the resemblance is… distinct. Neil pipes up with a theory that I might not only be from “far away,” I might be from an entirely different dimension. The captain nods, and calls for Khara the science officer to confirm. I didn’t know stepping through the portal would cause such a ruckus! Khara comes in holding some sort of wand, which she directs towards me after a brief conversation with the captain.KHARA: Can I scan you real quick?RION: Uh… sure?KHARA: Great. Just hold still for a tick… annnnd you’re good. Thanks.SFX: Beeping of deviceKHARA: Oh, huh. Haven’t seen that in a while…RION: Seen what?KHARA: Yep, you’re definitely from a parallel universe. That explains why you and the captain look so alike.RION: Is that… bad?KHARA: Not necessarily. It’s far better than time travel - I won’t have to worry about you messing up the space time continuum, thankfully. It just means it’ll be a bit trickier to get you home than if you were picked up from somewhere in this universe.RION: Well, that’s good to know.NEIL: Hey Rion, when you got here, you mentioned walking through a portal?RION: Yeah, that’s what it looked like to me.NEIL: I wonder if the transporter interacted with some of the technology on your end…RION: Technology?NEIL: Yeah, the portal you used to get here, I figured it was a version of your transporter beam. Or do you have another word for... technology?RION: I generally call it magic. Usually wizards make the portals with spells and stuff. I mean, you’ve got portals. I sort of just assumed Neil was a wizard, to be honest.NEIL: YessssssssPHOENIX: [laughs] Don’t tell him that, it’ll go to his head!NEIL: [it has gone to his head] I am Neil, Wizard of the Transport Beam!CAPTAIN: [amused but needs the crew to focus] Let’s get back on topic folks. Khara, Neil, how long do you need to get Rion home?KHARA: Give us... an hour or two…? [pauses for Neil to confirm]NEIL: Yeah, yeah, an hour or two. Yeah, that’ll do.KHARA: -to fiddle around and I’ll have an ETA for you. I’ve got a few ideas.NEIL: Yep, same here.CAPTAIN: Noted. In the meantime, we’ll have to continue with the mission. Our meeting with the Coalition of Nuvibros cannot wait. Rion, I can provide you with temporary quarters, as well as food and drink for the duration of your stay, but I cannot promise entertainment. I can’t focus on hosting you, I’m afraid.RION: No problem. I’m not easily bored.PHOENIX: I’ll escort them around the ship, Captain.CAPTAIN: Thank you.SFX: Captain exits.PHOENIX: I won’t have anything to do until we land, anyway. It’s not often security concerns happen mid-flight.RION: Am I a security concern, then?PHOENIX: No, you’re the coolest thing to happen around here for weeks!RION: [laughs] I’ll take that. What’s the big meeting that the captain mentioned?PHOENIX: They’re meeting with a group of people from the planet of Nuvibros.NEIL: Apparently it’s a big deal. I guess the Coalition doesn’t usually allow visitors.KHARA: The captain is trying to convince the planet to ally with them against Movarius. He’s, well… a bad deal.PHOENIX: Yeah, more like a big pain in my butt!NEIL: Oh, just yours?KHARA: We’ve been fighting his forces for some time now. Back and forth skirmishes, mostly. In the meantime, we’ve been working on convincing others to join us.PHOENIX: Gotta get to them before Movarius does!RION: Wow, yeah, that sure seems like a big deal.SFX: Transport system beeps.NEIL: [muttered] This better be Alioth or else I’m gonna-SFX: Woosh! It’s the medic, Alioth.ALIOTH: Got the supplies! Thanks for letting me hop down while we passed Zelminerth. [notices Rion]. Oh, hey there. I’m Alioth.PHOENIX: This is Rion. They’re visiting! For a day or so.ALIOTH: [unphased] Cool. Well, welcome aboard. If you get hurt, the Medbay is three doors down that hall.PHOENIX: You’re not gonna ask…?ALIOTH: Ask what?PHOENIX: How they got here?ALIOTH: ...same way I did?PHOENIX: You’re no fun.SFX: ALERT NOISE.ALIOTH: [all business] There’s a SOS signal from a nearby planet. Neil, get the captain. Khara, get Bianca.KHARA: On it.NEIL: Got it.SFX: They exit.NARRATION:
It only takes a minute before Neil and Khara are back with the captain and Bianca, who turns out to be in charge of ship communications. She taps a lot of places on a desk nearby and a voice plays throughout the room. Someone is stranded on a nearby planet without a ship of their own, and they’re asking to be rescued before they run out of food. Most of the crew is in favor of diverting course to pick them up, but the captain…CAPTAIN: We can’t answer it right now.RION: What?CAPTAIN: We don’t have time. If we respond, we risk being late to our meeting with the Coalition. They are already unsure if they will align with us against Movarius, and missing this meeting would not help convince them. We need to focus on the task at hand.ALIOTH: But captain we can-CAPTAIN: I am sorry. If the call is still active we can answer it on our return trip.BIANCA: Are you sure?CAPTAIN: Bianca, you know the stakes we face at our destination. This could be a trap or an ambush, and I can’t justify putting the crew at risk like this so close to an important event. My decision is final.SFX: Captain exits.PHOENIX: Harsh. I mean, I get it, but harsh.RION: You’re just gonna… ignore the call for help?ALIOTH: [sighs] Gotta follow the main mission. Captain’s orders.BIANCA: The ship’s system requires the captain’s authorization in order to change course, anway.RION: ... what if that wasn’t a problem?BIANCA: What?RION: If the ship could change course without the captain saying so, would you want to disobey their orders?ALIOTH: I’d definitely consider it. I’m worried that if we respond after our meeting with the Coalition it’ll be too late to help whoever’s stranded.PHOENIX: Honestly, me too.RION: Um, okay. How mad would the captain get?PHOENIX: Oh, livid at first, but they’d come around. They’re generally reasonable, just… pretty stressed right now.BIANCA: They’d definitely get over it if we could still make the meeting on time.ALIOTH: I think we could. We would need to divert the ship so our transport beam is within range… the detour would only add about two hours to the total travel time.BIANCA: As long as nothing goes south.ALIOTH: But will it?PHOENIX: Ha, not if I can help it!RION: Okay. In that case… how does the captain change course?BIANCA: They say “Computer, change course”RION: Okay. [clears throat, then in best interpretation of the captain] Computer, change course.SFX: Positive computer beepNARRATION:
With some help from Bianca, I manage to send the ship on a previously-unplanned detour. Phoenix convinces Neil to send us down to the planet with the transport beam while Alioth swears a worried Khara to silence. When the ship is in range, Phoenix, Alioth, and I go down to the planet, while Bianca stays on the ship to direct us. Once we’re on the planet, we start walking in the direction of the signal.SFX: Slow footsteps, two pairs and one space wheelchair.BIANCA: [over comms unit] You should be approaching the source of the signal now. Only few paces to go.ALIOTH: Copy that.PHOENIX: Any word from the captain?BIANCA: [over comms unit] Nope. Though Neil and Khara say they’ve had a breakthrough with the transport system. We’ll be able to get you home once we’ve taken care of this little detour and the meeting with the coalition.RION: Oh, that’s great.BIANCA: [over comms] Do NOT ask them how it works. I made that mistake a little while ago and got a whole lecture from those nerds about interdimensional physics.RION: Are you sure they’re not wizards?BIANCA: [over comms] I mean, I think they’re-ALIOTH: [interrupting] We’re here. I’m turning the comm off.SFX: Beep as communicator turns off. Footsteps (and wheelchair) stop.PHOENIX: [calling out] Hello? We got your SOS signal. We’re here to help.SFX: A few shy footstepsERALDO: You- you mean it?ALIOTH: We’re not gonna hurt you. I’m Alioth, this is Phoenix, and that’s Rion.ERALDO: My name is Eraldo. I’m from Nuvibros, but it’s been a while since I’ve been to my home planet. I’m a pilot, so I travel around.RION: How did you end up here?PHOENIX: Did you crash-land or something?ERALDO: I was left here by Movarius’ first officer when I refused to help him.[The crew immediately understands, as they are familiar with Movarius’ shenanigans.]ALIOTH: Oh, that guy.PHOENIX: What a ratbag.ERALDO: Ah, I see you’re familiar with the crew. They were kind enough to leave me with a few supplies - some food and drink, a basic communicator… but they did take my ship.ALIOTH: We’ve got the SS NEBULA waiting nearby. We can beam you up with us and get you home.PHOENIX: Hold on, you said you’re from Nuvibros, right?ERALDO: Yes?PHOENIX: Yeah, so we’re literally on our way there. Right now!ALIOTH: That is where you want to go, right?ERALDO: It is, yes!RION: Fantastic!ALIOTH: Let me turn my communicator back on so we can get you aboard.SFX: Comms beep.ALIOTH: Bianca, you there?BIANCA: [over comms] Yes, but I’m not the only one.CAPTAIN: [over comms] Phoenix. Alioth. Rion. I see you have gone against my orders.PHOENIX: Yes, but-CAPTAIN: [over comms] Let me speak plese. [pauses to ensure compliance, then sighs] I am actually rather impressed that you figured out how to redirect the ship. That sort of ingenuity is what I like to see in my crew. Phoenix, Alioth… I’ve already spoken to Bianca about your reasoning, and you were right. We should answer this call for help.ALIOTH: Captain?CAPTAIN: [over comms] I was too focused on our main mission. We can reschedule the Coalition meeting. Losing some of their favor is not worth refusing aid to someone in need. Thank you all for reminding me of what my priorities should be, and what they will be moving forward.ALIOTH: Thank you, Captain.PHOENIX: Thanks.CAPTAIN: [over comms] Next time half the crew is against my decision, I will endeavor to listen to you all. Now, have you found who sent the signal?RION: We sure have!ERALDO: That would be me. Thank you for coming to my rescue.CAPTAIN: [over comms] I apologize for almost not doing so.ERALDO: Don’t worry, it’s the actions that matter.PHOENIX: We’re actually all good to come aboard. I think. Is Neil ready for us?CAPTAIN: [over comms, background] Neil, is the transporter beam ready?NEIL: [over comms, background] Roger that.Bianca: [over comms] He’s got your location. Prepare for transport.SFX: Transport woosh!NARRATION:
I’m sure doing a lot of portals today. It only takes a moment, and we’re back on the ship. Eraldo introduces himself to everyone else, and explains his situation to the captain. The conversion quickly devolves into a discussion of planetary politics and meeting tactics, none of which I understand.ERALDO: If you would like, I could come with you to the Coalition meeting. They will not take kindly to the actions of Movarius, and I suspect it will help convince them to go against him.CAPTAIN: Thank you. I’d appreciate it.PHOENIX: And we won’t even be late! We got that done in record time.BIANCA: Only because Eraldo was willing to go along with you.ALIOTH: We did a good job of seeming trustworthy.

NEIL: Seeming trustworthy?RION: Being!ERALDO: I thought you were very trustworthy, Rion. Alioth, ehhh… sort of. [laughs]KHARA: [laughs] You’re lucky you had Rion there.ALIOTH: [laughs] You’re right. Phoenix and I are a shady bunch.PHOENIX: [good naturedly] Speak for yourself.RION: [laughs]NEIL: Khara and I have the transport system all ready to get you home after we visit Nuvibros, Rion.RION: Oh, nice! How did you-BIANCA: [interrupting] NOPE we are NOT doing that right now. I CANNOT take another lecture, PLEASE!RION: [laughing a little bit] Never mind. Thank you both.KHARA: Thank you for the challenge! I’ve never had more fun on this ship.NEIL: Not even when we-KHARA: Neil, not in front of the captain. Or Phoenix, for that matter.NEIL: Sorry. Nevermind.PHOENIX: Woah ah, excuse me?KHARA: Nothing!PHOENIX: [this fades out] What do you mean, nothing? Neil, you’ve got to tell me. Did you sneak another cat on board? I swear, if I have to explain to the captain why there’s meowing on the holodeck again, I’m going to lose my...NARRATION:
The crew makes it to Nuvibros without any further issue, and the captain’s meeting goes well. With Eraldo’s help, they convince the Coalition to align against Movarius and even begin plans for a surprise ambush of their own. I stay for the crew’s celebration, and then it’s time for me to go back to my own dimension. The captain directs the ship to precise coordinates given by Khara, and Neil works his magic with the transport beam. I’m still not convinced that man isn’t a wizard.After goodbyes, I go through the portal, arriving right back where I started, on a path full of lizards. Now that was an adventure. I wonder if I’ll ever end up next to the stars again. Mom always warned me about stray portals, but if anything, I think I’ve learned that I definitely should poke my head into any more that show up.I wonder what else I’ll run into on these travels. The only thing I can expect is that, well, I can’t expect it! But I can’t wait to find out.CREDITS:
Thank you for Sidequesting with us! This episode, Orion’s Nebula, was written and produced by Tal Minear. It’s also the season two finale! If you think you heard a familiar voice in this episode, you probably did!Neil was voiced by Samy Souissi, creator of Desperado, a magical audio drama where 3 Gods of Death find themselves trapped on the same boat.Phoenix was voiced by Erin Kyan, co-creator of Love and Luck, a stunning fictional queer love story with a touch of magic, told via voicemails.Alioth was voiced by Cole Burkhardt, creator of Null/Void, an amazing sci-fi podcast about surviving corporate hell.Khara was voiced by Sarah Rhea Werner, creator of Girl In Space, a gripping show about, you guessed it, a girl in space.Bianca was voiced by Sena Bryer, creator of Dreambound, a fantastic sci-fi fantasy audio drama about a girl-who's-not-a-girl.Eraldo was voiced by David Orión Pena, creator of Dos: After You, a queer, bilingual, urban fantasy horror audio drama that is truly wonderful.The voice of Rion and Captain Orion were Tal Minear.A big thanks to Anne, Ilya, Jesse, Kyle, and E.L. Thackwray for supporting this episode.Thank you so much for coming on this journey with me. Sidequesting will be taking a hiatus while I prep season three and work on a few other projects happening next year, but we’ll be back before you know it.

Captain's Log

Captain’s Log. Stardate 74550We just narrowly avoided an ambush from a cohort of ships. They’re aligned with Movarius, of course. One quick back and forth on the comms made that clear. It would appear that we’re a larger target than I anticipated - I didn’t think they would go after us like this. If it wasn’t for the Radioactive Ion Drive, we wouldn’t have been able to make that jump to hyperspace and get away. I’ll be making an official recommendation to install them on the other ships in the fleet.[sighs]I really thought they would be hesitant to attack a scientific vessel. We barely have any weapons on the ship, and all the ones we do are geared towards defense. That was certainly useful today… the shields prevented any damage to the actual ship. It’s supposed to be rare that we are shot at, but it keeps happening more and more. Between us and other designated peaceful ships, it’s clear that Movarius truly has no hesitation in who he attacks.Of course, this peaceful vessel is working quite hard to be a thorn in his side. We’re not a battle ship by any means, but we’ve been meeting with planetary alliances and other groups quite regularly, to help the ones already fighting Movarius and to convince those who haven’t chosen a side. Some will always remain neutral, but at least we can make them understand the stakes. Stakes that have been quite thoroughly documented in previous captain’s logs. Movarius’ power is only growing slowly, but it is growing, and we must put a stop to it before it’s too late.I remember when our mission on this ship was about exploring the universe and studying the wide variety of life throughout it… but now, we must protect that life. I’m grateful the crew has gone along with our change in plans… but I’m getting nostalgic. Back on topic.Before our unfortunate run in, we did have a successful meeting with the Phipryi. Alioth caught word that their merchants were transporting some rare tech, I’m not sure what exactly, I’ll have Niel add details about it to the record. Apparently this technology is on Movarious’ radar, and we were concerned he would attempt to negotiate a deal. Or simply attack their fleet - I can never tell which one he’s going to pick. At any rate, the ships are on high alert and their president will be making no such bargain.They’ve also helped us arrange a meeting with the Coalition of Nuvibrose. As a whole, this group has been fairly suspicious of Starplane Officers, but the Phipryi diplomat to Nuvibrose put in a good word for us. We’ll have to be on our best behaviour regardless, as they clearly do not trust us. Trust us yet, I hope I can say.The Coalition is an incredibly influential force in their corner of the galaxy. They wield a lot of power, and they’re well respected to boot. Convincing them to align against Movarius would definitely slow him down. Maybe they would even take the lead in what’s rapidly becoming an all-out war. Personally, I would love not being the one getting everyone on board here.When I joined the academy I never expected to be leading the fight against Movarius. He was just a legend when I was growing up, a story told to little kids to keep them in line. But now he’s got himself an army, a whole host of ships, and previously unseen tech that’s giving him quite an edge. If I didn’t know about the engineers and scientists working with him, I’d say that man was a wizard. But no, he’s just charismatic and probably very, very rich.Hmm… The Coalition is rather anti-capitalist. Maybe if I tell them about Movarius’ stash of cryptocoin they’ll decide to steal it for redistribution… now that’s an idea.I’ve got to go check on the course I’ve set for their planet and prep the crew on their customs. Apparently, they place a high value on punctuality, so we’d better not be late. I haven’t planned on any interruptions, but that’s never how they seem to work… We’ll see.End of log.
Captain Orion out.CREDITS:
This supporter-exclusive episode, Captain’s Log, was written and produced by Tal Minear. It’s a prequel to episode 20. Captain Orion was voiced by Tal Minear. Thanks for supporting the show!

The Alien, The Adventurer, and The Farmer’s Daughter

Narration:
Ever since I was a kid, I’ve dreamed of adventuring. Dreamed of magic and knights and princesses, and, in the past few years, a lot of those dreams have come true. But never, even in my wildest dreams, did I ever think I would go to space. Being aboard the SS Nebula, and meeting its fine crew, now that was an adventure worth writing home about. Even after being so close to the stars though, I’m still glad to be back. Wind in my hair, dirt under my feet. Bird songs.
I admired all these things as I walked through a countryside dotted with farmsteads. I had received a letter from a farmer’s daughter named Ciara who lived somewhere in this area. There weren’t many details, but it seemed like someone had been sneaking onto her family farm and stealing all of their equipment. Little things at first, but now that her mother’s away for a country faire, more important tools have gone missing and Ciara is in desperate need of help.RION: I wonder if I’m heading in the right—CIARA: (In the middle distance.) You’ve got to be kidding me!RION: Yup, okay, I’m definitely in the right place.CIARA: You took the scarecrow too??NARRATION:
I continue down the gravel path until I make it to the farm’s homestead, just in time to see Ciara, well, at least that’s who I think it is, tumble out of the cornstalks. She has bright red hair that bounces as she launches herself toward me, a half broken cornstalk in one hand and a pitchfork in the other.CIARA: Are YOU the one stealing all my farm’s equipment?!RION: What? Me? No! I—CIARA: You better not be lying, because I swear, if I find so much as a pair of wool shears in your back pocket I’ll tie you up to my plough and—RION: I’m Rion! The adventurer?CIARA: Oh! Rion! Well, why didn’t you say so?! I’m so glad you’re here!RION: I heard you were having some tools stolen?CIARA: Not just some! Everything that isn’t tied to- Well, now that the scarecrow’s gone, I suppose not even that’s true.RION: Do you have any idea who might be taking them?CIARA: Not the foggiest! And I’m running out of time. My mum is supposed to be back from the Faire any day now and if she sees the sorry state things are in now she’ll—[SFX: A loud crash in the distance, the clattering of tools on a wood floor]GOMEZ: (In the distance, muffled) Confound it!RION: Umm, what was that?CIARA: It sounded like it came from the barn...RION: Is anyone else supposed to be here?CIARA: No.NARRATION:
Ciara and I made our way to the barn, doing our best not to make any sound. Ciara said that usually, the barn would be filled with their sheep, but they’re out at the Faire with her mother. Oh, I should mention, these are show sheep? They come in every color of the rainbow. I’ve heard they’re quite the sight.[SFX: The pushing open of a large wooden, barn door][SFX: The sound of clanking of metal against metal as something is being repaired, muffled at first, but louder when the door is opened]GOMEZ: (From above.) There we go, that should do the trick!CIARA: There’s somebody in the hayloft!RION: How do we get up there?CIARA: Over there, a ladder by the stall.[SFX: Walking on dry, crunchy hay followed by the loud creak of an old wooden ladder rung]GOMEZ: (From above, under his breath.) What was that?[SFX: The clattering of movement and wood creaking from above][SFX: Continued creaking of wood as RION and CIARA climb the rest of the ladder]RION: Hello?CIARA: Come on out, we know you’re up here.[SFX: The gentle creaking and moaning of wood]RION: Ciara, is there anything up here that looks, well, amiss?CIARA: It seems...smaller than I remember. Oh! There, that wall of hay bales, it’s hiding the rest of the loft.RION: Alright, stay behind me.NARRATION:
The closer we got, the more obvious it was that the hay bales were stacked to hide something. Most of them were stood up on their ends to make a wall that almost met the barn’s ceiling. And, from looking at it from an angle, you could just make out a narrow passageway between hay...layers? We both slid our way through it to find-CIARA: What in the world-RION: What is that?CIARA: That’s my water spigot! And my favorite shovel! And my gardening shears!NARRATION:
In front of us stood a large...a big...well, I don’t know what it was, but it was definitely made out of all of Ciara’s missing farm equipment. The wheels of a wheelbarrow, three scythes, two shovels, an axe, a pruner, enough rope to climb a mountain, and whatever a barley hummeler and seed dibbler are. And at the center, in the middle of whatever this thing was, sat a scarecrow holding a cuckoo clock.CIARA: Oh, buddy! Who did this to you! I’ll cut you down—GOMEZ: Wait! Don’t!CIARA (screams.)RION: (screams.)NARRATION:
From behind a hay bale jumped out a short, very disheveled, and very angry man dressed in a uniform that I sort of recognized.GOMEZ: What I’ve built here is very delicate and I cannot risk you tampering with it!CIARA: What you’ve built...so you’re the one stealing all my tools!GOMEZ: Not stealing, simply borrowing!CIARA: That doesn’t matter, you still took my property without asking!GOMEZ: If you had a problem with it then you should’ve said something when I first started steal- borrowing these primitive tools.RION: Alright, alright, let’s talk this out!GOMEZ: (A short gasp.) Captain? Is that, is that you? Did you come all this way to save me?!RION: Oh, now I know where I recognize your uniform from!GOMEZ: And look, you’re also carrying such a primitive weapon- Oh! Yes, of course (whispering) we must blend in when we’re on these underdeveloped planets.RION: No, no, let me explain-CIARA: Underdeveloped?RION: My name is Rion-CIARA: Planets?RION: I was aboard the SS Nebula not too long ago and met your Captain who I, well, share quite the resemblance to.GOMEZ: You aren’t the Captain?RION: Nope.GOMEZ: So then...no one is here to save me.RION: Well, I didn’t say that. I’m sure they’re looking for you, they just haven’t found you yet.CIARA: I feel like I’m missing something here.GOMEZ: Wait, you said you were aboard the Nebula...how exactly did you accomplish that.RION: It involved a portal and some lizards.GOMEZ: Interesting. It’s been theorized that the residual energy from teleportations could build up and cause localized teleportation points, but never did I imagine it just being stumbled upon by, well, I don’t want to be rude, but-RION: Let’s leave it at not wanting to be rude.GOMEZ: Fair enough.CIARA: Can someone please explain to me what’s going on here?RION: Well, and stop me if I’m wrong here, but it looks like our friend here might be stranded?GOMEZ: Affirmative-CIARA: Friend?GOMEZ: You can call me Chief Engineer Gomez, pleasure to meet you both.CIARA: None of this explains why you’ve been stealing my farm’s equipment?GOMEZ: (with a laugh.) Well, isn’t it obvious?CIARA/RION: No.GOMEZ: (A sigh.) Well, one moment I’m adjusting the Nebula’s Tantalus Core and then the next moment there’s a flash of light that leaves me in the middle of a cornfield. Now, I have nothing on my but my communicator, but it is both useless this far from the ship and, well, it’s dead. I’ve built this marvelous machine which, in theory, should both charge my communicator and boost its signal. Simple.CIARA: Wait, is that my cuckoo clock?GOMEZ: Yes.CIARA: When did you get inside my-GOMEZ: Irrelevant. I needed it to alert me of the next-[SFX: The machine bursts to life. Metal clanking, ropes tightening, a cuckoo clock chimes]GOMEZ: Ahh! Ha ha! Yes! It’s coming!RION: What’s coming?GOMEZ: A lightning storm with enough potential energy to help me get back home!CIARA: Good,the sooner you’re out of my hair the better!GOMEZ: I too would not like to be trapped in your hair, but considering the size of this machine and the proximity of the storm, would you two consider helping me get to the nearest hill?RION: I’ll help you—GOMEZ: Amazing! We should—RION: But, on one condition.GOMEZ: Name it.RION: You ask Ciara for help first.GOMEZ: What? The small one? Absurd.RION: Most of your, umm, equipment here, is made of tools from her family’s farm—GOMEZ: I did what I had to do for the sake of the mission.RION: Okay, but I’m not helping you if you don’t ask Ciara first. Stealing is wrong, no matter the reason. And Ciara could get in a lot of trouble if her mom gets back and all her tools are missing.GOMEZ: Humph. Fine. Uhh. Well, umm. Little one, Ciara is it?CIARA: Yes.GOMEZ: I...I am sorry I commandeered your rudimentary tools to build a state of the art, albeit rather crude, charging station and weather tracker. Would you...would you be open to further assisting me—CIARA: Yes.GOMEZ: Oh.CIARA: Of course I’ll help you. If I was lost, I’d hope someone would help me get home too. Besides, my mother raised me to help our neighbors, near and far.RION: Well, that settles it! Gomez, let’s get you back home.NARRATION:
Ciara and I helped Gomez pack up his contraption while Gomez gave us very specific instructions on how to do so.GOMEZ: No! You mustn’t let the trans orbital antennae touch the grounding rod!CIARA: But...these are wool shears?GOMEZ: Oh, you sweet, naive little creature.NARRATION:
Aside from a few bumps and scrapes, we managed to get everything down from the hayloft in one piece and, somehow, I’ve ended up carrying it all. Including one very itchy scarecrow.GOMEZ: Has the skinny lad got a name?CIARA: What?GOMEZ: The effigy you left standing in the cornfields.CIARA: Oh! I’ve always fancied the name Fergus.GOMEZ: (as if tasting the name) Hmm. Fer-gus.CAIRA: (big yawn.)NARRATION:
We were part way up the hillside when Ciara started nodding off. She almost turned back, not wanting to slow us down, but Gomez offered to carry her. It was amusing to watch Ciara, with her big head of hair, climbing onto Gomez’s shoulders, but she settled right in, falling completely asleep in no time.GOMEZ: The little one asleep?RION: Yup, looks like it.GOMEZ: Now, don’t tell her I said this, but I see a bit of myself in her.RION: Is that so?GOMEZ: A gleam in her eye, noticed it when she was looking at my machine. She’s young, but I can already see she has that spark in her. She’d make a fine Coalition recruit.RION: If there’s one thing I’ve learned in all my travels it’s that people tend to be more surprising than you’d think. Everyone is capable of courage, whether they’re a knight or, well, a farmer’s daughter. This world is full of brave people who are willing to do the right thing.GOMEZ: (thoughtful.) Hmm. Perhaps space would be a safer place if there were more people like you both.RION: There were plenty of brave people aboard the SS Nebula. And it just takes a few people to make a difference.CIARA: (through a yawn.) Smells like rain.[SFX: lightning crack and the first sprinkling of rain which grows and remains throughout the following sequence]CIARA: (startled yelp.)GOMEZ: It’s starting! Let’s get a move on!NARRATION:
With the storm starting earlier than expected, we all split up the gear and bolted up the hillside. I wasn’t sure how we were going to set everything up in time, but Gomez and Ciara took charge, the two of them working in tandem like they’d been doing this for years. It would’ve been fun to watch if it wasn’t for the pouring rain.CIARA: (louder, over the rain.) There, Fergus is tied to the pitchfork, stand back![SFX: lightning strikes, but in the middle distance]GOMEZ: No, no, no...the pitchfork isn’t enough to attract the lightning!CIARA: The storm is already moving away, there must be something-RION: My sword!CIARA: What?!RION: Use my sword instead! Quick!NARRATION:
I passed the sword to Ciara who, with a ribbon from her hair and Gomez’s help, tied it to the scarecrow’s hand. As soon as it was secured we all jumped back just before a lightning bolt struck Fergus.[SFX: loud lightning crack followed by sizzling wood][SFX: beeping of a device as it charges, very quickly, to full battery]GOMEZ: Yes! It worked! It worked!CIARA: Rion! You did it![SFX: beeping from the device, an incoming transmission]CAPTAIN RION: (as if from a radio) Good to hear from you, Chief Engineer Gomez. How about we get you back home?GOMEZ: (a large sigh.) Yes, I’d like that, very much, Captain. (to Rion and Ciara.) Thank you, both of you. It’s been a pleasure serving with you both.[SFX: a beaming up type sound a la Star Trek, but fantasy][SFX: the storm fades away, a trickle of rain continues]CIARA: Wow. Just like that.RION: He’s gone.[SFX: trickle of rain fades out]CIARA: Oh, Rion, will you look at that. The stars.RION: They’re gorgeous.[Admittedly Vague SFX: shimmering stars, a shooting star]RION: I didn’t realize it was so late, we better head back.CIARA: Good idea.[SFX: the clattering of tool as the machine suddenly falls apart]CIARA: And we have to get all this equipment back...that is, if you don’t mind helping just a little bit more?RION: Of course!NARRATION:
Between the two of us, we were able to get the majority of Ciara’s things back down the hillside save for a few severely charred gardening tools and one very crispy Fergus.CIARA: You know, I think I’ve got a cool idea for a machine of my own. One that might be able to help my mum around the farm. Something that can till the soil and plant seeds at the same time.RION: That sounds like a great idea.NARRATION:
Ciara’s certainly got a bright future ahead of her. After we explain the scorch marks on the cuckoo clock to her mother of course.CREDITS
Thank you for Sidequesting with us! This episode, The Alien, The Adventurer, and The Farmer’s Daughter, was written by Andrew Siañez-De La O and produced by Tal Minear. Ciara was voiced by Leslie Gideon and Gomez was voiced by Andrew Siañez-De La O. The voice of Rion was Tal Minear. A big thanks to AliMaria, Ilya, Jesse, Sara, and Spencer for supporting this episode.

IPM 2021 CROSSOVER EPISODE
Sidequesting and October and Fish
LOCH PET MONSTERTHEME SONG LYRICS:
Rion’s a hero who’s always adventurin’ / In order to avoid the main plot
Evil plans they might throw a wrench in / but honestly they’d rather not
Somehow they’ve got this sweet magic sword / Instead of using it on the wizard
We’re meeting new people and doing new things / And Sidequesting
It’s a crossover!SFX: Approaching footsteps, a couch creak.NARRATOR: [sighs] Okey dokey, you know who we haven’t checked in on in a while? Rion. You know Rion! They’re that adventurer… They have that magical sword? And there’s that evil wizard they never deal with?Yeah, exactly. Nothing but sidequests.Well I figured since October and Fish are missing we might wanna do our own little sidequest and check in on an old friend.Yes, we’re back to me choosing who we spy on. We’ll get back to the October and Fish story, don’t worry. Alright crystal ball… Let’s begin.SFX: Crystal ball powering on.NARRATOR: I…SFX: With clicks, the crystal ball shifts through different worlds, each with their own sounds.NARRATOR: Ah! I think this is the one.SFX: Shutter swiping.NARRATOR: Okay, just gotta get a little bit over, hum-de-dum, got it!SFX: Waves soundscape.NARRATOR: Rion is paddling away in a little canoe. They’re still rocking that green cloak, continuity is nice, and the largely important plot sword is also still around which is probably for the best.They drift to a stop at a dock which is conspicuously absent of other boats, considering the size of this island. I mean, the view is incredible. But it’s small.SFX: Footsteps on sand.NARRATOR: So small, Rion’s already navigated the path to the town, and its droopy clocktower, and the person with a sash outside, town-crier-ing. Town crying?MAYOR: The poisoned lips of fate have once again kissed our pitiful town! Hark, hark! The Dreaded Lakeland Lake Lake-Shark has struck again! It must be stopped! Who will be the hero we need? Oh, oh, our poor town! Besieged on all sides by floods and monsters. It’s a hard knock life.SFX: Rion approaches.RION: Uh, hi there. What’s going on?MAYOR: Oh my!NARRATOR: As Rion appears, the sash-bearer quickly switches sashes.MAYOR: Hello, constituent! Wait! You’re not one of my constituents. Who are you? I haven’t seen you around before.RION: That’s probably because I’m just passing through. I like to travel.MAYOR: Oh, then welcome, visitor, to the wonderful town of Burbleberg. I am Mayor Burblebard, Burbleberg’s Burblemeister. And Burble-crier. And Burble-dentist.RION: Wow, that’s a lot of jobs.MAYOR: It is, it is. And I’ve tried to bring it up with Burble-HR but my letters get redirected back to me and I don’t-- Wait. Young adventurer, how did you get on this island?RION: A boat…?MAYOR: Do you still have it?RION: Yeah, it’s at the dock. Or at least, what looked like the dock? I didn’t see any other boats there.MAYOR: That’s because we don’t have any other boats.RION: Oh. That’s unfortunate.MAYOR: Yes… But you have a boat! So perhaps you can help us defeat the Dreaded Lakeland Lake Lake-Shark!RION: The Dreaded Lakeland Lake Lake-Shark?MAYOR: Yes, the Dreaded Lakeland Lake Lake-Shark! It’s a dreadful lake-shark that plagues Lakeland Lake.RION: Oh! So this lake is Lakeland Lake?MAYOR: Yes, and the lake itself is also dreadful. It floods the island daily. That’s how we lost all the boats. They were swept away in last Tuesday’s flood.RION: That’s awful.MAYOR: But now you’re here and you have a boat! So you can use your boat to hunt down the Dreaded Lakeland Lake Lake-Shark and then use that shiny sword of yours to slay it!RION: I’m happy to try to help you. I wouldn't want to slay the shark, but maybe I can find a way to better protect your island. Is the shark causing the floods?MAYOR: No, no, no. The Dreaded Lakeland Lake Lake-Shark and the floods are two totally unrelated but equally problematic issues.RION: Oh.MAYOR: You see every morning the town’s burble-farmers gather all the food out on the Food Pier --which is the designated food storage area. Then, without fail, the Dreaded Lakeland Lake Lake-Shark swims by and eats all the food. So we have to spend the whole day rebuilding the pier and scrounging for food.NARRATOR: Mayor Burblebard gestures to a long thin pier jutting far into the lake.(MAYOR: See? Right, right there!)NARRATOR: It’s covered in Burble-workers patching up the many cracks and holes.MAYOR: Nice, isn’t it.RION: Have you considered not storing all your food on the pier?MAYOR: Well… It’s the designated food storage area…RION: But as mayor, can’t you designate a new food storage area farther away from the water?MAYOR: Huh. I’d have to talk to the Burbleberg Burble-urban planner for that.NARRATOR: She’s got another couple sashes behind her back, but she makes a show of looking around as if for some other civic officer that is definitely not also her.(MAYOR: Um, ah, hmm…)RION: Okay. While you do that, how about I take a look around? See where I can help?MAYOR: That would be great! The Dreaded Lakeland Lake Lake-Shark attacked the pier this morning and then swam back into the lake.RION: I guess I’ll head to the lake.MAYOR: Good luck, young adventurer!RION: My name’s Rion. And good luck with the Burble-urban planner.MAYOR: Oh, I’ll need it. This town’s a bureaucratic nightmare.SFX: Footsteps on sand.NARRATOR: Rion steps away, and Burblebard quickly rifles through her sashes, puts one on, then assumes an obviously false thinking pose.MAYOR: A burble-sash for every burble-job. Hmm, yes.SFX: Shutter swipe.NARRATOR: Rion hops back in the canoe and paddles out to the end of the dock. They float along on inertia once they pass into open water.SFX: VCR fast-forwarding.NARRATOR: Bare mountains ring the distant shore, made of beautifully vivid striated rock.Striated? Like, stripy. The island has trees like tufts of fluff on thin, wobbly trunks, and the water is a soothing teal-green.SFX: VCR stops with a click. Wave soundscape returns.NARRATOR: I have seen no lake sharks thus far, but there is like a giant orange buoy floating around on the lake. It’s got a weird texture, like… Oh. Okay, I think I see what’s happening here. Pretty sure that’s--SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhagrahgrhag!!!!!! Rararhgrhag!!!!!! Raaaaarrrrrr!!!!NARRATOR: --That’s the lake shark. But it’s not a shark, it’s a shark-sized goldfish. A big, sad, noisy goldfish. Rion gives a quick paddle to approach.RION: [softly] Hi there… are you okay?SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhagrahgrhag…RION: Oh no! You lost your family?SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhagrahgrhag!RION: And you really miss them?SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhar.NARRATOR: Rion puts a concerned hand on the goldfish’s forehead and receives a nuzzle.SFX: Nuzzle splash.RION: Aw, I’m so sorry. Do you think they might be around?SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhag! Rararhgrhagrahgrhag!RION: But you’re not scary at all! If you want, I could help you talk to them.SPOTACUS: Rararhg?RION: Yeah! I’d love to help you!SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhagrahgrhag! [BEAT] Rararhg?RION: [laughing] Yes right now! Let’s go!SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhagrahgrhag!SFX: Energetic splashing.NARRATOR: The goldfish swims in a happy circle around the canoe and offers their back to Rion.SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhagrahgrhag!RION: It would be efficient, I’ll give you that.SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhagrahgrhag!RION: Alright, here we go!NARRATOR: Rion slides from the boat onto the goldfish’s back, gently clutching the large, floppy dorsal fin. The goldfish takes off, sending up a spray that sprinkles them both. Rion smiles and leans into it, their cloak flapping behind.SFX: Wind, moving quickly through water.RION: Show me where you used to live!SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhah! Rararhgrhah!NARRATOR: They leave a wake as the goldfish zooms around the island.RION: This place really is beautiful. What’s your family like?SPOTACUS: Rrrrrghghhg. Rararhgrhah.RION: Cartoonishly loving, you say. So wait, how’d you get lost?SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhah, rararhgrha.RION: A flood swept you away?SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhah!RION: Ooooh you were smaller back then, that makes more sense.SPOTACUS: Rrrrrghghhg, rararhgrha.RION: Aw, I’m sorry. But they probably don’t recognize you when you try coming back. You’re a lot bigger now.SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhagrahg :(((RION: They think you’re attacking the pier when you try saying hi.SPOTACUS: Rarahgaghara????RION: Well… You do destroy the pier and eat their food every morning.SPOTACUS: Raraghararahga!?!?!?RION: The food isn’t supposed to be for you. Sorry.SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhagrahg :(((RION: Well, how about when we get to your home you can apologize. But first, you should stay out here in the water and I’ll go knock on the door and try to explain everything. Think that’ll work?SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhagrahgr! :)))RION: Great! [BEAT] And then we’ll go back for the boat. I hear they’re in short supply around here.SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhag!NARRATOR: They pull up near a house by the edge of the island, made of little square-edged branching towers. Rion hops off neatly and walks up to the front while the goldfish sinks down and out of sight.SFX: Footsteps, door knock, door swings open.NARRATOR: The door is opened by a generically young dude in gardening clothes.LAD: Hi! I’m Lad Burbleboy, of the Burbleberg Burbleboys. Welcome, stranger! Would you like a slice of the pie I just baked? The secret ingredient is love.RION: Hi there, I’m Rion. That pie looks really good, but I’m on a mission right now. Maybe later, though? I have a bit of an odd question for you - are you missing a goldfish?LAD: Uh, yeah, actually. Spotacus ran away when I was younger.RION: Wait… how does a fish run away?LAD: Oh, there was a flood. Little guy jumped right out of their fishbowl and into the lake. I really miss Spotty :(RION: How little a guy was Spotacus, exactly?LAD: Well gee, regular goldfish size I guess!RION: Well... I have some good news! I found them!LAD: Really?RION: They’re a little bit bigger now, but yes!LAD: A little bit bigger…?RION: A… lotta bit bigger, actually. Here, how about I just show you? [BEAT] You have to promise not to run away.LAD: Why would I run away?RION: Come with me.NARRATOR: Rion and Lad head out to the lake.SFX: Rion and Lad footsteps, out the door and around the corner.RION: [calling] Spotacus!SFX: A splash as Spotacus comes into view.SPOTACUS: Rghgllgh?LAD: AHHH! The Dreaded Lakeland Lake Lake-Shark! EVERYBODY RUN!SFX: Lad falls in surprise, then flees across the beach.RION: Lad? LAD! Mr. Burbleboy! Hey!LAD: RION WATCH OUT! Wait. Why aren’t you running?RION: Why are YOU running?LAD: The lake shark! It’s-RION: -not attacking you. Or me. In fact, they’re just waving.SFX: Smaller splashy sounds. Spotty is waving.LAD: Sp-- Spot--- SPOTACUS????SPOTACUS: Rararhgrahgrhag!! Rararhgrhagrahgrhag!!LAD: It really is you!!SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhagrahgrhag!!!!!!SFX: Lad goes to hug Spotacus.LAD: You came back!SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhagrahgrhag!LAD: I missed you so much!!! I made so many pies hoping you’d smell them and come home!SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhagrahgrhag!LAD: Rion, thank you so much.SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhag!RION: You’re both welcome!LAD: I need to figure out how to tell the rest of the town you’re not the lake shark.SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhag…LAD: You are the lake shark?SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhagrahh…LAD: Spotacus! You can’t eat people’s food off the pier! That’s one of the reasons they’re scared of you!SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhag… :(LAD: You didn’t cause the floods, did you?SPOTACUS: Rararh!LAD: Okay good. But still, the town is pretty upset with you. The Burble-urban planner is going to try to scare you off for sure.RION: And the mayor!LAD: Oh, they’re the same person.RION: … so much and so little now makes sense.LAD: Landslide election, too.RION: Oh. Impressive.SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhah!LAD: You want to go to the town hall and apologize for stealing the food?SPOTACUS: Rararh!LAD: But… you can’t swim to the town hall.SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhah! Rararhgrhagrahh!LAD: ...if you say so.NARRATOR: Rion and Lad head up towards the mayor. Spotacus swims, picking up speed, then makes a sharp turn and ploughs directly into the island.LAD: Wait! Spotacus!RION: Oh no.NARRATOR: Intentionally? Intentionally, with a titanic wriggle and the momentum they propel themselves over the ground, digging a trench which fills with water behind them as they go.SFX: Heavy wet slaps as Spotty hops.NARRATOR: Spotacus quickly loses speed, and the last few pushes as they reach the clocktower don’t make much of a mark on the island.LAD: Spotacus! You just dug a giant hole into the island!SPOTACUS: Raahahragha :/RION: This will be hard to explain to the mayor.SPOTACUS: Raraghrah…LAD: You know I love you, but you caused some serious damage to the burble-street and the burble-garden. So let’s get the mayor out here so you can apologize to her.SFX: VCR fast-forwarding.NARRATOR: And so they trot and wriggle respectively up to the clocktower, and go through the whole thing again with much emphatic body language from the mayor, and two sash changes.SFX: VCR stops fast-forward.MAYOR: What do you mean the Dreaded Lakeland Lake Lake-Shark is actually really nice?RION: Uh, we mean the Dreaded Lakeland Lake Lake-Shark is actually really nice.LAD: Yeah, I thought we were pretty clear on that.MAYOR: But that lake shark stole our food!RION: They thought you were putting the food out for them!MAYOR: Ahh, because of the long pier jutting out into the lake?RION: Yeah.MAYOR: Mah, I see… I told the Burle-urban planner it was a bad idea. Maybe this will finally change her mind.LAD: Hopefully. She’s made some strange choices for this town.MAYOR: You’re telling me.LAD: But I guess that’s who we voted for, right?MAYOR: Yup.RION: Aren’t you the burble-urban planner?MAYOR: What? Yeah. ‘Course.LAD: Mayor Burblebard, the lake shark wants to apologize. They’re really sorry.RION: Right. But you have to promise not to attack them or run away or anything.MAYOR: Of course I’m gonna run away. {BEAT} I… [sighs] Are you sure?RION: Yes!MAYOR: Okay.SFX: Three pairs of steps walking down.SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhah!!!SFX: The mayor staggers back.MAYOR: THE LAKE SHARK IS A LAND SHARK! Hark! Hark!NARRATOR: The mayor quickly changes sashes.MAYOR: The tall shadow of ruination has crept upon our--LAD: [clearing throat noise] ahem.MAYOR: [calming down] Oh, uh, sorry. Old habit.NARRATOR: She quickly swaps back to her mayoral sash and approaches Spotacus.SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhah!!!MAYOR: It’s, uh, nice to meet you too.SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhah? Rararhgrhahraghragh.MAYOR: I accept your apology. For both the pier and the trench.SPOTACUS: Rahaharahgh!MAYOR: Though the burble-construction workers will not be happy when they find out about all this extra work… Look at the burble-garden!LAD: I can help fill the trench in, Mayor Burblebard. And bake pies for all the burble-workers.MAYOR: Oh you Burbleboys… All so sweet. Have you had one of his pies, young adventurer Rion?RION: Not yet, but I think now might be a good--SFX: SUDDEN THUNDER! IT STARTS TO RAIN!MAYOR: Oh no!RION: What’s going on?LAD: A flash flood!NARRATOR: The mayor switches to an orange high-visibility sash.MAYOR: Quick, to the clocktower!RION: This way!SPOTACUS: Rahaharahgh!SFX: Running footsteps. Water flowing sounds increase. More running footsteps. It’s still raining, but then… the water flowing sounds stop increasing. It sounds like a stream.MAYOR: Hold on! The water… It’s all diverting through the trench!LAD: It’s a burble-miracle!RION: [laughs] Spotacus, you’ve done it!SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhah?LAD: Yeah! You’ve saved the day!RION: The water is going back into the lake instead of flooding the town! All because of your trench!SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhah!!!!MAYOR: I suppose you actually are really nice, Spotacus. This trench was a wonderful idea!SPOTACUS: Rararhgrhah :)

MAYOR: Well that’s the flooding problem solved… And the Dreaded Lakeland Lake Lake-Shark, and… Now there’s only the boat deficit to deal with.RION: Actually, I think Spotacus might be able to help with that too!MAYOR: Is that so?SPOTACUS: Rarhgrha!RION: I rode them back here. They can give people lifts on and off the island.LAD: Yeah, and it’d be a great way for Spotacus to make up for eating all the food.MAYOR: Well what do you say, Spotacus?SPOTACUS: Raragrarhgrhararhgrha!SFX: A triumphant splash.MAYOR: Wonderful!LAD: Hop on!NARRATOR: They jump out onto Spotacus’ back and all four of them slide down the watery trench, the humans throwing their arms up as they enter the lake with a splash.SFX: Log flume splash.NARRATOR: And off they swim, into the sunset. Rion’s great, they always wrap things up so neatly. With October and Fish we always end on a cliffhanger… But we’ll get back to that plot next time. Maybe. I might have a little surprise in store for you. For now… Let’s stop.SFX: Crystal ball turns off.CREDITS:RION: This has been a special crossover episode of Sidequesting and October Jones & Fish with Legs.MAYOR: Written and produced by Dexter Lavery-Callender, Tal Minear, and Elisabeth Nyveen. Main theme music by Alexander Cruz. I come from a long line of Burblebards, you know. Music runs in the family. And having a lot of jobs.RION: How many jobs do you have? Isn’t that a lot of work?MAYOR: Oh yes. Civic toil, burdens rain unnumbered / Take their toll like, uh... oh, something. Runt herd? Bun nerd? ...Plumber? Is it-- plumber?RION: ...Like lightning and thunder?MAYOR: AH! Yes! Perfect! Maybe you should be a burble-bard.RION: The voice of the Mayor was Zoë Bujold. The voice of Spotacus was Tyson Fraleigh. The voice of Lad was Ezra J. Wayne. The voice of the Narrator was Elisabeth Nyveen. The voice of Rion was Tal Minear.MAYOR: Sidequesting is a fantasy podcast about avoiding the main plot! It follows Rion, an adventurer who’s willing to help just about anyone, as long as they don’t have to deal with the big scary wizard. There are two seasons out now! It’s a warm haven of light-hearted storytelling, appropriate for anyone who could use a soft landing.RION: October Jones & Fish with Legs is a fantasy adventure audio drama about a determined but misguided teenage girl and a blindly optimistic fish in high heels who go on a quest to save the world. It’s a chaotic good series that flouts the forces of racist colonialism and makes critical yet hopeful commentary on the world we live in. And let me tell you, it’s WONDERFUL!MAYOR: Now I’ll be seeing you, young adventurer Rion. I must be back to pull some burble-teeth. So from us, and IPM, have a burble day!RION: Bye!

Natural Causes

NARRATION:
Today, I am visiting a town that has been on my list since day one. It’s built on the side of a mountain! You navigate the city of Cordilla using these platforms pulled by magical ropes. They have a whole team of mages dedicated to running the city infrastructure. Nobody has fallen even once! [BEAT] Well, I think a few people have fallen off the platform, but they’ve been caught by the mages. There’s a special cusioney-landing spell they use! It was invented for the platforms!I thought it would be a while before I would make it here, but I got a specially-addressed letter requesting I come at once. At least, I think that’s what it was requesting. It was a very interesting specially-addressed letter. It said “Dear Orion…”SFX: Transition to the voice of-LEIF: Dear Orion, I have not heard news of your travels far and wide, and I am greatly unimpressed. For you see, I currently find myself in no predicament at all, and am casually looking for nobody to help me with it. I was not wondering if you would be so kind as to come to the town of Cordilla and assist me in speaking to the town patron, for I am clearly not in need of assistance. I’m fine. No help is required. Read this message literally and at face value, please. I would hate for you to come visit. I hope you are doing terribly. [BEAT] Insincerely, Leif.SFX: Transition back to the voice of-NARRATION:
“...insincerely, Leif.” [BEAT] You see why I’m a bit confused. But clearly, something is up, and I can’t not check it out. It sounds like it could be an adventure.Leif mentioned speaking to the town patron. I’ve heard a lot about this patron, apparently they’re some sort of old and powerful wizard. They train all the platform mages, but nobody knows a lot about them. Anyone who gets an audience with the patron swears a vow of secrecy - and they keep it, too! I think Leif must really be in trouble if he needs my help to talk to this wizard. Or absolutely doesn’t need my help at all.When I get to Cordilla, the mountain range looms over me, poking into the clouds. The entrance is along the side of a very steep cliff, and I see platforms moving up and down all over it. They look a bit like carts, with railings all along the sides, but missing wheels or a horse moving it along. I expected there to be ropes of some kind pulling them up, but there’s nothing beyond the invisible magic that lifts them. Only slightly intimidated by the view ahead of me, I walk to the platform and ask the woman stationed at the bottom if she would direct me to Leif. She’s dressed in forest green robes with a sash that marks her position as a town mage, and on her face is a look of concern.RAKELL: Are you sure you want to see Leif?RION: …yes? Why do you ask?RAKELL: He seems to have angered four fifths of the town one way or another. Or… are you already mad at him? Now officially I’m supposed to stop fights, but I might let this one slide if-RION: [interrupting] No! I’m not mad at him. I’m just trying to, uh… help him. Did he do something to you?RAKELL: Oh, just insulted my hairdo. Called it “the worst thing I’ve ever seen” and that was after I spent all morning braiding it. [Sighs] Leif certainly needs help, I’ll tell you that, and you seem set on giving it to him, so props to you. Step on, and I’ll direct the platform to him.RION: Thank you. And don’t listen to him, your hair looks lovely. I’m Rion, by the way.RAKELL: Thank you. I’m Rakell [pronounced Ra-KELL]. I love your cloak. And good luck up there. You’ll need it.RION: Thanks!SFX: We hear the platform start to rise, and the ENV drops out to give way to wind.NARRATION
The platform carries me up the side of the mountain. I’ve never seen the ground drop away so fast! Rakell gives me a small wave as she becomes a small speck in the distance. I’ve never really been scared of heights, but boy am I grateful that this railing is here. I hold tight to it until the platform stops. Wow, I’m really high up, and there’s still more of Cordilla above me. Part of me wants to go all the way to the top just to see how high it is. But in ahead of me, I see a tall man sweeping the walkway of a small home. This must be where Leif lives, and that must be Leif. I step off the platform and walk to him.SFX: Footsteps as Rion approaches Leif.RION: Hi there. Are you Leif?LEIF: No.RION: Oh. Uh, do you know where he might-?LEIF: Not at all. I’d hate to help you, but… [sighs]. Who might you be?RION: I’m Rion.LEIF: Oh Rion! Terrible to meet you, I was so hoping you’d ignore my letter.RION: Your letter… so you are Leif?LEIF: Certainly not.RION: Anyone ever tell you that you’re a confusing fellow?LEIF: Only once!RION: [small laugh] Okay so, if you’re not Leif, do you know him?LEIF: Not at all. He’s definitely not talking to you now and trying very hard to make himself clear. Nope.RION: Alright, I’m starting to understand. Hey, if you know Rakell, what do you think of her hair?LEIF: The worst hairdo I’ve ever seen.RION: She told me that Leif said that.LEIF: Did she now? And… what do you think of me?RION: I think you’re in a predicament.LEIF: What do you know about curses?RION: Honestly, not much. Just the stories I was told as a kid, you know, to keep me out of fairy rings and wandering too far off the path.LEIF: Did you listen to them?RION: More or less. I sort of figured out they were making it all up. These days I stay out of fairy rings but I will wander too far off the path. It’s no fun otherwise.LEIF: Can’t tell you’re an adventurer. What would you do if I told you that I might have been on the receiving end of a curse?RION: I would believe you. Can you tell me what it is?LEIF: [“No.”] Yes.RION: I see… I’m pretty sure I understand, though. I think you can’t tell the truth. You have to lie.LEIF: [carefully] Would you believe it if I said yes to that one?RION: Yes.LEIF: [ecstatic] Horrible, awful, terrible, atrocious!RION: [laughs] Now that we’ve got that all sorted, how can I help you? I don’t know a lot about this town patron… why do you need me to visit them?LEIF: I want to anger them as much as I’ve angered the rest of the town. Would you possibly be willing to explain my… situation, lest I insult yet another person?RION: Definitely! I’ll need you to lead us there, though. I’m still learning exactly how these platforms work.LEIF: Horrendous. Don’t follow me!SFX: FootstepsNARRATION:
Knowing the real meaning of Leif’s words, I accompany him down the road and past the broom he leaves on his steps. In his own way, Leif tells me that everyone in Cordilla is able to request an audience with the patron of the town, though it’s rare they’re granted. He’s never tried before because nobody had agreed to go with him to tell the real story. Leif leads me parallel to the side of the mountain, and I see all sorts of people traveling up and down the side of it. Soon we reach a platform manned by another mage in forest green robes, and stop. [PAUSE] Leif gently nudges me as the mage stares at us.RION: Oh! We would like an audience with Cordilla’s patron. I’ve been told you’re the one to ask?MAGE: You’re correct. [BEAT] Are you sure you want to go with him?LEIF: Do you think he might be able to hear you?RION: [to Mage] I’m sure.MAGE: If you say so. This platform will take you directly to their door. Knock on it, and if you don’t get an answer please take the platform back down. Waiting outside the door, attempting to break into the home, or doing any sort of funny business will not end well for you, I promise.RION: Alright then.MAGE: [to Leif] Do you understand?LEIF: Don’t you think you were pretty clear?MAGE: Yes.LEIF: Well there you have it.MAGE: [rolling eyes] Good enough.SFX: Footsteps onto platform, and then it raises. Silence for a little bit, then-RION: I’m sorry that guy was mean to you.LEIF: I don’t get it.RION: Yeah, me neither, you didn’t even say anythi- wait. You get it?LEIF: When people talk by not talking… give non-answers or just wrong ones… don’t you get upset at them?RION: I try not to. I don’t always succeed at that, but I’ve learned there’s usually a reason when people lie or don’t answer. Though their reasons aren’t usually as dramatic as yours, I’ll give you that.LEIF: [laughs] What would I do without you?SFX: Platform stops. Footsteps off platform, onto grass, then gravel.RION: You ready?LEIF: [“No”] Oh yeah.RION: It’s gonna be okay.LEIF: But how do you know that?RION: Well, if nobody answers the door we’ll figure something else out. But I have a feeling they will.LEIF: How?RION: I know a thing or two about helping people, and I think this town patron would too. They’ve been here for a long time.LEIF: [deep breath] Here goes nothing.SFX: A knock on a simple wooden door. Silence for one heart-gripping moment, and then the sound of a door opening.MARA: Hello.LEIF: [slightly flabbergasted] Hi.RION: Are you Cordila’s patron?MARA: That’s me. What can I help you with?RION: How are your curse-breaking abilities?MARA: So this is a dire case. But fear not, my “curse-breaking abilities” are perfectly functional.LEIF: Oh thank badness that’s - [stopping himself]MARA: That’s what?LEIF: …sure something?RION: [quickly] Leif is the one who needs your help. He’s been cursed to only tell lies. The whole town is angry with him, and he’s having… well…LEIF: A really lovely time. It’s been great.RION: …the opposite of that.MARA: I see… Curses are hard to break… But… I think I’ve got it. A dire case requires drastic measures, after all. Would you be willing to visit my realm?RION: Sure.LEIF: Nope.RION: That means yes.MARA: I understand. What are your names, by the way?LEIF: Certainly not Leif.RION: And I’m Rion.MARA: Pleasure to meet you both. I’m Maradehrill, but you can just call me Mara.LEIF: Your parents named you after the god of death?MARA: Well, a god of death, technically… There are a few of us around and about.LEIF: Us?RION: [impressed but undaunted] Woah, I’ve never met a god before.MARA: Maybe you did and they just didn’t tell you.RION: Oooh, good point.LEIF: Should I… bow or something?MARA: No, no, that’s not necessary. Just come with me. I know what we need to do to get you fixed up and un-cursed. [PAUSE] De-cursed? Not cursed?RION: [small laugh] We know what you mean.NARRATION:
Mara leads us back to the platform. I expected it to go down, but once we’re all on it goes up, away from the top of the mountain and into the sky. Everything gets brighter and brighter, until we’re surrounded by white.MARA: Leif, you’re able to talk freely here.LEIF: Really? Oh that’s a relief. Thank you so much.RION: Where are we?MARA: My home. Or, sort of. It’s complicated. Think of this place as a realm in between two planes.LEIF: Are we dead?MARA: You’ll be able to return safely, I promise.LEIF: Now that is a non-answer if I ever heard one.MARA: As I said, it’s complicated. But you needn’t worry.MARA: Now Leif, tell me how you got this curse.LEIF: Please don’t judge me too harshly. [BEAT] I used to be quite a terrible person. I’d insult people for my own amusement, say mean things to make their day much worse and mine a little better. I… I didn’t care about others. There was an emptiness inside me and I filled it with hate. [to Rion] Maybe if I had met you back then, Rion, you could’ve talked me out of it. But it was just me, happy to be cruel. [sigh] I don’t even know for sure who cursed me - the list of contenders is long. Someone could’ve gone to a witch. Perhaps I unknowingly spoke to a member of the fae. A town sorcerer could’ve cooked it up. But one day I woke up, and my true thoughts were mine alone.LEIF, CONT: [bitter laugh] You know what the funny thing is? I was so deep down rotten that my lies were kind. I gave people compliments and made their day and oh I hated every second of it at first. But it kept happening, and soon I got to see the effects of my unwillingly nice words. And I felt good. It wasn’t important that I didn’t mean what I said, people would still glow. And over time, I started wanting to see that glow. But…RION: As soon as you meant it, you couldn't say it.LEIF: Right you are. We circled back right to start, except this time… I cared. I wasn’t happy to be cruel - quite the opposite. I traveled around, looking for someone to break this curse but all I did was upset them. It’s nothing short of a miracle I haven’t started collecting more curses, actually. [BEAT] Annnnd that’s my story.MARA: Thank you for telling me. I know it wasn’t easy.LEIF: If you don’t want to help me anymore, I understand. I do deserve this.MARA: Nonsense. You’ve clearly learned a very hard lesson.LEIF: Will it be a problem that I don’t know who gave me this curse?MARA: Not at all. I am, after all, a god. [look, we can’t hear a wink in audio but Mara definitely winks here]LEIF: Thank the gods.RION: [to Mara] Thank the you!MARA: [laughs] You’re very welcome. Now Rion, take a step back.SFX: Steps as Rion steps back. More steps as Mara steps forward and places her hands on Leif’s shoulders.MARA: Leif, this won’t hurt at all. I just need you to be still.LEIF: [intimidated] Okay.SFX: Some sort of magical sound. Sorry sound designer Tal. Blend it with the music behind this next narration bit.NARRATION:
Mara breathes deeply, and then with a gesture, pulls black light from Leif. It floats in the air, circling around him like a bird of prey. It reflects in dazzling colors, oddly stunning against the white backdrop all around us. Leif looks terrified, but Mara’s face is focused as she conjures some sort of glass sphere and directs the black light into it. With a final motion, the sphere disappears, vanishing into nothing. I get the feeling that this wouldn’t be possible down in Cordilla.MARA: That should do it. You’ll be dizzy when we return, but only temporarily. Curse breaking messes with one’s aura. [BEAT] Actually, I’d like to keep an eye on you for a little bit. It’ll do us no good if you topple off a platform and we have to do this all over again. Would you both mind staying for tea?RION: I wouldn’t mind at all.LEIF: Nor would I.MARA: Excellent.NARRATION:
Mara beams and as if on cue, the platform begins descending. Leif also seems in high spirits, if prone to tipping over. I hold tight to his arms as the platform descends, just in case. We reach the ground in front of Mara’s cottage, and Leif happily announces that he would like to “sit and or lie down”. This announcement is punctuated by a supremely superb stumble, and Mara directs him to a soft bed to lie on. Leif thanks her profusely, then promptly falls asleep. Mara and I opt for tea in the garden so as to not wake him up.SFX: Tea stirred, sipped, and set down. A moment to breathe in the ambiance of the garden.RION: How does a god of death end up as Cordilla’s patron? You could go anywhere - why here?MARA: Well, for a time I did go anywhere. Anywhere and everywhere. A new god with a fresh domain… the power went a bit to my head, I admit. I messed up many many times. When you’re dealing with big problems, the consequences for doing the wrong things are also big.RION: [“woah”] I… I really get that.MARA: Seeing new places and people was fun - you’re a traveler, I know you understand that. But once you’ve been everywhere, it all starts to feel the same. I wanted a home. And eventually… I found one here. [BEAT] What makes Cordilla special is the way one travels about the city. When I first arrived, the platforms were here, but they did not run on magic.RION: Then how did they work?MARA: Simple ropes and counterweights. Very impressive, but also very dangerous. And… something I could help fix. For the first time, I found a small problem to solve!RION: [only half joking] If that’s a small problem I’m not sure I want to know what the big ones were. So you’re responsible for these floating platforms, then?

MARA: I’m responsible for their creation, yes. It was the first time I had a project where I was allowed to fail. Even for a god spellcrafting is hard, and it took endless tries to get the platforms working on their own. Not to mention weaving fall-catching charms… they still leave a person quite nauseous, did you know? That’s part of why the mages are there, to make sure the town healer can be summoned. My magic isn’t that compatible with, uh, living bodies. It’s harsh. Just ask Leif over there.RION: He seems to be doing alright.MARA: And that’s on years of practice. As I spent my time in this town I found what I had always wanted - a home. People started coming to me asking for help with other things. Tiny, small things that would seem insignificant to anyone but themselves. It was so refreshing. I didn’t feel like a big scary god of death anymore. I felt like… me. Death is inherently linked to life, and what’s life if not a million tiny problems to be solved?MARA, cont: I’m the god of natural death. People living their best life, growing old, and passing on peacefully. Not falling off of tall platforms because it’s the only way to travel, or getting sick because the healer can’t find the right herb, or losing a duel because they thought it was the only way to solve an argument. I’ve been able to stop all of that, again and again. Over time people even forgot where I came from. I was just Cordilla’s strangely powerful patron. I didn’t want to change that. So I built my cottage on the top of the mountain, and now I train the mages and grow my garden, and help people. It’s everything I want.RION: They’re lucky to have you. [BEAT, in which Rion is 100% thinking “hang on a minute…”] Did you ever turn anyone away?MARA: No. :) I know the rumors that spread around the town about how it’s difficult to see me, but… I think people just don’t want to admit when they need my help. They seem to think it’s weak. But I know how hard it is to ask. They’re stronger than they think.SFX: Under this last part of Mara’s monologue, sleepy footsteps as Leif comes into the garden.LEIF: Talking about me? I do feel like I could take on the world!MARA: Start by taking on this tea. I’ve kept it warm for you.LEIF: Don’t mind if I do. Thank you.SFX: Leif sits at the table. Clinking of teacup.LEIF: What’d I miss?RION: Mara was telling me about the town. It seems like a really lovely place.LEIF: Oh it is.RION: I know why she lives here, but what about you?MARA: Ooh yes, tell us your story!LEIF: Alright, if you insist.NARRATION:
Don’t tell Leif, but I wanted to give him a chance to talk without having to lie. I’m also interested in learning about his adventures, don’t get me wrong! But watching his face light up as he tells truth after truth was absolutely worth it. We talk into the evening, swapping stories and tales until a bell rings by Mara’s cottage. She tells us this means someone is coming to ask for her help, so Leif and I take our leave. The view as we descend is peaceful, until a realization breaks the silence.LEIF: So she does see everybody!RION: [laughter, which fades out]CREDITS
Thank you for Sidequesting with us! This episode, Natural Causes, was written and produced by Tal Minear, with original music by Ali Hylton. Leif was voiced by Felix Trench, Mara was voiced by Mo Mo O’Brien, Rakell was voiced by Leslie Gideon, and the mage was voiced by Elena Fernandez Collins. The voice of Rion was Tal Minear. A big thanks to AliMaria, Ilya, Jesse, Sara, Spencer, and the Apollo Podcast App for supporting this episode.

Trouble Causing Trousers

[INTRO SECTION]EXT. [CAMP TOWN]Background music as appropriate.RION NARRATION
Today I made it to Daylily. Every time I’ve heard someone mention the place, they called it a town, but it looks more like a really big work camp to me. Most of the people here live in tents and do the sort of outdoorsy jobs that always seem to happen far away or in tall tales. I can hear the sounds of lumberjacks singing to keep time as they work in the nearby forest, and there are people walking around with pickaxes and shovels, heading off to some local mine that must be hidden in the gently rolling hills nearby. There are even a few taking advantage of the stream that passes through it all to pan and sift for any precious metals or stones that might have escaped their more industrious companions. It’s easy to tell that everyone here works hard, but loves life. Even though they’re all more or less covered in dirt and their clothes look to be more patch than original fabric, there’s a smile on every face. At this rate, I’ll be surprised if the first kitchen I come across isn’t serving flapjacks.Background music fades as the sounds of the camp come in.HELPFUL PASSERBY
Good morning, stranger! Come to join our merry frontier camp?RION
Just passing through, but I appreciate the invitation. I’m always happy to help if anybody needs it, though.HELPFUL PASSERBY
Well then, why don’t you check the jobs board in the center of town? I’m sure there’ll be a posting or two that could use an extra set of hands!RION
Thanks, I will!Background sounds shift back up to music.EXT. CENTER OF TOWNRION NARRATION
It’s always nice to find a warm welcome in a new place. By following the pathway that stands in for a main road in the town, I eventually reach the makeshift square at the center of it all. As expected, the sweet smell of butter and syrup wafts up from the nearby kitchen tent, where people on their way to work or coming off of their early shifts stop by to enjoy towering stacks of pancakes. Tempting as it is to drop in and sample the cooking, though, I feel like I should check the board first. Everyone is working hard, and I wouldn’t want to take advantage of their hospitality.
(CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE)RION NARRATION (CON’T)
The jobs board is covered in layers of requests pasted one on top of the other. There are signup sheets for everything from working on the tree farms to helping move around heavy equipment, something for every talent and skill set. People mill past the board, adding their names to whatever list interests them the most. One sheet sticks out to me, though, because it looks more weathered than all the others on the top layer, but still doesn’t have any volunteers on it for some reason.Background music fades, sounds of busy mining encampment rise.RION
Why hasn’t anyone signed up for that job?DISINTERESTED WORKER
Hm? Oh, that one. Old Man Johnson posted it, and he’s a bit...well, he comes from a time when everybody around here was a lot more competitive. I’m surprised he’s even asking for help.RION
It says here that he needs a guard to help him get to the nearest town safely. I didn’t realize the roads around here were that bad.DISINTERESTED WORKER
They aren’t, but he’s suspicious of everyone and everything. Probably still thinks we’re all after his secrets.
(CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE)DISINTERESTED WORKER (CON’T)
He doesn’t even really sign up for work anymore, but we keep him fed because it wouldn’t be right not to. It’s better to just let him do whatever he wants otherwise. He’s not hurting anyone, after all.RION
If the area’s pretty safe, maybe he just wants someone to talk to.DISINTERESTED WORKER
Hey, if you want to put your name on the list, nobody will stop you. Just be ready for an “experience” is all I’m saying.Background sounds shift back up to music.RION NARRATION
As the worker who’d just warned me departs, I grab the pencil attached to the board by a string, and use it to add my name to the Old Man Johnson’s job listing. It says to meet him by the river on the east side of town…Background music stops. Practically a record scratch.RION
Wait, didn’t I pass an old man checking his wagon on the way here? Oh no…RION runs off.EXT. EDGE OF TOWNBackground sounds of nature, including a babbling stream.RION NARRATION
I make my way back to where I’d entered the camp as fast as I can. Thankfully, Old Man Johnson is still there with his ox-pulled wagon. He’s peeking under the tarp that’s been pulled over it when I run up, but quickly covers whatever he has hidden before I can see what it is.OLD MAN JOHNSON
And who are you? I don’t reckon I’ve seen you around the camp before.RION
(slightly out of breath)
My name is Rion, and I just arrived today. I saw your request on the jobs board and signed up.OLD MAN JOHNSON
(suspicious)
Really? And nobody managed to talk you out of it?RION
No? One person did try, though. Why is that?OLD MAN JOHNSON
Because the people around here don’t ‘get’ me, that’s all. If you’re really coming with me, I’ll share some of my story along the way. Come along now, Bessie.There is a moo and the sound of the wagon beginning to move.EXT. ON THE ROADBackground sounds fade, music returns.RION NARRATION
As we walk alongside the babbling brook, Old Man Johnson explains that he’s been at the camp since it was founded. Apparently, life there used to be a lot more competitive, and he just got used to not trusting anyone, as claim jumping was a really bad problem for a while. As he tells me stories of the old days, though, I get the feeling that he’s lonely, and that he doesn’t actually like keeping people at a distance. It’s just a habit that’s hard for him to break, even though things have gotten so much better now.Background music fades to nature sounds.RION
The way you talk about how things used to be makes it sound like you lived in a totally different place from the camp I saw. Everyone there seemed so happy to help one another.OLD MAN JOHNSON
I suppose that’s not a bad way to think about it. In many ways, the past is a different place. I’ve tried to reach out a few times, that poster you saw being one of them, but I may have burned too many bridges in my crotchetiness. I’m hoping the new invention I have in this here wagon may go a ways to building new ones, though.RION
Oh? Come to think of it, I never did ask what I’m supposed to be protecting!OLD MAN JOHNSON
(excitedly whispering)
It’s a revolutionary new kind of trousers that are basically magic! They’ll change the way outdoorspeople dress forever!RION
(laughing)
Magic trousers?OLD MAN JOHNSON
(admonishingly)
I promise you, it’s a very serious subject! Why, a good pair of trousers are part of a working person’s dignity! And they’re always falling apart or getting torn or losing buttons, and what I’ve made will change all of that.RION
I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to make fun of your invention, I just wasn’t expecting the big secret to be something so down-to-earth.OLD MAN JOHNSON
What’s wrong with down-to-earth?RION
Nothing at all, but as an adventurer, I see a lot of people trying to make big changes that don’t actually end up making regular peoples’ lives any different. Only heroes ever get magic armor or magic weapons, but magic trousers sound like the kind of thing regular people might get some use out of. If you don’t mind me asking, what do they actually do?RION NARRATION
Before answering, Old Man Johnson takes a few seconds to suspiciously scan our surroundings. We left the well-curated forest behind some time ago, so I’m not sure where he expects people to be hiding in the open fields. After he spends a few seconds eyeballing a grazing sheep to make sure it isn’t there to steal his secrets, he finally gives me a cryptic answer.OLD MAN JOHNSON
(sotto voce)
The thing that’s special about them...makes them waterproof.RION
Soooo...like leather?OLD MAN JOHNSON
Keep your voice down! And no, much bendier and more comfortable than leather.
...well, after you wear them in, anyway. That’s one of the only downsides to them.RION
(ponderously)
So they’re stronger than normal clothing made of cotton, and like leather, but softer...OLD MAN JOHNSON
Heh heh heh. You’ll never guess the secret.RION
Hmmm...how did you come up with the idea?OLD MAN JOHNSON
(starting to enjoy the questions)
It popped into my head while panning for gold.RION
Did you have to get new materials, or did you already have what you needed?OLD MAN JOHNSON
A little of both, really. I could have used what I already had, but that would’ve meant sacrificing a different creature comfort.RION
(to themself)
A different creature comfort...
(playfully frustrated)
Ugh, why not just tell me? I’m not the kind of person to steal someone else’s idea, after all.OLD MAN JOHNSON
You might not be, but there are any number of ne’er-do-wells that would certainly try.OSRIC THE MAGE
(disguising their voice)
I suppose if you won’t spill your secrets, then I’ll just have to take what you have and be done with it, Johnson!OLD MAN JOHNSON
(to himself)
Hm? Was that...?RION NARRATION
The person who steps out from behind the only tree beside the road has a determined expression in their eyes and a bandit’s kerchief around the rest of their face, making them look like they’re trying to mean business. Unfortunately for them, the cheerful stars and crescent moons on the lining of their cape take away from the act. The finger they point at us makes things serious again, though. Between that and their celestial cape, it’s clear they must have some kind of spell ready and waiting for us in case we try something.OSRIC THE MAGE
(still disguising their voice)
Neither of you move. I just need to check the cargo before I let you go...OLD MAN JOHNSON
I thought I recognized you! You’re Osric the Mage!OSRIC THE MAGE
(fake voice faltering)
Wh-what? No. I don’t know them. Or you!RION
(trying not to be amused)
You called him by name.OSRIC THE MAGE
(in their regular voice)
No I didn’t!
(returning to the fake voice)
...no I didn’t.OLD MAN JOHNSON
You’re still wearing your usual cape.OSRIC THE MAGE
(dropping the fake voice)
...darn. Well I still have the upper hand if I’m any judge. You haven’t moved, and your friend there hasn’t drawn their sword.RION
I’d prefer not to have to. I’m sure we can work this out.OSRIC THE MAGE
Absolutely! Like I said, I’ll just be checking the cargo...RION NARRATION
As the would-be bandit, apparently named Osric, flips back the tarp covering the wagon, they reveal what initially looks like just more tarp. Confusion knits their brow as they sift through the pile in search of something else, but it slowly dawns on both of us that all these pieces of thick, well-folded material are actually the trousers. They pick up a pair of the tough-looking garments and thrust them angrily toward Old Man Johnson.OSRIC THE MAGE
What is the meaning of this?!OLD MAN JOHNSON
(just a hint of nerves)
That’s my invention.OSRIC THE MAGE
I can’t see anything magical about them. They’re just made out of tent material!OLD MAN JOHNSON
(slightly more nervous)
Well...yes, and a few natural treatments to make them waterproof.RION
Let me see a pair of those...RION NARRATION
The trousers are much heavier than the normal cotton clothes most people wear, with a diagonal pattern to the weave of the material. Whatever Old Man Johnson has done to them made them stiff and a little bit scratchy to the touch, but I can tell he wasn’t lying about how tough they are. There are even a few brass rivets here and there to protect places that are more likely to get torn.RION
(thinking aloud)
You’d have to try really hard to make these rip...OSRIC THE MAGE
I know, I can see that! Even though they’re not actually magic, I’ll be ruined if these become popular!RION
What? Why would that happen?OLD MAN JOHNSON
Osric here makes a living using their magic to mend clothes for people at the camp.RION
Oh! That would be a problem.OLD MAN JOHNSON
One that I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t consider...I was too worried about other people doing me a bad turn that I did one to somebody else...RION
(still a bit wary)
Well, that poor decision aside, that’s still no reason to point a spell at us.OSRIC THE MAGE
(a bit embarrassed)
Oh, right, sorry.There is a brief sound of a stream of bubbles.RION NARRATION
As Osric shakes their hand, soap bubbles stream out of their pointer finger. It makes me happy to know that, even though they’d lied a little to gain the upper hand, they never had any real intention of hurting us.OSRIC THE MAGE
I don’t actually know any harmful spells; everything I do is laundry-based. Oh, but don’t get any of that soap in your eyes, though. It might sting a bit.OLD MAN JOHNSON
Much as I appreciate that these trousers will cause you some trouble, Osric, it leaves us at an impasse. I’m getting up in the years, and I can’t contribute like I used to. These were supposed to be my way of helping out everyone at the camp, either by making their clothes last longer or contributing funds from the sales to the community coffers. I don’t want to take your livelihood away from you, though.OSRIC THE MAGE
And I don’t want to leave you feeling like you aren’t useful enough to the camp, but I need my job to make ends meet. There’s not much call in the big city for a wizard whose spells are only good for cleaning and mending...RION
I think I’ve got an idea that could work for both of you, actually.OSRIC THE MAGE
Oh?OLD MAN JOHNSON
Go on, then.RION
Osric, do you have a spell for softening fabrics?OSRIC THE MAGE
Of course, it’s an essential part of my repertoire.RION
Well I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but whatever secret formula Mister Johnson used on these trousers made them awfully scratchy and stiff.OLD MAN JOHNSON
They do take some wearing in, that’s true.OSRIC THE MAGE
(starting to see where this is going)
I probably could fix that with my magic.RION
I think this is actually the perfect opportunity for both of you to contribute even more to life back in the camp, and even to places beyond! Together, you could revolutionize working class fashion with tough, waterproof clothes that are still comfortable. And they’re even a stylish blue, too!OSRIC THE MAGE
Well...what do you say, “Mister” Johnson?OLD MAN JOHNSON
Oh, cut that out. My father was the “mister” of the family. You can both call me Jean. And I think we’ve got a deal.Vocals begin to fade as the wagon starts moving again.OSRIC THE MAGE
Now we’ve got to figure out what to call them. “Jean Johnson’s Magical Trousers” would be too much of a mouthful.OLD MAN JOHNSON
I was thinking of just shortening it down to a single word, maybe my name. What do you two think of calling them “Johnsons”?RION & OSRIC THE MAGE
(speaking simultaneously,neither wanting to explain why that would be a bad idea)
Ehhhhhh...no, I don’t think...
Ehhhhhh...let’s workshop it a bit...
....have you ever heard of Slang?Music fades in as background sounds fade out.CREDITS
Thank you for Sidequesting with us! This episode was written by Draco Aleksander and produced by Tal Minear, with dialogue editing by Brad Colbroock. Old Man Johnson was voiced by Brody Linton, Osric the Mage was voiced by Max Kriesky, the Helpful Passerby was voiced by Aubrey Lima, and the Disgruntled Worker was voiced by Ezra J. Wayne. The Voice of Rion was Tal Minear.

Unexpected Magic

NARRATION:
Some days, you wind up further off the path than usual. After passing through a bustling city, I was ready for a little alone time. I like people, I enjoy crowds and parties but - sometimes I’m ready for a walk on my own, too. Sometimes I just let my feet take me where they will. Unfortunately, this time ‘where they will’ wound up halfway up a mountain and I found myself … just a little bit lost. Not to worry - sometimes being lost isn’t so bad, and I’m sure I’ll find my way. There’s a city, Arom, not too far off, and they say all roads lead there eventually. As long as this one leads there before I run out of supplies, it’s all good.SFX: Background - mountainous area, breeze, vegetation rustling, the occasional bird callNARRATION CONTINUES:
And there’s certainly a lot to look at on my way. The path leads me between boulders and through a sheltered little meadow - there are flowers blooming in colors that I’ve never seen before -SFX: Strange but pleasant bird callNARRATION CONTINUES:
- And I’d have thought I knew the call of every bird across this countryside until now. It all has me so distracted, I almost literally stumble across the first human being I’ve seen since early that morning! They’re kneeling, turned away from me, staring intently at a pool of rainwater that’s formed between a few rocks.FINLEY: [after a moment] Oh good, you’re here. I could use another pair of eyes.RION: You … knew I was coming?FINLEY: I knew someone was coming, I could tell by the ripples in the water. Here, get down, you don’t want them to see you.SFX: Grass rustlingRION: Who are we hiding from? Are you in danger? Maybe I can help.FINLEY: I wouldn’t say danger, I mean they can be quite fierce if threatened, but there is the size differential to consider. As long as we’re not swarmed, we’d do all right.RION: I’m not sure how I’d feel fighting someone a lot smaller than myself. Or even the same size, really. I don’t feel great fighting at all if I can help it.FINLEY: Good thing I don’t mean to fight the dragonwasps, then, only to observe them!RION: Dragon … wasps?FINLEY: They’re quite rare. This is one of the only regions where local flora and fauna in really interesting ways. I’m a naturalist specializing in this sort of thing, which … tends to lead to a lot of kneeling in various forms of underbrush for various forms of observation.RION: Oh! That does sound interesting. There were definitely flowers back there that were new to me. And I go all sorts of places!FINLEY: Yes, plants are most easily affected by environmental magic - the swooning willow, the limpid tulip, the starshade -RION: I know that one! I helped someone acquire them from a farm.FINLEY: That was you? It was written up in the literature at the time. Good, then you have some experience with unusual environments!RION: I’ve definitely got that.FINLEY: If you don’t mind helping, I could use a research assistant for the day. Someone who could write down some notes and figures while I do the observational bits.SFX: Paper rustlingFINLEY: I’ve got spare paper and pen right here, if you’re interested? Are you interested? I’m sorry, I ran right into business there without the social introductions. Happens when you spend so much time on your own in the wilderness, I suppose! I’m Finley, with the Arom Museum of Natural History, at least in a roundabout way. Hello!RION: Rion, I’m pleased to meet you. And I’d be happy to help you with your research for a while! I’m pretty curious now - I’ve met a dragon - twice, kind of - but I don’t know anything about dragonwasps!FINLEY: Well, Rion, you’ll have to let me know when you’ve had enough! You should never admit to a scientist that you’re interested in their field of study. Dragonwasps are … quite peculiar and lovely and they inhabit quite a unique evolutionary niche! They have these huge multifaceted eyes, just incredible vision, and elongated bodies that taper down to the stinger - as I said, fierce little beasties - but the particularly interesting aspect is how they communicate! Their - let’s call them scales to simplify things, and that’s part of how they got their name - scales on their body can reflect iridescence based on how they move and angle themselves and … well, that’s how they say hello, or watch out, or there’s some prey on the other side of that leaf … [they fade out]NARRATION:
Finley tells me all about the dragonwasps - so much! It’s really nice, but by the time we get to the research part, my head is absolutely spinning! They keep watching the water while I occasionally take down the time, or the temperature. It’s a peaceful way to spend the day, but it’s two hours of watching before anything really happens.SFX: A faint humming, at least two different sources back and forth behind the next bitFINLEY: [whispering] Rion! Stay very still and very quiet.RION: [similarly] Do you want me to write anything down?FINLEY: Not yet. Just … watch with me.SFX: The humming gets closer, not right up on them but definitely nearbyRION: Oh, wow!FINLEY: Wow indeed! Note the colors - one in shades of green fading into royal blue; the other crimson to gold. It’s a mating pair! Do you think you can capture the pattern in which the wings are flashing?RION: I’ll try … maybe if they get closer?FINLEY: Closer is always the problem with these dragonwasps! Of course, we don’t want to provoke any aggressive behaviors, but … luring them somewhere near enough to really verify the angles and shades through which they’re communicating … they do sometimes perch on a branch overhanging the water, but no branches here unfortunately, not even anything to extend in their place … Darn, darn, darn, it’s my first chance to observe a pair like this!RION: I might have an idea.SFX: Slowly pulling their sword from the sheathRION: Do you think this might work? I could shove the hilt in between the rocks right there, slowly …FINLEY: What a wonderful idea! Careful … careful …SFX: Something to indicate the sword shoved into placeFINLEY: Excellent! Now, we wait and see if they take the opportunity.FINLEY: [after a pause] I must say, it’s nice to have some company for the waiting bits. There are so many in this line of work.RION: Look, they’re coming over to check it out!FINLEY: Indeed! Stay very still … but please, keep writing. Quietly.SFX: The humming gets even closer, continuing through the next narrative bit.NARRATION:
The two dragonwasps seem to shimmer in the sunlight, darting back and forth in patterns too complex for me to capture on paper - though I try - and bit by bit, they get curious about the sword extending over the water and dance closer … and closer … and as they do, something else unexpected happens!SFX: Added to the humming now is a subtle tone that starts to build, indicating the sword is glowingFINLEY: Rion? Rion!RION: Just one moment, I’m trying to … sketch out that pattern …FINLEY: Rion, is it … a usual thing for your sword to glow like that?RION: Wait, what’s happening?SFX: Papers falling out of Rion’s handsRION: That … is not a usual thing. But to be fair, it’s not a usual sword.SFX: Both the humming and the glowing increase againFINLEY: It seems to be … reacting to the iridescence of the dragonwasps! Mimicking them, maybe even … it couldn’t be communicating with them? Pure speculation, of course, but …RION: Your guess is as good as mine! Your guess is probably better than mine; I mean, this is what you do.FINLEY: It could be … a sort of sympathetic effect? Not necessarily conscious, but an automatic response to the magic of the - and they certainly seem to like it, I think they’re landing, yes, yes … are you getting all this down?SFX: The background noises fade out as we go back into narrative-spaceNARRATION:
There’s an awful lot of writing before the two dragonwasps fly away again. At that point, my sword goes back to normal, too. I still don’t know why that happened - and since it’s not Finley’s specialty, they can only guess. We sit for a while longer, as much to enjoy the summer afternoon as anything. When the shadows start to deepen, we go back to the meadow and set up camp for the night.SFX: Evening deepening,the swish of grass and flowers as they walk through themFINLEY: There’s a nice patch of grass over on this side where I’ve spread out the last few nights, and a safe place to build a fire. I may be a bit low on provisions currently, but I’m not bad at foraging.RION: We can do that, while there’s light. Also … how do you feel about trail mix?NARRATION:
We forage enough wild vegetables to make a nice stew, supplemented by my trail mix, and settle in by the fire. Finley is very good company - not quite as intense now, and very interested in hearing stories about my adventures! They have this really musical laugh, I can’t hear it enough; it’s so much fun entertaining them. And being entertained when they tell me about some of their most exciting research trips, like the time they rescued a swarm of whistlebees from a forest fire in their hat!SFX: A nice campfire, the night has deepenedFINLEY: [enjoying themselves immensely] They’re called whistlebees, of course, because of this high-pitched noise they make when their wings get going … so one’s hat is not the best place to be carrying them! Oh, the headache I had by the time they were safe!RION: [laughing] Oh, no! Your poor head!FINLEY: And then there was the time I was tracing migration patterns of this type of aquatic mantis … I had to hide underwater and breathe through a reed, I had these goggles so I could see beneath the surface … but I got a bit too involved and a bit too close, and … [laughing] I suppose my nose looked too much like the fish they feed on! If you look close, you might notice the notch out of my right nostril.RION: [you can feel the closeness] Yes … umm, yes, I can see. You don’t always wind up damaged on these trips, do you?FINLEY: [a bit tender, as well] I’ve been all right with the dragonwasps so far. Thanks to your participation, Rion! I’m very glad to have met you today.RION: I am, too. I’m glad I came across your patch of … unexpected magic.FINLEY: You fit in with it quite nicely.FINLEY: [after a moment, a bit embarrassed] Well! It’s, umm, getting late, I suppose we should bank the fire and get some sleep. I’m hoping I’ll have a chance tomorrow to observe more social behavior. Of the dragonwasps, that is. [sounding sleepier] If you want to help, I’d … appreciate that.RION: [sleepier too] Of course, I’d love to help.SFX: The fire crackling as they adjust it for the nightRION: Have you noticed any … larger animals around at night here?FINLEY: Nothing so far … but in the wilderness of course you never know.RION: I’ll keep my sword drawn just … [yawns] just in case.FINLEY: Yes, that marvelous sword. Thank you, Rion, for everything. Good night.RION: [fading fast] Good night … Finley.SFX: The night, and the fire, fade out slowlySFX: We fade into what is obviously the daytime background again, with the flowers fluttering a bit and …SFX: The dragonwasps humming again. A lot of them, this time, all around; probably a bit of the sword glowing as well in the backgroundRION: [half-asleep] Aww, please … just one more hour of sleep before I - [gasps, waking up] Oh no. Oh, wow. Oh no.SFX: Focused again on the dragonwasps for a few moments, the hum surrounding us in all directionsRION: [whispering] Finley? Umm … Finley?FINLEY: [slow waking-up sounds, yawns]RION: Finley!FINLEY: [still sleepy] … honey in the pantry, for the - [jolts awake] Rion? What - oh, my. Oh, my.RION: I don’t think you’ll have trouble finding the dragonwasps today.FINLEY: I … suppose not. I wonder if I can reach my notes without …SFX: Blanket shifting, paper rustlingRION: I’m fully in favor of science here, just … there are so many of them, very close, and those stingers …FINLEY: Of course. I don’t think you need to worry - they don’t seem like they’re disturbed, or aggressive. The flight patterns, the flashes of light … they’re all quite cordial, for the species. Like a big family gathering.RION: I guess that makes us part of the family for now! Do you think it’s because of -FINLEY: Your sword again? It is glowing, isn’t it? Maybe that’s what lured them in!SFX: For another moment, we just listen to the hummingFINLEY: They’re so beautiful, aren’t they? Like … slow-motion fireworks. [after a moment] I expect if you sheathe your blade, they’ll go on their separate ways.RION: I could do that … but you did say you wanted to observe their social behavior! I can wait a bit while you observe them.FINLEY: If you really don’t mind?RION: As long as they behave themselves.FINLEY: Don’t worry, Rion. I won’t let them harm you. Thank you … again. You really are special.RION: [teasing] Or my sword is.NARRATION:
So that becomes our morning - and by the end, we both have another story to tell! No one gets stung, Finley fills up both sides of every sheet of paper taking notes; in the end, they’ve got so much data that they’re ready to head back to the city! I find that I’m ready again too; also, I need help to find my way, since I’m still completely lost on the side of the mountain. We make our way back down together, sharing more stories, making a meal of trail mix and berries while Finley sketches a butterfly and I clean my sword - after all, it spent all night out of the scabbard.By the time we reach Arom, I’m really sad to think it’s time to part ways. Finley is so … fascinating, brilliant and enthusiastic and so much fun - and the way they were careful with me around the dragonwasps, it’s all just … okay, all right, I’ve got a crush! It happens. But now we’re coming to the end of our journey and it’s gonna be over and … I don’t really know how to do this. What do you say when … and then before I can figure out and say it, we’re through the gates and into one of the main squares! The trip is over.SFX: City background (medieval, of course)FINLEY: We made it! Arom, sweet Arom. I do miss it when I’m away.RION: And this time you’ve made it undamaged.FINLEY: Well, I had such a companion! We … took good care, umm, of each other.RION: We do make an excellent team.FINLEY: Thank you so much … for the notetaking, and the company, and the … assistance through magical properties …RION: My sword is always at your service.FINLEY: As is my museum! You really should let me show you around the galleries some time. But I … didn’t just mean your sword, Rion. That sword, while quite intriguing, is the least of your special properties.RION: Oh. Aww. Thank you. I was kinda showing off, with the sword.FINLEY: Well, I was showing off with all those stories! Whisperbees, who even are you, Finley? What is your life?RION: I was showing off with my stories too.FINLEY: I guess I should let you go … somewhere, someone surely needs your help.RION: Actually … I’d like to stick around a while. Would it be … okay, maybe … to take you out to dinner?FINLEY: Really?RION: Or lunch! Or any meal you want. I just … I like you, I’d like to spend more time with you.FINLEY: I’d really enjoy that. A meal, or the museum, or - there’s a really great library in Circle Square, listen to me, “let’s go on a library date.” You … did mean a date, right? That’s what we’re doing?RION: That’s what we’re doing. If you want to.FINLEY: Yes. Yes, please. How … unexpected. I don’t, usually … I don’t get a lot of attention in the city.RION: I would have paid attention to you anywhere.FINLEY: Well! Maybe come back with me while I drop off my notes, and … we’ll sort out our next adventure from there?RION: Sounds like a plan!SOUND: They walk away together - there don’t have to be footsteps, Tal, I’m not making you do footsteps! But something to indicate the movement I guess.RION: Oh - just so you know, in case … of things … I’m ace.FINLEY: Duly noted! Twig insects are too, you know. That reminds me of a time out in the field …RION: Oh, now I’m another research subject to you?FINLEY: No. Oh, no! I was just … my mind goes in … ways, you know.

FINLEY: No. Oh, no! I was just … my mind goes in … ways, you know.RION: I’m teasing. Can I give you a hug?FINLEY: Yes, we should absolutely hug.NARRATION:
And then we hugged, and went on to have a lovely day. The exhibits in the Museum of Natural History are really enthralling … and so is Finley. I know I’ll be off on another adventure soon … but I’m sure I’ll come back this way again. After all, this is the kind of magic you don’t find all that often.CREDITS:
Thank you for Sidequesting with us! This episode, Unexpected Magic, was written by DJ Sylvis and produced by Tal Minear. Finley was voiced by Newton Schottelkotte. The voice of Rion was Tal Minear. A big thanks to AliMaria, Ilya, Jesse, Sara, and Spencer for supporting this episode.

A Giant Problem

NARRATION: You'd be surprised at how hard it is to find a good cobbler. With as many towns I've visited, you'd think there would be a decent cobbler at every stop, but I've yet to run into one. And with as much walking as I do, I'm overdue for a solid pair of shoes that can hold up to my travels.I was told of an excellent cobbler (the best in the land, it's said), in a town called Aurola. It's not a skip and a hop by any means, I’ve still got several days' travel to reach it. Apparently between here and Aurola there’s a great swamp I'll have to pass through, and rumor has it there's a dangerous creature that lives in it. I can't say I'm keen on the idea of trudging through a swamp or encountering any danger, but Rion needs a new pair of shoes.The rolling hills en route to Aurola are quite lovely, the sun shining on a landscape dotted with gently swaying trees in the soft wind. But before I know it, the land starts to darken, and the lush grasses give way to brackish shallow water, gloomy foliage, and the scent of loomy decay. As I trudge through the mire, shooing away the random buzzing insects, I hear a howl a short distance away. This must be the creature I was warned about.It takes me the better part of a day to make my way through the swamp, which I managed to do while avoiding any strange creatures. Soon enough I come upon the lovely village of Aurola, and once I arrive I begin to ask around for the well renowned cobbler I've heard so much about. I'm told to go to a little shop on the east side of the village and ask for a man named Arlor.(SFX: Ringing of a bell as RION enters the cobbler's shop)ARLOR: Hello, stranger. What can I do for you?RION: You must be Arlor. I'm Rion. I've come a long ways to see you! I've heard that you’re the best cobbler in the land, and as you can see, I'm in need of a new pair of shoes. I do a whole lot of walking, so I need a pair that can hold up over great distances and various terrains. Like swamps!ARLOR: You've come to the right place. Not only can I make you a solid pair that will help you traverse all types of terrains, I'll also put an enchantment on them so they'll last ten times longer than they would otherwise.RION: That sounds perfect! I'd like to have a pair of those made for me, if you would.ARLOR: Ah, but they don't come cheap. I use the most rugged materials for the shoes, plus the incantation employs rare materials and takes a lot of effort and concentration.RION: Oh... well, I don't have very much money. I have some food I could offer in trade too?ARLOR: Sorry, food ain't gonna do it. [BEAT] How about that nifty little sword you got there? I'd be willing to make you a pair of my shoes in exchange for that there sword.RION: Oh no! I wouldn't dare even think of parting with this sword!ARLOR: Well, I'm afraid I can't help you.RION: Wait... maybe there's something I can do for you? A task or a mission? I do a lot of that sort of thing.ARLOR: Hmm... well, you had to pass through that pesky swamp to get here, didn't you?RION: I sure did.ARLOR: There's a giant that lives in that swamp. Scaring people off who try to pass through to get here. We're losing a lot of commerce because of it. Clearly it didn't scare you off… perhaps you’re braver than you seem. How about you deal with it so it stops scaring people off and I make you a pair of my enchanted shoes.RION: Is that the creature that lives there? A giant? I think I heard them when I was passing through.ARLOR: Well you go on and take care of that problem and I'll have a nice new pair of shoes for you.NARRATION: I agree to the quest and I make my way back to the swamp. I'm a bit nervous... I've never encountered a giant before. I hope they don’t see me as a potential snack.As I venture further into the swamp I can hear the howling once again. Or wait... maybe it sounds like moaning? Or wailing? Yeah, it's definitely wailing. I follow the sound and eventually come across a giant sitting cross legged in the middle of the swamp, easily five times taller than me, and that's while seated. They’re cryping, the great salty tears rolling down their cheeks and dropping from their jawline to join the briny shallow water. So this is why there’s a swamp here!I cautiously approach the giant, making sure to dodge the plummeting teardrops.(SFX: Giant teardrops falls)RION: Hello. Are you okay?RIPPY: Huh? Oh! My goodness... you surprised me! No one ever comes to this place. Are you lost?RION: No, I've actually come to see you.RIPPY: You've come to see me? No one ever comes to see me. Wait... you're not afraid of me?RION: Er, should I be?RIPPY: Everyone else is. I just assumed...RION: You don't seem scary to me. Just... big. Just because someone is big doesn't necessarily make them dangerous. Well, if you were angry I'd be nervous. But clearly you're sad, and I feel for you, but I don't think you will hurt me. Or eat me. You won't eat me, will you?RIPPY: I'm a vegetarian, so no.RION: Okay then. That’s good. I suppose I should introduce myself. I'm Rion.RIPPY: It's so nice to meet you, Rion. I'm Ripulennish, but you can call me Rippy.RION: Well then, Rippy. What has you so sad?RIPPY: Oh... I'm just so lonely! No one comes to visit me here. You're the first person to ever come see me. I hear people come through the swamp but I think they avoid me when they hear my crying.RION: To be fair, they might think it's some dangerous creature howling. That's what I thought at first, but when I listened more closely I realized that wasn't the case.RIPPY: I don't mean to scare anyone away! I'm just so sad because I'm so lonely.RION: Maybe we can figure out what to do about that. I hate to see anyone so sad. Plus I was sent here from Aurola to help! People are trying to travel there to trade but they won't pass through the swamp. I guess everyone is scared.RIPPY: You were sent from Aurola? I love Aurola! It's such a beautiful little town! I actually wanted to live there, but when I went there they drove me away.RION: Aw, I'm sorry to hear that. You seem really friendly to me.RIPPY: Well, would you mind telling them that? Maybe you can let them know I mean them no harm. I just want a place to live, to be a part of a community. I'm so tired of being alone.RION: Well, I was supposed to, uh... deal with you so you wouldn't scare travelers away in exchange for my new shoes. Maybe if you weren't so sad you wouldn't be wailing so much and people wouldn't run off. I'll tell you what... I'll go back to Aurola and talk to them and explain that you mean them no harm!RIPPY: Oh, thank you so much, Rion!NARRATION: I make the return trip to Aurola, hoping these old shoes will hold out long enough through all these back-and-forths, especially since they're getting repeatedly drenched with swamp water. I’ll go barefoot if I must, I suppose! But thankfully my shoes survive the return to Arlor's shop, and relay my experience meeting with Rippy.ARLOR: Well if that giant is still howling in the swamps it's going to keep scaring away the traders. As long as that's the case you ain't held up your end of the bargain. I can't make you them shoes until you do.RION: Maybe you could take some time to talk with Rippy? Maybe come to some understanding? They said you drove them off when they came here. Maybe give them a chance to show that they're friendly, that they mean no harm.ARLOR: You're gonna have to talk to Mayor Besla about that. I'm just a cobbler. I'm not fit to make those kind of decisions. If the mayor wants to brave having a giant set upon our town, that's on her.RION: Arlor tells me where I can find the mayor's place. I trudge my squishy shoes across town to see the mayor.BESLA: Hello, young traveler. We don't get many guests in town these days, and it's refreshing to receive one. What can I do for you?RION: Mayor Besla, is it? My name is Rion. I want to talk to you about the giant that lives in the swamp just outside of the town.BESLA: Ah, yes. The giant. What of it?RION: Well, I met with them. They’re very sad.BESLA: Well it's causing us a problem as it's scaring away the travelers.RION: I know about that. It's the sound of their wailing that's scaring people away. If we could get them to stop wailing perhaps people wouldn’t be scared.BESLA: That's unfortunate about this giant being sad, but I'm not sure what you want us to do about it.RION: Rippy is their name. They came here to meet the people of this town, hoping to make a home here, but you drove them away. Rippy is really friendly and they wouldn't harm a soul. Plus they’re vegetarian!BESLA: Drove it away? We did no such thing.RION: Really? But they said-BESLA: It's true, the giant came here, stomped up to town and said it wanted to live here. I did not drive it off. I told it it couldn't be here. Meaning it can't live here. Where does it suppose it would live? We have no homes that would accommodate a creature of that size. It's request was entirely unreasonable.RION: So when you told Rippy they couldn't be here they thought they weren't welcome here?BESLA: I don't know what it was expecting. Coming here and asking to live here. Quite presumptuous, if you ask me.RION: They're just lonely. They want to feel a part of a community. Rippy really is very gentle, perhaps if you invite them here and get to know them, you'll see that? And if they're a good fit for the community you can always help build them a home that's big enough to accommodate them?BESLA: Hmm... that is a thought. And if they are happy here they will abandon the swamp and travelers won't be scared off.RION: If they're happy they'll be no more tears and the swamp will dry up!BESLA: Okay, you go tell it... er, Rippy, that we would like to meet with them and get to know them, and if all goes well we will be willing to help build a giant sized home for them.NARRATION: Delighted by the good news, I hastily return to the swamp to share it with Rippy.RIPPY: Really? They want to meet with me, maybe help build me a home? My lonely days will soon be gone! I can't thank you enough, Rion! I'm so happy!(SFX: RIPPY beings to weep profusely again, wailing with tears of joy)RION: Uh, I'm really happy for you, but you've got to get that crying under control! Rippy, please! [laughs] You’re making a second swamp!RIPPY:[laughs] Oh no, not again!NARRATION: To save me from their swamp of happy tears, Rippy lifts me up and carries me back into the town. My poor shoes finally get a break! We make it to Aurola in no time at all, and I set them up with the Mayor to discuss housing details. When I see Arlor, he seems happy that there will be new customers soon. And apparently, with new construction in the town, everyone will be wanting special work boots too! The mayor already put a custom order in. But my own new boots are ready! I try them on, and they fit perfectly. These shoes will hold up for years, I’m sure, and I can’t wait to find out where they’ll take me!CREDITS
Thank you for Sidequesting with us! This episode, A Giant Problem, was written by David S. Dear and produced by Tal Minear, with dialogue editing by Brad Colbroock. Arlor was voiced by Felipe Vargas. Rippy was voiced by Sam Nguyen. Besla was voiced by Roanna Cruz. The voice of Rion was Tal Minear. A big thanks to AliMaria, Ilya, Jesse, Sara, and Spencer for supporting this episode.

Like Gnobody Else

NARRATION:
I thought traveling during the winter would be hard, but it’s turned out to be really fun! There’s nothing like the quiet a blanket of snow brings to the forest, and I think I’ve slept better in my tent-turned-snow-fort than I have at any other time. I’ve had a wonderful time crunching through the snow and sliding down hills, too.
I’m getting close to Gnewtree, which is a Gnome town here in the hills. They’re not really known for going out in the snow, but they keep an inn that’s open all winter. If you’re small enough to fit in their homes, they welcome visitors, and they’ve made a place for us taller travelers to get out of the cold too. Gnomes are a friendly bunch, as long and you’re friendly in return.
And while I have enjoyed being out in nature - it is really chilly out here! It’ll be nice to have a place to stay for a day or two that has a nice big fireplace inside of it. You can bet I'll be spending lots of time warming myself in front of it. I can almost taste the living room smores.
But before I reach the inn, I hear shuffling noises in the snow. I think someone or something is stuck in there…? Whoever they are, I think they need help, so I walk over and start clearing snow. My effort reveals the top of a pointy hat. This looks like a gnome's hat! There must be a gnome stuck in the snow. I dig faster.GNOLAN: [muffled] someone help me!RION: Almost there![SFX: clearing snow noises]GNOLAN: [noise exclamation at being freed from the snow] Thank you!RION: Are you okay? How long were you there?GNOLAN: Not very long - you have great timing. I’m alright. A bit chillier than normal, but I wore an extra jacket for a reason. And my warmest hat.RION: I thought gnomes didn’t like going in the snow…?GNOLAN: You’d be correct. I’m the odd gnome out… Oh, I’m Gnolan, by the way.RION: I’m Rion.GNOLAN: Nice to meet you, Rion. Thank you again for helping me - I daresay you may have saved my life. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must be going.[SFX: tiny steps in snow]RION: But wait, are you sure it’s -[safe?][SFX: big crunch as Gnolan falls in the snow again]GNOLAN: [muffled] Movar’s curses! Not again!RION: I’ll get you![SFX: clearing snow noises. Again.]GNOLAN: [tired] I don’t suppose you would be up for a small adventure? I’m trying to get across the woods, but it’s becoming clear I’m not going to do that on my own.RION: Of course! I’m up for all sorts of adventures. I’m here fresh from another.GNOLAN: Wonderful. I am searching for the fabled lucky garden gnome statue that’s said to be in these woods. Because Rion, I need some luck.RION: Hopefully I didn’t use all your luck by wandering by at the right moment…GNOLAN: Don’t worry, it doesn’t work like that. The Lucky Garden Gnome is said to help you when you’re in a tough spot. Not literally, I mean. It helps you with your problems in tiny ways.RION: Tiny ways?GNOLAN: Yeah, gnome-sized ways. But that can have a big impact.RION: I see! So if your problem isn’t getting stuck in the snow, than what is it? If I can ask! You don’t have to tell me if it’s a secret.GNOLAN: Nah, I’m happy to share. My problem is, well… fitting in. I’m not like the other gnomes in my family.RION: How so?GNOLAN: I do weird things! Befriend the squirrels and hide snacks in my hat. Talk about plant grafting during dinner and bore all the guests half to death. …go out in the snow in the middle of winter and get stuck.RION: And your family doesn’t do that?GNOLAN: No. They’re all proper gnomes, with vegetable gardens or rose gardens or… butterfly gardens. We’re garden gnomes, after all. But this winter we had a hard time, and the stores of food are getting low. I probably fed too many treats to the squirrels. My garden is doing okay! But that’s because I’ve been making new plants. Nothing is… edible, yet though. If I spent less time messing around trying to graft branches to each other, I’d have food to share. But I don’t.RION: And the lucky garden gnome statue is going to help you?GNOLAN: It sure is! We just have to find it. Every now and then, gnomes go on a quest searching for it when they need luck. [BEAT] I sure could use some luck.NARRATION:
I offer Gnolan a seat on top of my bag so that he wouldn’t keep falling through the snow. He’s deeply impressed with his new vantage point on the world, and directs me into the woods. He doesn’t explain how he knows where we should go, but he’s got enough confidence that I trust him. Gnolan asks if I’d be okay going off the path, and I tell him I’m fine as long as he can get us back to the town. I am informed that Gnolan could get us back to the town from any point in the woods in even the deepest of blizzards. As long as I can carry him, he adds as an afterthought. While that’s reassuring, I’m really glad there’s only a few snowflakes floating down right now. The snow might be deep for Gnolan, but it’s quite manageable for me. After a brief jaunt from the path, we stop in front of a patch of gnarled thorns.GNOLAN: In the spring these are beautiful rose bushes. I wish you could see them then.RION: Me too… but there’s something pretty in how the branches spiral around.GNOLAN: I guess you’re right. Still, we need to find a way through them.RION: Hmmm… is it too long to go around?GNOLAN: Unfortunately yes. There are a lot of them in this area. Every year we build a path through, but by the end of summer it’s all overgrown.RION: I don’t want to break them, especially if they’re going to turn into flowers.GNOLAN: I think it’s okay if a few branches break off, but yeah, I don’t want to cut them down to make a path… [pause, thinking]. How thick are your pants?RION: As a matter of fact… quite sturdy. I uh, met a guy. But you might be onto something.GNOLAN: There are spots of dirt big enough for you to step on, but some thorns might graze your legs. I don’t want you to get hurt on my behalf.RION: I can wrap my cloak and blanket around my legs for extra protection!GNOLAN: Plus, you could use the flat of your sword to keep some branches away, too.RION: Oh, great idea! Just hang on tight, though - this would be a terrible place for you to fall.GNOLAN: You got it. This gnome is not going anywhere.NARRATION:
Careful step by careful step, we slowly move through the briar patch. Thankfully the trees above have shielded the area from the snow, so we can see the thorny branches we’re trying to avoid. Gnolan meticulously maintains his balance on my back to ensure that neither he nor I topple over. At one point, my sword slips and a branch thwacks onto my leg - but thankfully doesn’t poke through the layers of cloth on them. We’re going mostly straight, but it still feels like a maze weaving in and out of the thorn bushes. After a while, we reach the other side.GNOLAN: You did it!RION: We did it!GNOLAN: High-five![SFX: a mittened high five]RION: Where to next?GNOLAN: That way. We’ve got to cross… uh, a river.[SFX: footsteps in snow start]RION: A river?GNOLAN: It’s frozen over! But I don’t know how thick it is. That might make it more dangerous.RION: You’re pretty light. I bet you could just walk across.GNOLAN: It’s not me I’m worried about.RION: Maybe there’s a tree I can climb on. Or we can find a thin part of the river. Or…GNOLAN: you could crawl across!RION: What?GNOLAN: If you spread yourself across the ice, you’re less likely to break it.RION: Really?GNOLAN: My mom taught me when I was young, just in case I wandered out in winter. [chuckle] She always knew I wasn’t like the others.RION: My parents just told me to stay off of thin ice. [BEAT] I guess they knew that if I knew… I’d probably try it. [chuckle] I just want to see things for myself, you know?GNOLAN: I know. But if there is a tree, let’s try that first.NARRATION:
There wasn’t a tree. Or a thin part of the river. Or rocks to jump on, a log to walk across, or a patch of thick and dependable ice. That left our final option. I’m not going to lie, I was kind of excited to test it out. Gnolan hopped down and walked across it first, tapping the ice to find the optimal path for me to cross. He told me that even when the rains come in the spring, the river isn’t very strong. If I were to fall in, I just needed to stay calm and swim out. I had already tossed him my cloak, so I’d have something dry if that happened. But I felt my chances were good.
I got on all fours and slowly but surely, crawled across, Gnolan cheering me on from the sidelines. The ice cracked slightly, but didn’t break, and I made it across the top of the icy river fully dry.RION: It worked!GNOLAN: [relieved] Praise the plants. [BEAT] I mean, I knew it would.RION: I knew you knew!GNOLAN: We gnomes are good at knowing, what can I say.RION: [laughs] Can you hand me my cloak?GNOLAN: Sure thing.[SFX: cloth noises, as cloak is handed and put on]RION: Thanks. Where next?GNOLAN: Over that hill. It may be our hardest challenge yet.RION: We got this!GNOLAN: You got this. I’m less sure about myself.RION: Well, we can find out together. I have faith.NARRATION: Once Gnolan is back on my back, we head over the hill. At the top of it, I see a flat plain of snow. Shaded by other hills, the snow has piled up - and it looks deep. Probably too deep for me to cross.GNOLAN: We need to get through that.RION: Definitely a challenge. I don’t suppose you’ve got a shovel?GNOLAN: Nope. Even so, it’d be tiny.RION: And that is a lot of snow. Huh.GNOLAN: Huh.[SFX: We pause for a moment, listening to the wind through the trees]RION: [offhand] if only we could crawl on top of it, like the river.GNOLAN: yeah… [idea!] wait. WAIT. I think you’re onto something.RION: What?GNOLAN: Hang on. Is the snow deep here? I’m going to jump down.RION: No, I think it’s -[fine][SFX: a crunch! As Gnolan hops down, followed by the pitter patter as he walks over to the nearest tree]GNOLAN: Do you see any sticks on the ground? Oh, here’s some. I don’t suppose you have twine? Or string, or thread…?RION: I’ve got string![SFX: string pulled from bag]GNOLAN: Yes! Okay, I’m not sure if this is going to work, but I want to try it. You know how if you spread out on ice it’s less likely to break?RION: Well, now I do.GNOLAN: What if you spread out on snow? But like… with big shoes.RION: Big shoes?GNOLAN: Long, flat shoes! Give me a minute.NARRATION: Gnolan starts weaving and tying the sticks together to form what looks like a small raft. It’s twice as long and maybe three times as wide as his foot. I’m not sure how it’s a shoe, but he soon starts on making a matching raft. I gather some more sticks for him, pulling a few off of branches he can’t reach. Once his small rafts are completed, he ties them to his shoes and looks up triumphantly.GNOLAN: Alright! I present… snow shoes! In theory, these should keep me from falling through the snow.RION: Just like the ice.GNOLAN: Just like the ice! Can you watch me as I walk down the hill? If I fall in, I expect a rescue.RION: You’ll get a rescue. Are you sure the sticks won’t break?GNOLAN: Not with this weave. It’s similar to what I do when grafting branches, and those don’t budge.RION: I’ll take your word for it. Be careful!NARRATION: Gnolan takes a few cautious steps, and the sticks hold. He takes a few more, this time confidently. When nothing breaks, he shuffles down the hill and out on top of the snow. He doesn't fall through! It’s like he weighs nothing. The snow holds up below him. After walking for a minute or two, I see him jump excitedly. The sound doesn’t carry, but he seems to shout something as he turns back and runs to meet me. Surprising, his snow shoes hold for this as well. They must really be sturdy.GNOLAN: I saw it! I saw it!RION: What?GNOLAN: I saw the lucky garden gnome!RION: Oh, that’s wonderful!GNOLAN: It was everything I hoped for.RION: Does that mean… you’re lucky now?GNOLAN: I think so! My shoes worked!RION: But they worked before you… never mind. Congrats, Gnolan.GNOLAN: And I think I figured out how to help my family.RION: How is that?GNOLAN: With these![SFX: snow crunch as Gnolan lifts a foot, snow shoe on it]RION: The snow shoes?GNOLAN: If they can go outside without falling in the snow… we can get more food! Fish by the river and gather foxberries and maybe even roast pinecones!RION: Oh! Oh yes!GNOLAN: And I’ve already thought of five ways to make them better! I can’t wait to do this properly. Thank you for adventuring with me, Rion. I would never have made it this far without your helpRION: Anytime. And I’m not leaving you here, either. Even with your fancy new shoes, I still want to be sure you make it back home.GNOLAN: I’m certainly not leaving you here, either! You deserve a roaring fire and a hot meal, and I’m making sure you get it.RION: Can I meet your squirrels?!GNOLAN: Of course! Come on.NARRATION: We make our way back, taking an easier route this time, thankfully. Gnolan continues to test his new snow shoes. We have to stop a few times to re-tie them in a few places, but beyond that, they work like a charm. Gnloan seems very pleased with his creation - and I’m definitely impressed. I might have to ask him to make me a pair before we part ways. I wonder how big the rafts would need to be for Rion sized snow shoes… I ponder this until we approach Gnolan’s home, and another question comes to mind.RION: Hey Gnolan, how did you know where to go? To find the lucky garden gnome?GNOLAN: Oh, that’s easy! When you search for it, you have to follow the path you least want to take. Otherwise, you’ll never find it. That’s why most people don’t try - they’re too scared.RION: Were you scared?GNOLAN: Kind of… but I had you to help me! Everything’s better with a friend.RION: I agree![SFX: door opens]GNONI: Gnolan, you’re alright! We were so worried about you.GNOLAN: Gnoni? You- you were?GNONI: Of course! Gnikko found the note you left on your desk and everyone’s been fretting since. We thought you were out there all alone!GNOLAN: It’s okay, I met Rion. They helped me find the statue.GNONI: You found it? That’s amazing! I can’t think of a gnome who’s ever done that in the middle of winter. I knew you were special.GNOLAN: I might have found a way for us to go out in the snow without falling in.GNONI: Incredible! You’ll have to tell me more. But first! Come in, come in, get out of the cold. Rion, our foyer is large enough if you’d like to join us.RION: I’d love that, thank you!GNONI: I’ve got piping hot vegetable soup for the both of you.NARRATION: We head inside, shaking the snow off our clothes at the entryway. I have to slouch to keep my head from hitting the ceiling, but beyond that it’s quite roomy for a gnome’s home. Gnolan tells Gnoni all about our adventure as she serves us both soup. After spending all that time in the cold, it warms me up inside and out. As soon as Gnolan’s squirrels hear the slurping of soup, they come running, and I get to meet them all! Gnoni produces tiny bowls for them, too, making this the most adorable dinner I’ve ever had. It’s a wonderful end to a wonderful day.
When we’re done with our meal, Gnolan walks me to the inn. All his beds are Gnome (or squirrel) sized, or else he’d have me stay. But he does promise me a pair of snow shoes once he’s perfected the design, and I happily accept. I can’t wait. I had no idea being an adventurer meant you would need so many different kinds of footwear, but I’m glad I keep finding people who help me out. Maybe next I’ll start collecting hats.CREDITS:
Thank you for Sidequesting with us! This episode, Like Gnobody Else, was written and produced by Tal Minear. Gnolan was voiced by Brad Colbroock. Gnoni was voiced by Hannah Wright. The voice of Rion was Tal Minear. A big thanks to AliMaria, Ilya, Jesse, Sara, and Spencer for supporting this episode.

Tournament Day

Narration
I’m making my way into Rosengard, a small town on the outskirts of the Capital. I’ve spent the past few days camping in the woods nearby, and I really enjoyed laying in the grass and watching the stars! But right now, I could really use a solid chair and a warm meal. As I enter the town and head towards the inn, I notice people are dancing and singing in the streets. The entire town is covered in banners and flags, and it feels like a giant party. I can’t figure out what all the festivities are about, but it looks like the entire town is here for it. Some of the most enthusiastic people in the crowd are walking towards the inn too, so I follow them until I get inside. I’m waiting in line to see if I can get something to eat when I overhear two people having a very lively discussion.Sage
All you have to do is watch how Riviera carries their lance. The control! The precision! And their connection with their steed! They know how to read their horse like an open book.Nary
You focus too much on technique, Sage. Jousting is a game of speed and strength, and Valera has the strength of ten warriors! She’s the only one who could possibly win the final match.Sage
Nary, you know Riviera has strength enough, in both body and mind. Let’s have a third opinion! (spotting Rion) Excuse us! Might we ask who you think will win the tournament?Rion
Oh, I’m not sure. I didn’t even know there was a tournament going until just now. I’m not from around here.Sage
Ah, a visitor to our humble town!Nary
Goodness me, I’m terribly sorry. I got into such a buzz over the tourney, I didn’t even notice.Sage
Pardon our manners! Welcome to Rosengard! I’m Sage.Nary
I’m Nary! And you are?Rion
I’m Rion! It’s nice to meet you both.Sage
What brings you to Rosengard, if not the tournament?Rion
I’m an adventurer. My adventures just happened to bring me here for the time being. I like to travel around, and sometimes I help people along the way, if they need a hand with anything.Nary
That’s a very selfless thing to do.Rion
Thank you! Though, to be honest, I was hoping I could spend a few days in town to rest and relax before I go on my way.Sage
Perfectly reasonable, with the exciting life you must lead. But I’m not sure if you’ll be able to rest today. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, everyone in town is excited about the match today!Nary
Would you like to sit with us? We’d be more than happy to tell you about the tournament.Rion
Yeah, I’d like that!Narration
While I eat a delicious freshly cooked meal from the inn’s resident chef, Nary and Sage tell me everything about the Jousting Tournament. It’s a month-long event that takes place in Rosengard. Every year, the strongest jousters come in from all over the realm for a chance to become the next champion. After weeks of thrilling matches, all but two of the competitors have been eliminated, and today’s the day of the final match. Sage and Nary are both really excited to explain the on-going rivalry between the remaining jousters, though they can’t agree on who they think will win.Sage
Now it’s down to the best of the best, Riviera the Astute and Valera the Unbreakable!Nary
They’ve been bitter rivals from the moment they both stepped into the arena.Sage
They’re the best of the best, no doubt about it. But they each want to be the undisputed champion, and now that they’re both in the final match, they’ll be able to settle who’s the best, once and for all!Rion
That must be really exciting! Who do you think is going to win?Nary
Personally, I root for Valera. Her training regimen is legendary among her supporters. Strength and speed, that’s what makes her the best of the best, in my opinion.Sage
It’s true, Riviera doesn’t have quite as much raw power or agility. However, it’s my personal philosophy that the mind is the most important tool for a proper jouster. After years of study, Riviera’s learned everything there is to know about The Noble Sport.Nary
Rion, what do you think?Rion
I don’t know much about how jousting actually works, but they both seem like they’re really good! I don’t think I can pick one without seeing them in action, though.Sage
That’s a fair point. To really understand the thrills of jousting, you have to see it for yourself!Nary
Would you like to come with us? The final match will be starting soon, and It’s going to be such an exciting game! We’d love for you to join us.Rion
Sure! It sounds like it’s gonna be fun!Narration
As we make our way outside of town and towards the jousting arena, I notice that everyone at the inn is starting to head out as well. As we walk through the streets, more and more people join in. It feels like the entire town is on their way to watch the final match. They’re all talking to each other, trying to predict who they think will win, and I feel the excitement in the air. I look around and I see that some people are carrying red banners for Riviera, while others are carrying blue for Valera, but they’re all walking together. I want to ask Nary and Sage about how the rivalry works, but before I get the chance, we’re inside the arena.Nary
Sage and I always sit right in between the two starting positions.Sage
It’s the best view to really watch the action!Rion
You can see the entire jousting field from here! (A pause) So...how does Jousting work, exactly?Nary
Goodness me! We’ve really forgotten our manners today, haven’t we, Sage?Sage
Our apologies, Rion! We were so caught up in tactics and philosophies that we forgot to explain the fundamentals. Nary, if you would be so kind?Nary
Of course. The aim of The Noble Sport is simple enough. Notice that divider over there in the middle of the field?Rion
Yeah. It kind of looks like a white picket fence.Nary
That’s the one! Riviera and Valera will be on opposite sides of that fence while they charge towards each other. The aim is to break your lance by striking your opponent’s shield before your opponent can strike you. They pass each other for a total of eight turns, and the arbitrator counts up the strikes as they go. It’s best out of eight, you see.Rion
Oh. I always thought Jousting was about knocking people off of horses.Nary
That’s a common misconception. But in practicality, that would be quite unsafe, for both the competitors and the horses.Sage
All that armor flying about, it would be too dangerous. Jousting is important, of course, but it’s a game first and foremost. And games are meant to be fun!Nary
Fun and excitement, that’s what’s at the heart of Jousting!Rion
Now that, I can understand!Sage
That’s the spirit! Getting the rules can be tricky at first. But it’ll make more sense once you see it in action!Narration
We’re all seated now, waiting for the match to start. The crowd is singing in unison, and after a while, I join in. Everyone's so happy to be here, and I’m starting to feel it too. Before long, the song ends, and cheers go through the crowd. Nary and Sage look at opposite ends of the field and applaud as the two jousters ride in on horseback, doing a few laps around the field. The competitors wave to everyone in the arena, smiling through their visors. Rivera and Valera both look majestic, the light of the setting sun shining on their armor as they get into position.Sage
Look! Riviera’s already planning out strategies and counterstrategies. See the way they’re shifting their lance around towards Valera? They’re trying to establish a target ahead of time so they can focus on their pace once they begin.Nary
That’s all well and good, but look at Valera! A solid stance, a firm grip on her lance, all the best to maximize her power. She’ll shatter her lance with a single blow, I just know it! She’s got the power of strength on her side!Sage
Strength without thought is no match for Riviera’s intellect.Nary
Thought without strength is no match for anything at all in The Noble Game.Narration
Sage and Nary sound like they’re having fun disputing each other’s thoughts on jousting, but before they can keep going, trumpets blare throughout the arena, signalingthe start of the match. A silence falls over the crowd, and everyone turns to the two competitors. Then, a single horn lets out one sharp note, and the two jousters are off! They clash in the middle, but both stay on their horses. They keep turning and charging towards each other, and the crowd around me is going wild. I watch the match next to Sage and Nary, who cheer and groan as their chosen jousters speed past each other. After seven passes, the field is full of broken lances and a few dented shields, but Riviera and Valera remain neck and neck. Now, the entire crowd is watching with bated breath as the competitors begin their final pass.Sage
(Hushed)
Riviera’s ahead by one. If they break their lance now, they’re the indisputable champion.Nary
(Equally hushed)
If Valera breaks her lance, it’s a tie, and she’ll still be able to claim the title another day!Rion
There they go!Narration
Sage, Nary, and I all lean in, wanting to see who’s going to win. The entire arena goes silent. Then, Riviera and Valera both ride forward, and the horses’ galloping echoes all around us. It feels like it’s all in slow motion, until they finally meet in the middle. A lance shatters, and in the rush, none of us can tell who made the winning blow. The two champions keep riding until they're on opposite sides again, and Valera holds her broken lance above her head. The final horn blares, and the entire crowd is cheering! Blue banners are flying through the air, and all of Valera’s supporters are celebrating like they’ve won. And just like that, the biggest Jousting tournament in Rosengard is over.Nary
Wasn’t that brilliant?!Sage
A match for the ages, to be sure. Rion, what did you think?Rion
It was amazing! I get what you were saying before, Riviera had really good aim.Sage
They really did! Did you notice, every time they struck Valera’s shield, it was right in the center? Precision like no other! (A pause) I still wish we’d seen a true champion emerge.Nary
There’s always next year, Sage. I’m sure Riviera and Valera will settle who the undisputed best is one day.(A pause) Speaking of them...Look, there they are!Narration
I follow Nary’s line of sight and see Riviera and Valera walking together. They’re talking, occasionally stopping to sign autographs. I can hear them joking around with each other, and even the way they walk is different. They don’t look like elite champions trying to defeat one another, they look like two best friends on an afternoon stroll.Rion
I thought Riviera and Valera were bitter rivals.Sage
Oh, they are! The moment they both step into the arena, they’re all business.Nary
Same with their supporters as well, of course.Sage
I’m sure you’ll recall the rather lively conversation Nary and I were having when we first met! When it comes to Jousting, we’re all very competitive.Rion
But if you’re all rivals, how is everyone getting along so well?Sage
Ah, now that’s a good question. The answer here is that, much like Jousting itself, it’s all ultimately about having fun!Nary
Rivals, but not enemies, you see.Sage
Nary and I have been friends since we were children. Both of our families are very close, and we care deeply for each other.Nary
It’s true, I couldn’t imagine life without Sage. That doesn’t mean we can’t compete every now and then, especially when it comes to Jousting.Sage
And with Riviera and Valera still wanting the title of undisputed champion, Next year’s tournament will be legendary!Nary
Oh, and your brother will be back home from his magic studies, so he’ll be able to watch with us!Sage
That’s one silver lining to this tournament ending in a tie. He’d have been disappointed to miss Riviera becoming the undisputed best!Nary
How has he been? I’ve heard he’s advanced quite far in his spellwork.Sage
He has! His mentors tell us he’s very adept. They say within a few years, he may even be fit to be a wizard of the royal court.Nary
Oh, you must be so proud! I remember when we were just children, and he was playing at his first beginner spells. Rion, Sage’s brother is a magical prodigy!Narration
Nary and Sage tell me more about Sage’s brother, and the rest of their families, as we walk back into the center of Rosengard. There’s still people in the streets, more relaxed as they discuss the match. People with blue banners talk to people carrying red banners, and they’re all in a good mood. When we reach the inn, they ask me if I’d like to join them for dinner, but I decline. I make my way to the room I rented and start getting ready for bed. I had planned to spend my entire stay in Rosengard just resting, but I have to admit, the tournament was really exciting! Nary and Sage were right, I really had to see it for myself. I can still hear people partying outside my window, and a part of me thinks about joining them. But as much fun as this entire day has been, right now, I could really use a solid bed and a good night’s sleep.Credits
Thank you for sidequesting with us! This episode, Tournament Day, was written by Leslie Gideon and produced by Tal Minear, with dialogue editing by Brad Colbroock. Nary was voiced by Jenna Rose Geiser. Sage was voiced by Greg Vinciguerra. The voice of Rion was Tal Minear. A big thanks to Eliza, AliMaria, Ilya, Jesse, Sara, and Spencer for supporting this episode.

Silent Treatment

NARRATION:
I’ve been having a lovely time walking through Imashio Forest. The trees are bigger than any others I’ve seen, and some of the logs have been hollowed out so you can walk through them! It’s amazing. Several of my friends told me I had to swing by, and they were definitely right. I’ve also decided to stop by the town of Imashio - named after the forest, of course. It’s a growing village just outside the tree line, known for being quite a crafty place. They’re a hub for woodcarvers and other artists. Imashio has more woodshops per capita than any other town, I think. Nobody cuts these beautiful trees down - in fact, they feel very strongly about protecting the forest - but the big trees do drop large branches which can be used to make all sorts of things.I expect to hear the carrying sounds of sawing, carving, and hammering as I spot the edge of the town, but all is quiet. I would’ve expected a flurry of activity in the middle of the day, but maybe they’re just late risers. As I get closer, I notice my own footsteps fading. Maybe the gravel has been spelled to be quiet… certainly an odd choice, but not unheard of. By the time I make it to the town proper, there is no sound at all. My clothes don’t rustle, my shoes don’t scuff, and I bet if I took my sword out of it’s sheath there would be no telltale shing.Maybe I was wrong about Imashio? Maybe this isn’t a town of artisans. Maybe it’s a scholar’s town, full of studious mages very serious about their peace and quiet. Nobody is around. I go to knock on a few doors before I realize my mistake. Knocking gives no sound. I try a few more doors and ring some bells in case any happen to create noise, but no luck. Maybe people really just want to be left alone here.After some meandering, I find my way to what looks like the town square. There are lots of shops around, but only one seems to be open - someone is selling wood figurines from a small cart. The figurines are adorable, and maybe the seller can explain what’s going on.ERYX: Welcome! You’re the first customer of the day.RION: Thank you, it’s good to be here. Did you make those yourself?ERYX: [proudly] Hand-carved from the finest wood our forest had to offer.RION: They’re lovely! [a pause as Rion looks around] I really like this one.ERYX: You have good taste.RION: Sorry if this seems out of place, but do you know why there’s no sound in this village?ERYX: An understandable question! I wish I had a better answer for you. A few weeks ago, things just… stopped making sounds. People can still talk, of course, and so can the animals. Even the forest still sounds like the forest. But everything in the town that should make a noise simply does not. My wares included.RION: And nobody knows why?ERYX: Nobody knows why. The town witch is probably behind it, though. She’s usually up to no good.RION: What sort of no good?ERYX: Er… uh… you know. Witch things. Magic things. I don’t trust spells.RION: Why is that?ERYX: The good things are only made with time and hard work. Magic is cheating.RION: That’s one way to see it, I guess. Where is she? I’d like to talk to her.ERYX: She’s across town, on the outskirts to the east. Follow that path and you’ll get there. But you’re on your own, kid. I’m not being the victim of her next spell. [BEAT] Here, take this, it’s a totem for protection. If she tries anything… throw it at her and run.RION: Thanks, I guess?ERYX: I hope you can get her to bring sound back. I need my customers to wake up in the morning.NARRATION:
I follow the path that the woodcarver said would lead me to the town witch. I should’ve asked for her name… it feels like “witch” might have been an insult in this circumstance. The path leads me to a section of the town with sparse buildings, and the easternmost home has a collection of eclectic art surrounding it. Very town witch aesthetic, and I mean that as a compliment.I go to knock on the door, not sure what I should do if nobody answers. Like with the other houses, knocking makes no sound. But this time, the door opens. A woman with a long skirt and messy hair greets me with a smile. She has kind eyes behind her glasses. I don’t think the woodcarver is right about her causing all the sounds to stop. But, maybe she knows more. I introduce myself, and learn that her name is Cella. After I explain why I’m at her door, she invites me inside.RION: How did you know I was knocking on your door? I didn’t hear anything.CELLA: Oh, I spelled a light to flash when there's someone at my door. I would’ve opened it even if you didn’t knock, actually.RION: That’s really clever!CELLA: Thank you! My brother is deaf, so I already knew how to do that sort of magic. Who knew it would come in handy? I’ve already done something similar for my kettle. No cold cups of tea for me. Speaking of - would you like some?RION: Yes please!CELLA: It’s right over here.RION: Thank you. [pause] You seem well equipped for dealing with it, but do you know what’s causing the sound to, well, not happen?CELLA: I’ve been trying to figure this out myself. It’s been affecting some of my potions… would you believe the sounds of ingredients are just as important as the materials themselves?RION: I never would’ve guessed!CELLA: Me neither. There’s all sorts of other problems this causes, of course, but that one was unexpected.RION: Have you mentioned it to the other villagers?CELLA: …no, now that you mention it. Why?RION: At least one of them seems to think you’re behind the missing sound.CELLA: Was it Eryx? That man wouldn’t trust his own reflection.RION: Does he sell wood carvings?CELLA: So many.RION: Yeah, that was him. Is he the only one?CELLA: Not at all, but he’s certainly the most vocal about it. One time he threw a protection totem at me!RION: Did it look like this?CELLA: Yes, almost exactly!RION: Don’t worry, I’m not gonna, uh, throw it at you.CELLA: It’s a good deterrent, I’ll tell you that. I’ve been avoiding the man since. He’s the only one that goes to such lengths to make his distrust clear, thankfully.RION: I don’t blame you! If it helps at all, I didn’t really believe him.CELLA: You don’t seem the paranoid type.RION: I’m more the curious kind.CELLA: That’s good! I’m the same. Perhaps we can even team up to get to the bottom of this mystery.RION: I’d like that.CELLA: I mentioned that I don’t have answers - BUT I do have a lead. I think I know where the sound is going. Sort of. I modified a tracking spell and it points northwest, towards the forest. I think that means someone there is taking it.RION: Intentionally?CELLA: This sort of thing doesn’t happen by accident. Or, if it does, it fixes itself. Not immediately, but faster than what we’re seeing here. I studied speculative magic, so I know a lot about the natural order of these things. [BEAT] And how to break it. I know Eryx thinks I’m a witch, but I consider myself more of an experimental spell crafter.RION: That’s really cool! Well, not the fact that someone is taking the sounds. The experimental magic thing!CELLA: [laughs] Thank you. I’ve been a bit reluctant to wander into the forest alone looking for the person who’s done this, I admit. That’s why I don’t know anything. I tried a few scrying spells to get more information, but they weren’t successful.RION: What if we went into the forest together?CELLA: I thought you’d never ask!NARRATION: Cella gathers her things, and we head out towards the forest, following her tracking spell. We walk along various paths while we can, but soon we find ourselves rambling through the brush. I keep getting distracted by the trees. They’re so big! And tall! And wonderful! I’ve never seen anything like them! These trees are normal for Cella, but she doesn’t mind my occasional stopping and staring. She even stops me from almost running headfirst into a low branch. Eventually, the tracking spell leads us directly to a tree - a bit odd, as we were both expecting a person. But Cella walks in a circle around it, and the beacon rotates to point at the tree, so this must be it.CELLA: I admit, I’m not sure where to go from here.RION: Yeah, it’s not like we could climb this. Maybe someone is… inside the tree? Could it be hollow?CELLA: That’s possible. I’m sure I could whip up a spell to check, I’d just need a minute to think about it.
SFX: Footsteps as Rion walks around the tree, investigating.RION: The sounds did get louder as we got to the tree. That’s gotta be significant.CELLA: Or they got louder as we got farther from the village.RION: True…SFX: Footsteps stopRION: [calling out] Hello? Is someone there?SEQUOYAH: [Distant, soft] What do you want?RION: [still calling out] To talk with you? If that’s okay?SEQUOYAH: So… loud.RION: [more quietly] Sorry!CELLA: [also quietly] We’ll be quieter. But please, can we speak to you?SFX: Leaves rustling. Two soft footsteps.SEQUOYAH: [no longer distant] Hello. I am Sequoyah. Dryad of Imashio forest.CELLA: It’s good to meet you, Sequoyah. I’m Cella, and this is Rion. We’re from Imashio - the town, not the forest. Or I am. Rion is visiting.SEQUOYAH: [A hiss at “Imashio the town”]RION: Do you not like the town?SEQUOYAH: It is so loud. Louder than you. Louder all the time. Bad loud.CELLA: Well, not anymore.SEQUOYAH: Yes. It is better this way. Peaceful. No loud town. Only forest.RION: It’s not actually better for the town.SEQUOYAH: Better for me.CELLA: Did you take the sound?SEQUOYAH: Yes.CELLA: Can you give it back?SEQUOYAH: Why.CELLA: [starting to get frustrated] You can’t just STEAL-RION: I think what Cella is saying is that, well - you wouldn’t like it if your home had no sound, would you? If the leaves didn’t rustle and the birds didn’t chirp?SEQUOYAH: …no.RION: The people who live in Imashio also don’t like their home having no sound.SEQUOYAH: …oh.CELLA: Can you please put it back?SEQUOYAH: But it’s… so much. Too much. It… hurts.RION: Cella, is there something you can do to help Sequoyah so that she can fix this without being so… unhappy?CELLA: Hmmm…. Well I could… no… or actually I- yeah. That would work! I could build you a magical sanctuary. Create a spell that blocks most of the noise from the town here in the forest, without stopping it from happening.SEQUOYAH: I would have… quiet?CELLA: Yes.SEQUOYAH: When?CELLA: I could do it… tomorrow I think. Would that be okay?SEQUOYAH: That would be… okay. Yes. Thank you. Here is your noise.NARRATION: I hear weeks of sound return to the village, let out all at once. Sequoyah covers her ears, wincing. Cella is smiling, happy to have found her answers and in awe at the dryad’s magic. When it’s done, Sequoyah apologizes, though I’m not sure if it’s for releasing the sound or taking it in the first place. Regardless, we accept her apology. Cella agrees to meet Sequyoah here tomorrow. She needs some supplies for the spell, and to consult a few books to get the finer details in order before casting it.Then Cella and I head back to the town. Some of the townspeople have noticed things being back to normal, and a flurry of activity is growing. We pass Eryx, who seems pleased that potential customers are out and about.ERYX: So you figured it out, huh? Was she behind it?CELLA: She has a name!RION: Cella figured it out, actually.ERYX: [genuinely surprised] Oh… Uh, good.CELLA: Anything you want to say?ERYX: …thank you.CELLA: You’re welcome :)RION: Anything else?ERYX: …I’m sorry. Really. Maybe there’s something to this magic.CELLA: It can be hard work too. In fact, I’m doing a pretty ambitious spell tomorrow in the forest. Want to come along?ERYX: You know what, why not.RION: Do you need anything for it?CELLA: Actually… a protection totem would be helpful, believe it or not.RION: Oh, you can have mine!ERYX: Don’t throw it!CELLA: [overlapping] Don’t throw it!NARRATION: I fish the totem out of my bag and hand it to - not toss it at - Cella. She and Eryx make plans to meet tomorrow in the square. Cella tells him what happened in the forest so that he knows what to expect. Eryx seems to be warming up a bit. At minimum, I don’t think he’ll be throwing totems at Cella any time soon, which I consider a great improvement. Once the two of them are finished, Cella and I head to the tavern. After being surrounded by so much quiet the past few weeks, Cella says that she would love to hear some clinks and clanks. I think she’s considering breaking a mug just to hear it crash. I’ll warn the barkeep when we arrive. But right now, one of the local workshops is already hammering away, and it’s music to both of our ears.CREDITS:
Thank you for sidequesting with us! This episode, Silent Treatment, was written and produced by Tal Minear with dialogue editing by Brad Colbroock. Eryx was voiced by Stephen Indrisano. Cella was voiced by Bonnie Calderwood-Aspinwall. Sequoyah was voiced by Tal Minear. The voice of Rion was Tal Minear. A big thanks to Eliza, AliMaria, Ilya, Jesse, Sara, and Spencer for supporting this episode.

The Emerald Veranum

RION (NARR)
Imashio is a…big forest, and not just the trees. It’s been two days since I left Imashio The Town, and I still have at least another day of traveling before I reach the next village on my map. The trees are massive, easily 10 to 15 paces around. They’re sort of comforting. It’s almost like walking among ancient beings that have seen more than any of us will ever know. I can’t quite tell beyond the trees, but I think I’m entering some sort of valley. The path isn’t well trodden and the signs at the last crossroads I passed were so faded I could hardly read them. It sure seems like not that many people have bothered to venture this far into the forest.NOCSER
Well it certainly used to be that way!RION
AH!
SFX: Draws swordNOCSER
BLAGGAHH! Didn’t expect you to be real now! Ooh now that’s a pretty sword! Lookee here!SFX: Nocser reaches for the sword
RION
Hey! Hands off! This thing is sharp!NOCSER
Oh, if you say so, but most people don’t like that! Oooohoo!SFX: A shimmer and a soft thump.RION (NARR)
The wizard holds his hands out in front of him, and with a shower of sparks both of his hands fall onto the forest floor. They both land on their fingertips, scuttling towards the nearest tree. I take a few more steps back in surprise.NOCSER
Ah see I told ya, most people don’t like it when I take my hands off! Freaks ‘em right out and makes em go running. [To his hands] C’mere, you’re getting bark in my nails, get back on here! …Now!SFX: A crackle of magic zaps the hands back onto Nocser’s wrists.RION
I'm sorry–were you making camp here? I didn’t mean to wander in, I just–NOCSER
Make camp? On the road? Now that seems a mighty bad idea. A horse’d be liable to trod right over you. What’s your name, youngun?RION
I’m Rion, I’m traveling through–NOCSER
Rion! Rian of Glonderfeld, Wielder of the Mighty Sword, Savior of the Downtrodden, and toppler of kings! On the eve of Summer’s Dawn did Rian draw a mighty sword and travel deep into the dark, plagued by 10 thousand demons summoned by the Foul King! 12 days and 11 nights they fought before the old magic awoke and banished his Foulness, restoring glory to the land!RION
I’m…not from Glonderfeld, in fact I’ve never even heard of that. And I’m certainly no toppler of kings, and my sword isn’t that mighty. I really just want to help people.NOCSER
Oh, ain’t nobody heard of Glonderfeld in oh..probably 300 odd years at this point. Place is covered in ivy and roots these days.RION
What did you say your name was?NOCSER
Oh I didn’t.RION
Well, what is your name?NOCSER
Oh, people call me all sorts of things these days. “Old bat in the woods,” “Scary old wizard…” A long time ago I was the Emerald Veranum, Sage Incarna of Imashio, but these days my friends just call me Nocser. 146 years I’ve been living here in the woods, you maybe get a merchant caravan every few months, no more than a dozen lone travelers each year. But lately! Oh! Soldiers traipsing on through the woods, causing all sorts of ruckus and scaring off the local wildlife. Through the forest and over the mountains they go! As for you, Rion-Not-of-Glonderfeld, where are you headed with that very pretty sword?RION
Through the valley, to Marrabew for a few days, and then on to Rockland.NOCSER
Oh you’ll love Marrabew, lovely orchards they have there. Best mulled wine you’ll find anywhere in the land. You plan to reach there by morning?RION
I was planning to make camp soon, I still have a few days to travel.NOCSER
A few days! Pah! By foot perhaps, but I hardly find that fitting. AH KALZAHAHARA! BEIN LOH TIE GEIN FOR THAR TEHIR! EVGOT FATH OTHE ART!RION (NARR)
As Nocser chants, the woods seem to whistle for a moment before dozens of branches go whizzing past us, impaling themselves on the great tree nearby. They form a narrow staircase, spiraling up the trunk before disappearing into the canopy. It doesn’t look terribly stable, but Nocser immediately starts up without waiting for me.NOCSER
Upwards and onwards, brave knight! The trees might be patient but I am not!RION (NARR)
By the time I’ve caught up with Nocser, the sun has settled towards the horizon. It’ll be night soon, so I really hope wherever he’s leading me is somewhere I can sleep for the night. The staircase ends at a large treehouse built into the branches, high above the canopy. To the south, I can just make out the light of Imashio on the horizon. To the north, the Eris Mountains circle the forest before converging at Malthus Pass, beyond which lies Marrabew.NOCSER
Malthus Pass might be what they call it in the day, but come nightfall it goes only by its true name: The Gate of Remembrance.RION
Why is that?NOCSER
Well that map you’ve got calls this whole region Imashio Forest, but the path before you is The Valley of Ghosts.RION
That sounds worrying. Should I be scared?NOCSER
Oh, nonsense. Unless you’re a thieving bandit. The spirits near the forest floor can get a little jumpy ‘round those folks. But you’ll be traveling in the trees. EEEEAAMUS!SFX: A magic sound, followed by a great wood creak, almost annoyed.NOCSER
Oh, don’t give me that, it’s nearly nightfall! EEEEAAMUS RORRIHNAPAR!SFX: More magic, then wood creaking.RION (NARR)
I watch as a great beam of light emanates from Nocser’s staff. The trees bend and shake before us, branches twisting together and squeaking as stems wind together into ropes. In mere moments, a great bridge leads from the platform we’re standing on down through the valley.NOCSER
That’s the path you’ll be taking tonight. Much faster than the main road. But first, I suppose you’ll be wanting a hot meal. INGIS! GRUYERE!NOCSER
Come on then!RION (NARR)
With a wave of his hand, Nocser ignites a series of torches along the edge of the platform. Down the walkway, I can see them illuminating my route every 50 paces or so. But behind me I can smell a steaming feast that wraps around my body and pulls me into the treehouse. Inside the treehouse consists of a single room wrapping around the exposed trunk of the tree. A surprisingly large table stands near the door with enough food for a five course meal; cured ham, a steaming pot of soup, rolls with freshly churned butter, and a platter of fresh fruit that I can’t wait to dive into.NOCSER
I assume you’ll be wanting a picnic basket, oh, where did I put that.RION (NARR)
As we eat, Nocser asks about my recent adventures. While I’m more than happy to tell him, it does make it a little hard to eat–he has this terrible habit of asking questions as soon as I put food in my mouth. I think it’s a talent all wizards have. When I’ve finally had my fill, he asks to see my sword.NOCSER
That’s a very fine piece of weaponry you’ve got there–do you mind if I take a look?RION
Sure! You’re not going to..do anything to it, are you?SFX: The sword is drawn and passed passedNOCSER
Where did you get it?RION
There’s a town to the southeast called Pigsmire, they were having a bit of a uh…tourism problem, and I got the sword in return for helping them out with that. The sword that you’re not going to do anything to, right?NOCSER
Of course of course. And do you know where the sword came from before Pigsmire?RION
No, it was kind of just…there. I picked it up.NOCSER
Just…picked it up. Heh. I was right about you, Rion-Not-Of-Glonderfeld.NOCSER
Twelve and Seven Hundred Years ago did Sir Rian of Glonderfeld draw the Sapphire Star against the demon armies of Mavarin! But rather than ride into a battle he knew he could not win, for Solstaloge was the oldest and most wicked of dragons corrupted by the Foul King Mavarin, Rian rode East …. [a portion of dialogue which is truly indecipherable] … into pieces.NOCSER
Whether you shall wield it yourself against the Foul Wizard or deliver it to the one who holds the Sapphire I do not know, but you, Rion Not-Of-Glonderfeld, hold a weapon of Old Magic, and must bear the responsibility you now shoulder.RION
Uhhhhhhhh coool?I Think?NOCSER
Very cool indeed! Now, the Greater Sapphire might be missing but you can see the two lesser jewels at the end of the crossguard–they were set far back into the metal, I’ve brought them forward so you can better use them to guide your magic…if that’s something you do. Otherwise, mighty bad to take a cut jewel to the face by someone who knows their way around a sword, which, well, you certainly seem like you do. Best be going now, the night may be long but the bridge to Marrabew is no short walk.RION (Narr)
Nocser hands my sword back to me, complete with jeweled crossguard, before strapping a picnic basket full of meals onto my back. As we step onto the platform, no moon illuminates the forest, only the torches along the bridge through the canopies. The wizard grabs me by the shoulders before sending me off.NOCSER
Evil takes many shapes, Rion. Try to use that sword for some good, eh? Even if it’s just cutting ropes that aren’t supposed to be there and opening barrels that aren’t supposed to be shut.RION
That’s really all I’m trying to do. Fighting dragons and toppling kings…isn’t really my thing. Helping regular folks out of sticky situations is much more my speed.NOCSER
Ah, well be that as it may, you’ll find in time that adventuring with that sword will attract all sorts of interesting problems. Many I’m sure you’ll be able to deal with just fine, but if you find yourself in serious trouble…well, call for my help and eventually I’ll answer.RION
Thanks, I really appreciate it! Though, uh, how do I do that?NOCSER
If the Emerald Veranum, Sage Incarna of Imashio cannot feel the call of a friend in need, then he has truly lost his touch! Ask and I will answer, sooner or later. Maybe later. But I shall answer! Now go on! We are here at the Valley of Ghosts, and you must get to Marrabew.RION (NARR)
Between the torches and the stars, I don’t have any trouble seeing the wooden bridge Nocser has constructed for me. It stretches into the horizon. But through the trees, I can see more lights, moving around among the branches. They’re multicolored, almost like fireworks that never go out. Occasionally one will fly across the bridge, too fast for me to get a close look at. I wonder if these are the ghosts.But they don’t don’t look like people, just glowing orbs with a trail of sparks. I wonder if that means they’re…different sorts of ghosts? Maybe Nocser just calls these creatures that. He said I didn’t have anything to worry about, so I hold onto that thought as I walk across the new bridge. The lights spin around me, keeping me company as I cross. They’re kind of sweet. When I wave, they zig zag at me like they’re waving back with their whole body. I think The Valley of Ghosts is too scary of a name of this place. I think I’ll call it the Valley of Stars.I make it across in no time at all, and make it to Marrabew way ahead of schedule. I should try running into eccentric wizards in the depths of forests more often. It’s apparently great for shortcuts.CREDITS
Thank you for Sidequesting with us! This episode, The Emerald Veranum, was written by Brad Colbroock and produced by Tal Minear. Nocser was voiced by Fred Greenhalgh. The voice of Rion was Tal Minear. A big thanks to Eliza, AliMaria, Ilya, Jesse, Sara, and Spencer for supporting this episode.

Over Me and Through Me

Rion: I’m not sure what I’m most scared of. There’s lot of things - forgetting my food in the fire, being on fire, seeing giant spiders, dealing with angry people who have sharp things… Practical things to be scared of. I think more people should be scared of practical things.I don’t have a great desire to find out what I fear the most. But apparently, some people do. There’s this cave. Dark and scary, of course, but this one is also home to a very peculiar creature. It’s said that this creature knows your deepest fears - similar to the way that a siren knows your deepest desires. Some people like to visit beings like this, to find out what their innermost feelings are. They say it makes them stronger to know, completely, what their heart wants… or what it’s terrified of.I’m not one of these people. I figure I’ll find out what I want to do by doing it. Find out what I’m scared of while running away. And I don’t have a lot of regrets about this approach, so I think I’m doing something right.The people who come to this cave usually bring a friend to make sure they get out. Allegedly, this creature will tear you down and destroy you if you stay too long. There haven’t been any documented cases of this - until now. Yesterday, someone went in alone, and they haven’t come back.So I’m going in alone after them. Because nobody would come with me. They’re all too spooked now. I figure if things get to scary I can cover my ears and go LALALALALALA, try to sprint out of the cave or something...It’s not my best plan. But I’m not leaving the person in this cave to be the first documented case of death-via-biggest-fears. It’s just not right.I approach the mouth of the cave, and I already hear a faint voice from inside.Creature: You’ll never make it out of hereRion: That’s possible but not likely.Creature: You might even die.Rion: Again, possible, though unlikely. I’m coming in.[sfx: cave footsteps. They echo]Rion: So, are you going to tell me if you know where Ash is?Creature: You’ll never find them. You’re going to failRion: Still need to try. [pause] why is your cave so dark? Is it solely an aesthetic choice?Creature: It’s so you don’t see me. Am I here? Or there? Or maybe right behind you?Rion: ah! hey!Creature: [laughs]Rion: Okay, I stand corrected. You just want to be a jerk. I’m lighting a torch.[SFX: torch lit. Torch blown out]Rion: come ONCreature: So… you’re afraid of the dark???Rion: No… I just don’t want to tripCreature: Whatever you sayRion: I’m starting to understand what people meant about this cave, though. It is a… gauntlet of fears. You’re just throwing everything at me. Why people come here for fun, though, that’s still beyond me.Creature: They don’t come here for fun.Rion: What do they come here for?Creature: They come to be scared.Rion: Why do you scare them? What do you get out of it?Creature: Entertainment...Rion: That’s it?Creature: Humans are fascinating. Their lives are incredibly short, but their emotions… are so strong. Their experiences are extreme, like they’re trying to squish as much living as possible into such a short time. They thrive on fear. It’s simply delectable.Rion: Is that why you’re holding Ash hostage?Creature: [laughs] I need not hold anyone hostage. Some people just can’t make it out on their own… perhaps you’ll find that out.Rion: [sarcastic] SureCreature: Of course, their friends always drag them away before I’m finished. I never get to… break them down. Break them in. [What spoilsports]Rion: Okay, well, I’m the friend to drag Ash out of here. Can you tell me where they are?Creature: [laugh] But I’m having so much fun with you. How will you break? I can’t wait to see...Rion: You’re no help.Creature: I’m not here to be a helpRion: Okay, so you’re not holding Ash hostage... but you also won’t let me find them.Creature: I’m not stopping you, am I?Rion: You sure seem to be tryingCreature: Oh, if I was trying you would know.Rion: So you’re just going to laugh at me while I stumble around?Creature: I’m going to do more than that.Rion: Yeah?Creature: Yes...Rion: I don’t like that.Creature: Do people like the things you do?Rion: I mean generally, yeah. What kind of question is that?Creature: Do people like you?Rion: Sure they do.Creature: But how do you know?Rion: They’re nice to me, I guess.Creature: I understand enough of humanity to know that many are “nice” to people they despise.Rion: I don’t need everyone to like me, anyway,Creature: You think you’re helping, but you’re just making everything worse.Rion: That’s - that’s not true.Creature: How do you know?Rion: I just know!Creature: You travel from place to place to avoid the aftermath of your visit.Rion: No! That’s not what I’m avoiding.Creature: Ah, but you are avoiding something?Rion: No of course not! [a lie]Creature: [ever so pleased] Oh, so there is. If you’re so convinced you do good, why are you avoiding it?Rion: I don’t need to go there!Creature: You seem to think you’re needed everywhere else…Rion: That’s not true.Creature: Could it be that the one place you’re truly needed is the one place you refuse to go?Rion: Okay, no, definitely not! I’m not going there because there’s nothing I can do. I am one person! There’s a whole army over there! Led by someone who’s powerful, scary, cruel... and I can’t stop him! [heavy breath] [angry] What’s your point here? I will cover my ears.Creature: You think I have no power over you. You think yourself immune. But your fears hold you. And when I find them all, so will I.Rion: [lets breath out] Oh. You don’t already know them?Creature: [no answer]Rion: People say “the creature in this cave knows your deepest fears.” But you don’t, do you?Creature: I will know them soon…Rion: Let me help you out then. So, I’m not scared of the dark. I’ll travel at night, or walk into a dark cave. But I like to know where I am. It’s not just about tripping over a rock - more about knowing what to prepare for. And this place I’m avoiding, there’s no way I can prepare for it.Creature: You are making this easy…Rion: Great. I’ll go on. You see, I can’t prepare to fight this big mean wizard because… I can’t fight him. What am I gonna do, run at him with my sword and hope for the best? This guy has magic at his disposal, dark magic that I do NOT want to mess with. And an army. Even without magic, I don’t think I could fight an army. There’s a fear for you - single handedly fighting an army.Creature: You are… strange.Rion: Just trying to help you find all my fears.Creature: Why are you doing this? Why are you no longer scared??Rion: Uhhhh I’ll tell you when I leave.Creature: If you leave.Rion: Mkay. Do you want to know more? Oh! You’ll have to wait a second.[SFX: Footsteps]Rion: [sees Ash] Ash! Hey. It’s okay, I’m here to get you out of here. My name is Orion. Don’t be scared, it’s alright. Can I lift you up? Just nod if that’s okay. Okay.[SFX: Rion lifting Ash noises][SFX: slower footsteps]Rion: [voice strained] So do you want to hear more about my fears? Or have I confused you too much.Creature: [doesn’t know what to say]Rion: I admit, you’ve actually helped me out. This has been kind of therapeutic. I’ve been able to pinpoint what scares me, and that’s something I didn’t know I could do. It turns out, I really don’t like the unknown. You were scarier as a disembodied voice that could read my mind. I didn’t know what you were, and that freaked me out a little.Creature: You still don’t know what I am!Rion: Yeah, but I know you don’t read minds. You told me you didn’t know my deepest fears. And you don’t? You talk at people and you listen. You get them to tell you what they’re scared of. Or at least, their reactions tell you what they’re scared of. If I don’t give you fear, you can’t do anything with me.
Creature: [mocking] Well aren’t you clever?Rion: I’m clever enough to have made it back to the entrance of your cave, at least. With Ash, too!Rion [to Ash]: Hey Ash, can you walk? Follow the path around the corner there, and I’ll be right with you.[SFX: Footsteps]Rion: I think I know why you let people leave this cave. Their stories bring others here, and they come with their delectable fears or whatever. Why do you like it so much?Creature: I collect them.Rion: You collect emotions?Creature: I hoard emotions.Rion: Oh.Creature: You figured out what I am.Rion: Yeah.Creature: It scares you.Rion: Yeah.Creature: I love it.Rion: I thought you might. Are you still letting me go, or am I going to have to slay a dragon?Creature: [laughs] You have been most entertaining, Orion. Do come back some time.Rion: I’ll keep your offer in mind.[SFX: footsteps][fade out] Rion: Ash, are you there? Hey! You’re looking better already. I can show you the way back to…Credits: Thank you for sidequesting with us! This episode, over me and through me, was written and produced by Tal Minear. Rion and the dragon were voiced by Tal Minear. A big thanks to Eliza, AliMaria, Ilya, Jesse, Sara, and Spencer for supporting this episode. This is a remastered version of the first patreon exclusive episode I made back in October 2019. I'm excited to release it on the main feed four years later. Wow, I've been doing this show for a long time, huh?